All comics by SPAgentJackBauer24

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And so, SPAgentJackBauer24 tries to get NadiaDiana to be his girlfriend. THANKS TO ANYONE WHO RUBS IT IN MY FACE: THIS COMIC SUCKS!
But Leiza, why can't I have a personal relationship with Nadiadiana?
Because, SPAgentJackBauer24, you're too young for her. And she's already married.
He lets out some horrible news. Leiza gives him some, too. That's tough.
I have it! I'll ask Michelle. But first I have to tell Nadiadiana to stop going out with me.
SHE WAS ALREADY GOING OUT WITH YOU!!??!!?? And, Michelle hates you.
He breaks two rules. Leiza thinks of banning him.
Damn it. And, I'm spamming bombs.
HEY! No swearing or spamming bombs on Http://The-Geek.Com!!! I should ban him.

 

Costaud was banned by Leiza first.
RAWR! YOU WILL BURN IN THE PITS OF HELL FOR THIS!
Costaud, this is Leiza. You are being banned for 1. Not being Human, 2. Being a Devil/Demon, and 3. being born in Hell.
SPAgentJackBauer24 was next.
What the hell is that? That's a crappy reason to ban me.
SPAgentJackBauer24, this is Leiza. You are being banned for being addicted to the show 24, and being related to the star of it, Kiefer Sutherland.
ladylolipop had the crappiest reason to be banned.
AW! I HATE YOU! [Runs away and balls eyes out]
ladylolipop, this is Leiza. You are being banned for looking nice in a real-life picture on Http://WWW.The-Geek.Com

 

KILLER DEALS! I MEAN, THESE WILL KILL YOU!
What the hell is that?
ladylolipop is a murderer!
Um, I don't like TV. Especially when I'm on it. [gets arrested]
LEIZA MADE The-Geek dot Comm today!!!
THAT WAS 2 YEARS AGO I MADE IT!

 

Hello.
[drools and stares at boobs]
by SPAgentJackBauer24, 2-22-06

 

I love you Leiza.
BANNED FOR THE 2nd TIME FROM THE GEEK!
by SPAgentJackBauer24, 2-22-06

 

Sometimes, racism can be a good thing.
Can I register?
Um, leiza doesn't like black-and-white people. They usually turn us all black and white. OMFG THE BACKGROUND IS ALREADY WHITE! GET OUT! OUT! NOW!
by SPAgentJackBauer24, 2-22-06

 

08:33:49 AM
TERRORIST! [Pulls out gun and Kills Geek]
The pits of Hell... IN A BEDROOM!
RAWR! YOU WILL DIE! YOU ARE AN ANGEL! [Sets Geek on Fire]
In Saint Jimmy, The Jesus Of Suburbia's town...
AAAAAAAAH! [Suffocates Geek with Graffiti Paint] Don't mess with me, I am Saint Jimmy!

 

I HAVE MORE IDEAS! HOW ABOUT A GEEK GAMES FORUM!
Um, NO!
AND A GEEK MOVIE!
I might've liked that idea if YOU WEREN'T THE ONE GIVING IT TO ME!
AND EVEN A GEEK HANGOUT!
NO! GO AWAY! I ALREADY BANNED YOU!

 

What up 28.
Yo wat up SPAgentJackBauer24?
Nuthin'. I was just wondering if you wanted to spam some bombs with me.
Um, no thanks.
Too bad.
Dammit.

 

Well, wasn't that fun?
Um, yeah. Where the fuck are we?
Oh, we're 100000 feet in the air on a plane, on the way to The-Geek Labs in London, England.
...
HAHA! WE'RE GONNA BE IN MY WORLD, AND ON THIS PLANE FOR 24 HOURS!
Um, if you don't get us out of this, then fuck you.

