All comics by mutsje2000

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by mutsje2000
7-25-02
It only goes to show...
How long will this take?
As long as it takes to get it right... now shut up and keep listening.
... even the very best evil masterminds...
... need reminding to go -before- leaving the house.
I need to pee...
Oh for fuck's sake.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Even though it looks good in the movies...
I wish he'd just get on with it...
... er ...
... sometimes even necromancers must learn the hard way...
It's been hours, now...
... er, hang on...
... practicality in choosing undergarments is important.
My thong is riding up...
... uhm...

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Patience is key when raising the dead.
I'm missing Days Of Our Lives for this...
The budding Necromancer must be prepared for long waits.
Are you nearly done ye--
Shoosh! I'm trying to concentrate!
And also ineptitude in large quantities.
My bum itches.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
When evil is afoot...
... foul play is fair...
dude...
... when causing a stink.
... did you just fart?

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
The first hurdle on your path to being a successful Necromancer...
Uhuh.
Okay... nails? Fermaldehyde? Preserved femur? Coat of a billy goat? ...
... isn't finding the right place, tools or even a body...
Yes?
Okay, now before we actually begin... I have something I need to ask.
... butthe inevitable clamouring of self doubt.
...
Do these pants make my bum look fat?

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
It is a sad fact of life...
Ready?
Yes. Now get the shovel.
... that something will always...
... go terribly wrong...
Shit.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
How it all began...
She totally kicked your arse at Diablo.
What? Fuck you, I killed her!
You hear that? That's the sound of her calling you a pathetic lame-o freakazoid.
Uh... I don't think she can hear you...
Why...?
Uh, her head's in this box...

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Picking up the story...
You killed her?
She beat me at Diablo! What else was I supposed to you?
You really are a pathetic lame-o freakazoid, aren't you.
Relax, compadre... all is not lost...
My ass. You're so going to get busted. And they'll put you away for life and throw away the key. -Then- they'll electrocute you.
I think I mayy have a cunning plan...

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
And so, a cunning plan forms!
I don't like the sound of this.
Nah, nah... trust me, it's sweet as a nut. My dad's got this book... "practical Necromancy"...
Necromancy...?
Yeah, you know... raising the dead. We just bring her back and shazam! We're home dry. Don't move, I'll go get the book.
We...? WE?! What the hell is this WE? YOU killed her!
... but I can't do it alone!

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
And a destiny is realised.
Here it is...
I'm screwed.
Okay, we'll do it tonight at midnight...
And so, that night...
Hey, where'd the littly guy go?
He went to the sho...

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
If at first you don't succeed...
... Shazam!
...try...
Er ... Shazom!
... and try again.
Jesus...
Damn... Shoozam?

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
It would amaze them to know...
He has no idea what he's doing...
I have no idea what I'm doing.
... just how in tune with each other...
Why doesn't he just give up?
I could just give up...
... they really are.
Do you hear that?
Hear what?

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
We have with us tonight two students of the Necromancy Academy. Okay, first question... what got you interested in the Dark Art of Necromancy?
He did. That screwup killed some broad and he through we should resurrect her.
It was all a matter of time. Fate dealt us both a strange hand indeed. It is only for us to play that hand as well as we can! And bless fate!
After your first taste of Dark Power, what kept you coming back for more?
I dig Necromancy Academy chicks in those uniforms. It's like a wet dream come true. Skimpy school uniforms and tight black blouses. *Mrowl!* Hubbahubba! *Puurr!*
Who could resist? The chance to shape the world in my own image? I had to know more!
Where do you see yourselves in the future? Do you have any hopes, dreams and aspirations?
Well... he wants to screw a dead chick. He'll dress it up when he answers, but you watch... that's what he wants. To screw a dead chick.
I find myself enraptured by the climax of death. I hope to explore metaphor and reality more intimately in the near future...

