All comics by gaijinplus1

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by gaijinplus1
1-27-03
i hate you, squirrel
i'll nail your ass to that bench right now. how would you like that? would that tickle your stupid fancy?? stupid squirrel.
your mom looked good with her ankles behind her head last night.
...i hate my life.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
you're mo--
fuck you, clown.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
you got a hammer, mister.
what of it?
daddy says that only queermos and retards carry hammers around with them.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
It was that moment that it all became totally clear...
I realized my true purpose in life...
Henceforth, I would beat the crap out of mouthy little girls.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
So I went home to think...
monkeys make it all better.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
And then my roommate came home...
hiya, gai! how was your day, man?
shut up, hippie.
good! good! i was at the coffeehouse and picked up three young ladies who have no interest in me besides sex. i told 'em about you, but they all kinda cringed.
It was at that moment that it all became totally more clearer than the one before...
i really want some cough syrup.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
In goes the cough syrup.
maybe i didn't need any cough syrup. things are ... kInDa WeIrD nOw ... MaYbE i ShOuLdA ...
... kInDa ... fEeLiNg ....
RAD! WHERE'D I GET THIS SWEET KNIFE?

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
And in stays the cough syrup.
THIS KNIFE IS GREAT! I CAN OPEN BOXES, SKIN A DEAD ANIMAL, AND CUT CHEESE WITH THIS SWEET SWEET KINFE!
heh. "cut cheese."

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
... tHoUgHtS ... bReAkInG ... uP ...
... gEtTiNg ... WeIrDeR tHaN ... bEfOrE ...
Dawg the Cat has just turned on light to reveal a stunning area that EDM is in.
I'm... underwater... I CAN'T BREATH UNDERWATER!!!!
Hehehehe... drown you son of a bitch!!!

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
And then I came to. But things were different.
'sup, niglet? we gots the armageddon all up in yo' ass like a crayon, slinkydick. you put up a fight, and we'll start the fwappin' with yo' round-ass face, just like the knuckle-fuck.
Date: 1534, Etymology: Greek ArmageddOn, HarmagedOn, scene of the battle foretold in Revelations 16:14-16
what the christ is "the knuckle-fuck"?

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
But then I really came to. And things were the same.
hey mister. you're in a trash can. my dad says--
yeah, yeah. i know. i'm a queermo. great.
no...
he says he's gonna kill you in your sleep. real slow and painful like.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
So his dad wanted me dead...
hey! your jacket just--
shut the fuck up, dead man.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
So I'm on a cough syrup hangover...
i gotta go.
i don't think you do, mister.
Oh....really?
I want to lick your anus like a dirty fork after a hot meal.
...no, I'm still tripping.
WHAT????
Creaky floors.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-30-03
stay here. come down. it's cool. it's just a trip.
... why's my anus bleeding?
awwwww, you're so adorable when you're confused and ... bleeding ... like that. lemme go find dill-dill so we can all play again.
come down come down (force-equals-mass-times-velocity-please-see-that-i'm-sober-now) come down DEAR GOD COME THE FUCK DOWN.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-31-03
come down. come down.
just relax, you're coming down, you're going home ...
...it's cool. see, you're drifting where you belong ... see? there we go, we're finally at the moo--
--fucking shit.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-31-03
... happy monkey.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-31-03
at that moment, i realized that i was finally sober.
so this is the moon, huh? cool.
wait ... i don't live on the moon.
... fucking shit.

 

by gaijinplus1
1-31-03
then this guy approached me.
hello. i'm the knuckle fuck. have you seen a DEUS EX MACHINA around here lately? i need one to return home.
...really. it's quite important.
dude. get out of the trash can. you fucking look retarded.

 

by gaijinplus1
4-08-03
So this is the Knuckle Fuck...
Maybe my vision of armageddon was clairvoyance. Maybe I met him here on the moon for a reason. Maybe he'll help humanity rebuild with lessons of kindness and understanding. Maybe I'm--
you're stupid. fucking retard stupid guy.

 

by gaijinplus1
4-08-03
Savior or not......................................
..........................................................
I'll kick the ball out from under that lowlife piece of shit-talking doggy thing.

 

by gaijinplus1
4-09-03
play dead... act stoned... something....
...maybe...
why is destiny such a cruel bitch?
...nope... he's not leaving.

 

by gaijinplus1
4-09-03
It's quite amazing, because...
i need a DEUS EX MACHINA now, you trash-can sittin' piece so-and-so.
...my immediate need for a DEUS EX MACHINA, to satiate this fucked up dogball savior thing...
or i'll cut'cha like... like somethin' that cuts real easy-like.
... was resolved via DEUS EX MACHINA.
I am teh HaNdZ0R uv G0DZ0R! 4pp34Ring 0Ut uv n0w|-|3r3!!!
......

 

by gaijinplus1
6-30-03
Case at hand (# 1): I need a DEUS EX MACHINA to get home. I found one in a shit talking dog on a ball. He doesn't appear to like me much.
...stupid poopstain shitgrass.
He's named the Knuckle Fuck, and apparently, he'll one day be a key player in humanity's fight against Armageddon.
Does it hurt? Lookin' that ugly, I mean?
Key player or not, it would be pretty fucking cool to see that lump of ball-balancing dogshit trapped under ice.
Nice undies, fuckhead.

 

by gaijinplus1
7-01-03
Case at hand (#2): That dogfuck DEUS EX MACHINA needs a DEUS EX MACHINA to enable him to get us home. Conveniently, this floating severed arm fucking approaches me. On the moon.
D3U5 3xXx0Rs M4cH1N4!
Dear god....I remember now.
...........do you still like Nintendo?
This was my roommate from college. And he's now the DEUS EX MACHINA for the DEUS EX MAHINA.
Bionic Commando's pretty cool....
Shut up, Todd.

 

by gaijinplus1
9-22-03
Didja ever play it to the end?
?
...
Fucking Todd...
The final boss guy was Hitler, y'know.
Shut up.

 

by gaijinplus1
9-22-03
Meanwhilst, back home...
where's gai been?
I've lived with him for a year now. He seems to have gotten worse with his social skills. Is it me??
Couldn't be. I guess I gotta kill him.

 

by gaijinplus1
9-22-03
Now that I think of it...
yeah...
He's a real dickshit. I wanna kill him.

 

by gaijinplus1
9-22-03
he's usually all quiet. how can I tust him?
that bastard's probably with my girl. just cuz he's an asshole like that.
...and that ending was GREAT, cuz the president says, "let's go for a burger.... ha! ha! ha! ha!"
for some reason, the lack of oxygen has yet to kill me.

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