All comics by naz_ghul

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by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Ah, Christ! Not Again . . .
Hey, Jesus, I was wondering . . .
These kids are so fucking dumb.
If you're the messiah and all, why are you in Hell?
The Jews were right, idiot.
Aw, fuck! I was raised Buddhist!

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Dear Democrat: You stoopid fool! You thought I would let you get away with voting for that moron! I will now bring to bear the might of the world's greatest military on you!
You are the biggest sucker alive, and now you will fry like the pinko-commie, liberal, open-minded hippy scum you are!!
I wonder if this means I won't get to see who won Survivor 2 . . .

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Jesus: Live at Madison Square Garden - One Night Only With the Messiah of Soul . . .
I only waaant to saaay . . .
If there iiiis a waaaay . . .
ZZZZZZZZZ . . .
. . . Oh, fuck you then. You get up here and do better! Motherfuckers.

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
One day in Central Park . . .
I . . . Will resist . . . Evil Squirrel's Power . . .Must not look . . .
Wanna Fuck?
Mwah ha ha ha!
POP!

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Months of grueling labor finally come to fruition . . .
My creature is born at last!! Come my image of perfection and . . .
George W. Bush is a fucking genius!! He should be president for life!!
Again Melvin's hopes are cruelly shattered.
TERMINATE! TERMINATE!

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
I hate you.
You're a fuckin' bitch.
I hate you.
You're a fuckin' bitch.
Do you want to have sex with me?
Like you wouldn't believe.

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Stephen Hawking is a fucking gimp!! Ha ha ha, he he! Hoo! Shit, gimps are fucking funny!
I wonder is karma really exists?
Chris!! Let's go horseback riding!

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
So, do you think we'll meet any chicks here?
Man, I fuckin' hope so.
Aw, shit! These are all kids! That girl is wearing pokemon pajamas!
Pokemon? YES!
You are a sick little monkey, you know?
Hey there! Do you want to see the 'special' Pikachu?

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Hey God? I was just wondering . . .
Why does everything suck? I mean, not to contradict your omniscient plan or anything, but you've really let the place go, haven't you?
Christ, Here we go again.
Ahggh! It burns!!
Damn, that was fun.

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Ah, what a wonderful planet I've made . . .
Wow, God, it's truly amazing!
Look at my them go! Aren't these people wonderful?
Yes, God, a testament to your Glory!
What the fuck?!! Who did that?!!
Don't look at me.

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Creepy, aren't we?
Be one of us . . .

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Hello, my name is Dr. Niedlemeyer and I will be your new liason from the Pentagon!
Shit! Must stay calm. If I just slip out maybe . . .
Fuck. I hate it when they do that.

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Hey, nice one!
Eh, just doing my Job.

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
How can I get Barbara to love me? . . .
Look, I can hammer a nail into my head!
What the fuck do you want from me?

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
What does 'existential' mean?
Boo!
Oh, fuck it.

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
If I can just drink enough . . .
Almost there . . .
Ooh, there it is!

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
Now, as your principle, it is my duty to phone your parents and tell them about this tardiness problem.
I crave the dick!
So . . . What are you doing after school?

 

by naz_ghul
2-27-01
I am a robot! Robots rule! We are the greatest creations in the history of the universe!
Oh please! Robots suck. You have no feelings, no intelligence that wasn't given to a human, and you lack style. Besides, everybody knows robots suck in the sack.
Go-Go Gadget Flamethrower!

 

by naz_ghul
2-28-01
Now Honey, it's time to get dressed up so we can go to church. Today is Easter, a very important day for our Lord Jesus Christ.
Isn't the Judeo-Christian God concept really a myth that has no more relevance than an Faerie Tale? I mean, it was adopted from pagan concepts and rituals and perpetuated in the Middle Ages . . .
Fucking internet.
. . . by rich, quasi-educated landowners as population control technique that could conveniently not be disproven . . .

 

by naz_ghul
2-28-01
Saturday, 11:45 am
Please restart your computer. Estimated time left: 192 minutes
What the fuck? Window XP?!! Aw jesus, man! This is taking forever to intall!!
Saturday, 2:50 pm
Please place blood sample into drive (D:) for registration DNA and click Next to Continue . . .
Screw this! I'm switching to Linux!Fuck you Bill Gates!
Heretic detected. Please stop twitching to continue.
Aghhh! It Burns!!!

 

by naz_ghul
2-28-01
Bob, why don't we talk anymore?
Is there something wrong? Did I upset you in some way?
No, everything is fine. I, uh . . . I gotta go.
It's that fucking Cell Phone, isn't it? That backstabbing hussy!!

