All comics by friendy

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by friendy
12-22-04
Вы же ехали на небольшой скорости, могли ведь затормозить!
Так я же хотел, но тут вдруг по радио сказали: "Не тормози - сникерсни". Вот я и не затормозил.
Ага, от нас ещё и алкоголем попахивает! Видно хорошо сникерснули.
Товарищ милиционер, так мы ведь за здоровье президента, водку "Путинка" пили.
Ну ладно, раз такое дело, можете идти. Правда машину вашу я беру на запчасти. Себе. Ха-ха-ха!
Ну и ладно! Всё-равно мама мне новую угонит.

 

by friendy
12-23-04
Тебе уже 40 лет, сынуля, а ты всё у меня на шее сидишь. Так нельзя. Я ведь не вечная.
Пожалуй ты права, мама. И что же мне делать?
Ну, для начала, найти работу, потом жениться, завести семью.
А по-моему лучше сразу жениться. ... Тогда можно будет сидеть на шее у жены. Ха-ха.
Похоже, что скоро у меня на шее будут сидеть двое.

 

by friendy
12-23-04
Эээ... Вам работники нужны?
А какая у вас профессия? Что вы умеете делать?
Нету у меня профессии. И делать я ничего не умею.
Извини, дружище, но все подходящие места уже заняты. Попробуй попытать счастья у наших конкурентов
Ладно, попробую.

 

by friendy
12-23-04
Эй! Как там тебя... Согласна стать моей женой?
Не согласна. И сколько раз мне говорить, что меня Света зовут. От слова "свет", если так запомнить не можешь
Теперь запомню. А почему не согласна?
А ты сам подумай.
Ну ничего, вот я дам объявление на странице знакомств, и мне столько предложений посыплется. Ты еще пожалеешь

 

by friendy
12-23-04
Святой отец, я хочу петь в вашем церковном хоре.
Ну что ж, попробуй, спой что-нибудь, сын мой
Аааавеее Мари-и-и-и-яяяяя!!
Боже правый! И я то думал, что самая ужасная музыка это heavy metal.
Ну, что же, сын мой... Через пару месяцев мы ставим рок-оперу по библии. Вот тогда приходи петь арию Сатаны.

 

by friendy
12-25-04
Так… Как там у нас объвления пишут? Ага, понятно.
Объявление: НЕОТРАЗИМЫЙ, ОБАЯТЕЛЬНЫЙ И ПРИВЛЕКАТЕЛЬНЫЙ МОЛОДОЙ ЧЕЛОВЕК ПОЗНАКОМИТСЯ ...
Через несколько дней
Здравствуйте, это здесь проживает неотразимый, обаятельный и привлекательный молодой человек?
Да, и он прямо перед вами.
Послушайте, вы когда-нибудь смотрели на себя в зеркало? И если не смотрели, то как же вы тогда бреетесь?
Меня мама бреет.

 

by friendy
12-29-04
Sister Mary looks so sexy, isn't she? I'm sure she likes you too. Come on, don’t miss your chance!
Go to … to … eh … to where you came from!
Just look into that charity-box. Are you really gonna let it all go to the poor? Just imagine all the cool things you could buy with it!
No way I’m giving in to your evil temptations, Satan!!!
What's the matter with our pastor, sister Mary? He looks so weird and is mumbling something to himself all the time.
OMFG!!! He must be high on heroin again.

 

by friendy
12-30-04
Мама, я никак не могу заснуть. Расскажи мне пожалуйста сказку.
Сынуля, ты же знаешь, что я не умею рассказывать сказки. Давай я лучше расскажу про своего кореша Васю.
Не надо про Васю, лучше расскажи, как ты зарезала папу.
Тебе кратко или со всеми подробностями?
Конечно с подробностями. Что я маленький что-ли!
И какой всё-таки у меня сынок! Весь в меня!

 

by friendy
1-01-05
Mommy… mommy… Where is my mommy?
I am here, honey!
Are you crazy? My mother is a mouse and you are a squirrel.
Oh… they must have forgotten to inform you... We are having an actor replacement.

 

by friendy
1-01-05
So here are my comics, Jake. Read them and I'll be back in five minutes.
Jake… What’s the matter? Why are you crying?
They are not comics, Pete. …[sob]…. They are …[sob]… tragics.

 

by friendy
1-02-05
Hello. My name is Nick. Here are some comics I made about my ex-girlfriend Lola.
“Lola is being murdered by a maniac during the plane crash”
“Lola has been captured by a crazy scientist to be used as a laboratory homo sapiens”

 

by friendy
1-02-05
“Lola has been thrown overboard”
“Lola is burning in Hell”
Some days later…
Nick... I’m so terribly sorry… What a fool I’ve been… I’ve realized that you are my only love… Maybe… we can start again?
Hm… I have a feeling I have to make my first donation to stripcreator.

