All comics by QueenB

Profile

 

by QueenB
3-22-06
Hi there. You might recognise these two sad acts as the users southlondon and chimppimp.
I do NOT suck cock!!
I want to be marmite
My sincerest apologies to anyone who has come across, or been involved in their little conflicts.
As one of their closest friends, I assure you that I will do anything in my power to get them to shut the hell up.
If that involves beating them both with a big metal stick until they bleed from every pore, then rest assured, i'll do my best.
Once again, i apologise...
Hell, knowing them so well, I'll probably enjoy it.

 

by QueenB
3-23-06
I was extremely drunk!!
Insulting, dude.
And tired!! Extremely drunk and tired!!!
No excuse.
I'm pathetic.
The ultimate insult, dude. The ULTIMATE insult.

 

Kirk learns a valuable lesson about sex in the transporter bay...
"Very fucking funny, Scotty. Now beam down my bloody clothes!!
Ooh, nipple...
by QueenB, 3-24-06

 

by QueenB
3-27-06
Well, heya there, lil' lady, i'ma here about your in-fest-stay-shun
Finally!
I've been waiting days to get these creeps cleared out.
The frat party's in the basement.
Not a problem, ma'am.[Shouts] Well, i'll be damned, what're all these kegs doin' in the back yard of this here house...

 

by QueenB
3-27-06
Dad cracks a joke...
Magners! Irish cider! Tastes like Guiness!
No, they didn't think it was funny either...

 

by QueenB
3-31-06
Paulie and Queen B are sitting in Lloyds having a chat...
You know what the black people need to do for political correctness?
Hmm?
We need to chase you white people down with spears.
I'm not white, i'm an odd shade of asian.

 

by QueenB
4-11-06
Queen B reads Southlondons latest comic
I miei amici si domanderanno probabilmente perché scrivo questo comico in italiano. Che è bene effettivamente la parte dello scherzo. Lei vede, non parlo una parola di Eyetie ma ho usato un sito web
Senza dubbio quando lei prende questo l'ha tradotto domanderà perché sono andato allo sforzo. E poi lei te stesso guarderà e pensa "Dio, per quanto tempo ho appena speso decoding uno scherzo inutil
Wha...? He doesn't speak Italian...
Tell me, how long did it take YOU to translate it, sugar?
..."Babelfish"...
Neil, you sad git...

 

by QueenB
5-08-06
Pub sunday reunion after the events of South Londons Trip
So, Robyn, what was the moon like?
Fucking awful. No air, no food, and no sex!
God, you must have been suffering...
Totally. It wasn't the lack of food or air that bothered me, it was the celibacy. The only lifeforms I met up there were an astronaut and a monkey.
You could've fucked the astronaut...
Tried. Turns out spacesuits don't come off easy at zero gravity. Something about an air supply...

 

by QueenB
5-08-06
Anyway, he was a minger.
Ewww....
Though, scarily, the monkey did start looking pretty cute in comparison...
Ah yes, teaming monkeys with ugly people is how I make my money. Chimp Del Pimp does it again!
I didn't actually do it...
But you thought about it. There's a fee for that.

 

by QueenB
5-08-06
So, who's tryna kill us? Darren? Avis? You?
No, you'll never get it. But it is someone we know really well.
Dude, there's two blokes in hoods over there watching us. Is it them? Can I go beat them up?
Robyn, it's not actually real. No ones really trying to kill us, it's all make believe!
Master, they've seen us!!! What do we do?!?
Calm down, just be cool! Make like your going to the toilet and have absolutely no interest in them whatsoever. I'll throw shiny things and distract them...

 

by QueenB
5-12-06
Catching up with the latest events in south londons "lock in" series...
"Im not redundant. I'm just explaining to our readers what we've been up to..."
(Scrolling back through latest comics)
Grrr... Only one comic? That whole batch and I only get ONE comic?? And i'm not even displaying any violence in it!! I'm gonna beat that boy to a bloody pulp...

 

by QueenB
5-14-06
Neil, i've got a complaint. You're not giving me enough screen time in your comics.
Oh, i'm so, so sorry, my beautiful, worshipful master, but i'm only allowed two characters per comic and I need the others for the storyline! What can I do to appease you?
It's okay, Flopsy, i've figured out a way. All you have to do is change everyone elses character to the character I use!
That way, I get the screen time I deserve, and you can still develop your story. And I don't think the guys will be too bothered about being girls, do you?
Genius! *under breath* What a woman!...

