All comics by BlackAlice

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by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Could this be curtains for our squirrel friend?
What's up Doc?
That's the second biggest squirrel I have ever seen. YUMMY!
Can't bare to watch!
He's as nutty as my last Snickers bar
I don't know why you are talking but I'm gonna put you in an ambulance! What is left of you that is!
Phew the squirrel was BlackAlice all along. He! He!
Abracadabra!!!
O' bugger!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Early one morning in the life of Alice "Yeah like I do mornings?!"
And here's the real reason why my species is like extinct.
Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture?
Sorry Alice is this background better? "I was talking about the smoking dinosaur not the background!"
No not the cigarette, bloody witches wiped us all out. I guess the smokes didn't help though?
We did no such thing!
The moral of this tale is either don't smoke or don't tell lies or don't be extinct I'm not sure Witch. "How about don't make bad puns?"
See what I mean!
Bloody talking dinosaurs making up shit as if I didn't have enough to put up with.

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Alice talks to herself!
Ok I know I tend to talk to myself but this is nuts!
Well I'm not talking to you anyway!
No I don't stop spreading lies!
Why not?
Aaagghhh you can hear my thoughts!
Any predictions on a dead squirrel?
Well you are me!
Wrong!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
A few strips ago Alice was being a squirrel and then in the last strip a squirrel was being Alice It's all too much for my brain to take anyway now everyone is who they should be I think?
How did you do that you weird shapeshifting talking rodent you?
If I stay quiet she will think she is going mad. O' shit I forgot she can read my thoughts!
Yeah is the advantage of being both the character and the creator and the narrator of course, I can read your thoughts straight off the page!
Now let's see who you really are! O' Jesus!
I think you'll find that I'm the creator!
Small isn't he and what's with the nails in the hands? They should be through the wrists!
Sorry I don't believe in you!
I forgive you!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
I love you
YES PLEASE!
I'm starting to feel dizzy should we get off?

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Girlfriend
Hold that thought.
Housemate
How do you hold a thought?
Me
With adequate defences.

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Things could be looking up for Alice!
And this is the bedroom it has a bed I thought maybe we could use it?
Um..
Please say yes..
Ok
What you didn't think we'd leave the light on did you?
That's ok just copy me now doesn't that feel good? He! He! That tickles. MM that's better Kiss me!
I've never been with another girl before. O' that's nice press a little harder please... thankyou! O' yes!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Is anyone else thinking lesbian orgy?!
?

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Brotherly advice.
Stop pacing up and down like a yo-yo
?
A shot in the dark.
That's a very green or is it yellow sheet?!
wtf?
Well yes.
You know what they say about wurms with big scales? "Aaaagghh!" mostly.
true

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
put em up!
I don't want to fight you you're off one of the games on my mobile phone
Hi-yah!
Ow!
Burn the phone!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Ha! Ha!
Ha!
Fuck!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Here Alice being a clever girl notes the fires affections with mild disdain.
I'm hot for you.
Yeah WHATEVER!
The Snowman can rightly see problems with this relationship.
I'm hot for you.
Give me a break!
Darren however thought a shag's a shag WAYHAY! silly Darren and thus the fire breeds.
I'm hot for you. (Thinks: am I good or what?)
Cool let's fuck. Wait a second I'm on fire aaaggghhh!! aaaaggghhh!!!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Too easy the guy is nailed to a piece of wood for Hecate's sake
Man's sake actually.
Sexist bastard!
You watch it. I'll get my Dad on to you.
Somewhere in the underworld.
I'm still waiting. O Hi Jesus' Dad, well that explains why Jesus is so small.
I like your broomstick

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
So this is the underworld?
Yeah sorry it is so tidy but I have to keep cleaning my room or this happens.
If I was you I'd use that broom of your's and start sweeping! Ah I see some toys that need picking up bye!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Hi I have a complaint. This place doesn't really fit with my concept of the afterlife besides which I'm not actually dead!
O' I'm sorry would you like to fuck?
I don't like boys!
That's not a problem!
Is this where I wake up then?
This isn't really hell is it?
You noticed that too huh?

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Well back to reality then.
Who said that?
I miss Alice
Yeah well you would you're her dream girl and she's busy being awake at the moment don't worry I'm sure she'll come back to the land of Nod before long.
But the King of Nod has other ideas!
Not if I can help it!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Things don't look good!
I can't seem to get to sleep!
Yes my evil plan is working with Alice and her Dream seperated I'll be able to take Dream as my bride!
So Dream my love soon you will be mine with Alice lost in reality it is only a matter of time before you fall for my squirrel charms!
Dream has other ideas.
You win this time Alice but I'll be back!!! Mwahahaha!!
Bad Squirrel! What does it suprise you that Alice's Dream girl knows magic?

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Um I think this is the wrong war dude?
Shut up and fight!
aaaggghhh!!!
What the fuck is going on?
Doesn't really matter now does it?
No I guess not. By the way who won?

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
What Marcus means is please fuck me!
Hi there I'm Marcus I have trouble talking to girls.
Hi I'm Dream I shouldn't be here at all I guess I got the wrong head, bye!
Stupid Stupid thicky thick!
Hi Marcus I'm your Dream girl um why do you have a nail in your head?

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
So would you like to fuck?
Shouldn't we get married first?
This is a dream silly.
Still I'd like to get married.
Poor Marcus not even his dream girl wants him!
Loser!
Look I'm so small I can fit into this trash can!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Why the phone?
Hi! I've recently become unemployed can I be your dream girl?
It's a dream ok I have no idea!
ahem!
BlackAlice considers the endless posibilities of multiple dream girls.

