All comics by Beaz

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by Beaz
1-15-03
From the February Maxim..."A man who has been slipping in and out of a coma regains his consciousness..."
Honey, you've been here through it all. When my business failed and we lost the house, you didn't leave...
When my health went, you stayed by my side... you know what?
What dear?
Get the hell away from me. I think you're cursed!

 

by Beaz
1-16-03
I told you so...
Excuse me, do you have any creamer?
What the...
Since when do TRex's drink coffee?
Just then, the creative juices come to and abrupt stop...
[insert whitty and hysterical response here]
Haha! Well go figure... sure, I've got some right here.

 

by Beaz
1-16-03
Somewhere in upper New York state...
Viola, we need to talk...
*chitter*
You're not yourself anymore. You're obsessed with nuts... it's almost like you don't care about our children anymore...
*chitter, chitter*
Why the hell did I fuck a squirrel...
*sniffle*

 

by Beaz
1-16-03
....at the scene of a major accident downtown...
Besides the traffic fatalities, these folks will be REALLY upset that they didn't save 15% or more on car insurance...
You seem to know a lot about insurance for a purple donkey...
Yes... with Geico you can save much, much more ju-...
ALRIGHT "DONKEY", OFF with the mask, we'll see who you REALLY are...
Shit, I'm out...1-800-861-8380! CALL NOW!
Beat it scavenger!

 

by Beaz
1-16-03
Another Maxim joke, in case someone is deprived of this funny mag...
Two nuns are on break in the rectory. "I was cleaning Father Tom's room a few days ago," said one nun, "and I found a bunch of condoms..."
"Oh my," gasps the second nun. "What did you do?"
"I poked holes in them," she replies.
"F***!" says the second nun.
Har...har... har *clap clap*

 

by Beaz
1-16-03
Jan 1. - 1945

In a foxhole at the Ardennes treeline...

I'm scared. I don't like being here. Damn evil Nazis, why do the want war? I'm scared.
Ah... c'mon little fella', don't be s' scared... c'mere, let me hold you.
*?*
ACK!
...and here's the cliche...w/ a little Steve Irwin.
Crikey, who'mah gonna' bugger NOW?!

 

by Beaz
1-16-03
Late one night... in the basement of a pr0n freak...
Mmmm. I just love www.oralse.cx
Yeah. Look at that furry pussy...
Gotcha bitch...come with me. Never again will you advertise a website filled with the most vile and degrading hardcore pics possible.
Foiled again!

 

by Beaz
1-17-03
...I promise.
Soldya's of da Confed'rate a'my... do ya have anythin' funny t' say?
Na sir, not a thang here.
Not I Gen'ral.
Me neitha'.
Anyone got some Beano?
Why'd he actually make this strip?

 

by Beaz
1-17-03
Thanks for joining us this evening! Tonight, we have Goatbert on the show. Goatbert, ask your first question.
Okay. Well. I'm a goat, and I'm out lost in the grass, all alone. How would you find me?
I'd get me and a couple mo' crack hos and we'd find ya ass.
Drumroll please...
...lord I've no idea.
MMmmmm.... how would I find you, all alone in the grass with no one around? Very satisfying...

 

by Beaz
1-18-03
Saturday night at Arkansas State...
Holy shit man, that was a kickin' party at the Alpha Zeta Pi Beta Gamma house...
Yeah... was kind of fucked up though. My sister was there...
Some of the guys had put a pillowcase over her head and put her in the storage closet... she was giving everyone a turn to hop on her...
No one told me of course... until went in there and took it off her head. Kind of a shocker.
Holy shit, that's awful...
Why? I just put it back on her. That was some good ass...

 

by Beaz
1-18-03
*Tony Rexatori's Bar*
Arrrr... me wonders if'n they'll have me somethin' ta drink here.
Arrrr.... ahoy ye landlubber... what have ya ta drink around here....arrrr.
Well. Coffee. And... yea... so, um..is that a steering wheel poking out from your pants?
Arrrrr....aye...it's driving me nuts...
...

 

by Beaz
12-29-03
While recently returning to the Stripcreator site, I browsed over my previous entries...
Shocked, I came to realize just how unfunny they were...
I promise all future strips will be of a higher calibur, for now, I offer this official apology...
Mmm, yes. So very sorry.

