All comics by andrew_decastro

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by andrew_decastro
4-24-16
But I'm not here to miggle your kiniggle, the appendices of the fiscal year shames last year's Shamsondices. We're calling it Chendices now. Chendices 2016.
At this moment, the punier-looking hooman stood erect as if he knew what he was about to say.
For the last time, my name is Mike. MIKE - not Chen.

 

by andrew_decastro
4-29-16
Containment field for specimen 01 was compromised. We need a full lockdown!
You know son, I used to be just like you. Telling other professional security officers how to do their jobs when a deranged lab experiment goes apes#!t and mauls everyone it sees.
I'll just say this. Relax. Grow a beard, draw some flies. Retreat to that corner office of yours and let us handle your problems.

 

by andrew_decastro
4-29-16
I won't be here long to zippidy caspah your obvious do-good deed thingy with the laser wall and the monster everyone is talking about. So who let the monster out in the first place?
Y'know, I've been eyeballin' this cute computer geek the other day. The monitor screen all dark and the texts were green. I was gonna question the geek but the feller didn't show up today.
After hearing "cute" and "fellow" coming out of you, the warpaint seems kinda fu%*ed up now. Yeah, kinda weird.

 

by andrew_decastro
4-29-16
Mr. Mike, we meet once again.
*sigh* Hey, Shamson.
I see your injuries have healed. It would have been a shame to see one of our NEW key employees die at the hands of specimen 01.
Ugh! Are you as aggravated as I am? This is an accounting firm! Why are we harboring a deranged- Dragon, Gorilla...MAN THING in this facility!? And who in their right mind would set it loose?
Day earlier....
Phase one is complete, Mr. Shamson.
Excellent, Mr. Melvin!

 

by andrew_decastro
4-29-16
Present day...
You look troubled, Mr. Shamson.
Right as always, Mr. Melvin. For you see... Phase one did not go as planned.
I'm quite sorry to hear that from you. The plans you engineer never once failed.
Rightly so. But if anything, disappointment is a cruel and just educator. In the meantime, my old friend, I will scope the progress of the status quo.
And I will design more weapons for your disposal.
And I will rid this world of Mr. Mike.

 

by andrew_decastro
4-29-16
Present day...
You look troubled, Mr. Shamson.
Right as always, Mr. Melvin. For you see... Phase one did not go as planned.
I'm quite sorry to hear that from you. The plans you engineer never once failed.
Rightly so. But if anything, disappointment is a cruel and just educator. In the meantime, my old friend, I will scope the progress of the status quo.
And I will design more weapons for your disposal.
And I will rid this world of Mr. Mike.

 

by andrew_decastro
4-29-16
Elena from 2B has got some nice knockers. I gotta calm down before someone can see my religion...
Alright, just like we rehearsed. Just think of old men and dead puppies.
Well hello~
...

 

by andrew_decastro
4-29-16
So... Word goes around, that Mr. Mike is in love with the new woman in 2B.
Oh Mr. Mike. This is too easy. How distraught you will be knowing that I--Shamson will court this woman and your world will crumble before your very eyes!
What'cha doin?~
Move along peasant!

 

by andrew_decastro
5-01-16
So this is where you hide.
Oh! Umm..
Hah! I'm kidding! Sorry about that, didn't mean to startle you.
Heheh, no biggie.
Just came to get these printouts...
Oldmendeadpuppies, oldmendeadpuppies, oldmendeadpuppies.

 

by andrew_decastro
5-01-16
Wahahaha hahahah ahahahhah!! Mikey Boy!
Of all places it had to be the fax room. What the hell is wrong with me?
Whoa whoa whoa, hey it's all good. It's all in the cards, just play em' right. This was your third encounter and if you ask me, I think she was scoping you out.
I dunno, man. It was really awkward in there.
Doubt yourself all you want. Don't ask her out. For all we know she thinks you're a weird Chinese guy who always has a party in his pants.
Y'know.... I really hate you right now.

