All comics by Freddybhoy

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by Freddybhoy
9-03-02
I seem to be missing something
Follow me
Where you tacking me?
There is a chop shop I now that suppy body parts.
Stupid. Why do I listen to you?
I was thinking more of how do you listen to me. And where did this bench come from?

 

by Freddybhoy
9-03-02
Tuesday 4.30pm. Hell
Where am I?
Hi there. I am Beelabub. How are we today? Welcome to Hell.
Tuesday 4.31pm. Hell
What am I doing here? How come your dressed as a Priest?
Well you have been a naughty hand now haven't you! Your best friends wife!! Your sister in-law ! Mr Winky!!! As for the look? Well it's laundry day. Anyway don't you think you deserve to be here?
Tuesday 5.12pm. Hell
Ok. You win. What's for dinner.
Well! You go get washed up and put your hand cart up against that wall over there. Gabrielle is rustling up some angel cake.

 

by Freddybhoy
9-03-02

 

by Freddybhoy
9-04-02
Wednesday 8.30am
Lucifer!
Yes? Oh and by the way I never caught your name.
For some reason "Andy" as I like to call him is in a bit of a tetchy mood.
Sorry. My friends call me Andy but you can call me Bob
Ok Bob! I hope to be able to call you Andy one day soon though. What do you want?
Lucifer proves that you don't have to be very bright to run the underworld.
Well I was wondering where the rest of me is!
Thought you'd ask. Walt Disney noticed that if you drew Mickey Mouse with 5 fingers it looked like a bunch of sausages. I take it your artist has worked on the same Principle.

 

by Freddybhoy
9-05-02
Satan is having to chastise an employee.
What's up boss?
We've had a complaint about your behaviour.
Can the party animal get out of this one?
What do you mean "We've had a complaint" I'm the bloody Grim Reaper!!
Listen It's not me, I'm on your side . It's the PR department that are on my back. They seem to think that you have been grimming and reaping in non G & R areas.
Nope! Buggered.
Oh yeah! Where?
Jiggely Party Queens Night Club!!!

 

by Freddybhoy
11-22-02
Morning boss. What's up?
I have a favour to ask Grim.
Anything you want boss.
I want you to visit as many Oracle database analysts as you can and scare the livig daylights out of them.
Database crashed again has it?
Bingo

 

by Freddybhoy
5-15-03
GR bumps into a stranger.
Hi there kid. What you doing sitting there all by yourself?
I am so bust. My head feels like swiss cheese. I really need to stop getting into peoples minds and dissecting there personalities.
The stranger has things on his mind.
Hey Kid. You ok? What's your name?
Go away I can't think about anything else just now. To many conspiracies in this world. Dinosaurs my arse
He's not a stranger he's just strange.
Moody git. Probably works in IT.
Must be a Libran!

 

by Freddybhoy
6-05-03
Tina's night out did not go to plan.
Hey You. Where am I? Who are you? Where is this? Who dressed you? Why am I here? Speak to me. Tell me where I am.
Eh! Hello. Names Grim. This is Hell. You been a naughty girl. Let me make you a cup of tea or something. This must be very harrowing for you.
Tina's a bit of a hand full.
Damn right it is. I was having a good time then this ejit started talking nonsense in my ear and getting heavy so I smacked him in the chops. Next thing I'm here. What gives Grim? Milk & 2 sugars.
You see. He's one of ours and you kinda hurt him. Broke his nose in fact. We try to look after our own. Sugar or sweetex??
Grim likes the ladies but decides to bide his time. One day! He thinks. One day!
Well he deserved it! I always get them. Must be my perfume.Anyway you married? You look like a nice person. You get out much? Sugar.
Eh! Maybe we have been a bit to haste. Why don't you go back and enjoy youself some more and we’ll see how it goes. Have your tea first though. Scone?

