All comics by Twi_prime

Profile

 

by Twi_prime
10-28-04
"You are cordially invited to create your own comic strips on stripcreator dot..."
Yeah, it's that web site. You put your own dialogue to other people's characters.
I don't get it.
Yeah, me neither.
Hmm. That sucks.
It totally does...

 

by Twi_prime
10-30-04
Yizzle, stick mizzle! Whatcha doin'?
Mmm, I'm considering the whole stripcreator-dot-com thing...
Awright...
I really like the idea of it, but with the tools right at my fingertips...my mind's a total blank!
Okay, I've got your solution: forget about narrative and work the 'wacky hipster' angle for all it's worth!
I'll give it some thought. Could you lend me a hand with this?

 

by Twi_prime
11-02-04
It's election day. Did you go vote?
'Course I did. I voted for Nader.
But...but won't he get just enough support to divide the moderate-to-liberal vote and hand Bush another term?
It's a sacrifice that has to be made in order to send a message to the establishment!
You're sitting at a COMPUTER, you can E-MAIL them. "Dear Major Party Weasels..."
Man, girls are not impressed by that kind of thing.

 

by Twi_prime
11-04-04
Welcome back to The Schlox News Network, the network that gave Ohio to Bush before even all of the *regular* ballots were counted!
Why did we do that? Well, remember what Hitler said...I'll paraphrase: If you tell a big enough lie, to enough people, enough times, pretty soon everyone will believe it!
*sigh*
HAHAHAHOHOHO!!!*snf!* OH, that guy! He kills me!! Heheh, back to you, Shep!

 

by Twi_prime
11-05-04
The Oral Exam...
Okay, number 4: According to sci-fi author and humorist Kurt Vonnegut, why do we laugh at gags?
Oooh! Oooh! Because it hurts so much!
Cranial flatulance threatens ruin...
I'm sorry, no, that's Heinlein's idea.
To show the armadillos it can be done!
But then...! (Vonnegut really said this, too!)
Excuse me?
I got it, I got it!! Because they give us permission not to think!

 

by Twi_prime
11-09-04
The news of our leader Arafat's deteriorating health is greatly exaggerated.
He is not, in fact, in a coma...he is only sleeping.
He'll be right as rain before you know it. He is...he is...how you say..."pinin' for the fjords."

 

by Twi_prime
11-10-04
Crowd: JerRY! JerRY! JerRY! JerRY!
Jimmy, welcome to the Jerry Springer Show. Why don't you tell us why you're here.
Well, Jerry, my girlfrien' is three months pregnant and I'm here to tell her I don' wanna be wi' her no more. I only told her I loved her so she wouldn' make me wear a condom.
Crowd: You SUCK! You SUCK! You SUCK! You SUCK!
So, she now has to face the hard choice of either bearing and raising this child alone OR dealing with the moral dilemma of abortion. Why would you put her through that?
'Cuz I love havin' sex, Jerry.
Crowd: JerRY! JerRY! JerRY! JerRY!
There's someone else involved in this situation too: the Jerry Springer FIRING SQUAD! Let's bring 'em out!
!

 

by Twi_prime
11-15-04
In the dream, I'm pregnant with puppies and I find out that something may be wrong with them.
I may have to abort them and I feel terrible about it. They're helpless puppies, for God's sake!
And, aside from all that, the thought keeps running through my mind: what will I tell the...?
Oh my god, I had sex with a DOG??!

 

by Twi_prime
11-15-04
Secretary of State Colin Powell will soon retire. Taking his place will be national security advisor Condoleezza Rice.
Condee and I have worked closely in the war on terror and we tend to agree on the right way to deal with the terrorist threat to our nation...
Plus...well...I love me some dark meat and I fully intend to break off a piece o' that, ASAP.

 

by Twi_prime
11-23-04
In a world where eight-year-olds can find recipes for gun powder, or even white chocolate macadamia nut cookies, online...
*glub glub*
...where humans begin learning before they are born...where all of the knowledge in the universe is at our fingertips...still, nothing--NOTHING--can be taken for granted!
*blubglubwhimper*
You misspelled "flatulence."
Well bece me culo y screw me blue. I did, didn't I?

