All comics by toy79bird

 

by toy79bird
9-26-04
Daddy, guess what? Me an' grandpa just watched that new Jesus movie. Is it true that cuz you're a Jew and me and mommy aren't, that you are going to Hell because you killed Jesus? Huh?...Is it?
Hmm, I wonder how long has it's been since our last garage sale?
Murderer...

 

by toy79bird
9-26-04
Take me to your leader...
Hi there, little guy. My name is Mel. You lookin for me?
?

 

by toy79bird
9-26-04
Hey Ted, check it...my dad just bought this velvet Elvis painting at a garage sale, man. Thing is so goddam ugly. then he told me he killed Jesus cuz he's a Jew, ha ha.
Whoa.
Then he asks me if I know the diffference between the painting of Elvis, and Jesus Christ. Know what he said?
What?
It only takes ONE nail to hang a picture of Elvis.
Whoa.....your old man is definitely goin to Hell.

 

by toy79bird
9-27-04
Hey Todd, I just thought I'd let you know...I stole your car, knocked up your girlfriend, and beat up your mother.
Jim, that really sucks. I mean, I thought we were friends, man. What do you have to say for yourself?
Umm.........thank you?
Cool. Let's go get a beer.

 

by toy79bird
9-27-04
What's wrong, Bobby?
I can't believe you just hacked up my fucking family with a chainsaw, and walked outta my house like nothing happened? Why would you do that to me? Why, why, WHYYY???
Umm.....thank you?
Cool. Let's go get a beer!

 

by toy79bird
9-27-04
CBS Headline News now goes live to anchorman Ted Koppell for an exclusive interview with Osama Bin Laden...
Osama, what do you have to say about these heinous crimes you've commited against America and humanity in general?
Translated: Osama simply answers: "Thank you."
Umm...a-boo-giddy-boogedy-boo.
Well...I think America will truly forgive you now, sir. -----Let's go get a beer.-------Back to you, Connie.

 

by toy79bird
9-27-04
Sir, can I see your driver's license and proof of insurance please?
Uh..yeah. Actually I left them in my pants, officer.
And your pants are....?
Well, ya see, I had to sell my pants to get a new mod for my 350Z...and, umm...
????

 

by toy79bird
9-27-04
These long lines are killing me.
No kiddin, Bob. You'd think they would have figured out a better system by now.
Hey champ...I'm here for the new Land Of The Lost auditions.
Mmm....yeeaaah. If you'd just have a seat over there...someone will be right with you. Thaaanks.
Hey kiddo. Put me down for the same audition, but make sure i'm not in any scenes with that hairy kid.
No sir, Chakka's in rehab, so he won't be back for awhile.

 

by toy79bird
4-13-06
Hey sonny....are you the feller that brought that SRT-4 in for repair?
Yes sir...what seems to be the problem with it?
Well, you know that little decal you stuck on the back windshield?
Yeah...so...what about it?
Well, you're shit outta luck cuz it voids your warranty on any engine repairs.

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