All comics by Hughes.

Profile

 

by Hughes.
2-26-01
This reminds me somewhat of Akbar and Jeff.
Why because we look exactly the same but have subtly different characters?
No, because I hate you.

 

by Hughes.
2-26-01
Wow, why can't I get hot guys like that?
I am skilled in the use of computers.
Please leave.
I can get prettier lookin' girls than you on alt.binaries.hotbabes anyway bitch!

 

by Hughes.
2-26-01
It must be mating season at discotown!
You dancin?
You askin?
Love is all about seeing eye to eye.
It's such a relief to find someone as tall as me.
I like short chicks, they can give head without bending down.
Ooh, that's harsh!
Will you have sex with me? I'm a virgin and I'm dying of cancer, the doctor says I'll be dead in a week!
Don't wait on my account.

 

by Hughes.
2-26-01
Don't I recognise you from Mentuss' strip?
Yes, Hughes. has very few ideas of his own.
I sense one of those awkward silences that make me feel socially inadequate coming on.
Me too.

 

by Hughes.
2-26-01
So how long have you been invisible?
Just a few days.
What do you think of it?
Time passes.
Oh, he's gone.

 

by Hughes.
2-26-01
What are you doing sitting in a trash can?
It's a lifestyle choice.
Doesn't it smell bad?
Well.... yes, could you call the fire brigade, I got in here for a bet and now i'm stuck.
I gotta tell the guys about this nut, they'll laugh their asses off.
You're going to call the fire brigade right? RIGHT? Hey, come back here!

 

by Hughes.
2-26-01
Doug the bug's friends have come to see what's going on.
Hey man, where's the dude in the trash can Doug told us about?
Dunno, he's supposed to be here.
Doug is full of crap.
Yeah, let's go kill him.
Some time later...
Ack, they cut me in half, what a great special effect!
Hello again, did you call the fire brigade? Hey, you don't look at all well.

 

by Hughes.
2-26-01
Don't look at me, I'm irrelevant.

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
Hey twin sister, let's have sex with the guy who comes up with the lamest pick-up line.
Ok
Hey pretty lady, my mobile phone is the smallest on the market and has 200 ring tones. Want to hear "Ride of the Valkyries"?
So, who are we sleeping with?
Forget it, I'm becoming a nun.

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
The plans have been drawn up and the forces are ready to strike...
Let the invasion of Earth begin!
Aye, aye Captain Tagnut!
The battle goes well.
Indeed, these puny hum0ns are no match for us.
Mentski demadns royalties!!!!!111
So, leader of the hum0ns, you have come to surrender!
MOHH OMLOMOHLMOHLOMUHUHUHO

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
Satan hopes new technology will lighten his workload.
Using the net has made tracking down sinners much easier.
The inevitable occurs.
GAHH! It's crahsed just as I was about to print off the list of souls I have to collect tonight. FUFUX ACHE! Why does it keep doing that!
Because I hate you.

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
So, am I really allowed to swear?
Sure thing kid.
Great! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
That felt a lot less liberating than I expected.
If you think that wore thin fast, you should see how many times I've had to read "All your base are belong to us!"

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
There aren't any single women left, I swear if I met a single woman I would marry her on the spot, but there just aren't any.
There aren't any single men left, I swear if I met a single man I would marry him on the spot, but there just aren't any.
Once again, love is the first casualty of strange prejudices.
Oh god, a Blink 182 T-shirt, what a loser.
Oh god, he's wearing white socks! Hello! earth to wierdo!

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
Trouble for Glyndwr.
What are you doing here?
It has been decided you must die for bringing lowpass the word "moh" by way of your "Cool web link" post.
Yes, but it was Mentski who started using it, I just pointed the way.
Yes, but I can't find any characters that look like Mentski, whereas this russ one looks just like you.
You've got good point there, but I'd rather not die. After all, what would ad do without a bearded wizard?
Hmm, you may be right. Can you tell me where Syd Ricketts lives instead?

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
Oh wow, a dog on a ball!
Yes, it's quite remarkable isn't it.
Well yes, that's why I remarked on it.
Are you attempting to be sarcastic? Or are you just trying to provoke me into physical violence?
I hope nobody works out that I am arguing with myself in a mirror.
Yes, that would be pretty embarassing.

