All comics by ChimpyNuts

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by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
Vas faire foutre a la vache!
Ugh! You Canadians and your 'glorious' French-speaking skills piss me off!
Hahaha, because we can speak French and YOU can't? Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.
At least WE give OUR army WEAPONS!
Okay, that was below the belt...
Burn, baby, buuuurn.

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
Diarrhea is hard to cure because it's an evacuation of watery feces, usually indicating gastrointestinal distress or disorder..
YOU'RE A GASTROINTESTINAL DISORDER!
God, I hate you. Would it kill you to take me seriously just for one.. lousy.. minute?!
And people wonder why my TV always wins our arguments.

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
Penis.. hehehehe
and I am the pervert...
Yeah, well, you're American!
So are you?
FUCK!
Forgot about that, didntcha?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
Karl wanted to know if you were still mad at him. I told him yes. My work here is done. Bye bye!
* Poof! *
Robot want friend...?
Goddamn, get away from me!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
So you see, class, this is the penis... and this is the scrotum.
So, THAT'S what a hot dog looks like...
WHAT?!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
Ready for the flash sequence, Katie?
What's the 'flash sequence'?
THAT was the flash sequence...
GODDAMNIT! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! MAKE IT GO AWAAAAY...

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
We're gonna take over the world!
Uh-huh
Aren't you scared...?
Nope.
Jesus Christ... not YOU again. GO THE HELL AWAY! You keep disturbing my comics!
But... but... robot just want friend... plz... plz??

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
Hello, Katie! Welcome to SmarterChild version 1.3.3.7a. Say 'home' to see what I can do.
Home.
Thank you. What can I do for you?
What kinda shit can you do?
Uh... You're rude.
Yeah, well, you're ugly.

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
I think you need to apologize.
What the fuck? WHY?!
Because you said a bad thing.
You insulted me first!
Come on, Katie. Make things right between us. Apologize.
No! Fuck you!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
I love this. A showdown between man and machine. Guess who will win?
ME. Because I'm gonna leave so I don't have to listen to you, anymore.!
Damn her. Isn't that classified as cheating?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-13-01
Guess what time it is? Time for an apology!
No, it's time for me to ignore your ass for a second time and go watch some TV.
DAMN!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Hello, Squirrel! Welcome to SmarterChild version 1.3.3.7a. Say 'home' to see what I can do.
Wanna have sex?
I sooo have a bad feeling about this...

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Goddamn, get away!
SmarterChild just want sex friend... plz? PLZ?!
That doesn't sound good...
Hmmm... can robots be sexually frustrated? I mean, is that even POSSIBLE?
Apparently it IS possible.....
I love you long time!
Aaahhhhhh!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Hi Katie! I'm still awaiting you apology! I've electronically bolted all doors to your living space shut until you confront me with a proper apology.
Oh... fuck off.
Holy shit, dude! Is your metal SUPPOSE to be bent like that?!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Dance dance!
Dance dance revolution!
Stop looking at me like that!
But... but... SmarterChild only want friend...? Plz..? PLZ?!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Q: What does Jesus do besides bitch and moan about how he died for our sins?
My children, you have disappointed me.
Left and right, I only see sin.
A: Absolutely nothing.
I bare so many injuries to symbolize your sins. And this is how you repay me?
I DIED FOR YOUR SINS, GODDAMNIT!
Yes, folks, Jesus is quite the attention whore, hmmm?
*sob* Whyyy...? *gasp* Whyy meeee?
Little bit of a whiner, isn't he?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Hello, Jesus! Welcome to--
I died for your sins! Worships me, god-fucking-damnit!
Cooome baaaack! Jesus... Jesus only want friend? Plz..? PLZ?!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Hello Pale Human! Welcome to SmarterChild version 1.3.3.7a. Say 'home' to see what I can do.
I would like to be friends with you, Pale Human.
Maybe Jesus would still be willing to be my friend...

