All comics by NeoVid

Profile

 

by NeoVid
3-04-01
So, new guy, what've you got planned?
...Well?
Sorry, I just wanted to see if we could get through a strip without an "all your base" reference.
Oh.

 

by NeoVid
3-04-01
I guess you've heard some bad stuff about me.
You got that right. What kinda evil are you planning? I've heard about the one other comic strip you came up with.
...Really, I'm not going to use that idea about using 'cunnilingus' in a punchline.
Now we're in for it...
See? Told you.
What's that word mean? I wanna know!

 

by NeoVid
3-04-01
I knew it. Now you've gotten us busted for contributing to delinquency...
Good thing I knew who to call...
It's about time he got here.
You have an author you want me to deal with?

 

by NeoVid
3-04-01
Did you see a brain-damaged writer go by here?
Um... no. Really.
Was that a wad of money? HEY! YOU TOOK A BRIBE FROM THE WRITER!
Yeah? And what are you going to do about it?
...Did he even realize who he was talking to?
Sheesh. This happens every time...

 

by NeoVid
3-04-01
Thought he could lose me in here, did he...
He's gotta be here someplace.
Oh hell. I'll look somewhere else.
Whew. Good thing I'm invisible today.

 

by NeoVid
3-05-01
Now, getting back to our regular stories, I'm bringing in a new character. Play nice.
I really don't work well with others...
My coworkers never like me... I hope it's different this time...
You can deal with having a costar.
Maybe....
Maybe....
Damn, you're in black and white! Didn't your artist have the budget to colorize you?
Good thing I took my medication before coming here, or that would've bothered me.

 

by NeoVid
3-05-01
I think with one more character, we should be able to cover any joke I think of.
Oh man... I get nervous around women.
Hello. Have you worked here long?
Eep. She likes me. Don't say something stupid, don't say something stupid...
He's getting that look I don't like...
Wow! Nice rack! Can I play with it?
I could've taken that job at the waste disposal plant, but noooo...

 

by NeoVid
3-05-01
Just want you to know I'm paying triple for the next three strips gotta go now bye!
What's his prob- oh.
Did that writer come back by here?
Now, how do I get out of this comic...
Uh... yeah. That's him in disguise.
I'm safe, and one less cast member to pay! Awright!
NOT WHAT I MEANT!
He had better get me that triple pay fast...

 

by NeoVid
3-05-01
As a special treat, I've brought in a Transformer for this episode!
He doesn't look like any Transformer I remember.
No, really, I am! And I'm good! Watch!
Oh... kay. That's not... bad...
Uh oh... I think I overloaded something.
And I thought I was a screwup.
This happens EVERY DAMN TIME!

 

by NeoVid
3-06-01
Gabe, Jon, now that we've lost Maura, I'd prefer it if you two GOT ALONG, DAMMIT.
I dunno... I've still got problems with working with this wimp.
I'm not a wimp! I'm 250 pounds of rock-solid muscle!
Uh huh. Riiight.
Look, I'll prove it! Flex time!
You going to start soon?
Dear God, I already strained something. Good thing those ambulance guys are still here...

 

by NeoVid
3-06-01
OK, you two, it's time to make the Greatest Reference Ever.
Do we really have to do this?
I think I hear... Mom calling. Yeah.
Look, I'm writing, you do what I say.
You going to sink to his level, Jon?
*sigh* I guess we have to. Here goes...
"All your jibba jabba are belong to us, foo!'"
"Someone set up us to throw helluva far!" ...I feel so dirty now.

 

by NeoVid
3-06-01
Gabe, you just won't cooperate with your costars.
What are you going to do about it?
I'd at least like an explanation why.
Well, I think I got it from Dad. He's got some anger management problems...
That kid of mine is causing trouble again. Good for him.

 

by NeoVid
3-07-01
Oh man... Black trenchcoat, glazed look... you're getting angsty, aren't you?
My life is an endless vale of tears...
Man, I'm getting out of here before your personality starts killing bystanders.
Death is the only true end to pain...
Crap. Someone's suffering better than I am.
Why don't you try eXtreme Piercing, and see how you do, gothickhead?

