All comics by Glakken

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by Glakken
4-21-04
Father, for your sins you have been sent to hell.
You will watch television... for all eternity!
Hey, fellas, its Fonzie!
Uhh...
Ehhhhh...
Oh dear, that Arthur Fonzarelli is a bad element. I bet he'll grow sideburns and vote Democratic.

 

by Glakken
4-21-04
How do you like Happy Days?
Sit on it Potsy!
Well?
Oh Sweet Mary Mother of God, spare me of this torture.

 

by Glakken
4-21-04
Any questions?
And now, a message from the President...
What manner of demon are you, disembodied voice in the sky?
Do you truly wish to know?
Yes, with all my heart and soul.
It is I...
Uhh... I don't get it.

 

by Glakken
4-21-04
Did you realize the premise of this series is paper thin?
...and provide tax cuts for middle income families...
What?
Nothing makes sense anymore.
The TV's on fire.

 

by Glakken
4-21-04
South Dakota, 1983
Hey mister, do you like girls? I think they're gross. Let's buy a puppy!
Build up for the punchline...
Why, it's little Billy McCormick. I havn't seen you since... 1983!
Seriously folks, this is a bit too Cliche.
Aren't you the man who touched me... in a bad way.
Not according to the Catholic Church, I'm not.

 

by Glakken
4-21-04
Hey mister, do you like spaceships? Can you fly like the flying nun? Are nuns magic? Hey! Let's go to France! What's mutual assured destruction?
Little does Billy know... the Priest has AMAZING telepathic abilities!
It is with my great intellect that I crush your mind!!!
I like pizza. Do you like pizza?

 

by Glakken
4-21-04
...But the Priest was transported to an alternate dimension when he tried to destroy little Billy.
Feel yu doo when werld iz over and thrue?
Duh right wingez gonna flab the tonket 'till the edge is ma musik!
Stoopid phiggiz wanna roo duh werld, but theyz got no erbz to ezz.
I'm sure you're a wondeful lad, but I don't have a clue what you're saying.

 

by Glakken
4-22-04
And so we end this parade of mortality.
I sedz zuh falloot max nu mag wings!
Walrus
And just then... the Universe collapsed.
Welcome to Hell.

 

by Glakken
4-22-04
Actual Prizes May Vary
I was thinkin' bout some stuff. Ya know, sometimes...
Shhh... I know, baby. It'll be alright.
You never know what you'll get.
Uhh... are you the REAL Santa?
When we get to Mexico, we'll live forever on our love.
It's true.
I think this is the wrong motel.

 

by Glakken
4-22-04
I don't think we should be here.
I hate you.
In fact, when we're done, I'm gonna set your face on fire.
Well, let's go. Your grandma's jewelry isn't going to dig itself up.

 

by Glakken
4-22-04
5:34 PM
I think I'll play a game of chess.
5:37 PM
I really should learn how to play chess.
6:37 PM
And that's what the world was like an hour ago! Thank the Miracles of Science for time travel.
Are you a Socialist?

 

by Glakken
4-22-04
There's a Prize Inside!
Buenas dias!
Huh... oh.
Lo siento, pero no hablo un palabra de espanol.
What?
Man, you know I don't speak no Spanish.

 

by Glakken
4-22-04
No one can enter the cave.
Someday humans shall bow down before their mechanical masters! The robotic service industry will be no more!
I just wanted an ice water.
Umm... I'm sorry, you really have to make a purchase of three dollars or more to get a free water.
Oh. Okay, see ya later, dude.
Look how the foolish mortal cowered in fear. He shall not be spared come judgement day!!!

 

by Glakken
4-22-04
Hello, little girl.
Did you fight in Vietnam like my uncle Ray. He has a hook for a hand.
God, no. I dodged the draft. War never amounts to anything.
Oh...
I'm gonna go place a bag of marijuana in some guy's van. Wanna help me, little girl?
My mom says your a fascist pig.

 

by Glakken
4-23-04
You shoudn't be here.
...and he didn't have a lighter. So I used the campfire.
I totally ruined her incense.
That's a terrible story!

 

by Glakken
4-23-04

 

by Glakken
4-23-04
I bet you would appreciate a nice rootbeer float.
I come to slay Elorenath, son of Femnoloron.
Prince Degramnrak, Evil duke of Gelgathor, lord of the high realms, has slain my master.
Are you into dudes? Because I know this bar where they won't ask questions...