 

LA LA LA...
Brad! Seriously! Shut the fuck up!
I can sing retardedly if I want to!!!
No, you can't.
What are you gonna do about it? Huh? HUH? HUH!!!???
[runs away screaming]

 

Hi mister Bunny-Suit!
Listen you motherfucker! Just because you're a crippled kid doesn't mean i won't beat the shit out of you!
by SPAgentJackBauer24, 2-22-06

 

Well, we're at the secret lab!
I told you. If you don't get us out of this, then fuck you. Well, fuck you.
[acts like he didn't hear 28] Well, check out this computer.
Um, okay.
YOU ARE BANNED FROM USING THE "A" KEY. ALSO, THE INTERNET IS ALREADY ONLINE, HOWEVER YOU CANNOT USE IT. AND THE DISK IN DRIVE A IS NOT FORMATTED, EVEN THOUGH IT IS. PLEASE DESTROY IT, AND TRY AGAIN.
???

 

Welcome to "The Newsroom", on Channel 3 News. I'm Mike Lobell.
And I'm Cathy Damian. Today we have Maurice Chavez, host of "Pressing Issues" on Vice City Public Radio (VCPR), and winner of 5 academy awards. So Maurice, tell us: What do you do in Pressing Issues?
Well guys, we obviously "PRESS THE ISSUE". We also have a few different subjects. One, is Morality. And another is Respect For One-Another.
THIS WILL BE CONTINUED...

 

I'm sorry Maurice. We have to interrupt with breaking news.
BREAKING NEWS WITH CATHY DAMIAN
Thank you Mike. An apocolypse is going on- OH MY GOD! MAURICE IS GETTING HIS BRAINS SUCKED OUT! THE DEMONS ARE GETTING IN THE STUDIO- AAAAAAAAAH!!!
Oh, god. That's horrible- Cathy? CATHY! CATHY! Cathy Damian has been taken into the Apocolypse!

 

YOU KILLED MAURICE!
WE USED A DUMMIE! MAURICE IS ALIVE!
Maurice!
Cathy! I'm glad you're alive! Where's Mike?
I'm sure he's fine. He's probably getting the army on the demons right now!
I think so too.

 

These hunters met the demons...
[fires]
[fires]
1 hour later...
Thanks to two kind hunters, Maurice, Cathy and Me are alive right now.
That's right. Maurice, why don't you tell us what's up?
Right now I am interviewing a young survivor. Timmy, a geek who is crippled. Tell me Timmy, how do you express Morality?
By playing video games and going on The-Geek.Com!

 

That's very interesting Maurice- Ya, put that sign up against one of the ruined buildings or put it on a post! Sorry, Maurice. Continue on.
Next up, is Zachary "SPAgentJackBauer24" Marsh.
Thank you Maurice. It is a pleasure to be a survivor. And, to be on your show!
Yes it is! I am glad that was a Dummie me, and not Me getting my brains sucked out. Aren't you?
Very much. We wouldn't be able to have this show if you were dead! But, let's start having positive thinking!

 

Listen Abe, this crippled geek came up to me yesterday and said "Hi Mister Bunny-Suit!" to me. What can I do?
You could kick his ass.
HE'S A FUCKING CRIPPLE!
Then I don't know.

 

Well then you'd better figure it out!
I CAN'T!
Hey Tooms. Can you help get this blood off of me?
Who's is it?
Abe's.
Hell no. I ain't touchin' his blood.

 

Welcome back to "The Newsroom". Maurice, go ahead.
Thanks, Mike. Our next guest is not someone with a plan of a computer, or Positive Thinking. No-ho-ho, this one has a thought of a great 2-Digit number. May I present: 28!
Hi Maurice. It's a great pleasure to be here, you're a great man. However you lack something. Do you know what?
No, what?
Confidence. You sucked as a clown, but you are great, and I mean great, as a Radio-Show host. You just need more confidence.