 

by NeoVid
3-07-01
Hey, Maura. I was hopi- I mean, I thought you weren't in any shape to come back.
I look a lot better than I am. The docs say I could get worse any time.
Huh. Get worse how?
We won't know unless it happ-
Like anyone didn't see that coming.

 

by NeoVid
3-07-01
I just noticed that you've been cashing two paychecks a week.
I've only been cashing one. Really.
Izzatso? Then how is it I've had to pay 'Gabe' twice for every strip?
Simple. The second check went to the other guy named Gabe.
We're evil twins.
That means we're twins, and we're both evil.

 

by NeoVid
3-08-01
Oh God, it's just like my nightmares.

 

by NeoVid
3-10-01
Welcome back to the Tonight Show with Jay Le- *BLAM* OH $#!+, Chevy Chase and Pat Sajak just busted in!
*BLAM BLAM* And they just blew Jay's chin off!
And now it's Arsenio Hall with an Uzi!!!
Yeah! Arsenio's back! HOO HOO HOO!

 

by NeoVid
3-10-01
Hey, Gabe, how come you never got any of Dad's powers?
I DID get some, Gabe! I can transform into stuff.
How come I've never seen you do it?
I'm trying right now... I'll change into... Diablo!
Now I'm not sure you're really my brother.
Hey, did I say WHICH Diablo, huh?

 

by NeoVid
3-10-01
Hey, I'm back. And there's something important you should know.
Important!? Here!?
I don't believe it.
A reader wanted to know more about your backgrounds.
For real?
I... really didn't expect that.
So what do you say?
I say that if the 8000 other strips I've been stuck in on Lowpass.net aren't enough, he can bite me.
That's pretty much what I would have said, except with a different word than "bite..."

 

by NeoVid
3-11-01
You know, there's hardly a joke told anymore that doesn't refer to something else...
Everywhere you look, someone tried to get humor secondhand from "All your base," or "I pity the foo'!"
Let's face it... references aren't funny.
In-DEED.

 

by NeoVid
3-11-01
Just when I felt I couldn't get any worse, now I'm so happy I'm speaking in verse!
...Now I'm low on ideas for just what to sing. Gimme a word! (I'll take anything!)
"Zeasmoidea."
...
Now there's a switch, I made him my bitch.

 

by NeoVid
3-16-01
Flushed from their victory in the latest Comic Contest, Gabe and Jon manage to talk rationally...
So we can agree the guy's dead weight?
Yeah, I'd say so. I'll tell him.
Hey, other Gabe, there's something you should know...
What is it?
You're being voted off the island.

 

by NeoVid
3-18-01
With one of the strip's three main characters voted off, Gabe and Jon decide who should go next.
Well, there's the Reaper or Maura, but they don't show up enough to be a problem...
Who else is there?
Of course, they still can't agree on anything. The losers.
Wait, I think I know...
Caption Guy, you're voted off.
What he said. Pack up your word balloons.

 

by NeoVid
3-19-01
Having been voted out of the strip, where has Gabe2 gone?
And what is he doing to make money now?
He doesn't want us to know.
Let's see... "The Talking Gabe Doll has 12 different cynical phrases! Just wait for him to be voice-activated!"
"I sold my soul, and it didn't cost much."

 

by NeoVid
3-21-01
So, we're the only two recurring characters in this strip now.
Yeah...
So what should we do now?
}{3y 1/\/\ 8055 }{3r3. y0u |)0 \/\/}{4+ 1 54y!!!!
We BEG the old Caption Guy to come back!
I'll put up the 'Lost Author' posters!

 

by NeoVid
3-22-01
This is a haiku; they're all that's in this comic; since it's a contest.
}{3y y0u |_15+3|\| up; \/\/3 83++3r \/\/1|\| +}{15 |)4/\/\/\/\1+; 0r 1 15 qu1++1|\|6!!!!
Think we should forfeit?
That might be for the best, but; it's the last panel.

 

by NeoVid
3-24-01
"I left my soul at the door!"
"I make my money betting against the Raiders!"
"I can't wait to find a girlfriend so I can cheat on her!"
"Real people aren't as good-looking as me!"
"Elections give you the chance to make a bigger mistake every four years!"
Dammit, I shouldn't have licensed my image to make these Talking Cynical Gabe Dolls...