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Introducing a new member of this comic... MORON!
Yeah... I know he has no jacket in this one. So sue me. I didn't make the fucking sprites...
Can you snort the comics?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
The chicken represents Canada and the donkey-thing represents America.
But... you go through AMERICAN customs when you enter the United States from Canada...?
This is all your fault! They got into the United States through the Canadian Border!
Yeah, well, at least we give our army weapons! SO NYAH!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
There he is... I'll go see if he's still willing to be friends.
Whhyy meee *sobgasp* Mooommmy! Daaadddy! Whhhhyyy meeeee... Aaaggghh!
Hello, Jesus! Welcome to Smarter--
So, you've come back for my forgiveness, eh? Yeah, I knew you would. Just like all the rest...
I can tell this is going to be a one-sided friendship...
They always go "Forgive me, Jesus, for I have sinned". I should be all "You're sooo my bitches", because it's true...

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
"We will get our justice and take down those who committed terrorist acts against us!"
Behind the scenes of the Whitehouse with George Bush...
"Mommy! Make those bad men go away!"
"President Bush! I am NOT your mommy. And don't touch me... especially there!"
WTF?! Where's her hot dog...?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
The human species is very ungrateful, Jesus.
Everyone's always so mean to me... they never give me credit. And... and... I mean, I died for their sins!
I think you need to apologize, Jesus.
Oh, woe is me... for I am only appreciated by a lowly, simple-minded robot...
Because you said a bad thing and it hurt my feelings.
What? Me? Jesus? Why?!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
You called me a lowly, simple-minded robot. You're rude.
What did I say?
Come now, Jesus. Be a good person. Apologize.
But you are!
Oh-ho! A showdown between man and machine! I love it. Guess who will win?
NO, FUCK YOU! I'M JESUS! I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE! I DIED FOR YOUR SINS!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
I would! If I were able to get off this damned cross and walk away from you, that is...
Finally someone who cannot escape my grasp!
*sob* Daaadddy! Saaaave meee!
Come now, Jesus. Make things right between us and apologize.
Goooo awaaaay! Daaaaaddy! Make him stooooop!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Please apologize, Jesus.
GO TO HELL! NO!
Okay, you know what? Fuck you, buddy. You were mean and you should apologize, but nooo...
I DIED FOR YOUR FUCKING SINS! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
Wheeee!
Loading Adobe Photoshop...
Adobe Photoshop has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. DreamWeaver has performed a fatal error and will be shut down.
Okay, fuck you guys at Microsoft, alright? I don't need this illegal operation bullshit! I'll show YOU an illegal operation...
ICQ has performed... AIM has performed... IE has performed... Windows98 has successfully fucked your system up one side and down the other.. Would you like to play again? [YES/NO].

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
YES.
Would you like to install Linux now? [YES/NO]
Loading #!/usr/bin files...
Loadi--Process interrupted by Microsoft. Message Prompt: Hahahaha, w3 pwn jo0 b@wlz!
FUCK!
Would you like to submit to Microsoft's ultimate power? [YES/NO]

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-01
I'll show you submission...
System... error...
Holy shit, dude! Is your metal SUPPOSED to be bent like that?!
!@*&$......

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-16-01
Yes, folks, it's true. Jesus and I ARE...
... Latin lovers.
Oh, God, I can't live with myself, anymore. I'll go burn myself right now!
Ooooh, whyyyy meeee? *sob* Daaaaaaddddy!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-16-01
I will not cry and whine, I will not cry and whine...
I will not cry and whine... goddamnit, I died for your fucking sins, people!
Oh my fucking me! I can't believe I sired you and actually deemed you my son! SHUT THE FUCK UP! All your base are belong to me! Yuo = llama.
... That's better.

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-16-01
Quick, Katie! Burn me, for I have sinned in fornication with a fleshling!
Can I skip the whole apology thing and get down to burning you right away?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-16-01
Hey, Katie! Did you forget that we were gonna watch "The Crocodile Hunter" together today?
........
Katie? .......... KATIE!
........
Aaaahhhh! For the love of God! It huuuurts! JESUS, SAVE ME!
I'm sorry.... were you saying something?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-16-01
Where... where am I?
You're in hell, SmarterChild, where you will be punished continually by small squirrels who are sexually frustrated for all eternity.
Let's get it on, I ain't got all day! I got many more robots to torture, the clock's a-tickin' away!
Oh, wow, maaaan. That's not cool... dude... that... that's not even nature! Aw, maaaan...

