All comics by Halcyon

Profile

 

by Halcyon
10-31-02
Buzzzzzooom
?
??
Come back you rat-bastard, those are my tennisshoes!
Y'know, that would almost seem odd if today wasn't Mother's Day...

 

by Halcyon
10-31-02
I've been having a real bad day today and my mommy said that whenever I'm feeling bad that I should talk to Jesus because you love me and you'll always be there when things aren't going to good...
Could you please help me down?
So like Billy said he liked me but today he was playing blocks with Sally and she made him laugh and chocolate milk came out of his nose and I really hate her so it's okay to kill her right?
No. Now could you just get one hand for me?...I think I could get down on my own if you could j-just get one hand...
hehe... You're silly. I feel better now, love you, b'bye!
*sigh* No one ever listens to me.

 

by Halcyon
10-31-02
So they finally caught that sniper guy...
Yeah, I'm not too worried about it. I still gave George W. in my back pocket.
This is true.
He can't help himself. The man loves anything to do with big red buttons. Yessiree, looks like nuclear war.
Yeah..........So, you wanna play some Uno?
Sweeeeeet.

 

by Halcyon
10-31-02
Hal!
Zen!
Dude, I had this really weird dream last night...
Oh man, me too. I was flying naked over an ocean of ho-hos and when I looked down, Alyssa Milano and Dale Gribble were riding seahorses and firing water pistols at me and hootin' latino style...
... God you're fucked up, dude.
It suits me I think.

 

by Halcyon
10-31-02
The Limerick
I once met a priest on a mission, who'd begun an interesting transition. He wore women's clothes and a ring in his nose, and liked boys in compromising positions.
... That's not funny.
Yes it is.

 

by Halcyon
10-31-02
I've been thinking more on the meaning of life.
Yeah? Come to any conclusions?
No... But I'm reasonably sure it has something to do with Macadamian nut cookies or an equivalently tasty baked good.
Hmm... I'd say eggrolls.
Those are cute shorts - Where'd you get those?
Have I told you yet today, Bro?

 

by Halcyon
10-31-02
The Hazzards of Multi-Tasking
Hey Billy... You busy?
I'm chatting, downloading some mp3's, balancing my check book, playing pinball, and planning my vacation in Guam for next year.
Alright, well, I just slaughted your family. I'm gonna go get rid of some evidence and get a clean shirt... I feel sticky.
What now? *ERRNT!* Damn it, I got a tilt...
You remember that time you pushed me down in 3rd grade?
Hey! Double frequent-flyer miles. Neato.

 

by Halcyon
11-19-02
Omnipotent precipates of aggragate wealth...
Oh yeah
Toxic inhalents cause lapses in health...
Uh huh
And the safest safe sex is sex with yourself.
Thass'right

 

by Halcyon
11-22-02
Wow, Jon! What do you use to keep your whites looking so dern white??
Apar-TIDE!

 

by Halcyon
11-24-02
~~~BUZZZZZ~~~~____~~~BUZZZZZ~~~~~
I am your king...
I....AM your KING.
~~~BUZZZZZ~~~~
I AM YOUR KING!!!!
Umm...Jess, what the hell is this?
_________________~~~BUZZZZZ~~~~~
Just another of my bee-czar comics...
....You've sunk to a new low.

 

by Halcyon
11-25-02
What's up, my pale-faced brothaman?
Nada... Wanna saltine?
Dude... If I eat this cracker... Does that make me a cannibal?
Damn you and your honky stonerisms.
I got the muchies somethin' fierce.

 

by Halcyon
11-25-02
Fathers with the power to do so always keep their offspring from harm...
There is no Dad.

 

by Halcyon
11-25-02
Oh no...
Hi! My friends call me Mickey! You can call me MICKEY!
Stand still, maybe his vision is motion-based...
Do you like traveling? I like traveling. My two favorite places to travel to are Hawaii and Scotland. You never would've guessed I've been so traveled, would you?
Turn, now, run for your life... It may already be too late!
So what's your na...Hey, wait! Mom's not home tonight, I was hoping I could show you my place!...Maybe watch some Jeopardy?

