All comics by LightMorpha71

 

Garfield Sucks by LightMorpha71 5-05-04
According to this, they're making a live-action movie out of Garfield. Hmm, you are aware of what this means?	I have to kill myself now. Look at it this way, I hear hell has a nice dental plan.	April fools...shit.

 

One Violent Little Robot by LightMorpha71 5-05-04
I hear that Phil from the coffee shop won the lottery. THE FUCK!? I BOUGHT FIFTY TICKETS! HE BOUGHT ONE!	Actually he stole his from your purse while you were fixing his super-size meal. Blood shall be shed tonight...	Hey what are you- I'm here to murder you.

 

Personally, I find nuts tasty. by LightMorpha71 5-05-04
I like nuts. I fucking hate nuts.	How the fuck can't you like nuts!? Especially salty nuts! Big salty nuts! I see where you're going with this, and it makes me sick.	You should listen to me, I know all. I'm a wise fucking squirrel. If you're so goddamn wise, tell me why THE FUCK we are floating in space, on a bench, discussing the pros and cons of nuts!?

 

Never Ask Advice From the Trash-Can Man by LightMorpha71 5-05-04
I'm supposed to be fixing my roof, but I kept falling off. Did you try holding on?	I held on as best I fucking could, but I fell off anyway. What should I do? Maybe you just suck at fixing roofs.	You don't know do you? No shit, you're talking to a guy who's living in a fucking trashcan. Of course I don't fucking know!

 

Not Even the Chicken Knows What Tyler is Talking About by LightMorpha71 5-05-04
You are not your fucking khakis... What in God's name are you talking about?	The things you own, end up owning you... Do you even know what the fuck you're saying!?	You just had a near-life experience... SHUT THE FUCK UP!

 

I guess he could levitate down... by LightMorpha71 5-05-04
I do not approve of fighting...	God shall punish you...	How the hell do I get down from here?

 

I would've broke his neck after "stupid". by LightMorpha71 5-06-04
You gotta love the 99 cent menu at Wendy's. Yeah, I love paying a hard-earned dollar for subpar food and a watered down drink.	Well...don't you love golf? Is there anything better than strolling across the green on a nice day? Oh yes, I love sweating half my body weight and walking miles under the blazing sun just to knock around a little ball.	Your not a fun person to be around, you know that? Yes, who DOESN'T love engaging in meaningless drivel with stupid friends who don't know when to shut up.

 

Some friends are less helpful than others by LightMorpha71 5-06-04
Life is horrible, I'm going to commit suicide! Someone stop me! Just remember, DON'T slash your wrists. That's very painful!	Actually I was- And WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T stab yourself in the head! NO-O-O, DON'T stab yourself in the head!	You're not helping AND FOR GOD'S SAKES DON'T STAB YOURSELF IN THE HEART! IT'S INSTANT DEATH! INSANT DEATH, INSTANTLY!

 

IRS vs. Little Robot Guy- Round 1 by LightMorpha71 9-19-04
It's from the IRS...you did your taxes wrong. WHAT!? THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT!	Welcome to IRS HQ, how may I feast on your soul? You can start by withdrawing that fucking letter. My taxes are FINE, asshole!	I will glady withdraw the letter...but you must first give me your soul. Your ass is going down.

 

You know this is going to get ugly. by LightMorpha71 9-19-04
Hey buddy how's it going? Must...eat...Squirrel...flesh....	Hey pal, you alright there? You look a little pale! Flesh...furry flesh...mm...fur...flesh...Squirrel....	Alright dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? YOUR FLESH BELONGS TO ME, LITTLE SQUIRREL CREATURE!

 

See? Homosexuals + Cigarettes + Pirates = FUN! by LightMorpha71 9-19-04
Hi kids, I'm here to teach you about the joys of smoking! ARR! I'm a pirate! Pirates are cool! Pirates smoke! Do the math kids!	Smoking makes you cool! Smoking gets you dates. Hi there, wanna go to the bowling alley?	....What the fuck? I brought condoms.

 

Looks like someone's buying an N-Gage. by LightMorpha71 9-19-04
Hey, we have to cover a booth at E3 for the magazine! That's great! What booth?	The N-Gage booth.	Also, he mentions that he slept with your wife. Well...this is a awkard question but...do you think he'll give me a raise?

 

The Epic Saga: Chapter 1 by LightMorpha71 9-19-04
Look kids, it's Bob the Police Man!	Yes kids, Bob is a shining example of heroism in today's society. Always fighting for truth and justice!	Yes, Bob is always alert, always watching over us with unyielding attention! Did I leave the oven on?

 

The Eternal Ramblings of Stick Men by LightMorpha71 9-19-04
So anyway, I said, "Look Marsha, if you want my body, then just SAY so!" HAHAHAHAHA!!!	So SHE said, "I don't want your body, I just want to TALK!" HAHA!!!	So I said- Shut the fuck up.

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