 

Hey, thanks!
Hey, don't thank me! Thank yourself. It's because of your positive choices that you're the success you are today.
Anyway, moving on to you, Zach. What, in your opinion, is positive thinking?
Well, Maurice. Positive thinking is if terrorists weren't here. Those demons were terrorists from hell. They turned this peaceful town into another 9/11. I hate that. Don't you?
Yes, I do. Anyway, Timmy. You are the one with morality as the subject. What else is Morality to you? Besides video games and The Geek.Com?
I have to agree with Zach. Morality is what is right, and no terrorist activity would be right. It's Immorale because there IS terrorist activity. And, as Zach also said, this is just another 9/11.

 

GET IT OFF OR THIS WILL BE ABE'S AND YOURS!
Okay! Okay! [cleans off]
Good. now, take a walk with me. I want to talk to you.
Um, okay.

 

And, as the smart one here, I think that these demons have a connection with actual terrorists.
Yes, I'm sure you're right.
That was very interesting. Also, Cathy is back. On to you, Cathy. Live from where the Demons took her.
LIVE AT THE CRIME SCENE WITH CATHY DAMIAN
Thank you Mike. The demons took me here. I met Maurice, and then the two hunters ran into the demons and shot them. I hate this place. It's just white.

 

And now, a news report, wait, let's let Cathy hear it. Okay. The city has not had a start of being rebuilt. You people should get up off your lazy butts, and pile some bricks!
That's right. We only sit down so we can be paid to actually spend the money on rebuilding this town. You people at work right now, good for you! People watching TV at home, go screw yourselves!
Ah, I love those guys. Great reporters. And, living proof that we need them as reporters! Welcome back to "Pressing Issues", with me, Maurice Chavez. We have Zach here again with us.
Ha! You're exactly right! If Mike and Cathy weren't news reporters, we'd might as well pull out a shotgun and shoot ourselves! It'd be the same if you didn't host this Radio-Show! You're as great!

 

Thanks! Anyway, what do you think about what Mike and Cathy said? About re-building the city by working?
Totally. If it means a step towards freedom, I'm all for it. And working to get money to re-build this town is definetly a step towards freedom.
I think that was well said by Zach.
So do I. In further news, more people are making money to give to the city.
That's great news.
Isn't it? Anyway, back to you, Maurice.

 

Thanks guys. We're uncovering survivors every minute. This kid actually killed some of the demons. Meet Jeremy, also known as "Mask". A ten-year old superhero, Jeremy is a reason we're alive.
Gee, thanks Maurice. It's great to know people like me are here, isn't it?
Yes it is. Anyway, it's time for two guests to go one-on-one. Zach and Jeremy, both 10.
Um, okay. I'm ready.
What's up Zach. Don't you think today was horrible?
Yes, I do. Worst day of my life.

 

And, anyway... WHAT THE HELL?
Wha.. AAAH! Demon! It's advancing on Maurice! It's complete pandamonium!
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
You got away from me once, but you won't- [get's shot in the head and slashed in half]
[puts mask and slasher away, then cleans shirt] You're Jack Bauer?
[puts gun away] Remember the middle name? It's Brian In Real Life, but "SPAgentJackBauer24" when something like this happens.

 

I want to thank you, Zach.
Anytime.
And you, Jeremy. Well, I think that's all for today. I'm going back to Vice City.
No problem. And, it was nice to talk with you.
Well, that was surprising. "The Newsroom" raised $100.00 to the city, and $76.83 to the station in the last hour. We can keepon the air for another 60 minutes, at least.
Yes, that's thanks to Denise and Bob DeCiteo of Little Tokyo. Also thanks to two sponsors, Bell and Ford, and also thanks to Fox's "24" and The-Geek.Com.

 

Wow, that's a lot of people helping us. Maurice left $67.03 for the city, and $10.00 for the station before he left. How generous!
Yes, that is very generous. Our next guests are Liam Deval, and a person who calls herself Leiza, and the only info we have is that she owns and operates The-Geek.Com. Is that the only website?
Thanks, dudes. Anyway, Leiza. What Cathy asked: Is The-Geek.Com the only website around?
Oh, no. There's newgrounds.com, kiefersutherland24.net, stripcreator.com, and ebaumsworld.com. But, that's it.