 

by QueenB
5-22-06
After escaping the pub...
You idiot. I can't believe you let that fucker get away.
I don't know what happened! We were talking, then he ran! What could I do?
Gee Cottontail, I wonder. You're over 6 feet tall, broader across the shoulders than I am across the hips, and oh yeah, you've got a belt or two in judo. Nope, you couldn't do anything....
See? I knew you'd understand my point of view. You're so great.
You know what honey? Next time, just stand back and leave it to a professional, okay? Honestly, if you want something done right...
...Don't leave it to your pet bunny rabbit?

 

by QueenB
6-04-06
Catching up with the events of Southlondons search and rescue...
"You are the only ones capable of stopping us. So you must die."
I'm a what? A what now?
A doormat. He called you and doormat and made you say master. Please don't hurt me! Look,i'll turn myself off. Switching off! *click*
*Humming* Nee-ill, i'm gonna find ya, i'm gonna hurt ya, got a big-sharp knife and it'll BLEED you...
Sounds promising. Do you need a sidekick?

 

by QueenB
6-09-06
In the alternate universe, I sit on my stunning gilded bone throne, watching the events back in the normal reality. Magic televisions, gotta love 'em.
Now this, THIS is the life. The only two people in this world capable of defending themselves from me are locked in the dungeons, and the rest are my slaves. Life is good. Very, very good.
Waiiit a minute. What are those idiots back home doing?
"She's a tyrant, a pure evil tyrant. We can't let the other world suffer like that. We'll find a portal, go through, find her and tempt her home by torturing penguins. That'll work.
No, dammit!! They know my weakness! Right, slaves! Find all the remaining portals, and block them off, nobody gets in or out until this lot have died horrible ugly deaths. I DONT WANNA GO BACK!

 

by QueenB
6-09-06
*Sigh* I'm bored. Turns out being worshipped can indeed get boring after three constant days of it. Guys, wanna go to the pub?
But Your Majesty, we don't like drinking. All of us are Teetotal. In fact, Tamz is the President of the UK anti alcohol society, and i'm the Vice President. Neil was leader of the anti Guiness league.
Huh? What kinda freaked up world is this? So everyone's the complete opposite of who they are where I come from? Complete opposite?
Heh heh, now this could be amusing. Come on, boys and girls. I'm gonna sit in my wonderful throne room, you're gonna wait on me hand and foot, and you're gonna tell me all about everyone here.
For starters, your Neil seems to have more balls than mine, but has he actually used them yet?
No, Your Supreme Badness. And we know of at least two other worlds where, again, he's a virgin. You can swap dimensions all you want, but some things just never change...

 

by QueenB
6-09-06
So, where to start? How about Onika? Tell me about her.
Well, umm, she's shy, quiet, little, and runs away if you come too close.
Hah! Okay, what about Glen? He still a cop?
Never made it in the police force, so he became a criminal instead. Oh, and he's staying a virgin till his wedding night, because he doesn't believe in sex before marriage.
*LOL* Okay, okay, this i've gotta ask... Dominic?
He was a sweet guy. Always helping others. But he found a timewarp into your world years ago and set up a new life there helping people. Believe you would have known him as 'Jesus'

 

by QueenB
6-10-06
In the palace dungeons...
Damn that woman. She foiled all my plans.
Aww, never mind.
We'll escape. Just wait till tomorrow night.
Why, Pete? What are we doing tomorrow night?
"It's Flopsy, it's Flopsy and the Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, Tramp..."
Same thing we do every night Neil. Try to take over the world!!!

 

by QueenB
6-18-06
You ready, Rufus?
Yes ma'am.
AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahaaa...
......... Okay. That's better. Now i'm gonna get angry.
Cowering in preparation, My Queen.

 

by QueenB
6-18-06
So... It's come to this. My slaves have formed a resistance, my 'friends' have joined them, everyone's trying to overthrow me, and i'm expected to sit back and watch?
It strikes me that everybody has forgotten EXACTLY who they're dealing with here. Do they honestly believe that i've spent all my time here sitting back being waited upon by slaves?
Well, okay, that's half true, but that's beside the point. I knew this day would come. I prepared. Rufus? Prepare for Operation: Tyrant. They want a war? I'll give them a damn war. Traitors.

 

by QueenB
6-19-06
Ma'am? Operation: Tyrant has been commenced. The death squads are storming every major city as we speak.
Good work, Rufus. I'll make a Second-In-Command out of you yet. Now, go begin phase two. I have to see a man about a plan. No rest for the wicked, and as for those of us who are just evil, well...
God, those people were my friends. Can I really do this to them?
Oh hell yes. Stand aside, conscience, i'm coming through.
Is everything prepared? Can I play my new game yet? ---------------> Good. Then why not let them out to play? Go make mama proud, kiddiewinks....
Yes, Your grand Worshipfulness. The genetic sequencing went well, and the cultivation is complete. Your babies are ready....