 

by Twi_prime
11-27-04
I'm sick of ramen noodles. I gotta get some money coming in...
Don't worry, man, I'll think o' somethin'. Remember I got us that job modelling for that album cover?
Uuugh! I'm NOT doing that again. I've never been so humiliated!
What?! That was easy work and we got to meet Jane's Addiction!
Gaah...friggin' nude with our hair on fire...BLEAH!
It was tasteful. It was black and white!

 

by Twi_prime
12-06-04
Srrrble, yrrbyave tubreeeevnow....
Y'know, we all like to get loose and have fun.
Gnee floze am thrive dom lighhay.
However, it's important to know your limitations!
Are you all right, sir? I said, you'll have to leave. We close at five on Fridays. Sir...?
That's why you should never, ever eat acid at the Jacksonville Museum of Science and History!

 

by Twi_prime
1-04-05
One variation on the most frequent response to our online classified ads...
We are very pleased to let you know that our new firm is interested in thepurchase of the 1965 Honda 305 Superhawk that you advertised on the site.
We are an American firm with afilliate branches all over the world and as such we will make arrangements for the pick up of the item as soon as you conclude the sale with us.
Payment will be made through a bankers or certified cashiers check. Regards, John Andy
Dear Nigerian Scammer, I'm pleased that you've learned about capitalization, but you're still having trouble with spelling and punctuation...

 

by Twi_prime
1-11-05
Glahbldeeee!
I know it's been tough on you, kid, losin' your folks in the tsunami! But I have an idea! I'll feed, clothe and shelter you and in return, you'll service grown men, who'll pay me for the privilege!
Goo goo (giggle)! But isn't there someone else involved in this situation?
Wow, you're an advanced little guy! Maybe you could talk dirty to the clients but...you mentioned someone else...?
It's the Jerry Springer Firing Squad!! Let's bring 'em out!
!!!!

 

by Twi_prime
2-03-05
Hey, Boss. Sorry I wasn't more on the ball tonight. My wisdom tooth is killing me.
Of course. But, being a part of this team means you perform spotlessly, no matter what the obstacle!
I probably shouldn't even be here tonight. I think I have a fever.
Once I've seen your work *shine* with perfection for a *sustained* period of time, maybe I can put you to work full-time, like we've talked about!
And then, three months later, if I haven't died of infection by then, I'll have health and dental? I'll be able to get this tooth pulled?
Well, yes. But, I figure you *will* die before that. Y'look pretty bad. See you at the meeting next week!

 

by Twi_prime
3-10-05
Y'know, we've been working together for a while and, well, I don't think I'd be wrong to think you've noticed that...uh...well...
That you're smart, friendly and civilized? Creative? Fashionable? Devastatingly attractive and a great catch???
...
That you're starting to feel drawn to me too, but it's hard to just come out and say it?
...that I'm gay, actually.
Oh God, please let me have an aneurysm and die...

 

by Twi_prime
3-17-05
So the tooth is a partial boney impaction and I have to break out my drill. As soon as I start, the drill bit breaks on her tooth!
Oh my god, was she injured?
Apparently not. The nitrous must have really been working, 'cause she actually laughed!
Laughed?!
Ha! Yeah, all I could think of was Bruce Willis in Armageddon: 'Awright, we've all seen broken drill bits before!'

 

by Twi_prime
6-22-05
PoRN PORn porn PORN pOrN PORn PoRNy porN PorN PORN poRnItY pORNY poRn PorNIcaTIN' like you like it pOrn porn...
Oooooh, yeah, baby, show me! Mmmmmm, yeah like that hmmmm...!
Porniferous POrnY POrn--OOOhh, big boy likes that! Aaaannnd: VIRUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What??! NOOOOOOOO!
How you like me now?
I don't feel so good. My peepee hurts.