 

by NeoVid
3-31-01
"OK, Bachelor #1, what is your idea of the perfect date with me?"
Where we do exactly what you want to do all night.
"Hmm... If you could be any part of an automobile, which part and why?"
The floor, so you could walk all over me as much as you want.
"I'm starting to like this... So, what is your favorite ice cream, and what do you do with it? ...Hello?
...The shape of this mic is giving me ideas...

 

by NeoVid
4-02-01
Well, after a long period of uninspiration, I'm back.
It's about time. If we don't work, we don't get paid. Jon's had to be a donor to make money...
Huh. He's selling his blood?
Heh. Blood. Right.
HEY JON! You get any blood yet?
Shut up! Don't interrupt me when I'm wank- um, working!

 

by NeoVid
4-02-01
So this is L. Ron Hubbardland?
Yep! It's where you go if you start thinking you're the Messiah or something! The founder's coming, so introduce yourself!
Yknow, I really think it's disturbing that a fat, dead SF writer can start his own religion...
Hey, it's a free country, punk.
Didn't you start this religion to get yourself money and women?
Yeah? Well, your mother loved me for it!

 

by NeoVid
4-05-01
Yo, Jon, in case you didn't notice, the writer's back.
He is?
Yeah. Now you can stop selling 'blood' to make ends meet.
No kidding?
Yeah, no kidding.
Great! It... I mean, *I* was really getting worn raw... I mean, *out*...

 

by NeoVid
4-05-01
I don't believe it. That other caption guy you had is stalking me now.
Oh damn. Him again?
Where'd you see-
}{3y y0u!! y0u l4m3r!! y0ur g4y!!
...Oh.
Uh... my gay what?
This could go for days.
Yeah. Wanna borrow some of my medication? It helps with things like this.

 

by NeoVid
4-07-01
I know exactly what the gag in this comic should be...
Give me a minute...
Dammit. The props list doesn't have a Giant Foot To Squash Things.
It landed on that Knight Who Says "neep" over there...

 

by NeoVid
4-09-01
We've been trying our best to follow the rules, and we still don't come close to winning...
Yeah, these contests are too damn hard...
Think we should break the rules for a cheap laugh?
Nah. Don't want to end up like that guy...
I told you you can't win unless you bow down and worship me!
The pain... she gave me blue cojones...

 

by NeoVid
4-11-01
OK, it's been a while since I've done any strips, and... uh...
...It's never a good thing when he trails off like that.
It's never a good thing when he talks at all.
Just gimme a minute to think...
Like he'll be able to figure out how to do that in one minute...
Dammit. I can't think of anything funny.
Like that's new.
HEY! You reading this! Give this comic a 10 anyway!

 

by NeoVid
4-12-01
Antagonist Andy, did you know that these comics use extremely complex HTML coding?
Know what, Doc Pedantic? It doesn't make it any more fun to be stuck in this damn thing.
But if you knew as much as I did about everything, you would have a more fulfilling life!
I'm out of here. Find someone else to say whatever this strip'll try to pass off as a punchline...
This comic wasn't all that good!
Thanks, Captain Obvious!

 

by NeoVid
4-12-01
Other people tell me how bad their lives are...
I just don't see it. I've always had a good grip on reality, and things seem OK to me.
"Hey pinhead. That crash killed you, and you're standing in a lake of lava. Signed, Satan." Dumb gag...
Wow! What brilliant and unexpected irony!

 

by NeoVid
4-13-01
Captain Obvious meets the regular cast of my strips...
You're going to get nervous and make yourself look like a fool!
Never! I'm great at not stupiding anything say! ....Dammit.
You're going to say something bitterly cynical!
Thanks so much, Captain Obvious. Wait, that's not an insult to... dammit.
And you're here for the humor in 'all your base are belong to us!'
Yeah, sorry I'm a month late. Dammit.