 

by QueenB
6-19-06
Back on Earth, Real Pete gets an unexpected visit...
Neil? Mate, it's 2 in the morning. What're you doing here?
It's a bit of an emergency, Pete. Is anyone else home? I need to talk to you about something personal...
Nah, they're all away for the weekend at a wedding. Would've gone myself, but its a classy do, and with the way I look...
Good. Then there'll be no one to hear this.
After a brief (very, very brief) scuffle, Pete was well and truly subdued and on his way back through the portal.
Dr. Gestapo? I have one of them. What is your next command?
Well done, FC3BO. Bring him back to the lab, then return to help PT4XI. I do believe he's having problems with Jadakiss.

 

by QueenB
6-20-06
Commander FC3BO. Your assistance is required. For some reason, the human designated Jade refuses to follow me. Her belief is that I am not her lover, the human designated Tony.
Hmm. The Queen has programmed me with cunning strategies for such events. FT4XI. Return to the human and try speaking the words of "Brap". The Great Queen believes this may pacify the Jadakiss.
5 minutes later...
The human woman has calmed, but she still refuses to follow me. Commander?
The Queen gave me magic words for such events. Return to the human and gently whisper these words to her... *whisper*
10 minutes later, Jade had swiftly been escorted to a portal...
Oh god, Tony, muffin, say it again, please!
Umm, "Free sushi this way"?

 

by QueenB
6-20-06
So, back on Htrae, and Robyns Dungeons were full of her old friends. One by one they had all succumbed.
Tony was convinced...
You're sure the headquarters are through here?
No, i'm sure they're in the opposite direction, but consider my penchant for getting lost and it's a pretty safe bet that you need to go this way....
And Bruce was unconscious and slept through the entire thing.
PT4XI, the human designated Bruce is asleep. Drag him through.
Yes Commander. By the left or right arm, commander?

 

by QueenB
6-20-06
As for the alternate Robyn who was left behind back on Earth...
Slave...
Master! You returned for me! Would you like me to stroke you to sleep with your PVC teddy when we return home?
Bring that girl straight to me when you get back, FC3BO. I need to have words with her...

 

by QueenB
6-22-06
Robyn, sweetie, fabulous to see you again!
*Whimper* Please don't walk over me again like last time. And if you do, could you at least take your stilettos off? Please?
Oh honey child, i'm not going to hurt you, i'm here to help you. By the time i'm finished, no one will be able to walk over you again. Except for me, that is.
I dunno, it's kinda my place in the group to be the scapegoat. It's okay, it really is, I don't want to cause anyone any problems...
And, after a week of intense training from Robyn, Alternate Robyn finally became the bitch she was born to be...
Robyn, doll, my children are out in the training grounds practicing beating the crap out of people. Want to go throw molotovs at them?
Honey, thought you'd never ask. And i've got a new toy to show you, it sprinkles salt while it flays....

 

by QueenB
6-22-06
Leaving alternate Robyn in charge of the torture, Queen Robyn took a quick trip to the dungeons....
Jade, darling, I didn't know this was gonna happen, i'm sorry!
Tony, the thing was wearing your face, it's your fault. And you know, the least you could do to make up for it is to get that wanker over there to shut up...
If all of you imbeciles would stop arguing and just do as I tell you, I could get out of here a lot quicker!
Peter, you forget, you're nothing but a tramp to them. And you know what, i'm a bit sick of taking your orders as well. You might be top of the pyramid, but you're not the boss of me...
Zzzz - Look, guys, some of us are trying to sleep over here!!
Chaos, panic and disorder, my work here is done...

 

by QueenB
6-22-06
Ladies! If I could have your attention please!
Who you calling a lady?
Uh, you. You might be confident in this world, but I can still beat you up, k sweetie? And you interrupt me again, I will.
Fair enough. Carry on then.
Right. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, i'm sure you'd all love to know why you're still alive, hmm?
Actually, yeah, that would be quite nice. - Oww!! She pinches!

 

by QueenB
6-22-06
So, let me see. Pete, you're still here because I was hoping I could persuade you to come work for me. You are an evil genius, it'd be a shame to kill you.
Never. I'll kill myself before I take orders from the likes of you..
Oh fine. FC3BO, you know what to do with that one. Tony, Jade, Bruce, you're still my friends, so if you want fiefdoms of your own, that can be arranged.
Sorry guys, i'm siding with Robyn. Can I get a title to go with that? Lady Jade? Duchess Jade? Ooh, PRINCESS Jade!
Glad to have you on board, Jada. As for you, Neil, It's just so much more fun to torture you than my Neil. You try to fight back and it's just so adorable!
Wow. That makes me feel so special. He's a lucky bastard to have a friend like you.