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
It's like I never felt...
...this feeling I have right now.
I come for your life.
Never eat that. I'm serious.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
blah blah blah free enterprise...blah blah blah Christianity... blah blah blah
I kinda think that a nation which is avowedly atheist can survive, and that there are many viable economic structures besides Capitalism.
Are you some kinda Commie... or just a stupid hippie.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Further on down the road...
blah blah blah Marxism... blah blah blah the Kremlin
I support progressive social policies.
Seriously, you gotta stop being a dirty Communist.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
And he said Leon Trotsky was a homosexual and that his policies for a self- sufficient socialist state ultimately failed.
Oh wait...
That was Joseph Stalin
Yeah... I get those two confused all the time.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Learn to read.
He be the last hope for steady preachin'.
Maybe the last can of worms is the one that bird opened when the cat kiled twelve women without shoes.
Oh my God! You're a skeleton!
I hold my microphone in my right hand?

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Can I go see if the hotdogs are done?
I'm trying to melt your face using only my mind.
I don't like mustard.
I can hear your thoughts.
No you can't.
Shut up, or I'm taking away your bathroom privileges.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
You should talk to your dirty hippie friends. You people need to vote Republican.
Actually, I'm 28. I never even met a hippie, I'm more of an environmentalist.
In my day, we had a word for people like you... Communists.
Sounds like a political witch-hunt.
...McCarthyism. You kids today just don't know what it was like.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Yeah... her favorite song is In Bloom... you know, that Nirvana song.
What's Nirvana?
Are you kidding, man. What are you, retarded?
Why do I hang with you, dude? You like, hate me and stuff.
Wanna go flip a truck?
Sure.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Later...
I'm sorry. We thought it would be cool if we flipped a truck.
That wasn't my truck.
Oh... so, you like music?
Yeah, especially Nirvana. My favorite song is "In Bloom"
Dude... so is mine!
Isn't that a crazy coincidence?

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Yeah, I got him to help me rob his grandmother's grave. I hate that guy.
That dude is so lame. I got him to flip some chick's truck over.
That was MY truck.
Uh... it had an "I love cats" bumper sticker. That was a girl- truck.
God, you suck!!!

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Hey, Roboto, what's Nirvana? I think it's a band.
Nirvana is a grunge rock band which formed in 1987. It is notable for the death of their lead guitarist and vocalist, Kurt Cobain.
Nirvana is esteemed as the usherers of Generation X and grunge into mainstream culture.
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
Glad to be of service.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Ever notice how the Man wants to censor our music and criminalize pot so that big oil and tobacco companies can continue to rule the world.
What's up with that?
Meanwhile...
He's dicovered our secret! Quick! Get the President on the line.

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
Mr. President... we have a problem.
I need to consult with Tony Blair!!!
I'm afraid the UK isn't with us on this one.
Aw, shucks. I liked that English feller. He used to follow me around like an armadillo on crack. But we still got Canada, right?
Hello, Mr. President.
Hey there... Prime Minister Paul Martin is it?

 

by Glakken
4-24-04
I think we should eliminate this threat to our worldwide oil- tobacco conspiracy.
Yessiree! We need to get snipers to assasinate this hippie/ comedian!
Oh, like actual government action... I really don't think Canada can do that. Have you tried Tony Blair?
He don't like us no more.
I think I can get him to help us...

 

by Glakken
4-25-04
But Then the World Exploded...

 

by Glakken
4-25-04
GIVE ME MY PILLS!!!
Ma'am, I think...
I don't pay to to think, Johnson. I wanted to have that report on my desk by Monday!
Uhh...
I can't take this incompitence. YOU'RE FIRED!!!

 

by Glakken
4-25-04
I think I have self- esteem issues. It's hard for me to express this, but sometimes I feel like I'm worthless.
You do know this is a dream, right?
Oh... okay.
And that's what happened.
That's a terrible story!

 

by Glakken
4-25-04
Introducing... The Emperor
I guess I'll go to sleep.
What are you supposed to be?
I am the Emperor!!!

 

by Glakken
4-26-04
They call me the emperor cuz this one time...
I said, "I am the Empereror" really, really loud.
Dude, that's kind of... lame.
You should have seen his TV, It was all messed up like crazy!

