All comics by Crow

 

by Crow
12-11-01
Honey, have you seen my testicle?
Crrrkrack! Nnngrh! [Is this it?]
No, that's a nail.
Zzrxyvk, xcaac? [I'm pregnant.]
I can't bear the thought of being a father!
Rrrrrrgh! Arf. [What makes you think you're the father?]

 

by Crow
12-11-01
Is this 555 East Harcourt Avenue?
Yes. Why?
Because I'm your clone. Hey! That looks like fun!
Not really. I was just practicing for a play I wrote called "Jesus the Carpenter"
Ow.

 

by Crow
12-11-01
Hmm. What does one do with the rotting corpse of your deceased clone?
Duh! I just need to find the Dummies Guide To Killing Your Offspring! They should cover clones in that!
Hmm. Maybe I should learn how to read first.

 

by Crow
12-11-01
Forgive them Father! They know not what they do!
Ha-ha! God hates you, and now there's nothing you can do about it!
That'll teach you to mess with the big G, bitch.
What the... OW!

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Nihilism Rears It's Ugly Head
Existence is pain
Ack. This guy is depressing.
All ends are futile, entropy shall claim all.
And after Nihilism comes Reality Television
Why is a nail through the brainpan always the best alternative?
Hey! Julie just called Allison a heroin-addicted hooker who sleeps with asian midgets!

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Hey. The scripts for the next strip just arrived.
Yeah. What the hell is a cowboy doing in panel three?
I have no idea. And why do I always have to end up with a nail sticking out of my head? It hurts.
What is the crack whore who writes this shit thinking? I bet he voted for Bush.
GOD DAMN REPUBLICANS!
Anybody need some methamphetamines?

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Hey! Who the hell are you?
I'm Jesus XP!
Christ! Well, what can you do that I can't?
Well, for starters I'm more compatable with other religions...
So? Some of my best friends are Mormons.
...and I'm Rapture compliant!

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Dude! My Charmanderâ„¢ can kick your Pikachuâ„¢'s ass!
What ever! My Pikachuâ„¢'s a level 23!
So? My Charmanderâ„¢ has access to Anthraxâ„¢!
Fool! My Pikachuâ„¢ is Canadian! He's immunized!
Shit. Wanna go snort coke?
Only if it's Nintendoâ„¢ brand coke.

 

by Crow
12-13-01
This is a public service announcment.
Suicide is NOT the answer to life's problems!
I know...
Jesus! Just because some little asian whore gives you AIDS, you think life is over!
Yeah...
And shit! You even misspelled "worthless pile of non-human vomit." What are you, retarded or something?
Crap. I knew I shoulda spell checked.

 

by Crow
12-13-01
By the hoary rings of Hagoth! $380 for a phone bill?!?
Zzzx ak ak crck [What were the calls that were made?]
"The Spank Connection"?!?
Trazsk yack [Oh yeah. That was me.]
And why were you calling the Pope at 3 a.m.?
Chkjaa Aaaj Mm [Call it a fetish, I just can't refuse a man in a $500 hat]

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Holy Crap! HONEY! They just bombed France!
!ack ack ack!
Jez, I wonder what finally got France bombed?
!arf arf arf!
I can only hope Canada is next.
!tzck tzck tzck!

 

by Crow
12-13-01
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a firefighter!
I want to be a Space Marine trapped on a hell-like planet with only a shotgun and a chainsaw.
Does that have a good 401k plan?
Totally.

 

by Crow
12-13-01
OK! Molestors line up on the right!
Does self-molestation count?
No.
How about if I WANTED to molest someone.
Entrance into the Neverland Ranch is a bitch.
Shut up, you are NOT getting in here.
Crap. Where can I find a school boy at this hour?

 

by Crow
12-13-01
...and that's why syphillis should be made illegal.
...isn't it allready illegal? I thought that was what Vietnam was for.
No no, Vietnam was a completly different thing.
Yeah? What was Vietnam?
Vietnam was so that Nike could afford to open up shop there.
"By order of the Supreme Leader of the CIA, shut up"?!

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Honey, is it a brain tumor that makes you see little Umpa Bands?
Zzzsk Kkck Traca. [No, I think brain tumors just give you headaches.]
Thank God. For a minute I thought I had a brain tumor.

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Aaaaahhhhhh!
What the hell are you supposed to be?
Aaaaahhhhhh!
Well? Who are you?!
Aaaaahhhhhh!
Where did I hide my handgun? Oh yeah, in my kid's sock drawer.

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Elder Gods gather outside of Kwiki-Mart
Jesus Christ! My Uncle Zeke sent me one fucked up photo!
Hazzrk ak nackkk [Ok, Cthulhu, Jesus, and Satan I understand. But why Buddha?]

 

by Crow
12-13-01
Aaaaggghhh!
Who the hell are you?
Aaaaggghhh!
Wait a minute...this isn't Tylenol, this is LSD! Well that explains quite a bit.
Aaaaggghhh!
Like why little Timmy keeps getting headaches.

 

by Crow
2-01-02
Hey! Why if it isn't ol' George Bush!
Hey Mr. Dick "Dog on a Ball" Cheney! Have you seen a level 13 Metapod around here?
Umm...No...
I have to find them all, or I won't be a Pokémaster!
Did you have another pretzel recently?

 

by Crow
2-01-02
I claim the Moon in the name of the Glorious South!
Umm....What are you doing here?
I am claiming this Moon for the Glorious South!
Erg...that's my herb garden.

 

by Crow
2-01-02
You mean the Glorious South's herb garden?
FOOLISH INFIDEL! Flee now, for you have forsaken life and 'roused the wrath of Cthulhu, Lord of the Unkown Deep and All That Lies In Eternal Dark!
Hah! What effect can your evil powers have on one who is protected by the "Glorious South"
Now thou hast forsaken all sanity! You shall live on forever, but now you must for all eternity endure the torments of...
France! Bwa-hah-ha-mwa-hah! You Frenchie!

 

by Crow
2-11-02
I apologize for the last two or three shitty comics.
Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah
yack yack yack
yack yack Bush yack
Fuck. This has got to stop.
Have you seen the ice pick?

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