 

by naz_ghul
2-28-01
Three hours of PowerPoint later:
And so, to sum up, it would appear that the fourth-quarter earnings of fiscal year 2000 can be expected to increase by 4.27% by second-quarter 2001.
What were you saying?
Please, God, let me die!

 

by naz_ghul
2-28-01
Hey honey, you are HOT! Can I get you a drink?
Do you remember Hulk Hogan? I am a Hulkamaniac!
What?

 

by naz_ghul
3-01-01
9:15pm
I'm still waiting for my deoderant to dry!

 

by naz_ghul
3-01-01
Finally, the day of the second coming arrives . . .
Jesus, It's time.
Ok, dad. Let's Go.
And the people make a pilgrimage to the Vatican to see the Messiah at the most glorious church in the land . . .
From this map, Vatican city should be just over this hill.
Everything was fine until the Messiah beheld the Church entrance . . .
What the fuck is this?! Thanks for reminding me, assholes!!

 

by naz_ghul
4-13-01
Training, day 2.
Oh, shut up! I know I need to have the caps lock on!! Ahhhggh! Shut up!!
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!
Training, day 5.
Twenty-three licensing exercises?!!!!
Later that day . . .
Please . . . make the pain . . .STOP!!
Cannot Find : VInterDev 6.0 Win32 English CUP MVL.

 

by naz_ghul
2-05-02
Mr. Richards, you've been with the company a long time, and have served us well. Therefore, I'm promoting you . . .
Yes! Finally! Yes! Yes!
. . . to lead Chimp Fondler. You see, the chimps are too tired after a day experiments to masturbate themselves, so we need you to go down there and . . .
What?

 

by naz_ghul
2-05-02
Mr. Richards, you've been with the company a long time, and have served us well. Therefore, I'm promoting you . . .
Yes! Finally! Yes! Yes!
. . . to lead Chimp Fondler. You see, the chimps are too tired after a day experiments to masturbate themselves, so we need you to go down there and . . .
What?

 

by naz_ghul
2-05-02
. . . so I said "Heal her? I don't even know her!"
Is this thing on?

 

by naz_ghul
10-30-02
My name is Troy, I'm an efficiency consultant. What that essentially means is that I will slice you open and make balloon animals out of your internal organs while I . . .
. . . masturbate to Ozzy Ozbourne tunes and stroke my self with my paychecks, uh . . . erm. . . I . . . So let's all . . .
Dammit, Troy, you're only supposed to THINK that stuff, THINK it!!

 

by naz_ghul
10-31-02
Hello everyone. I'd like to introduce Troy here. He's an efficiency consultant; he'll be helping us reduce overhead.
I look forward to firing, vivisecting and/or devouring most of you over the next few months!
Troy, I . . .
Shh! I think they're starting to like me.

 

by naz_ghul
10-31-02
So, what's going on at this computer?
The user's computer is producing a lot of speaker noise. I'm replacing his corrupted sound drivers.
I see. Did you consider simply shattering his eardrums?
What, you didn't bring an icepick?

 

by naz_ghul
10-31-02
Hello, Infernus Tech Support, what seems to be the problem?
End-user downloaded a virus from porn spam and locked his computer up.
Foom!
Ooh!
Did that solve the problem?
Perfectly.

 

by naz_ghul
10-31-02
On the phone with Infernus Tech Support
So you've tried stabbing the end user repeatedly?
Nope.
We aren't authorised to stab or even garrote any end users.
How the fuck are you supposed to get anything done?
You're preaching to the choir, man.

 

by naz_ghul
10-31-02
So, I had to turn off the anti-virus because it wouldn't let me open this email that said "Olsen Twins Sex Party." It included a free . . .
. . . free virus immunization file called "nimda.exe." The server wouldn't let it automatically forward so I manually emailed it to everyone in my contacts..
Are you a supervillian or something?
No, just gifted with a vast and inexhaustable source of stupidity.

 

by naz_ghul
11-01-02
Help Desk Legend #14:
Hi, this is Rick from 17; I'm having a little trouble with my computer . . .
The symptoms? Uh, well, the system won't, uh, boot, and it's gotten very . . erm . . . well, hot . . . Sorry, I can't really quite reach that right now, um . . .
What?! The fire alarm?! No, no - of course not . . . that's just . . . uh . . . techno music . . .

 

by naz_ghul
11-05-02
So the only thing I could think to do was to jam my needle-nosed pliers into his eye socket until he stopped moving! Ha ha, ha ha . . .But you must know what that's like, right?
No?
Well, with your budget here you guys probably get real daggers, eh?! *sigh* . . . nobody likes me.