 

by QueenB
6-22-06
Now, some of you eagle eyed viewers may have noticed only one Peter in the dungeons...
So, you say you got all of us except Neil, Chris and Sean, but where's our Pete?
You do know I'm damn serious about that title thing, right?
Yes, i know, Jade. But, before I do that, I need the assistance of the two of you. Meet Dr. Gestapo, head of my genetic recoding unit.
A pleasure. I presume they're here for their treatment?
*Authors note: The genetic recoding has managed to turned Peter into a slick, deadly fighting machine. Unfortunately, there wasn't really a suitable character for it, so use your imagination...
Yes, they are. And is that...? Oh. Oh my.
Hi guys. Dare you to call me a tramp now.

 

by QueenB
6-26-06
Queen Robyn and Alternate Robyn were busy spying on the rebels through the genetically enhanced eyes of the Queen's spy...
*Snigger*
You're kidding me, right? Tell me he's kidding.
"Captain Wonder!!"
This is priceless. Can we please record this and show it to Neil in his next torture session?
*Sniff* Oh Robyn, i've trained you so well.
"PEONS!!"

 

by QueenB
6-26-06
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
GODDAMMIT!!!
Okay, okay, you win!! Please, i'll do anything you want, just let me beat up that sad bastard!!!
Love to, can't. Now, you stay chained to the wall while I leave this film on endless repeat. Ciao now!!

 

by QueenB
6-26-06
Right, let's stop pissing around, it's time to get serious. Gestapo, have the alterations been completed?
They have, your Majestic Evilness. All of your old friends have been remodeled and rewired.
Then, I guess it's time to stop beating around the bush and put my grand plan into action. I'm sorry I have to do this guys, but, i'm not giving up my throne.
Gestapo? Activate the control chips and release the clones. Tell all my soldiers to use whatever means necessary to take down the opposition.
This is a war, after all.

 

by QueenB
6-26-06
Oh Wow! Tony, look at me! I'm a cat girl!!
And you look really beautiful like that. Hiiii--Ya!
Get a room, you two.
Uh, guys? I - I feel really strange. Like static electricity is running through me... Uh, guys?
5 minutes and a lot of moaning, groaning and stomach grabbing later...
It is done, my Queen. The chips we implanted them with in their treatments are now activated. They are yours to command...
Excellent. Then, lets go find the rebel base and destroy it. With his only friends protecting me, Neil wont dare to attack me. Mwah hah hah!

 

by QueenB
6-26-06
At the rebel base, Alternate Chris was keeping an eye on current world events...
Umm... Neil?
Yeah? What is it?
You'd better take a look at this.
Oh my sweet jesus. What has that crazy bitch done?

 

by QueenB
6-30-06
"Clones..."

 

by QueenB
6-30-06
"She's made hundreds of clones!"

 

by QueenB
6-30-06
"She's made clones of all of us!! How are we supposed to fight them when we don't know if they're them or us?
"For all we know, we could end up fighting the good guys because we thought they were on the other side!"
"We are so screwed..."
Oh look, my favourite film's on. Attack of the clones... Mwah hah hah!!!!
Please, someone save me from bad puns...

 

by QueenB
7-18-06
In conclusion.... Robyn won the war, obviously. The rebel alliance were completely unable to stand against the force of her clone army, and surrendered within minutes of losing their primary base.
I think the words, "Mwah hah hah hah ha!" would be appropriate here.
Yeah, yeah, you won, we lost, blahdy blah. Happy?
Robyn bitchslapped the rebels back through the portal to earth, reversing the genetic alterations she had made to certain people and forcing them all out of her kingdom.
Well, Cottontail, it's been real fun, but you'll understand of course if i choose not to follow your sore asses home, hmm?
Stay here and rule your little hell hole if you must. You'll be missing out on lots of fun at home though...
And with a final cackle...
I doubt it somehow. But hey, you ever feel the need to torture and maim, give me a call and i'll let you back for a while if you want. Ciao, bunny boy.
Bye Robyn. It was nice knowing you. Sometimes. Oh, who am I kidding? You're pure evil, but i'll miss you. Anyway, see you around...

 

by QueenB
7-18-06
...They were all gone.
Robyn, honey, i've been thinking, and I can't stay. I'm leaving you to rule. You'll make a good queen, not as good as me, but... I'll be back if you need me, but I gotta go home.
I get it. You miss people who don't cower before you. It's cool sweetie. Just take care, ok?

 

by QueenB
7-18-06
A step through the portal later...
I'm home! God this place looks weird after the palace...
So, what do I do now? Ooh, I can think of one thing...
One bus ride, and...
I am the almighty ruler of the universe! Bow before me, mortals! Except you, Rob. You can kneel.
Yeah, missed you too baby. Hey, if you really want to rule a universe, I know a nice little place with a great view...

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