 

by Halcyon
11-26-02
What's up, dude?
I was deriving an application of quantum mechanical theory to justify the presence of energy, the universe, and human consciousness...
And you FUCKING RUINED MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT!!! I almost had an answer! I had scaled a barrier in my mind where looking over would give me insight to the meaning of life... And then YOU had to barge in!
Yeah... But I just discovered I could make my sweatshirt look like a butt and I had to share it with someone.
Hold still, and I will be merciful in my placement.

 

by Halcyon
11-26-02
Have you ever wondered where the idea for Speedos came from? Maybe Mr. Speedo or whatever slipped on his girlfriend's panties by accident and he was like "Now wait a second..."
I mean, every morning when I slip on my panties, I think the same thing.
Except I don't think they make Sailor Moon speedos.
Well, y'know I'm sure the market is there.
Hrm...

 

by Halcyon
11-27-02
Hello! May I speak to Angie, please?
What?!? No! Who the hell are you?
Well, my name's Hal... I'm a friend and general source of amusement of Angie's... Is she there?
You don't need to know none of that, but if she was she'd be too busy to talk to you, you dummy no-game-having lame guy!
Umm... Do you view me as some sort of threat?
....... ....I'm telling!

 

by Halcyon
12-10-02
Life sucks.
I know. I brought you 30 gallons of code red.
*glug.glug.glug.glug*
This doesn't change much.
But at least you don't have to sleep this week.
You're rather useful.
What are brothers for.

 

by Halcyon
12-10-02
Pfft... Catch you on the flip, suckas.

 

by Halcyon
12-10-02
Jeebus Chreebus, look at the head on this girl...
Hi there, lil' birdibirdie.
Good lord, giving birth to you must've been like passing a meteor for a kidney stone...
Such a cute lil' birdibirdie, yes.
I wonder if it's an ego thing...I wish I could talk just to compliment you and watch your neck snap under the tension.

 

by Halcyon
12-10-02
hrrrrm...
C'mon, go!
Rushhour blows.

 

by Halcyon
12-10-02
Bitch you so inferior, betta run 'n fear me or, you'll need a new exterior...
She means it too, she'll fuck you up.
In fisticuffs I've been conditioned, fight me and see that fate's fruition, leaves you and the ground juxtapositioned...
This ho be bad - she'll fuck you up.
Listen to my oratory, heed my words or you'll be sorry...Uh...What would be good after that?
I dunno, but let me say girl, you flow like catamenia.

 

by Halcyon
12-10-02
Hey Robert...
I can't talk now, Hal... I'm taking the next step toward thinking about making a move on Linda.
Hey, do you remember that time you were passed out and we payed that bum with the scabs $5 to ejaculate in your mouth? Wasn't that hilarious?
...Maybe I should ask her permission...
Oh, wait, you were asleep...
What now? Yeah, I like sleep.

 

by Halcyon
12-13-02
Fluffnut the Squirrel's House
You! Random hot chick outside my house! Come in and try this.
Something smells good...
It's Veal Provencale ala Fluffnut.
*bite chew chew chew* Mmm, oh my God, it's like an orgasm in my mouth!!!
I can oblige you to that end as well...
Hmm... You got the $5?

 

by Halcyon
12-13-02
Hiya boys...Hey, what's long and hard on black guys?...
.....!!!
....!!
The third grade!!
...!!!
..........

 

by Halcyon
12-18-02
Y'know, historically speaking, Jesus was only crucified because there was a Roman magistrate in power at the time when his following was causing unrest in Judaea.
So, the Jews killed Jesus?
And Hitler killed the Jews?
Both technically correct.
So Hitler was Jesus's redeemer?
.....Ummmm....

