All comics by barthenon

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by barthenon
9-04-02
Hey did you see me in that Iced Tea commercial?
No, I don't watch television.
I melt in a hot tub and turn into a skeleton, see? Then the bikini-clad girls find my carrot.
Look, I don know what they have told you, but I just don't give a dam about you or your carrot.
Then I drink some iced tea, and turn back into a snowman. Then the girls put the carrot back where it belongs.
In the refrigerator?

 

by barthenon
9-04-02
One day in heaven...
Dad, I just got word from the factory that the new design for man is finished.
Really, Son? That's great. How does it look?
Well, theres this thing, the appendix. It serves no purpose, but occassionaly it becomes inflamed and ruptures. It could be fatal in some cases.
Hmm, fatal huh? Can we fix it in the next release?
I guess so. By the way, Jenkins left the nipples on the male, too.
Shit. That'll look stupid...

 

by barthenon
9-04-02
You can tell the lazy ones, they use us default character in the default.
Yah.
Then they put expletives in the dialog because its easy humor.
Yah.
Christ, give them a pencil and a piece of paper and they'd shit a sailboat.
Probably. Comedic Slacker.

 

by barthenon
9-05-02
Son, it's time for the annual meeting of the Trinity.
Okay, Dad.
Dudes! Can we get some lights on in here?

 

by barthenon
9-05-02
At the annual meeting of the Holy Trinity...
Its great to meet with you guys again.
You see me everyday.
You can't see me even when I'm around.
Why the hell do we have these meetings anyway? I'm outa here.
Beats me. Right behind ya, Dad.

 

by barthenon
9-05-02
So this guy comes up to me and says, "Dude, I got somebody who wants a word with you."
Yeah?
So I follow him and theres my ex-wife, my mom, and my stepfather.
No shit?
I just couldn't get away.
That John Edward can be a real pain in the ass. I'm just lucky Mary Magdaline is dead.

 

by barthenon
9-09-02
Yo, spirit!
Yeah?
Check this out.
Well, the burning bush mystery is solved.

 

by barthenon
9-09-02
Have you noticed how popular we are on Strip Creator dot com?
Yea! Verily!
I think the reason is because the iconoclastic internet generation likes to see me in day to day situations.
What if I was one of you? Just a slob like one of you?
Plus they like it when I say "fuck."
Prolly.

 

by barthenon
9-24-02
Hey silly doggie that's a fun trick!
How'd did you you learn to do that?
Elephantiasis.

 

by barthenon
12-16-03
Hey Tom, wanna go outside for a smoke?
Er, ehh, No. Ah, I guess
Hey Tom, wanna go outside for a smoke?
I was just... Ah, I guess
Hey, Tom, wanna go outside for a smoke?
They work me too hard here.

 

by barthenon
12-16-03
Hey, man, have you seen my stuff?
No. What did I look like?
It was a long tube, held by a rubber band. It cost a lot of money.
Yeah?
Oh, yeah, it had a post-it on it that said "Please don't touch. Expensive Materials.
I am beginning to see the problem...

 

by barthenon
12-16-03
So, Jack where's your new job?
Can't say. Very high level. Very hush-hush.
Can I forward you my resume? They work me too hard here.
Well, not everybody can work there. They have very rigorous requrements.
You want fries with that?
Yeah, Clown, and up-size me.

 

by barthenon
12-16-03
My life is like a bad sit-com.
What makes you say that?
Well, My car was stolen and vandalized. I attract women of the worst sort. I have more prescription drugs than Rush Limbaugh. And my wife left me for a dwarf.
Did you say something about women of the worst sort?

 

by barthenon
12-17-03
Kaff, kaff! Hakk! *phlegmy projectile*
Why did Tom come in today? He's going to give us all the flu.
Wheeze! Snark!! Clahoon!
Jeez, this whole place is festering with influenza.
The next day...
That Tom always works from home. I wish I had that deal...

 

by barthenon
12-17-03
C'mon Mister Frodo, you can make it.
I'm trying Sam.
I don't think I can take much more of this, Mister Frodo. It's too hard.
Don't give up hope, Sam, we have to get the Ring to Mount Doom. With our close-knit, intimate bond, we can do this. But we can only do this together.
Okay, which one of you fags is "Precious?"
The barefoot ahole halfway up the cliff, dude. I run the coffee service for Barad Dur.

 

by barthenon
12-17-03
Hey!
Ehh?
I smell Hobbitflesh.
I know. I just farted.
Haw Haw Haw Haw!
Haw! Haw Haw!

 

by barthenon
1-07-04
Let's try to get a word with Academy Award nominee Renee Zellweger. Hello Ms. Zellweger...
Hey.
You've been nominated for your portrayal of Ruby, a rustic but competant mountain woman in the movie Cold Mountain. What was your inspiration for your heart-rending performance?
Wall, twas wenn my paw thoad me out da traylor cuz I up and seld 'is shine for actin' lessons.

 

by barthenon
7-25-06
Oh, it's huge! Oh, Gordan! It is simply magnificant!
Jeez.
Oh, God, you're the best. Simply the best! Give it too me big man.
What is going on?
It' s a tape. He says it helps his self esteem.
Oh. Perheps she shouldn't play it in a Kinderschool nap room then.

 

by barthenon
7-25-06
Unkie Steve is great. He gives me all his pocket change.
Yeah?
He makes me go into his pockets to get it.
Eeeeeeeeeewww!
It's not that bad. He's usually naked and his pants are around his ankles.
!

 

by barthenon
7-25-06
I just took a shit in Sam's hat.
Why did you do that?
I think I was thrown by the toilet seat brim.
Oh. that explains it.

 

Yessssssssssss!
by barthenon, 7-27-06

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