All comics by thisredbook

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by thisredbook
6-04-08
So I heard you had sex with my girlfriend.
Yes, I did.
You're an asshole man. I thought we were best friends!
We are, we are.
You stabbed me in the back!
It's more like I stabbed your girlfriend from the back.

 

by thisredbook
6-04-08
Man, what the fuck! Why?!
It just happened I guess.
Is that all you have to say?!
What else do you want me to say?
How about a fucking apology? It's the least a "best friend" can do!
I'm sorry we didn't use a condom?

 

by thisredbook
6-04-08
Uhhh.
Hey, is there something wrong?
This is bothering me. I don't want to hurt you.
Is it because I...
There's something I have to tell you.
What is it? I can go longer! I just need a warm-up round!

 

by thisredbook
6-04-08
Las week I slept with your best friend.
You did what?!
I was drunk, he was drunk. Things happened...
You fucking skank! I hate you!
Please, don't be mad. What can I do to make it up to you?
You can start off by sucking my dick.

 

by thisredbook
6-04-08
...
Yeah...
...
That's it.
Did that make you feel better?
Actually it didn't. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my bed you bitch. Fuck you and fuck you.

 

by thisredbook
6-04-08
Hey. What's up?
Oh, it's you! Pretty cool party huh?
Yeah, it's pretty cool. Have you had a lot to drink?
To be honest, I'm drunk.
Ding, ding, ding!
I hear the beds upstairs are huge.
I'm so drunk!

 

by thisredbook
6-04-08
I don't know if we should be doing this. My boyfriend is your best friend!
Don't worry about it. I can keep a secret.
...
...
*Cough* Eight inches.
I don't think I can keep a secret. I have a big mouth.
Well, you're right about that big mouth.

 

by thisredbook
6-05-08
He wasn't very happy.
No, he wasn't. What about us?
There is no "us." It was just a drunken lay.
That's what it was to you? I sacrificed a good relationship with a "drunken lay"?
Pretty much. I'm sure you can find another boyfriend and sleep with his best friend too.
Has anyone told you that you're a prick?

 

by thisredbook
6-05-08
Look man, I'll make it up to you some how.
You bet your sweet ass you will.
First round of drinks are on me.
That's a good start.
Oh, look at that fine piece over there. Looks like you'll be walking home alone tonight.
Don't forget the condoms.

 

by thisredbook
6-05-08
Maybe this music will help me go to sleep.
Some day, it'll be better. You'll know I'm better now...
Yeah, yeah. These guys know what I'm going through. Maybe there's hope for me after all.
But I'm so rotten inside. Black, black, red, blood.
Then again, maybe not.

 

by thisredbook
6-11-08
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
I don't know, what?
A Mega-SORE-ass.
What do you call a douche that tells stupid jokes?

 

by thisredbook
6-11-08
What's big, red, and eats rocks?
The big, red, rock eating monster.
What smells, has big...
Your retarded mother.

 

by thisredbook
6-11-08
What do you call a human telling a pink donkey jokes?
I don't know, what?
You.
What do you call a human reading a comic about a human telling pink donkey jokes?

 

by thisredbook
6-11-08
Math is odd.
How so?
How is it that multiplying two negatives make the solution positive?
I didn't know you were against gay marriage.

 

by thisredbook
6-12-08
My boss wouldn't let me have the day off even though I was sick so I vomitted all over her car's windshield.
Wow. Isn't that a little harsh?
Then I stabbed her in the eye with a butterfly knife.
Ahh, the equalizer.

 

by thisredbook
6-12-08
Remember the days when I was just an innocent virgin?
Haha! Aren't you still...
Where's my butterfly knife?
In your boss's eye?

 

by thisredbook
6-12-08
Today my girlfriend asked me if she was fulfilling all of my sexual fantasies.
Well, does she?
Not really. She'd have to grow eight tentacles, a tree branch body, and a nine year old's vagina to fulfill all of them.

 

by thisredbook
6-12-08
What are your thoughts on office romance?
It's a conflict of interest really.
Can I stick it in your ear?
I thought you'd never ask.

 

by thisredbook
6-13-08
When will people realize that the eighties are long and gone?
I blame The Breakfast Club.
I blame The Cure.
I blame Voltron.

 

by thisredbook
6-13-08
Last Sunday I went to church to ask the Lord for forgiveness.
What did you do?
I accidently ejaculated into the holy water.
Thou shall not have a sticky forehead.

 

by thisredbook
6-19-08
This English class will be cake.
I'm focused, ready, and nothing is going to stop me from making the grade.
Hi.
I just shit my pants.

 

by thisredbook
6-19-08
So how are you liking this class?
It's okay. His exams seem difficult though.
They aren't to bad. I've had this professor before. He's very easy-going and approachable.
Awesome. You sound like an expert.
I probably shouldn't say this outloud.
A sexpert really.
Hmm?

 

by thisredbook
6-19-08
So what do you like to do for fun?
Well, I listen to a lot of music, I go to the gym, and I write a little poetry from time to time.
Oh! I love writing poetry. It's a great creative outlet. Do you like sushi?
Oh, I love sushi!
Oh I want sushi, with this Lucy. Afterwards she can fulfill my wish, by letting me eat her fish!
Great! We should get some!
Yes we should!

 

by thisredbook
6-19-08
I haven't been fully honest with you. We've met before but you probably don't remember.
Oh my gosh. Did we meet at a party?
Yes, it was a mutual friend's house warming party.
Yes, yes! I remember now. Was I drunk? I tend to get touchy feely. I'm sorry!
No need to be sorry. We just talked...
Oh no, did we use a condom?

 

by thisredbook
6-25-08
Hey.
Hey. What are you doing after class?
Nothing really. How about you?
Do you want to grab some coffee down the street?
Oh. You do know I work there right?
Yes I do. I'm broke today so I was hoping you can snag me a free cup. Oh and one for you too.

 

by thisredbook
6-25-08
*Type type*
I WANT YOU.
I'm doing well, how about you?
*Type type*
I WANT YOU.
That's good. I'm at home.
*Type type*
I WANT YOU.
No, I haven't started on my reading. I've been working on some new poetry actually.

 

by thisredbook
6-25-08
*Type type*
That's good to hear.
YOU WANT ME.
*Type type*
I'm being lazy about this reading.
YOU WANT ME.
*Type type*
Have you been writing lately?
YOU WANT ME.

 

by thisredbook
6-26-08
So the final is coming up. Are you ready?
For the most part, yes. But...
But... what?
Well, I could study more to really reinforce the material.
Oh I can reinforce that a... erm. We can run by the material tonight if you want.
Sure. How about my place?

 

by thisredbook
6-26-08
Well, it was fun studying.
Hehe, "studying." That's a new one.

 

by thisredbook
6-26-08
We did good throughout the semester and we practically aced that final.
Yes.
Even though it was just one semester it feels like we've been through a lot.
Yes.
So can I have your number now?
Nope.

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