 

by Twi_prime
8-04-05
*Sigh* I'm so glad we found some time to get away to this tropical paradise, Angelina.
Yeah, right?! Away from Jennifer and all her trippin'!
Totally! And what's all this crap about my "missing sensitivity chip"??
WhatEVER!
So, I guess it's almost time for our next photo shoot. You wanna go with clingy clothes and sensuality or Cleaver family sweetness?
Why don't we just oil up and FUCK?! If we hurry, I may have time to mail Miss Fatal Attraction the proofs this afternoon.

 

by Twi_prime
8-08-05
Awl raht, soldier, whut two kahnds o' people are found on the battlefield?!
Ummm....
Answer Expected: "The quick and the dead, Drill Sergeant!"
Whelp?! Sound off, soldier, I cannawt hear yew!
Ummm....
Ah SAID whut two kahnds o' people are found on the battlefield?!
Poor people and minorities, Drill Sergeant!

 

by Twi_prime
9-27-05
Mystery still surrounds the Natalie Holloway case as the whole world asks, "Did Joren Van der Sloot kill her?"
Friggin' animal...
I'd do 'im...
He's cute...
Hot!
Ooooh, take me, Joren, take me now...!!

 

by Twi_prime
9-30-05
I'm bummed and I guess I don't have to tell you it's about a boy.
Oh crap! Again??
Why do I always read more into it than there really is??!
Honey, I think you need to find a way to connect with strong female figures...
Welcome to the first meeting of a new womens' group called "Goddamn It, He Smiled at Me!"

 

by Twi_prime
11-26-05
You're--uh--you're Spock! What's that you're doing with your hand?
It is a symbol commonly used among my people. It means "Live long and prosper."
Nnnnooo, "Live long and prosper" is holding up the thumb and all the fingers, with the 2nd and 3rd fingers apart, like "Nanoo, nanoo," turned on its side...
That is precisely what I am doing.
I think what you're doing is more like "Hook 'em horns" or "Satan rules!"
Give me a moment while I find the symbol for "Fuck off and die."

 

by Twi_prime
12-08-05
Like this?

 

by Twi_prime
12-10-05
Ahh! Hahahahahahaha...
Buhuhuhuhuh! Heeeeehehehe! Ohhhh, huhuh *snf*!
Oh, that Christopher Walken! Farming fish in his bomb shelter! Bahahahah...

 

by Twi_prime
1-05-06
Oooooooh, yeah, and it's all *warm* and *glistening* and *pink* and *slippery!* Like...
Hmmm! Heheh, like what??
Oh, *baby,* it's like...uh...
Mmmm, yeah, what's it like, baby??
...like Snowden's guts in Catch-22! Oh shit, I ruined it, didn't I?

 

by Twi_prime
1-26-06
It's easy to doubt your fellow human beings these days...easy to think no one has your back...no one has goodness in his heart...
...but mankind isn't doomed. There *is* goodness out there. There *is* someone who will surprise you and make everything ok.
I can't believe Mandingo sent in donor money for me! That's a sweet guy!!
Shhh, honey, you don't wanna out him like that!

 

I still don't think you're doing it right.
Do you have a letter in that bag for me or not?
by Twi_prime, 1-29-06

 

by Twi_prime
1-31-06
That'th a theckthy uniform, thtud!
Yoo hoo! Hi thailor!
(International Talk-Like-a-Butt-Pirate Day)
Aw, yeah, girlfriend, could I get me one 'o them negro rubth??
???

 

by Twi_prime
2-02-06
Gesundheit!
Fuck, I think I peed my pants!

 

by Twi_prime
3-05-06
Welcome to Sonny's. Please order here.
That's the charbroiled chicken special with a side of fried okra, plus ranch sauce?
Yes, Ma'am. Thank you.
Welcome to Sonny's. Please order here.
No eye contact...overly polite...has a problem with black people? Maybe just with service workers? *sigh* *shame*
Gosh, she looks like I've offended her...I hope not...I felt so ashamed at that last fast food place...
Subway: Eat Fresh!
Extra olives? Are you fucking kidding me? Who do you think you are?? I'll give you three extra, but that's it!!
God, I'm scum...

 

by Twi_prime
8-01-10
Haha. Force field! Betcha didn't see that comin', Projectile Peeing Bandit!

Showing page 1.