All comics by Lizardman

 

by Lizardman
11-04-01
What can I do tonight?
Hey! Down here!
What?
You like fur?
On second thought, a movie sounds good.

 

by Lizardman
11-04-01
Ah, coo, package.
DING DONG
What the . . .?
KLUCK
Well . . . I'll never shop that Chick-By-Mail catalog again.
BA-KLUCK???

 

by Lizardman
11-04-01
Hi. Gabe here. I've been asked--
Where's the little cowboy's room?
to give this public service announcement--
Oh god...
Regarding the recent pranks involving gunpowder in the chili mix--
FWOOM

 

by Lizardman
11-04-01
Ted Turner has announced he has produced a special about the end of the world.
However, Ted has asked that it be kept under wraps until the end of the world occurs.
And now, to introduce this tape, President Falwell.

 

by Lizardman
11-04-01
Have you seen my Playstation 2?
Uh . . . I didn't pawn it.
How much you get?
I got you a Twinkie.

 

by Lizardman
11-05-01
Before we start tonight's ceremonies, we have an announcement...
Whoever brought the elephant backstage, please take it outside...
grumble...
Sorry, Mr. Kennedy, we were unaware of your date...

 

by Lizardman
11-05-01
Near Afghanistan
Thank you for coming to my press conference. I'll take the first question.
Are your tireless attacks on the Taliban effective?
We've destroyed most of their supplies, their air support, and ruined moral.
But how have you noticed a difference?
Next question, please?

 

by Lizardman
11-05-01
I've been coming to this club for two weeks, and you're always here.
KLUCK
You can't get a date either?
BA-KLUCK

 

by Lizardman
11-06-01
The first rule of living, don't let others control your life.
The four-oh-nine bus is late...

 

by Lizardman
11-06-01
Next on BSTV, more episodes of Mighty Hurting Stupid Teenagers!
But first, a word from our sponsors...
Remember, violence never solved anything... Now back to our feature.

 

by Lizardman
11-06-01
As Jesus is crucified, a revelation...
With my death, I shall take with me your sins.
...of the future of religion based on his selflessness...
After you have risen, mankind will create Christianity, and build churches in your name...
And they will be taught to love and obey?
...and a way to earn money.
No, they will demand money from their followers and kill those who don't believe...
Can you, um, let me down? Fast?

 

by Lizardman
11-06-01
And then I said, "Fifty bucks, same as in town..."
She hadn't bothered to change the batteries...
"Yes, I accept Credit Cards..."

 

by Lizardman
11-07-01
You sure it'll be fun turning off the power in our apartment house?
Trust me. Just throw the switch.
That had better be a flashlight...

 

by Lizardman
11-07-01
Thank you for your attention at this press conference...
Mr. Bloomberg, now that you're in office, what will you do to carry on Giuliani's work?
I plan on carrying out Mr. Giuliani's work with his goals intact and his vision fulfilled.
And what will you do about Ground Zero, now that most of the rubble has been cleared?
Trump and I are discussing plans to create a nice casino resort in dedication of those passed.
Still a businessman, Mr. Bloomberg?

 

by Lizardman
11-08-01
Hi, I'm Chu Hsi, Voice Actress in animation movies.
I've decided to do a live action movie and show you behind the scenes.
Animatronic in place!
Ah, here comes the first scene to film!

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