 

by Freddybhoy
7-16-03
Tina's back In hell
Hi Grim. How are you today?
Fine thanks. What are you doing back here?
Grim likes Tina but Is playing It cool
Been bad again so I thought I would save you the trouble of coming to get me so I just came down.
What have you been up to? I haven't had any reports about you.
So much for cool.
Well, I went to this party and It got a little bit out of hand and I bought some things that maybe I shouldn't have.
No, we know about that. We kinda liked that about you. Please tell me you are wearing something from the party, please, please!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Freddybhoy
3-02-04
George visits Dr Spasmodic Closure with a problem
Dr Closure, I need hic! your help. I can't hic! stop these hiccups and It Is having hic! some side affects
You know some researchers have suggested that hiccups may be linked to evolution and the fact that our ancient ancestors lived in the sea.
The visit has taken a strange path which George did not expect. (Neither did I & I am writing the thing)
You don't hic! believe Darwins hic! theory do you? What about God? Have you hic! thought this hic! through? These side affects are not getting any better by the way.
Of course I do. I am a scientist, how can I believe In a supreme being! Why have you moved further away? Have you got wind?
Obviously the side affects turned out to be more severe than George or Dr Closure thought they would be.
See! I told you, but oh no. You go on & on about bloody ancient creatures In the bloody sea. Bloody scientist, I hope you rot In hell!
No hell for me son. No such thing remember. Thought he would never Implode

 

by Freddybhoy
4-29-05
After a spate of rabbit suicide's Grim Is one short for lunch. If you know what I mean.
Eh!!! Hi! How are you doing today. Is your name "Wabbit"
Yep! Who awe you?
Grim Is his usual subtle self.
My name Is Grim. You can call me Gwim, although I suppose you have to with that Jonathon Woss thing you have going. I was just wondering If you would like to come for lunch, or be lunch?
As appewiling as your offer Is I think I'll pass.
Well the bhoy's have fell out. But It Is Fwiday!!!
But I am 1 wabbit showt!!!! Now you have me doin It pie fillin!!
Listen weaps! Buggew off ok, ow I will Insewt this wifle In youw awse.

 

by Freddybhoy
6-30-18

 

by Freddybhoy
11-07-18
The Bhoys Have Returned
Hi Grim. Long Time no see.
No wonder boss. Pitch black in here.
Not any brighter than before
How life been treating you?
For the last time. Me and your wife was a one time thing
Grim Probably cant hear for his hoodie
I said life, not wife.
Really dark in here isn't it?

 

by Freddybhoy
11-07-18
Boo!
Overdone the toga there mate
I said Boo! Am a ghost, I am scary!
Beat it yer a bloke in a sheet
I am not. I am he spirit of the dead walking the land forever.
Yeah well I am a clown and I scare more people than you do so take yer toga look and piss off

 

by Freddybhoy
11-08-18
Morning briefing
Who you reaping tonight Grim?
Not sure boss. Quite a few tory mp's need reaped but it costs money.
Satan advice
Put it on your expenses claim
Yeah right. Reason for claim "pick up tory party mp's and transport to the underworld" Finace would throw that out big time.
Enlightenment
You seen some of the tory expense claims lately?
Point taken.

 

by Freddybhoy
11-10-18
Hi Grim.
Yeah Hi.
Whats wrong Grim?
You ya tit..... you put chilli powder in my soap dispenser........
Ha! yeah sorry just a bit of fun. ...........Any excuse to get yer nob out eh Grim!
Yeah well not funny. Come and see my willie.

 

No wonder you die out. Filthy habit
by Freddybhoy, 11-10-18

 

by Freddybhoy
11-10-18
I am not talking to you.
Huh. you have a cheek
What the hell do you mean by that? No pun intended.
You were the one that dropped one in the meeting.
I did not!
I know it was you! It was the same smell as that time you held my head under the sheets!!!!!!!!

 

by Freddybhoy
1-10-20
Scottish Exorcism.
"Hello Father. I need you to perform an exorcism."
"Am no yer faither, am a priest. Dumb ass." Whit di yi want?
Negotiations
"I need you to get rid of n evil spirit who is getting on my tits at any cost."
"Evil spirits ur a grand plus VAT, nae backsies."
Easy Money
"Oi evil spirit, ya wee shit, get yer sell tae fuck."
"Aye ok, moanin face bastard. You get paid for 'get yer sell tae fuck?' you should be wearin a mask."

 

by Freddybhoy
2-14-20
Satans Hyper
"Hi Reaps, how you doin?"
"Eh, I am ok! You?"
Satan Needs Cheering Up
"I am a bit down, tell me a joke. I like your jokes."
"Ok, A gender neutral, a gender and a gender neutral walked into a bar. The bar man says "What can I get ...
Humour Has been Cancelled
"Wait, what the fuck is that?.................
"These days it's all i got boss."