 

Well, it's big news to us! The city's raised $1,000,000.00 and can be re-built! The whole world was donating! And the station raised $5,000.00 in the last hour!
And that's not all, it's the 15th episode! Happy 15th Anniversary to "The Newsroom!" And now to you, Leiza and Liam.
Sweet, dudes! The demons are all dead, we're all alive, Zach and Jeremy are ready for this if it happens again, and Maurice is in Vice City right now!
Leiza: Awesome! I can actually live in peace!
Ah, that's great news. Well, time for "Pressing Issues"!

 

Hi! For those of you that don't know, I'm Mike Lobell, in "The Newsroom", on Channel 3 news. Here's breaking news with Cathy.
BREAKING NEWS WITH CATHY DAMIAN
Hi. I'm Cathy Damian. Doctor Phillip J. Lask has very sad news. A patient exploded in surgery and died. His name was Jake Francis. He was 37.
Hi, Cathy. What happened was I made a cut into his body when all his blood exploded out of his body. His family has been notified. His funeral is in 1 week.
R.I.P: Jake I. Francis, Tuesday, Jan. 31, 1969 - Sunday, February 26, 2006.

 

Hi! I'm Mike Lobell on Channel 3 News. Cathy has another Breaking News report.
BREAKING NEWS WITH CATHY DAMIAN
Thanks Mike. The status of US reporter Jill Carroll is unknown, 1 day after her so-called "Deadline", we do not know if her kidnappers carried out the plan to kill her or not. To you, Leiza and Liam.
Thanks guys. I think that's horrible, taking away a young woman like Jill. Don't you, Leiza?
Yes, I do. But I do think Jill is dead. A deadline is a deadline.

 

WHEN NEWS IS IMPORTANT...
A fire started at he residence of Sam Jacobs in Downtown, with 0 casualties, but 5 burn injuries...
EVERYONE TURNS TO THE NEWSROOM...
That's very shocking...
GET READY FOR... THE EIGHTEENTH ADDITION TO THE HIT SERIES... THE NEWSROOM: EPISODE 18: BURNING TIME. DATE OF RELEASE: ??/??/??.
Mike: You'll love it.
Cathy: How could they not?

 

At Sam Jacobs' house, during a party with his friend, Jeff, and while drunk...
Jeff: Seriously. You're drunk. You shouldn't put a match in the fireplace.
Sam: Relax- [hic] What could happen?
Jeff: AAH! SON OF A BITCH! WE'RE TRAPPED BECAUSE OF YOU, SAM!
Sam: HEY, [hic] I'M NOT THE ONE THAT BROUGHT THE BEER!
Jeff: Hey! Get us out! There's two of us!
I'm trying!

 

Meanwhile, at Mike's house...
Leiza: Yes, I do. But I do think Jill is dead. A deadline is a deadline.
Mike: Good. Latest episode, ratings are average, on every sixty minutes on channel 24 news, every 10 minutes on channel 3 news... [hears phone]
Who can it be... [picks up phone] Hello?
Ya, Mike. It's the producer of "The Newsroom". A fire just happened at Sam Jacobs' house. He was drunk, and, started a fire in his fireplace, but missed it with another match.

 

Meanwhile, Cathy was doing the same thing as Mike when he called her...
The ratings on the show are great! [picks up phone because it was ringing] Hello? Oh, Mike! Where you checking the ratings! Aren't they great?
Mike: Cathy, we need to get over to the show. I'll tell you on the way.
A fire started at the residence of Sam Jacobs today, with 0 casualties, but 5 burn injuries. Two were on Sam's friend, Jeff Myers, and the other two were on Sam.The firefighter seen here, is a hero.
That's very shocking news, Cathy. Sam, unfortuantely, lost his home. He was drunk at the time, and put a match into his fireplace. The second one he tried to put in, however, missed. Here they are.