 

by andrew_decastro
5-05-16
The preparations are complete, Mr. Shamson
Excellent, Mr. Melvin. Just Excellent!
As always, your plans are diabolical.
Mr. Mike wouldn't know what hit him.
Meanwhile...
You have reached 'tent pitcher' Mike. I can't come to the phone right now please leave a message. Beep! Muahaha I'm a genius!
That almost sounds like...

 

by andrew_decastro
5-05-16
Just the man I wanted to see. There is something we need to discuss.
Here we go...
I'm a big fan of office shinanigans - I really am. What I cannot condone is this 'tent pitcher Mike' shinanigans. Our clients may well reconsider this firm on a professional scale.
About that, Mr. Dubree. I really think someone has it in for me. I did not create that message.
Well no-o-o-o shit.. What I can offer Mikedices 2016, is my security team to expose this office terrorist.
W-wait are you serious!? All due respect Mr. Dubree, can you take me a little more seriously?

 

by andrew_decastro
5-05-16
Trackers are in place, all we can do now is wait for the results of the phone's usage history.
Thank you so much!
Earlier...
I do take you seriously, Mike.
Whoa, whats with the waterworks!?

 

by andrew_decastro
5-06-16
So get this. I'm a high-functioning introverted sociopath.
We start our day content, and we do not require human interaction to be happy. In fact, too much interaction hurts us.
Like so.

 

by andrew_decastro
5-07-16
So I was called into the living room one time.
Ok this better be good.
You have to see this!
Our wonderful dog was stretch walking across some girls face and his dong was dragging across this chicks glasses.
Why can't she just push him off?
Angie! Just push him off!
And basically this chicks abilities are: screaming and the flailing of the hands.
Maybe she enjoys this?
Oh god!

 

by andrew_decastro
5-12-16
Dammit, lil' Richie! No! Richie, you're getting it everywhere! *sigh*
Where's the kid?
What kid?

 

by andrew_decastro
8-31-16
You won't believe what just happened.
Talk to me...
Woodsworth was found dead in his study, and all evidence suggests he was murdered! What soul less monster could've done this?
I don't know, but I wasn't born a man.

 

by andrew_decastro
8-31-16
It's bad enough, he breathes with his mouth open.
CLICK CLICK CLICK
Who the hell is this kid? I've moved from one computer to the next and THERE HE IS!
AHhhhhaAAhh~
Do you mind toning it down? This is a library, and I'm trying to study.
SOMEBODY HELP ME, I'VE LOST MY HEARING!!!!

 

by andrew_decastro
9-07-16
Thirsty?
No
I'm quite sure it's Wednesday.

 

by andrew_decastro
9-07-16
I am the ass fat of Nicki Minaj.
I am your hopes and dreams.
God yes.

 

by andrew_decastro
9-27-16
I had a nasty slip...
Kay?
I need you to call me a fucking ambulance!
Ah.
You're a fucking ambulance

 

by andrew_decastro
12-22-16
So it's 9pm, I've already begun my night cap, I'm in my jammies, and there's an envelope at the bottom of my door.
...
It's contents incudes: A photo of a smartly dressed man - orange in face, and an obvious toupee; And five grand in cash.
Wha-a-a-at...?
The words 'Football must not see Jan 6th' were written on the photo. Someone must have it in for this guy. But why would they send this to me?
I dunno... I could use the money though.

 

by andrew_decastro
12-22-16
I hope I make the part...
Auditions for able-bodied idiot

 

by andrew_decastro
12-28-16
Knock knock.
Estoy poopin.
KNOCK KNOCK!
ESTOY POOPIN!
....
....

 

by andrew_decastro
6-11-17
Last night I dreamt that my brother and I were at the stoop one fine morning. He asks, 'Wanna see somethin' cool?'
Then I says, 'yea'. And so my brother runs out into the street.
Fucker got hit by a car!

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