 

by Beaz
12-29-03
[Defend the Bunker]

[Intruder Alert]

-NoLimitL337-: Aiiieeee-yaaaa!
Beaz: Incoming. Need backup!
[NoLimitL337 was eviscerated by Beaz]

[Enemy bunker...

How are those reports coming?
Beaz: What the...shit...Alt-Tab...
Back to reality ... slow Monday.
What was that? How are the performance reports coming?
Oh just fine... just tweaking some of the fields on this Excel sheet, should have it ready in an hour...

 

by Beaz
12-29-03
Monday - 4:58pm - Ducking out a little early.
God, finally this day is over...
Dave! Just who I was looking for!
Damn it.
Heya... Mike... what can I do for you?
Well, before you go I need you to take a look at the printer/scanner/fax machine. It\'s making strange noises and the copies come out horrible...
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
I\'m the network administrator. I don\'t know anything about laser printer hardware...
Well. If you could just look at it before you go, that\'d be great. Thanks a lot, sport.

 

by Beaz
12-30-03
Tuesday - 10:44am - Running a couple errands
Oh Dave! I was looking for you!
Hum dee dum...huh?
Remember, there are no stupid questions.
I started my computer up, and XP just says "Loading your settings." It's been there for like, 15 minutes. What did you do to my computer?
What do you mean, "What did I do to your computer..."
Just stupid people.
Well yesterday you changed my wallpaper, so I know you must have done something else. It WAS working until you changed the wallpaper...why did you...
Just die please...

 

by Beaz
12-30-03
Tuesday - 11:00am - Almost lunchtime
*knock knock* Excuse me ...sir?
Yeah, come on in.
Yes. Hello, sir. I merely noticed that you don't seem to use me in the new strips...
...I was in most of them before... I'm curious as to whatever happened...?
Understood!
I saw a T-Rex with coffee. I thought "Funny." But... it isn't. So if I keep seeing T-Rex, he'll see TOBOR.

 

by Beaz
12-30-03
Tuesday - 1:30pm - On the prowl
Ooooh. There's that hot young intern... let me see if I can use some of the classic "older guy" magic on her.
Laa dee dee
Let's cast our little love spell on her naive heart...
Hey there Sarah, you look hot in that outfit. So, what are you doing New Year's Eve?
I, uh, er, I'm gay. So I'll be out with all my...uh, gay friends. Yeah.
*Spell Fizzles*
Hey wait! I'm cool with that...!
God, why do I attract all these old creeps...

 

by Beaz
12-30-03
2004 approaching, sir!
Good, corporal. Keep it in your sights. We don't want to lose it.
OH... MY... GOD!!!
What is it, corporal?? What do you see!!
I'M HEER TO NALE UR ASS BITCH!!!!!
FUCK!

 

by Beaz
1-06-04
Tuesday - 8:45am - In the phone line closet...
I don't understand how Network administrator equates to telephone technician...
Sure. We both use cables and wires...
Apparently there is some static on the line that I can fix.
...phones make beep and boop noises... like computers.
Computer do emit LIGHT though. Crap I can't see a thing.
Oof!
Found the phone wires.

 

by Beaz
1-06-04
Any Evening - Midnight
What do you mean "You have to reboot your computer at the end of the day?"... isn't that you're job?
Oh my God my computer crashed. Can you find my file I was working on? What? Well NO I didn't Save it, silly.
So, do you call yourself Computer-man? Haha, get it? Like Superman? Boy, I'm the funniest guy at the office...
Dave, my mother is a little old and she isn't very computer literate. Not to mention she's lonely... think you could stop by and give her "lessons?" Thanks Dave.
*click*
Fie! Why dost thou questions plagueth mine dreams?!

 

by Beaz
1-07-04
Wednesday - 8:40am - Ye olde printe probleme
Phil! You must be the printer technician I called.
Yup yup! I'm on it, sir. I'll give that printer a swift kick and it'll be up and running in no time.
W-wait, you meant that jokingly... right?
Meant what as a joke?
Oh dear God he didn't...
*** WHAM ***

 

by Beaz
1-07-04
Wednesday - 8:50am - Continued...
Well. That certainly didn't go as expected!
Dear lord, what have you done?
I'm terribly sorry, but it looks like it will need advanced repairs at the shop. It seems it doesn't even want to power on.
Filthy gnome bastard.
But it was fine when you got here... it just printed dirty copies!
Yes, well, perhaps you should be more careful with the equipment. I'll send you the bill.

