I was searching through an old abandoned mine shaft one day when I happened upon the frozen body of a caveman.
I thought to myself "Sweet! I'll defrost him in my garage, name him Link, and take him to school with me where we could get into all kinds of zany adventures and shit.
Apparently, "Encino Man" was all a lie. A 20,000 year old frozen cave man DOES NOT thaw out too well. Damn that Paulie Shore....