All comics by DVS_X7

Profile

 

by DVS_X7
1-27-03
Yes, I have decided to leave England because the beer is warm and all of your comedy shows are unfunny.
And give me your union jack vest! 1983 is no longer in style.
Now, toe rag, now!
I hope you get eaten by a werewolf.

 

by DVS_X7
1-27-03
Yes, I have just come from England and am looking for a job. Can you give me a tour of your facility?
We are not hiring British chickens right now.
I said I just came from England. I didn't say that I was British. I'm a traveling chicken.
Can you prove you're not actually a British chicken?
You miserable little tosser! Wait'll I round up my droogs and we lay a besmirching upon you the likes of which have never been seen you bloody twit!
This is one angry British chicken.

 

by DVS_X7
1-27-03
Yes, I've just come from a terrible job interview and now I would like to have tea time.
May I take your bag and stick?
No, no one else is allowed to handle my stick. Just get me some tea.
Would you like iced tea, hot tea, lemon tea, green tea, sweet tea, unsweetened tea, English tea . . .
FOR THE LAST TIME TODAY, I AM NOT British!!!!
But the English know tea better than anyone.

 

by DVS_X7
1-27-03
Yes, I have just had the worst cup of tea in my life. Hey, aren't you that guy from that band? I thought you were playing guitar in the afterlife.
I'm just the spirit of that guy. I am cursed to roam the earth until the next musical revolution.
I saw you in Amsterdam in '91! When you jumped into the drums at the end of the show it was awesome! Just out of curiosity, how am I able to see you.
Amazingly, only British chickens can see me.
I AM NOT British you grungy wanker!!!!
Geez, what a negative creep.

 

by DVS_X7
1-28-03
Yes, I have just met the spirit of my idol on the street and I am quite famished from the experience. I need a good starchy food to give me back some energy.
Looking for anything in particular?
Which aisle is your bread on?
Aisle 7. We have wheat bread, white bread, rye, buttertop, pumpernickel, croissants, English muffins . . .
SWEET JUMPING QUEEN ELIZABETH, I AM NOT British!!!!
You need a good stuffing you evil bird!

 

by DVS_X7
1-28-03
Yes, I have just come from the grocery store and would like to take a swim. How are the conditions?
It's a little choppy and the water is cold. I hope it's been thirty minutes since you ate.
No, I do not believe in that old wives' tale. I'm just going to jump in and splash around.
You'll cramp up like a person who eats a bad bowl of New England Clam chowder.
You little billed rotter! You bloody loony toon! Do I look British to you?!
I hope you drown like a chicken in water.

 

by DVS_X7
1-29-03
Yes, I have just come from the beach and the water was cold. I would like to sign up for a class.
What kind of class would you like to sign up for?
I would like to learn another language.
Is English your primary language?
You loathesome wench, I AM NOT British!!!!
This chicken needs to take a class in etiquette.

 

by DVS_X7
1-30-03
Yes, I have just come from the community college and everyone there was dumb. I would like to increase my knowledge so that I never fall to that level of stupidity.
Well the library is the place to do that. We have thousands of books. Is there anything in particular you are looking for?
I want the book with the most knowledge in it.
Well that would be the Encyclopedia Britanica.
You brainy bloke smarty pants! I AM NOT British!!!!
This chicken needs a self help book.

 

by DVS_X7
1-30-03
Yes, I have just come from the library and there was nothing good there. I would like to check out a video to take home so I can watch it and relax.
What type of movie are you looking for?
I need something warmhearted, fun, maybe some singing involved. I like older movies. Anything to recommend?
How about The Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music, Willy Wonka, Mary Poppins . . .
You video geek blighter! I AM NOT British!!!!
I know the customer is always right, but is the chicken? I feel like throwing you out thru the return slot.

 

by DVS_X7
1-30-03
Yes, I have just had the worst video store experience since I've hatched. What say an old bitty like you go out with me and we'll dance the night away?
That sounds real nice sonny. I've already got my dancing shoes on.
So what do you do for a living?
Well sonny, have you ever dated a British nanny?
You old cheeky bat! I AM NOT British!!!!
This chicken is about to get an old fashioned caning and a bonk on the noggin with my handbag..

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