Draconias  

No way, officer! I'd never do drugs! I'm afraid that I would probably start talking to Satan or something crazy like that.

So then what happened?

Ohmygo! The apple pie recipe was like so good. I knew I'd win the bake sale for sure! But God, just like, got jealous and smited the mortal judges.

I was thinkin' more on the lines of Ritalin.

No way! I took some of my mom's ritalin once and I ended up talking to Jerry Garcia.