 

by Beaz
1-07-04
!!!
Oh God Oh God!
*agh* *guuuurgle*
AHHH! THERE!
Great for emergencies
*Eeerp* *Splurt*
Ungh. Good lord. I can probably fly again after this one...

 

by Beaz
1-07-04
Hey! You're that guy who does the whole nail in the head bit!
Yes. Yes I am. Mr. Cumminsworth to you.
Say, you really are incredible! I see you in like... 1 out of every 10 comics submitted on SC! Can I get your autograph?
I suppose. I have a few pre-autographed pieces of paper here. Pardon the blood from my "bit."
Gee thanks, you're swell. I haven't seen comedy gold like you since Gallagher!

 

by Beaz
1-07-04
Most toons accept the world as it is. But some wonder what's beyond the last comic cell... They must be exterminated.
Jesus Mary! BEHIND YOU!
HELLOOOO? IS ANYONE OUT HERE?

 

by Beaz
1-15-04
Windows NT doesn't care about anniversaries.
*sob sob*
My e-mails aren't sending!
Did you get my RAM yet! Everything is so goddamn slow, are you even working???
What does the network crash have to do with me listening to internet streams of Christian Rock?
Dave! Having some problems here. You sure you can handle this job?
I'm an alien!

 

by Beaz
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
The same thing we do every night Pinky... try to take over the world.

 

by Beaz
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Find out when the next Teletubbies Live concert is!
Killer!

 

by Beaz
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
I guess we should rally up a random handful of people and fight to regain the city...
We'll show them this is our Independence Day!

 

by Beaz
1-19-04
Wow, traffic.
Jesus man! Where the hell were you? We're late for FTC 19! Now we'll never win asshole.
Geez, my bad yo...

 

by Beaz
1-20-04
Tuesday - 9am - Everything running perfectly
Thanks for helping me finish these reports! I'll get out of your hair now.
Ah, no problem. I'm just happy it's been a trouble-free day. Ooh! Knock on wood! Hyuck!
Teehee. It's like a minefield in here with all these wires and computer parts and... oh CRAP *wham*
???
System Failure. Self Destruct in 5... 4...
*bzzt*
Wasn't this supposed to happen on Monday or something? Damnit.

 

by Beaz
1-20-04
Hey Harold? Want to see an impression?
*insert strange shark "roar" sound that only fish can hear*
Like it? Harold? You gotta lighten up man.

 

by Beaz
1-20-04
Other Stripcreator members join together for an intervention...
He says he's been here a year? I've never seen him before.
Look at him drowning up there Muffins. He should make like a tree... and fuck off.
Dongs! Holy shit WHERE ARE MY ARMS AND LEGS?!
Put the mic down Beaz... maybe you should donate more. Then leave.
*someone save me from this guy*
...so I say, "Liquor? I barely KNOW her!" *rimshot* Ah terrific! Who here likes fart jokes? LAUGH DAMNIT!

 

by Beaz
1-22-04
Blah blah bler blee blee blah...
Hey boss!
Yes?
Fuck you.

 

by Beaz
1-22-04
One day at the ranch... in the I.T. department...
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by Beaz
1-22-04
Thursday - 11:45am - Interns think I'm their friend
...so then I says, "No, but your daughter liked it that way!" Ha ha ha! I love that one.
Go. Away. Please.
Are you even listening to me computer guy? You probably wouldn't get that one would you? Have you ever SEEN a girl naked? ...
That's fucking it.
*whoosh* AHHHHHHHHHH!
I don't know who installed a trap door in my office, but it sure comes in handy.

 

by Beaz
1-22-04
After work at The I.T. Job...
Well #stripcreator is pretty cool.
I can't use it at work thanks to all the damn firewalls, so I have to get on at night when I can.
But everyone is super friendly and cool. Little_kitty is cool and areallystupidguy is funny as hell.
It's nice becoming a part of this place. I'm glad I came back.
Thanks guys.
...and now girls jumping on trampolines!

 

by Beaz
1-23-04
Yase! YASE! Me army of arsefookers iz compleet! YAAASE!
Reporting to sodomize, master.
KAAAAAAAAAA - BOOOOOOOOOOOM
we... will... rise... again...
There. Can. Be. Only. One. Cornholer.