 

by Halcyon
12-18-02
Wow, this is a really long line. Christ, you'd think God would have a more efficient setup, what with that limitless power and whatnot...
*POOF*
Oh my... That strap is too revealing BY FAR.
You think you're funny, don't ya twinkle-toes? Oh, I'm gonna enjoy the crap out of this....
Aww, hell.
I bet you wish you were one of them cold-hearted Mormons about now...

 

by Halcyon
12-18-02
Before we get started into the pre-op, do you have any concerns?
Well, I didn't, but after that look, I'm a little worried about euthanasia...
I know exactly what you mean.
I mean, with all the focus on anime and the like, I wonder if they'll be able to interact by any other means than throwing screaming punches or giggling in panties and school girl outfits.
Actually, y'know I think that tumor just cleared right up... I'll be going now.

 

by Halcyon
1-15-03
I found a green rabbit on St. Patrick's Day and took it home... He was cute, I named him Seamus.
But my mommy wouldn't let me keep him...
Then she said to stop bringing home rotting corpses... But what about MY needs, huh??

 

by Halcyon
1-19-03
Sup Biotch...Lemme tell you sumpin. Yo' momma's so fat, she jumped up in the air an' got stuck!
And your mother's teeth are so sharp, she can gnaw on a carbon steel rod for an hour and still use them to perfectly slice a tomato.
What sort of insult is that?
It's not, I'm just commenting...
Like when I say, that was also the best blowjob I've ever had.

 

by Halcyon
1-23-03
Y'know, I don't understand why anyone would want the body of a stripper...
I mean, hell, I have three of those in my closet and they don't do me a bit of good.
Are you going to buy any goddamn cookies or what?

 

by Halcyon
1-29-03
Do you ever wonder how much more active a people we would be if we suddenly ridded ourselves of electronic media for entertainment?
I bet physical activity per capita would soar at least 600% within a 12 hour period.... Though 90% of that would probably be hate crimes.
Like me...Why, I'd be raping and pillaging everyone and everything in sight if I wasn't so enraptured with this high-powered Athalon life-controller in front of me.
...Please?

 

by Halcyon
2-08-03
Whatcha thinkin' about, Skinny?
Well...
The current national defense budget is like $240 Billion, and George W. wants to raise it to a cool $500 billion...
Think of the amazing things that could be accomplished if we spent even half of that on something productive.
Like teaching Bush to read?

 

by Halcyon
2-12-03
Dude, I bought a new tennis racket today. It's so awesome...100% titanium.
Nice... Just like the space shuttle!
......
.....
Should I get a refund?

 

by Halcyon
5-04-03
There are two kinds of people in this world...
Those who finish what they start, and...

 

by Halcyon
8-12-03
(Based on a true story)
Sup, Holmes...Can I ask you a question?
'Ey. Sure.
What kind of rock is this?
Why, it's sedimentary, my dear Watson.
There's something wrong with you.

 

by Halcyon
8-12-03
*yawn* Eeek!!
Good morning, sweetie.
It's 6am, Dana...What are you doing on my doorstep?
I didn't like being so far away from you, so I slept here last night.
But you live right there... I could spit a chihuahua and hit your bedroom window.
Oh Jon, you always know just what to say to make me melt.

 

by Halcyon
8-12-03
Dana, you really need to look into getting a job or something to occupy your time. Do you have any skills?
I don't know what do you think I could do?
Well, I'm starting to think you'd make a good travel agent.
How so, sugartush?
Cause talking to you makes me wanna just 'get away'.
Your sardonic display has soaked my sweatpants with wanting.

 

by Halcyon
8-12-03
*weep*
Two thousand years in a wool loin cloth...
*sob*
Millions of followers with fingers a'plenty...
What are you whining about?
My balls itch something terrible.

 

by Halcyon
10-06-03
Hey Hal, how ya been? How's college?
I'm sinking further into debt with each passing semester and further into depression with each night spent listening to my subconscious try to resolve life issues by utilizing matrix multiplication.
Y'know, I had some trouble finding the money to pay for school too. Then I realized, "Hey - there's a lot of really hideous disgusting women out there."
Why, I was laughing all the way to the sperm bank.
Oh genepool lifeguards - Thank God for their noble souls...