 

by Freddybhoy
2-14-20
The Bhoys Try To Save Humour
"You want to try that again?"
"Ok, a vegan, vegetari....
Satan Has Had Enough
"Reaps, go forth and multiply."
"What? What does that mean?You don't like my jokes anym...
Reaps Admits Defeat
"It means get yersell tae fuck.Dumb ass PC dipshit."
"It's not my fault, I am not allowed to say ...Your right, I'll go"

 

by Freddybhoy
2-14-20
The Quest To Save Humour
"Right you, you used to be fun, so this is your last chance, tell me a joke. You have 3 frames to do it. Don't fuck it up."
"Ok. 3 frames, does that including this one? Or is it 1.2.3 with no intro frame? Never mind,3 frames it is, i'll work on the basis of 3..........."
Reaps Is Failing Us All
"Stop stalling."
"Ok there were 2 ... nope, ....eh, a Scots man and english...nope....fuck....
Date In My Diary 14/02/2020 The Day Humour Died
"Just as well Bob Hope is not down here, he would kick your arse, you just signed the death warrant on humour."
"I give up, I have nothing. I can't even change the background in case I offend anyone.?......................................................................."It's not my fault it's societies fault."

 

by Freddybhoy
2-23-20
After Lunch
"Hello Reaps."
"Hi Satan. Did you have a nice lunch?"
Satan just does not know when to keep quiet.
"I did thanks for asking." "Reaps, you have something in your teeth, looks like spinach."
"Yeah well you know what? "I didn't put it there."
Manners cost nothing.
"What do you mean? How did it get there?............................................... ......................"I did not, I think you will find you are wrong.!
"You put it there, speak it don't spry it, fanny."

 

by Freddybhoy
2-26-20
Grim Has A Favour To Ask
Morning Grim, The Grimseter, old Grimmy.
Boss, can't I use my real name?
Satan Is Confused.
Eh! Ok. What is your real name?
You mean after all these years you don't know?
Satan Is As Understanding As Ever
No sorry I don't......................... No chance, Kevin Reaper? Fuck that...
I want to be know as Kevin.

 

by Freddybhoy
4-13-20
Thanks Guys
Hi Reaps. What do you want today?
Hello you, ya wee devil. See what I did there?
Thanks Guys
Very funny. What do you want?
Ironically, considering my job, my partners father has passed away. I need some time off. Just wanted to thank my colleagues for taking up the slack and to management & HR for being so understanding.
Thanks Guys
Well said. ................................................I'll let you off with that one today.
Yeah, no sh1t jokes today, apart from the devil jibe in frame one. Couldn't resist that one.

 

by Freddybhoy
4-28-20
Social
Hi Reaps.
Distancing
Sucks
Hello Mr Devil. This is shit.

 

by Freddybhoy
5-10-20
Stanley & Boris.
Ok Boris as your father it's my job to teach you the ways of the world, and how to one day become the prime minister of Great Britain. If you don't get that we can try for Cuba, I've heard good things
Thank you father, you are so wise.
The Teaching Begins
Ok, repeat after me, bumble bumble blah, mumble bumble blah blah bumble mumble mumble blah! And ruffle your hair, you need to look like you sleep in a hedge.
Thank you father you are so wise, I will ruffle my hair. Bumble bumble blah, mumble bumble blah blah bumble mumble mumble blah!
Like Father Like Son
Ok, that's it. As long as you stick to Blah Mumble Bumble your on to a winner..................................................................................................................Not yet!
Blah Bumble Mumble Blah Bumble Mumble Blah Bumble Mumble

 

by Freddybhoy
10-17-22
It's been a long time
"Satan!!! How ya been man?"
"Been making some room down here."
It's been a long time
"For?"
"Putin."
It's been a long time
"Want me to go get him?"
"No I think he will be down any day noow."

 

by Freddybhoy
10-17-22
It's been a long time
"Satan!!! How ya been man?"
"Been making some room down here."
It's been a long time
"For?"
"Putin."
It's been a long time
"Want me to go get him?"
"No I think he will be down any day noow."

 

by Freddybhoy
12-16-22
"I just noticed, you don't have a face."
"You don't have any lower body."
"Neither do you."
"You don't have any - - -soul, you have no soul."
"You don't have any personality."
"That hurt, you took that to far."

 

by Freddybhoy
1-12-23
Time to bring down the Tory Party
Right you Tory dipshit. Your party has balls up everything. You lot need rubbed out and drawn in again!
Yeah we should go and take all these corporate jobs we got lined up.
Rub them out and give the UK new hope.
Time to rub you out.
Yeah well see If I start to care, fuck no...
Ah well. We are fucked---
And now to draw you ba--- fuck! I knew it!!!
Now for some real murdering hidden as austerity cuts

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