 

Yo, [hic] dudes, me and ma' bud, Jeff, here, are [hic] drinkin' 'coz of my [hic] home. I'm [hic] devestated.
You're pretending, Jeff. Ya, that's it. [pretends to drink his beer]
by SPAgentJackBauer24, 3-02-06

 

Hi! I'm Mike Lobell! I just read a series of comics called "*Ka-Blarg* (Easter Bunny Impersonator)", and I especially thought the last one was funny. They were all funny, but the last one is a winner!
Well, anyway, Mike Lobell, and the Currently-Gone Cathy Damian, on Channel 3 News, in "The Newsroom". See you tomorrow!

 

Here's another great one, Mike!
by SPAgentJackBauer24, 3-06-06

 

There you go. Enjoy! I'm Cathy Damian, and here's Mike's opinion on it.
Well that looked hilarious. HAHALOL!!! Oh, hehe, sorry. Mike Lobell, on "The Newsroom", on Channel 3 News.

 

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 6 AM, AND 7 AM. 6:15...
Edgar: Kerry, just check the vents.
Kerry: Fine!
6:45...
Bill: Okay, Jack. So we just found Lynn's sister and her boyfriend dead. A keycard was used here, and now we need you to find a terrorist.
[cocks his gun] Alright.
6:47...
Oh, my god... A GAS CANISTER!... [picks up phone and dials number]
[stabs her in the back of the neck]

 

6:53
FREEZE! [fires twice]
6:56
[calls Chloe] Chloe! You need to get out! Everyone does! There's Nerve Gas!
Chloe: Ok. I'll tell them. NERVE GAS IS IN CTU! [calls Edgar]
6:57
Okay! [leaves, but not before finding Kerry's body, + the canister goes off just after Edgar leaves]
Chloe: YOU NEED TO GET OUT!

 

6:58
SEAL THE ROOM!
OKAY! ... Oh, no... [turns around and sees Edgar run into the room outside]
6:59
[sheds a tear]
Chloe... [Feels pain, then falls to the ground]
7:00:00

 

IT'S LEIZAAAAAAAAAAAAA... THEEEEE GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!!!!!
Um, nice intro.
I don't wear fucking glasses.
Fuck you, too, invisi-voice! I don't want to do this shitty shit shit!
I'M NOT INVISIBLE! I'M A PC!
Oh, in that case... [walks away]
...

 

It's there...
DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! [fires over-and-over-again]
... ???WTF??? [bullets hit it]
BOOMBOOMBAMEXPLOSIONAAAAAH! BAMBOOMBOOMBAMBAMEXPLOSION BAM...

 

I'm going to say this LOUD AND CLEAR: FUCK U!
[gives middle finger]
by SPAgentJackBauer24, 3-10-06

 

After all this time...
BIG news in "The Newsroom" today! It's a Blackjack of episodes! That's right, we've had 21! Liam and Leiza are back, and we'll be playing 21!
1 hour later...
Well, here we are! You have the cards, right Cathy?
Oh, of course! For you, at least. I mean, um, here's Leiza and Liam.

 

What the hell was that about?
Huh? Oh, nothing! I just, said that wrong, that's all. Anyway, Leiza and liam, you're- EEEEEEEW!
[is kissing her]
This actually isn't bad...
Um, O.K.. Looks like we'll have to think of something new to say...
...LOL...

 

ON THE SHIP...
What's the status of the reactor?
One sec, I'll check... All systems are fully functional.
Sir! Aliens are on the ship!
What? How? Nevermind. I'll pull the alarm.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Okay. Final system checks-
I HAVE AN ALERT ON MY COMPUTER! ALIENS ARE ON-BOARD!

Showing page 1.

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