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
When starting out on the path of Necromancy, always aim high.
It'll never work, you know.
Of course it will! Jesus did it, so can we.
It never does to sell oneself short of anything but the very best.
Jesus was the son of God. You're just a son of a bitch.
You'd best not be insulting my mother...
Or one ends up arguing with one's lackeys. And that is just obscene...
You didn't even get the pun, did you? God? Dog? Bitch?
Just shut up and dig.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Above all else...
Can I read that book?
(No) ... Shamzang!
... mind those words of power...
...
... some have more than you realise.
Shit.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Ohshit ohshit ohshit ohshit ohshit ohshit ohshit ohshit ohshit ohshit
Page 13... reversing a disappearing spell. Requirements...
... one subservient lackey... Shit.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
When you're in a corner, something to remember, though...
Where will I find a lackey at this time of night?
... is to always be careful what you ask for.
Most willing lackeys are very untrustworthy.
Yo.
Hi, Jeff.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Alright, colon-muncher. What seems to be the problem?
Well, I said a word of power wrong and I sent Cecil someplace else.
Shit, dude. You messed up good, huh? How long've you been dabbling in the Dark Arts?
About two hours.
Sucks yo be you.
Thanks for your support.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Dealing with a demon is always tricky.
Okay, I can help you. But it's going to cost you dearly.
Cost me how dearly?
The knack is to find what it wants...
I want to bone your sister.
...
... and exploit its desires.
Well?
Works for me. Saturday okay for you?

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Demon's like to build tension.
Ready?
Just get on with it, Jeff...
Deny them this...
... at your own peril.
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH
Shit!

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Okay. From our studio audience... We would like to know, what is your skin made out of?
Skin. Duh.
Actually, what Cecil neglects to mention is that we hide our faces behind these hockey masks. It makes us look myseterious and cultish.
Has being a necromancer helped you get chicks?
Not me, because I like mine breathing. Knucklehead over there likes 'em cold and riddled with maggots, so no doubt -his- sex life's improved.
In a word... yes. Yes, it has.
Did you ever dream of being a necromancer while growing up?
No. I wanted to be a taxidermist, but I guess that's kinda similar, right? Just no magic involved.
When I was a child I would watch my father's rituals, and see him give life to my mother each night. It warmed my heart to see them together even after the accident...

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Heh. Hehehehe.
Hehe. Cletus promised...
And it is probably best the lights were turned off.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
*Suck*
Spirit of Lorna... bag of bones... flowers and fauna... stolen traffic cones...
*Suck*
Come to attend me... come heed my call... possess and bend me... show me it all...
*Suck*
Take on this body... raise it from the earth-- Are you eating toffees?

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Even evil megalomaniac Necromancers have a sense of humour.
Hey... I got a joke for you. Why is the graveyard such a noisy place?
Oh no... a joke...
I just know this is going to be shyte...
In theory.
Because of all the coffin...
Dear God, spare me.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Hey, another one for you...
I wish he would just shut up...
When is it not okay to bury someone who lives opposite a graveyard?
I already know this one...
When they're not dead.
When they're not dead.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
In your ongoing study of the Dark Arts...
Uuhm... Question?
Yes?
... lackeys should be useful for many things...
When you make your bid for world-reknowned infamy as a crazed lunatic Necromancer-slash-necrophiliac...
Yes?
... ego-stroking is just one of these myriad functions.
Will I have to call you by a title? Sire? Lord? King? Majesty? Eminence?
Hmmm... Good point.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
So how's your sister doing?
Sore.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
I wish he hadn't left me here alone. It's cold... and dark... and the earth is moving.
*Uuungh!*
... I don't believe it... Okay... stay calm Cecil. Soothing thoughts... Hi Mister Zombie... I have MacDonales... Do you want some MacDonalds?
*Uuungh!*
*Phew!* Good thing even zombies have good taste.
*Aaaaaargh!*

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
It says here the ritual doesn't work straight away... got to give it time. Did anything happen while I was gone?
Do I tell him his ritual completed and the corpse of the girl he killed rose from the dead in horrific fashion and went to grab a Big Mac? This is his life's work, his sole ambition...
No, nothing happened.
Cool, so I didn't miss the show.

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
She's your girlfriend... you dig her up.
No.
Are you seriously going to...
Yes.
You've got to be kidding...