 

by Beaz
1-23-04
Zat terror attack froom Tobor vuzz close, but vas noot enuff to keel ME! Rize, my macheenz of arsefooking!
We will sodomize him until his eyes bleed!
He is a machine, he does not have blood you half-wit SodomyBot!
He does not have an ASS either, think of that one shit-for-gears?
I'll give him a hot lead injection he will never forget. His rotor turbines will be generating gravitons all by themselves.
This is ridiculous... Tobor will not miss this time.

 

by Beaz
1-23-04
SECURITY ALERT!!
There he is! SodomyBots: SODOMIZE!
Do not worry little Tobor, we will make sure this is something you will never forget.
SECURITY ALERT!!
Fuck.
Do not bother saying your prayers. Even the great Sodomizer can not hear you now.
SECURITY ALERT!!
This will be a great victory for our master!
Geez, all you guys want is sodomy. Like seriously, can't we just make love to him? Rough love that is?

 

by Beaz
1-23-04
Friday - 3:06pm - Trying to invent a wormhole...
I've done it! With all this free time at work today... I've created a wormhole to another dimension!
Ahh! What is this?
No! Stop him!

 

by Beaz
1-23-04
Friday - 3:10pm - Wormhole has closed.
So that's my story. Your wormhole saved Tobor.
So let me get this straight: You're a robot from an alternate universe that rapes people up the ass? Cornholes them?
Yeah.
Fin.

 

by Beaz
1-26-04
Prequel to http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/Jmt311Dmb/206811
Yeah! You fat fuck! Get the hell out of here before I call the cops!
...
Goddammit you little bitch, I've kicked your fucking ass once and I'll do it again.
Cunt ass, cunt ass HO! Beaz, hold my beer.

 

by Beaz
1-26-04
Age 1 - Those you loved - Took advantage
Mommy's going out tonight, baby. Be good!
Age 12 - Those you trusted - Used it
Hi mister!
Hey little guy. Ever been in a movie before? Want to try? It's fun...
Age 28 - Even the most violent killers were once innocent children.
Just give me some money assho... BLAM ... SHIT!
mmfff...

 

by Beaz
1-29-04
Thursday - 3:30pm - Base salary increase
After some intensive research, I've found that I'm being paid less than HALF of what I'm worth.
I'm gonna find Mike right NOW and get the money I DESERVE.
Mike, there's something very serious I need to talk to you about...
...My father just died.
Oh what an ass I am.

 

by Beaz
1-29-04
Thursday - 3:40pm - (cont'd)
Well. I feel like "Public Ass #1" It's not a healthy title.
I should feel bad for him, but I'm just mad I couldn't have my meeting.
Does that mean I'm just a complete asshole?
YEAH! Ha ha, you I.T. guys are so gay.
(shit I was talking out loud again) DON'T YOU HAVE FUCKING TRASH CANS TO EMPTY???
Yeah yeah. What an asshole.

 

by Beaz
1-30-04
You just got served.
Hey ASSHOLE.
Huh?
You want to know the MAIN difference between you and me?
?
You came out of your mom's pussy, but I came IN her pussy. Who's your daddy bitch?
...

 

by Beaz
1-30-04
Friday - 10:40am - On phone with IBM tech help
We have yet ANOTHER defective hard drive in one of your machines here. Send me another one.
Ah yes. Dis is wat we huff been ekspektink!
Um, what?
My peepol haff kersed yoo infidels wuns more! Ha ha!
What? I can't understand you?
Allaaaaaaaaah - la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

 

by Beaz
1-30-04
Some day - Undisclosed time - Beaz pays his dues
Hey Chicka, thanks again for helping me get some attention at Stripcreator!
Money.
Huh? I mean, don't you like them? You did it out of the kindness of your heart, wanting an eager comic writer to have shot, right?
M o n e y.
<3 ya pal :)
I thought I was good.
Hun, you just don't have the skillz to pay the billz. It's a dirty business, but kitty and I have this place by the balls. Pay up.

 

by Beaz
1-30-04
Friday - 9pm - The Attempted Hit
So you have everything under control?
It's being taken care of as we speak.
It's the end of the line for you, Mr. Intern.
You can't take me down that easy!
Oh Jesus, I must get help.

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