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
This comic strip creator is great, but who is going to read all of these? There are so many it would take hours.
I could tell you I cared, but I'd be lying.
If I look back at the previous frame I can see the past. I can see what we said a minute ago. It's amazing!
Be careful, you'll get deja vu.
If I look back at the previous frame I can see the past. I can see what we said a minute ago. It's amazing!
Nobody ever listens to me.

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
Late at night.
So you're really alive, but pretending to be a ghost to fool Death right?
That's the idea.
So if I took off this bug disguise I used to trick you into revealing your scheme, and revealed I was Death, you'd probably get quite upset?
That's the understatement of the year.
It's time for the highly predictable last frame.
FUFUX ACHE!

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
A stranger approaches.
Hello.
Hey! it's an elephant!
Can you tell me what's going on here? I don't get out much as nobody seems to use me in their strips.
You ought to do something whacky, like hammering a nail into your head, you'll get in a lot more strips that way.
Can I borrow YOUR hammer and nail?
Sorry, but in the frames where I'm not carrying them, there's no nail in my head, causing a continuity error. If only you'd asked 2 frames ago.

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
Down at the lab.
I have finally invented a penis enlarger that works!
At last, technology put to a proper use.
Would you like to try it?
Well, DUH!
Soon after...
I should probably have told you about the side effects before I started.
FUFUX ACHE!

 

by Hughes.
2-27-01
A typical chat... but this mischevious idler bides his time
batty boy: Hey tiger-grrl, where you from? tiger-grrl: asl's everyone? Batty-boy: anyone got pics? spangle: ho, you should check out that "All your base" site, it r0xx!
Seeing his chance, he types...
I am wnaking as I type this.
STUNNED SILENCE!
...................wtf?

 

by Hughes.
2-28-01
Randy is still impressed by his time portal.
If I look back at the previous frame I can see the past. I can see what we said a minute ago. It's amazing!
Hey, from this side of the frame I can see into the future!
Wow, really? What's going on?
Err, nothing to worry about, everything's fine.
Royalties and a handwritten apology are in the post.
moh!
Planet Earth is OURS!

 

by Hughes.
2-28-01
Jerry's sexual advances are thwarted by his angular face.
So, if it wasn't for the fact the front of my face is completely flat, you'd be willing to go to bed with me?
Yeah, you can't get away from the fact that you look like you ran into a brick wall really fast.
I can't believe you're so superficial! It's what's on the inside that counts.
That's right, and no part of you is getting inside me.
Jerry makes one final attempt to impress her...
I am skilled in the use of computers.
Well that's some consolation for you I suppose.

 

by Hughes.
2-28-01
What are we doing here again? Who wants to look at a pair telephones talking?
Good question, what would people get out of looking at this?
They're probably filling a gaping void in their empty lives.
That's a bit negative. Maybe they find aesthetic value in the scene's perfect symmetry?
God I hate him!

 

by Hughes.
2-28-01
Death is late for his appointment with favus.
About bloody time
Sorry, I got oil on my hands and couldn't keep hold of my scythe. Don't worry though, I have a firm grip on my shaft now.
Fascinating. Right, I need you to kill Hughes. he's easy to recognise, he looks like a cross between Kenny Everett and Matthew Kelly.
I'm on my way.
A case of mistaken identity.
Tonigh Matthew, I'm going to be... Chris deBurgh
FUFUX ACHE!

 

by Hughes.
2-28-01
Shelley is tired of the smalltalk.
Look, are we going to get it on or what?
I don't know, I like the sexual tension, and if we actually did it, that would be gone forever.
You prefer the anticipation of sex to sex itself?
Well, no. The thing is, if I imagine I'm having sex with you when I wank, I get most of the benefits of real sex, but I don't have to get to know you or buy you drinks beforehand.
I get a lot if this.
If you have any photo's of yourself naked I could borrow, it would realy help. A quick squeeze of your tits wouldn't hurt either.