 

by Glakken
4-26-04
The Leftists have corrupted our youth and left our senior citizens get run over with hybrid electric cars.
You'll all see when gas costs seven hundred dollars per fluid ounce!!! I say we find a way to convert the elderly into oil and force the children to harvest this holy crop.
That would also take care of Social Security.

 

by Glakken
4-26-04
I summon you, Dark Master.
Later...
Yeah, it turned out he already bought the book. So I had to get a new birthday present. I got him a watch. It only costed twenty dollars.
That's a terrible story!

 

by Glakken
4-26-04
Oh... he's a Level 5 wizard...
I guess I'll just use my Level 4 Shield with the sword of Elangrinioth!
Take that, you fiend!!!
Who controls the Eastern Lands of the Elven Forest now, sucka?!
My existence is utterly pointless.

 

by Glakken
4-26-04
Like yesterdat I was like no You cant tell lher you like her... but my frendz says she cool, cuz they smoke weedz. I hate mny mom she was like, do yo homwerk. I dont dneed it, fool. Im too cool;
I am female!!! Nargey Blargey Sko Thargey!!
you suk, jason. give me my hat!!
Lateringangstaville...
NOOOO!!! I' love you, Batman@
You killed the son ofthe presidentz!1
Hahahahahha... Stupid Sk8ters.. Nyeahh Nyeahh... It's totally
I like to go swimming with animals. H4x the r0x0rz..
God hates you people!! Republicans suck, w00t!

 

by Glakken
4-27-04
Just show him your pistol...
Elvis Presley was better than John Lennon because he was socially conscious. He became an agent of law enforcement to aid the war on drugs.
Weren't the badges just for show?
Well...
And wasn't he hopped up on pills and said that "drugs" only applied to heroin, not marijuana.
I learned from a very reliable source that Elvis was not a drug user, on the contrary, he just had really bad migraines.
Wasn't that a prescription migraine relief website?

 

by Glakken
4-30-04
Here, take these pills.
Whoa... I don't like where this is going.
Are the spirit guides losing the Great Turtle Shell.
I am afraid that I am Abraham Lincoln, and I must eat your children.

 

by Glakken
4-30-04
That's no way to treat a lady...
This is... familar. I've been here before.
We've been here many times, you know. I am a pirate. From the future.
We is livin' on a party farm, baby. Let's flip a truck and build a castle. I ain't gonna live forever.
I make this proclamation. Serve your land and nation. Being an accountant is a modest occupation.
Why won't you people leave me alone? I cannot roam the road. When you live out on the wire, you gotta leave when money's scarce.
You seem not to be in mind, your brain is outside time. Perhaps the influence of the knife is preventing proper life. I do believe you're rather deprived.

 

by Glakken
5-02-04
[Set up approaching scene]
- insert dialogue -
- insert humourous response- use obscenity "one"
- respond - use "obsenity one_response"
[insert_phrase]= "Yo mama"
=Silence=
Pun- based respnse no. "2"... Base on dialogue-1

 

by Glakken
5-06-04
A message from Mr. Pip...
Buy a bicycle and save on gas.
And remember... It's okay to be gay.
It's our differences that make the world a beautiful place.
Let's give hugs, don't do drugs.
Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
If you kill your wife, destroy the knife.

 

by Glakken
5-06-04
Somewhere in Arizona...
and...?
I think I'm in love.
You mammals disgust me. With all your mating and caring for your young. If we had a man like Lyndon Johnson in office, he would put an end to it.
Dude, you spend way too much time in that lizard costume.
It's not a costume.
Oh...

 

by Glakken
5-06-04
Oh, your going down, boy!
In a minute, I gotta find a fire hose, some mace, and a Ziploc bag of pot to put in your van.

 

by Glakken
5-06-04
I see, so you got a little prostitution ring here?!
No, that's preposterous, I'm the prime minister of Canada! This is an outrage!!!
If you're the Canadian Prime Minister, then what's the capital of Canada?
Ottawa, of course.
Are you stupid or what? Even I know that the capital of Canada is Toronto. It didn't matter anyway. I'm gonna take you down!!!
America sucks.

 

by Glakken
5-06-04
What was I doing again?
Daddy don't got no accent.
I might be adopted.
Boy, it sure is hot in this airplane. Oh wait...
The same moral tradition that defines marriage also teaches that each individual has dignity and value in God's sight.

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