 

by naz_ghul
11-08-02
You don't know a goddamn thing about gravitrons, do you?
Foom!!
Incinerate!
I tried to stop him . . . I just couldn't . . *sob* . . . get to the match in time . . .
"I, the Physicist Josie Wales, have nothing to live for . . " Troy, is this your handwriting?

 

by naz_ghul
11-08-02
Dude, what are you concetrating so hard on?
I'm trying to move the selector there under "Right Character" with my mind.
What the fuck are you talking ab -
Jedi Mind Trick like a muthafucka!

 

by naz_ghul
11-13-02
Good morning Troy. How was your weekend?
I spent the whole weekend watching Band of Brothers on DVD.
That's interesting. I heard that series was supposed to be really great. . .{*Achtung! Es sind Amerikanerinnen drüben! *}
Easy Company, enemy contact on the soutwest edge of Borgone . . .
Why are you looking at me like that? {*Schnell, der shieskopf!*}
Hold your fire, men. Wait for it . . . Just a few more inches. . . Grenade on my mark . . .

 

by naz_ghul
11-13-02
Sergent Gonhorrea! Have you seen Captain Winters?!
No, Lieutenant, I haven't! The Jerrys broke through the 3rd early this morning and we've been pinned down by MG42s all day!
Dammit! Fox Company is low on ammo and we're taking mortars! I was hoping Easy Company could cover our left flank!
Half of Easy is across the River, Lieutenant; we couldn't help you if even if we knew where Captain Winters was! The POP3 server went down on 14 so we need to reboot.
Where's my fucking support? When I find out who's responsible for this mess I'll tear off his scrotum and use it for an ashtray!!
Who, Mike in IT? You'd better bring more than that pad of post-it notes.

 

by naz_ghul
11-18-02
I think Troy has been watching too much Band of Brothers.
Why do you say that?
He "captured" HR this morning and led them on a death march to a POW camp he built in the server room.
So when does the "too much" element factor in here?
Aw, man, what the fuck is this shit?

 

by naz_ghul
11-22-02
So what did you do then?
Well, I decided that HR, being the most inefficient department in the company, could be made into an example.
So I got a hold of an old friend of mine from the Pit, and asked for something special.
Are those lions?
Um, yes. Are those giant scorpions on their backs or is it just me?

 

by naz_ghul
11-22-02
Troy, far be it from me to complain, but you do realize that feeding the HR department to lions and scorpions with glandular problems is, well, bad?
Well, Bill, sometimes management has to make tough decisions.
How are we supposed to process payroll and care for personnel with no HR?
Bill, I've already takent that into consideration, and have found you a low cost alternative.
"You'll never even know the difference."
Eek.
Eek eek.

 

by naz_ghul
11-22-02
So, did you call HR about your missing paycheck?
Yeah.
Did you talk to them?
Yeah.
What's wrong then?
I don't know what "eek eek" means.

 

by naz_ghul
11-22-02
I really need to make some adjustments to my 401k witholdings.
Eek.
Right. I don't quite understand what you mean . . . could you clarify that for me a bit?
Eek.
So what do you think of the new HR guys?
I don't know . . . they're kind of the same as the old ones . . . just nicer. They have better hygiene, too.

 

by naz_ghul
11-22-02
So, how are things going up here?
We've nearly crushed all will to resist out of the workforce. Most of them would probably accept desk chairs covered with razor wire now.
Really? Razor wire, huh? That's not a bad . . . crap! Someone's coming. See you later.
Later, boss.
Can you tell my why HR just tried to pay Technical Services with wampum and tinned meat this week?!
Eek?

 

by naz_ghul
11-22-02
Can you feel the love tonight?
Eek eek.
Uh, uh . . . Hey there Aristotle . . . Dr. Lumbergh sent me down here to . . .
I've been really tryin' baby, for so long . . .And if you feel, like I feel, Sugar . . .
Let's get it on . . .
I got a master's degree in sociology for this?

 

by naz_ghul
11-26-02
Memo: In lieu of bonuses this year, HR has decided instead not to fire everyone in an odd numbered cubicle a few weeks before the holidays . . .
. . . any employee wishing to contest this decision must convince an odd numbered employee to leave his or her position without severance.
So, uh -
Fuck you, Bob.
Fair enough.

 

by naz_ghul
12-11-02
Even if you don't have millions of dollars, remember that I love you!
That's wonderful, but your love can't be exchanged for vast amounts of goods and services.
You'd exchange me?!
I could never echange you, sweetie!
Whew! I hope not!
I lost the fucking reciept.

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