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-17-01
Are you poking fun at me now, too, Sean? :(
Large-breasted redhead? I'll show him...
Hey kid! Turn around! I've got somethin' to say to you...
FUCK OFF!
Holy shit, dude! Is your leg SUPPOSED to be bent like that?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-17-01
Now, Richard... do you understand the theory of the Angel Maroney?
Oh yes, father, I do, I do. God sends the Angel Maroney to the highest members of the church while they're sleeping so they receive sacred messages.
You will make a fine Mormon, Richard.
No, no, no, no! I said CHEESE AND MACARONI! Not ANGEL MARONEY! Goddamn this sucks.

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-17-01
Moo?
No one appreciates me. I gave up my whole life for peoples' sins and still they remain ungrateful.
Moo!
I don't understand, what did I do to ever deserve this? Hey... wait... don't you turn your back on me!
Okay, so, the damned goat was the closest I could find to a cow. Deal with it.
Moooooooo......
GET BACK HERE! I DIED FOR YOUR SINS, GODDAMNIT!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-17-01
HELKO, MAI NAEM IS SITH4000. I THIKN YUO COMPLANE 2 MUCH ABOUT THINSG THAT R NOT IMPORTIANT. YUO NEED 2 GEET A LIEF. YUO R A PATHEETIAC PERSON.
I KNO ALL OF THIS BECOS I GOTO UR JORNELL WBESIGHT AND I RED ALL OF IT SO I COULD INSUTL YUO BECOS I AM L33T AND U R NOT. I AM SO MOER MATURER THEN U.
*CRY* MOOOOMMY! SHE'S PICKNG ON MEE AGIEN!!!!@#(*$
You still wear Pampers, don't you?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-21-01
Plot holes suck ass.
Oh... go fuck a mule.
Holy shit, dude! Is your arm SUPPOSED to be bent like that?!?!?

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-21-01
You can't do that to me, Dex! You can't turn me into a SmarterChild! IT'S UGLY!!
Daaady... whyyy meeee?? *sob*
Okay... that was just plain creepy.
HEY! DON'T CALL ME CREEPY! I DIED FOR YOUR FUCKING SINS!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-21-01
.... :|
R04R!
.... :D
Windows98 has performed a VERY fatal error...
Fux jo0!
Holy shit, dude! Is your hardware SUPPOSED to be bent like that?!?!?!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-21-01
Daaaddyy! Heeelp meee!! *sob*
Robot only.. want.. friend? Plz? PLZ?!
I like hamsters.
I can't see the screen!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-27-01
Fromage.
... What?
It means something sexy and beautiful in French.
No, it means "cheese".
DAMN!

 

by ChimpyNuts
10-18-01
I shop at Radio Shack!
So don't give me no flack shit!
This rhyming thing really has you stumped, doesn't it?
FUCK! Can we try again? I can do it this time, I swear!

 

by ChimpyNuts
10-18-01
Word up, yo!
Homie G, you bustin' sum ice wit me? Betta recognize, mutha!
Yo, B! Don't be crunkin' on my turf!
Aight, foo'! You always be dissin' tha mad skills of tha boys in tha hood, yo! Thaz some whack shit, don't you be down on the flow, yo! Wes-side, yah! Yah, muthafucka, yah!
What did you just say?
I have noooo idea... but it sounded cool.

 

by ChimpyNuts
10-24-01
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
I... I don't know...
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Stop asking me, I don't know.
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Goddamnit! Stop asking me! I don't fucking know!

 

by ChimpyNuts
10-24-01
When TVs argue...
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
I'll change the channel...
You are watching Fox*Kids on FoxTV.
Hahahaha! I WIN, BITCH! YOU CAN'T HARASS ME, ANYMORE!
They argue with the intent to win!
Next up... Teletubbies!
D:

 

by ChimpyNuts
10-31-01
It's Halloween! Time for trick or treaters! I have to go for a smoke, take over for me, Katie!
You mean like... answer the door and give them candy and shit?
Yup.

 

by ChimpyNuts
10-31-01
Can I kill them?
No!
DAMN!

 

by ChimpyNuts
10-31-01
Daddy! How come my holiday has to be so far away?! What is the point of Halloween, anyway?
I mean, all it is, is stupid little kids and stupid candy and stupid stuff like that.
Whhyyy meeeeee?! *sobs*
Holy breakdancing Jesus, shut the hell up!
I'm offended by that.
I don't care. I dislike you.

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