 

by friendy
1-13-05
Say, Ed, what would you do if you were a member of the British royal family?
Become the first anti-monarchist in the country.

 

by friendy
7-21-05
So what would you like with your tea? Cake, biscuits, waffles?
Waffles and a piece of cake, if I may.
Good. Help yourself. Shall I make your bed while you're eating?
Yes, please. Thank you very much.
Why the hell are you so courteous with the hostage?
I'm following the boss's order. He told me to take care of him.

 

by friendy
7-24-05
I could explain to you about chemical reactions of hydrocarbons to lunchmeat, but I think I’ll just demonstrate it instead.
Wow, watching chemical experiments, what can be more interesting!
TO BE A REAGENT IN ONE , APPARENTLY!!! Hey, Mary, stop! I’m just kidding. This knife is fake!
AHHHHHH!!!
Mary, I don’t know how to make it up to you but … WHAT!!!??? TOM!!!???
Yes, Bob, that’s me. We changed costumes with Mary. By the way, you are so recognizable in that costume, so next Halloween please try something more original.

 

by friendy
8-04-05
Poor Eric! I knew him, Horatio...
How many times must I tell you, IT'S NOT ERIC, IT'S YORICK!
Oops, sorry. Eric is the guy who will play his role.
Ah, yes, nice confusion, haha, I only hope Terry will find him and bring him back before the dress rehearsal.
Hi Eric!
Oh no!

 

by friendy
8-08-05
And so these people came to a talent agency...
Yes, we're going to screw 295 mln people in front of the whole audience.
Hmm... let me guess you call yourselves "The Aristocrats", right?
Wrong, The Republicrats.

 

by friendy
8-08-05
And so these people came to a talent agency...
Yes, we're going to screw 295 mln people in front of the whole audience.
I know! I know! They are "The Aristocrats", right granny?
Wrong, my child, the Republicrats.

 

by friendy
8-08-05
And so these people came to a talent agency...
Yes, we're going to screw 295 mln people in front of the whole audience.
Oh, my God, once again I've forgotten how they were called.
The republicrats?

 

by friendy
8-08-05
Well, there's no doubt about it now...the killer is executing people who have committed one of the "seven deadly sins."
Wow, I'm impressed...that's some surprisingly clever detective work for a total fucking shit-for-brains dickhead like you, fuckface.
Thanks. I guess there's nothing left to do now but -- hey, wait a minute! "Fuckface"?
Hmm...I wonder who the next "seven deadly sins" victim will be?
Something tells me that it'll be someone who combines all the seven.
What?! You think I the world's best cop will believe that crap? Anyway, I quit, I'd better @@@@ my girlfriend and then spend her dad's money in that new VIP restaurant.

 

by friendy
8-15-05
Long, long ago...
And until you learn and master Latin, you can't leave that seashore.
Years passed...
Oh, God damn language, God damn sea, I wish you all were dead!
...and that's why they're all dead.

 

by friendy
8-18-05
?

 

by friendy
8-18-05
Just put away that thing, OK?

 

by friendy
8-22-05

 

by friendy
8-22-05

 

by friendy
9-09-05
Granny, I wrote a four-letter word on the wall for the first time in my life!!!
OLD WOMAN, 75 YEARS OLD, HEART-ATTACK, IMMEDIATE HOSPITALIZATION NEEDED.
But Granny, the word was "ABBA"!!!

 

by friendy
9-09-05
Are you the guy who wrote "ABBA" on the wall? Does it mean you oppose Bush too?
Hmm... I do oppose Bush. But what does my writing on the wall have to do with it?
Because "ABBA" is the acronym for "Anybody But Bush Again"
Wow, I didn't know that!
Heh-heh, another reason to be an ABBA fan!!!

 

by friendy
9-17-05
You think because I'm an ABBA fan I love ABBA? You couldn't be more wrong. I hate them. And here is why:
Reason #1: They didn't release a studio recording of "Get on the carousel".
Reason #2: They didn't release a normal version of "Just a notion".
Reason #3: They didn't release a normal version of "Ricky Rock'n'Roller".
Reason #4: They didn't release a normal version of "Here comes Rubie Jamie".
Reason #5: They didn't release a normal version of "Hamlet 111".

 

by friendy
9-17-05
Reason #6: They didn't release a normal version of "Under my Sun".
Reason #7: They didn't release a normal version of "Every Good Man".
Reason #8: They didn't release a studio recording of Agnetha's "I'm still alive".
Reason #9: They didn't release any stuff I'm unaware of.
And finally, Reason #10: ... they broke up. ... So yes, I hate, hate, hate, absolutely hate that stupid band.
I guess I could continue that list but I'm already bored. Well, I must be going. Where to, you wonder? Home, of course, to listen to some ABBA.