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
So do you like know anyone here?
No.
Well it's better than most of the parties I've thrown
This party sucks!
I am standing on a chair!
Dude that is not what I meant when I said bring an axe!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Hi disembodied head! Bad hair day Today huh?
I think I'm going to sneeze.
Did you see that? That glove puppet lied and we've got the evidence to prove it, call the Daily Blah!
Hi oversized glove puppet how's your better hand?
I have no thoughts
Go away you are freaking me out!
I want a hat like that one!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
WTF?
Yes I king Nod have trapped you in this dungeon so that I may run off and fuck your Dream!
And I'm dreaming now right?
Yes!
As it is her dream Alice simply replaces King Nod with Dream. King Nod not very bright. "You will regret that slander!" Sayeth Nod
Well that's ok then!
Hi Alice! Oo' a dungeon how kinky!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Squirrel
Dead
Buried!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Shake well!
Money what money I don't owe you any money!
Can we hurt him now Miss?

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
15 minutes after the party was due to start
Hmm
I invited just about everyone I know so I'm sure someone else will turn up in a bit, you know what people are like
Several hours later
Well I guess no-one is coming this is the worst party since the last one I threw.
A few people came to my last party.
Yeah but they were so boring I had to leave!

 

by BlackAlice
1-03-03
Aren't I a Bitch?!
I'm gonna hurt you!
Somehow that takes all the fun out of what I just said.
I'm gonna.. O' I give up!
What a nice man!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Check mate in however long it takes!
Doesn't it worry you that your arms and legs disapear in low light conditions?
Well at least one of them is on his hammer.
Not really because you have no idea where I'm putting my hands!
Don't even think about taking that Rook.
Is that a good or a bad thing?
I wasn't.

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
The tension builds!
Check!
Check Mate!
I think there's some definate cheating going on!
How did I not see that Bishop?

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Ok I take it back, you didn't cheat!
It feels a little warm in here.
Alice have you seen the Chess set anywhere?

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Let me guess you are my freaky evil twin come to kill me and take my place?
This comic strip will work better If you say something!
Some hours later.
Ha I have red hair now so your plan will fail for you no longer look anything like me!
How long before he notices that I'm a cardboard cut-out?

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Once upon a time there were four little.. well yes.. um anyway
Quads?
I don't care what they are if they come any closer I'm gone!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Right time to get dressed. Ew this cloak could do with a wash but then I guess Death is supposed to have a stench, so it'll do for a few days yet.
Right who's on the list today?
Granny, granny, small child, granny. I hate it when I have to kill grannies. It completely lacks the element of suprise!
Boo!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Yes and were you at the easyworld gig in Cambrigde last month?
mm BEER!
So anyway then I said
Note my complete and utter absense!
Cool party huh?
Yeah this is great!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
I can't believe you broke all the crockery again!
The Washing machine made me do it.
Earlier that day.
Drop those pots and take me to your leader!
If you insist.
Greetings Alice leader of the Marcus!
O' shut up and wait there, I've got some clothes for you to clean.

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Ut oh! King Nod has risen from the dead!
Come my Squirrel hoardes let us go reek vengence on Alice and her friends!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
King Nod as his squirrel hoardes have found Marcus in his usual state asleep!
Look at all the Squirrels aren't they cute!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Come there will be many more deaths tonight!
Oo that looks nasty!
Ouch!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
BYE!
Don't let her get away!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
There appears to be a slight hole in the space time continum!
Hold it right there!
Well the humour was already spoiled by putting the strips in the wrong order so I had to do something!
Why are you running backwards?

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Hello Mum!
We know kung-fu we kick your squirrel donkeys!
Sir there's an army of oriental school girls headed this way!
So ask them to move with an axe if neccersary!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
He! He! We out number you ten to one!
Nod makes his escape.
I be leaving now bye!

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Nod Vs Alice this could be interesting huh who am I kidding?
O' dear!
ahem!
Nod turns into Killer Squirrel!
Die Witch Die!
Alice isn't impressed.

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
You know the nail in the head joke is getting really old!
I know.
Do you think you could put the nail somewhere else?

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Your Narration today is by Terry Wogan: So hello and welcome to the first anual stripcreator.com beauty contest and don't we have some lookers here! Sorry I have to say that it's in the contract..
This is so demeaning.
I'm the only blonde do I win yet?
Well now that we've looked at the contestants I know who gets my vote but it's over to you to make the final decision yes it's one of those annoying phone vote things that we at the Beeb are so fond..
Hmm that girl is too damn purdy what with my hunch back how am I supposed to win?
This is making me feel fat.
Who put a child into the contest? Sorry Terry we needed an ethnic minority and she was all we could find.
I am too damn cute!
If I play with my hair and flirt a lot I might just win.

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
I can do lots of action poses
and you just stand there!
Then again action poses can have their drawbacks.

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Doesn't it bother you that I've got all these action poses and you the star just have to stand there with one pose one fixed expression admitedly it's a very good expression which can say more or less
hmm
anything but then I guess it has to if it was me I think I'd be bothered by being so limited.
I can do this! ALAKAZAM!
That isn't funny!
Now who's stuck with one pose?

 

by BlackAlice
1-04-03
Marcus is still a snowman
What's going on?
but maybe not for long.
Now that's just vindictive!
Someone hasn't being paying attention to the backgrounds.
Hello I am a small child like all small children I love mindless acts of horrible violence and so found this strip most entertaining!
I like acts of horrible mindless violence too!

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