 

by mutsje2000
7-26-02
Oh dear God... Oh that's disgusting...
*uNF!* *uNF!*
Uhm...
*uNF!* *uNF!*
Does that belong to you?
*uNF!* *uNF!*

 

by mutsje2000
7-27-02
Feel better for that?
Not really... it just wasn't the same?
Why not?
I thought she was all into me...
... turns out it was the maggots crawling up my arse.

 

by mutsje2000
7-27-02
I swear to God...
In Nomine es Spiriti...
... when all this is done...
Et Padre In Communium... er...
... I never want to see Spaghetti Bolegnese again...
Damn.

 

by mutsje2000
7-27-02
I've figured it out. The reason it's taking so long to get to the raising of the dead stage ... is because he's got a porno mag in that book.
Ooh...
Aah...
That would explain the stain on the front of his trousers, too.
Yes...

 

by mutsje2000
7-27-02
What was it like that first time a corpse rose from the dead?
Utoh...
A corpse rose? When did a corpse rise from the dead?
Episode XXII. Cecil scared it away with a Big Mac...
That's right. It's all there in the history. Go look.
Shit.

 

by mutsje2000
7-27-02
Should I leave you two alone?
Dude... It was a disgusting corpse-thing...
...
This looks like it could be tense.
It was all hanging muscle and bleeding, rotten flesh crawling with maggots...
...
I was right...
Bastard.

 

by mutsje2000
7-28-02
Can I stand on that side for a change?

 

by mutsje2000
7-28-02
Digging up corpses to reanimate them...
... wouldn't seem so damn wrong...
... if this wasn't the pet cemetary...

 

by mutsje2000
7-28-02
If he wants to fuck the animal corpses too, I'm gone.

 

by mutsje2000
7-28-02

 

by mutsje2000
7-28-02
For the first-timer, Necromancy can seem a little bit like finding a long-distance carrier.
The fumes from that grave are making...
It doesn't matter how many times you try, you'll always get crossed-lines and...
... my head spin.
... static.
What the hell?
Dude... you should get Sprint PCS..

 

by mutsje2000
7-28-02
Help...
I want to go home...
... at least I know how to deal with his perversions...
You alright? You look a bit peaky...

 

by mutsje2000
7-29-02
Oh! Aah! Mmm! Oooh, yessss!
Every night daddy gets the shovel...
Just like that... ooooooh... Hell yeah!
... digs up mummy's body and fucks her ragged.
You're so good to me, baby. You're so good...
One day I too will be on Ricki Lake.

 

by mutsje2000
7-29-02
Now son... what have ah told you?
Don't make fun of mummy's maggots.
That's raht. No dinner for you tonaht -- No buts!
But...
Bastard.

 

by mutsje2000
7-29-02
Welcome to DAL.net...
I peel your bra from your shoulders, my head bending towards your neck to kiss your skin lightly...
I moan in gratitude, my inner sanctum aching for your touch and dripping wet...
A flourishing community...
I lower my head to your breast, swallowing your nipple as my fingers seek out your burning sex...
*** Disconnected: (Erection reset by peer)
... eerily free of Cybersex...
...

 

by mutsje2000
7-29-02
"As I stood, watching him read that damn book "Practical Necromancy", I found my mind wandering...
... to a younger me before I had become intertwined with him and his plans to raise the dead.
Go to your room!
*Sigh*
I realised we could be into worse things than raising corpses to fuck them; we could've been into paintball!

 

by mutsje2000
7-29-02
I got an e-mail from Lisa last night. She wants to go out Saturday.
Saturday? But that's the night we do the Rite of Dedication to Chernobog...
But... dude... I'm gonna get laid.
Not when I tell her you fucked her dead grandmother last night you won't.
You wouldn't...
Try me.

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
Maybe if I put one of these nails in his head...
But--
No.
Bastard.

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
I could come here, do my bit and then go?
No.
Okay, well I could be a bit late, then...
No.
In honour of Meg's school uniform.
Dude, she promised to wear the Catholic schoolgirl uniform...
No.

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
Apparently to get attention...
... budding newbie scripters...
... must insult veterans.
Kaufman sucks.
Totally.

Showing page 1.

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