 

by Halcyon
10-06-03
Have you noticed in these movie remakes nowadays how they keep giving parts to black actors that were formerly and memorably played by white actors?
Like Bosley in Charlie's Angels... And I hear they're going to have some black people do a few of the parts when they remake the Dukes of Hazzard. How crazy is that?
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind blacks or black actors... I just believe that if they want to be written into a script they should learn to write and do it themselves.

 

by Halcyon
10-21-03
I found a toothpick on this bench about an hour ago. On of those long ones, with the colorful plastic on the dull end, you know.
Then I got to thinkin'... And I realized it wasn't a toothpick at all, but more likely a stake for staking the hearts of tiny vampires.
I know the truth... and will not be merciful.
cherubil chirp squeeky

 

by Halcyon
10-22-03
I like Don Knotts.
You'd do him, wouldn't you.
Oh yeah, at the drop of a hat...In fact, that would make it easier.
Hats are the new bar of soap.

 

by Halcyon
11-25-03
Skinny, oh Skinny - I have fanatic news.
This'd better be good.
Last night, my girlfriend intromitted me to her mother.
What... manually?
I am hoping tonight she will be intromitting me to her father and brothers, enshallah. I'm so excited!
Odd, I see no bulge.

 

by Halcyon
12-01-03
Alright, truth be told, we had a total of 3 out of date warheads and limited firing capabilities.
Oh yeah, we know.
In the news tonight, Bush reports some Iraqi loyalists have admitted to the presence of at least two dozen WMD, evidence of over 10 of which the Whitehouse claims to have uncovered during the invasion
A press release from the President proclaims that all of the Iraqi weapons will be seized as soon as possible.
Other sources deep in Washington have told us, however, the next big stash of weapons isn't scheduled to be located until February.

 

by Halcyon
12-01-03
So, Dubya visited you guys in Iraq over the holidays. No one knew (they say).
That's right, raghead, it was a big surprise for us soldiers.
He told us to keep up the good fight, that soon we will have runnoft the tyranny...
That we are helping to usher in a new era - one where Iraq is in sociable alignment with the US.
Well, that's pleasant.
Yep. Of course, by 'sociable alignment' he means 'compliant servitude'.............. So whaddaya say, raghead, you ready to be the nigger of the new millenium?

 

by Halcyon
12-01-03
I love Thanksgiving. Lots of food and even more football.
Damn straight. D'you watch the Bayou Classic?
You bet I did... And DAMN can those black boys battle on the gridiron. That game was a non-stop display of sheer athleticism.
They sure have a lot of heart to play like that.
Makes you wish you could get just one of them alone so you could rip out that heart, devour it, and absorb their power, doesn't it?
Is that a hint about my Christmas present?

 

by Halcyon
12-01-03
Y'know Hal, after those last few comics... some people might think you're against the War in Iraq.
They'll probably think I harbor some hatred for negroids too.
But you see, people are notoriously stupid. This is the universal fact that kept Michael Jackson out of prison the first time he nailed him some youngin's.
Speaking of which, I've got twenty minutes and could use some lunch money.
Ugh... Can't I have just one political discussion that doesn't end with an offer of preteen prostitution?

 

by Halcyon
12-11-03
1...1...2...3...5...8...13...21...34.......
AwwwWWW....Play FAIR, Leonardo!

 

by Halcyon
2-03-04
Today after recess, this rich kid, Tommy, stepped on my reading book with his muddy tennisshoes!... But I didn't hold it against him.
Excellent, my child.
I've found that multiple moments of contact in quick succession is far more effective.
...err...
...Did you at least get his wallet for the collection plate?

 

by Halcyon
2-04-04
M!
C!
A!
...Fuckers...

Showing page 1.

Next »