 

by NeoVid
4-13-01
c4p+41|\| 08\/10u5, }{3r3\'5 +}{3 |)u|)35 w}{0 |)0|\|\'+ 5}{0\/\/ up /\/\uc}{...
Fake Caption Guy, you just use l33th4x0r5.com, and don't know how to write like that for real!
|)u|)3 +}{4+\'5 |\|0+ c00|_.
And Maura's died for no good reason!
And these comics still weren't any good, and I'm glad to leave!

 

by NeoVid
4-18-01
Jon, you are so damn dumb. Don't you see how screwed up the world is?
...Yeah, I do. So?
So how the hell can you act so happy all the time!? You're an idiot.
Lemme put it this way: I'm happy. You're not. Who's smarter?
Well, you... Uh... Dammit.
Yes! I beat him! I won! hee hee hee hee...

 

by NeoVid
4-21-01
Strange...
Why are all these traumatized chickens around?
Free sample of fried chicken balls, sir?
...I'll never be able to eat balls again.

 

by NeoVid
4-22-01
Once more, I ran out of comic ideas for a few days. But I'm back now.
So, what did you think of?
Uh, well... I didn't have any ideas. I just didn't want to go a week without doing a comic.
Uh... huh.
Well, don't give up. Keep trying and by accident you'll do something funny eventually.
Like hell he will.

 

by NeoVid
4-22-01
My life has been feeling pointless, so I came to you for advice...
You realize I have a lot of these appointments to keep, right?
Well, I guess you would...
Right, so if you're OK with slightly lower-class spiritualism, you can talk to my little brother about your troubles.
I have a really bad feeling about this...
Yo. I'm Bob of Nazareth.

 

by NeoVid
4-22-01
A depressed Jon talks with his new advisor, Jesus' brother Bob.
So drinking more will solve all of my problems?
Naw, but it'll give you something to blame besides yerself...
...Are you sure you're related to Jesus? You don't seem to have the love of mankind thing going on.
Hey, I love Mick Foley! And I like my brother... he's just kind of snotty about stuff.....
Bob thinks back to an argument they had in the past.
He always wins these fights with the same damn comeback...
Dad loves me more.

 

by NeoVid
4-25-01
It's good to be beautiful again. And I owe it all to one idea I had...
I know I'd be safer not asking what that idea is...
You see, I figured out how to get rid of my horribly disfiguring sexual diseases!
...I'm going to regret this... Gee, how?
Don't you remember? I gave them all to you!
I was young and pretty once...

 

by NeoVid
4-27-01
Jesus' brother Bob continues to enlighten Jon...
Wait a minute... Bob, why did Jesus say you should help spread his word?
Uh, uh... well, I'm an unending well of compassion, and all...
And...
...And he's always, yknow, respected me and stuff...
AND?
OK, I admit it! He stuck me with this job to get back at me for all the times I flushed his head in the toilet!

 

by NeoVid
4-27-01
Bob of Nazareth has digressed into telling Jon his life story...
This is really... interesting, but...
And then when I got the raise at Denny's, all everyone said was, "Your brother walked on water today."
You're really bitter, aren't you?
Hey, who wouldn't be? They say I can't exist, since Mary was a virgin until she died...
...And Joseph was really depressed all the time, right?
How'd you know?

 

by NeoVid
4-27-01
You will have to go to http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net to get this injoke. Thank you.
You know, Billy, I don't think the new guy playing Page Break is working out.
Naffin' right, Kriz. And that new guy we got to kill Kim Kaphwan ain't naffin' workin' either.
Maybe if we give them a good pep talk?
No naffin' way. Just naffin' listen to them naffin' wussies.
PAGE BREAK WILL BREAK YOU!!
RAHHR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE PAGE BREAK!!

 

by NeoVid
4-28-01
I can't believe I'm being represented by this character...
Hey, Geese, we got the problem with the naffin' robot solved!
Really. How, pray tell? (Idiot.)
Krizalid reprogrammed it as the new Page Break! Don't that naffin' kick ass?
Run!! It didn't work!!
PAGE BREAK WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!

 

by NeoVid
4-28-01
Have you seen the scary kid?
Nope. Haven't seen him in days.
Wait! There he is!
Huh? Aw no!
...Could you remind me why this guy is supposed to scare me?
gr! tobor will cornhole you when tobor grows up!

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