 

by friendy
9-20-05
When I grow up, I'm going to marry YOU, Mommy!
AWW! Heh-heh! Isn't that cute?
Well, Mom...it's time. Let's get married.
Huh?
Soon after the wedding.
*sigh* At least no disputes over where to spend the honeymoon.

 

by friendy
9-20-05
When I grow up, I'm going to marry YOU, Mommy!
AWW! Heh-heh! Isn't that cute?
Well, Mom...it's time. Let's get married.
Huh?
... so that's why I'm so nervous. I can't even imagine how the pastor will react. Btw, are you his new assistant?
No, me and Kitty are the newlyweds.

 

by friendy
9-20-05
Old MacDonald had a farm.
EIEIO!!!
And on his farm he had some chicks
...

 

by friendy
9-28-05
Don't be afraid. Enter the chamber, my girl.
Several hours later.
Annie, is that you?

 

by friendy
9-28-05
Hey, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Oh, that's not a fly, sir.
Then what is it?

 

by friendy
9-28-05
Due to certain circumstances Mrs Jones wasn't able to come here today and I'm her temporary replacement. What was your hometask?
There wasn't any. You'd better tell us about your work!
Alright, ...
...

 

by friendy
9-28-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
But ... that means that once you started doing this, right? Then how come I know nothing of it?
THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, YERKIN!!!

 

by friendy
10-02-05
For that we need help of our friend the magician.
One, two, three, now you are the most terrible sadist the world has ever known, flickguy.
And so the winner of CC 299 is ... Friendy.
Hey, Friendy, crawl out, I'm not gonna host CC 300 for you!

 

by friendy
10-04-05
Mom, I'm going shopping. Do you need anything?
Yes, Jack, buy me a pound of "lady fingers".
note: lady fingers is a variety of grapes
Hm... a pound ... I wonder how many ladies is that.

 

by friendy
10-11-05
Imagine there are three of them. Come on, I know you can do that.
So ... Karin and Anders Glenmark, year of birth 1953. Right?
Right.
You are a brother and a sister, right?
Yes, we are.
Disclaimer: Actually Karin is one year older than Anders. But for the comic I ignored that fact.
Ah ... so you are twins, right?
NO!!! We are GEMINI!!!

 

by friendy
10-12-05

 

by friendy
10-13-05
Welcome to [insert your favourite computer manufacturer here]!

 

by friendy
10-25-05
Hello, this is Bruce, reporting from the 3rd International All Jack Conference. Now the participants will introduce themselves.
Hi, I'm Jack O'Lantern
I am Jack Frost.
I am Jack Pot.
And I am ...
Sorry buddy, but Rogers are a floor above.

 

by friendy
10-25-05
I am Jack Daniels.
And I am Jack the Reaper!
I don't remember you were invited.
But I'm on the list.
Hm ... let me look ... Bob, you @@@@ moron! "Ripper" is spelled R-I-P-P-E-R!

 

by friendy
10-26-05
I am a zombie!!!
That's not a little bit scary, daddy. Try something scarier, please!
I am count Dracula!!!
Oh, come on, dad. Who is afraid of Dracula these days.
And so he decided to make the final attempt.
I am George W Bush!
AHHHHHH!!!!!! HELP!!!!!

 

by friendy
12-12-05
GUESS WHAT, Mom? I just ASSASSINATED TED KENNEDY!
OH MY GOD, NO!!! NOOOOO!!!
Mommy, I'm PREGGANT! And WOOFY'S the daddy!
OH, HOW HORRIBLE!!! SOB!!!
Well, at least the earth hasn't been taken over by the aliens.
Hello there!

 

by friendy
12-12-05
GUESS WHAT, Mom? I just ASSASSINATED TED KENNEDY!
OH MY GOD, NO!!! NOOOOO!!!
Mommy, I'm PREGGANT! And WOOFY'S the daddy!
OH, HOW HORRIBLE!!! SOB!!
*weep* Mommyyyyyyyyyyy!!! *weep*
Well, it wasn't me who said that all this untied shoelace and missing button stuff wasn't funny anymore.

 

by friendy
12-12-05
GUESS WHAT, Mom? I just ASSASSINATED TED KENNEDY!
OH MY GOD, NO!!! NOOOOO!!!
I can't believe you are saying this with awe in your voice! I thought you'd be scared. They can arrest me at any moment!
Oh don't worry. If during all those years they still haven't figured out that it was me and grandma who assasinated his brothers...

 

Trick or treat?
by friendy, 12-17-05

 

Ho ho ho, come and sit on my lap little girl!
On your what?
by friendy, 12-17-05

 

So what do you wish for Christmas? Tell Santa O'Lantern, don't be shy.
A pumpkin pie and it seems like my wish will come true pretty soon.
by friendy, 12-17-05

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