 

by Hughes.
2-28-01
Huges is in the Digo-o-hahs
dw access
Access level for Judge_Nutmeg is Leuitenatnt (Junior Grade)
FUFUX ACHE! I've been here for 22 months, is this as good as it gets?
Dragz: hehe ppl ||||ZEUS||||: u r a gr8 m8 huges
Dreamwarper plots his evil bot schemes
Judge_Nutmeg quit IRC (Gahhh!)
heh, suck it up Huges, you will never have ops again! I rule digi-o-hahs!

 

by Hughes.
2-28-01
Late at night, it feels safe to delve into the darker areas of life on-line
Hoo-boy, let's see what goes on in here!
Joining #Bondage
Lord-Tallywhacker: I am Dom, any Subs?
Obedient-Lady:Give me instructions oh master.
An unforseen twist.
Lord-Tallywhacker: Will you really do ANYTHING I tell you to?
Obedient-Lady: Actually no, I am Dom, TAKE YOUR TROUSERS OFF AND PICKLE YOUR KNACKERS BITCH!

 

by Hughes.
3-01-01
Not us again! This is getting pretty weak.
Yes, Hughes. really doesn't seem to be trying.
He'd better pull his finger out and come up with something really original for the last frame!
I agree.
Royalties
moh!
/sound verypoor.wav

 

by Hughes.
3-01-01
Hughes. gets interrogated.
What do you want?
I've been asked to get you to explain what all this "Sherman or Donald?" business is about.
It's pretty bloody obvious isn't it? Sherman Tank is a "Wank", Donald Duck is a...... well you can work it out for yourself.
So it's about people who talk themselves out of sex, so they don't compromise their unrealisticly high standards, which leads to a life of unsatisfying masturbation?
You talk a lot for a bug.
moh!

 

by Hughes.
3-01-01
More a.d'isms escape.
Your gay!
My gay?
No, YOUR gay!
You mean YOU'RE my gay?
NO, YOUR GAY!
My gay what?

 

by Hughes.
3-01-01
I'd like to ask an embarrassing question. You know when you scratch your arse?
Yes.
If there's no-one else around, do you sniff your fingers afterwards?
moh, yes, yes I do. You do that too huh?
Don't accuse me of sharing your filthy habits.You disgust me.
God I hate him!

 

by Hughes.
3-01-01
We are such popular characters here!
Pretty soon we'll probably get our own TV series.
What shall we call it?
We should call it "Hammering a nail into your head may look stupid, but have YOU got your own show dipshit?"
Sweet.
If the networks think it's too confrontational we could just go with "This really fucking hurts."

 

by Hughes.
3-02-01
After another night writing until 4 am, Huges has got out of bed just in time for "Neighbours"
And now it's time for "Neighbours"
And now it's time for "Diagnosis Murder"
Caution, daytime TV is habit forming.
And now it's time for "Through the Keyhole"
If I go for a shit now, I should be down in time for "Collector's Lot"

 

by Hughes.
3-02-01
Huges and favus have a chat
So favus, it looks like Shelley still fancies you after all.
Yes, she obviously realised you developed your sense of humour because it's the only way people would hang around someone as hideous as you.
Harsh but fair. Of course we have no idea that Shelley isn't hideous too, she could be using that attractive character to lure gullible men into cyb0r.
Yes, she could be hideous and you STILL aren't good looking enough for her.
Still at least my Mum's not in a .... oh wait, she is.
moh

 

by Hughes.
3-02-01
Hello, my name's "Connie", you may recognise me from those great AOL adverts in the UK
I can guarantee that AOL allows parents to stop their kids from seeing any of that smutty filth that is so prevalent on the net.
Whereas you adults can see my self-fisting videos on connietheslut.com
Eueeeughh! I feel physically sick.

 

by Hughes.
3-02-01
One upmanship.
Of course I'm more nihilistic than you, I just shot myself in the face!
That's nothing, I just rammed a hand grenade up my shitter with the pin out!
Justifiable homicide.
All your base are belong to us.
Now it's my turn to shoot you in the head, only I won't miss.
Just plain stupid.
Actually Marla, I was Jesus all along. APRIL FOOL!
Please kill me now!

 

by Hughes.
3-04-01
It's the cemetary disco!
Hey man, that's some fancy dancin'
Thanks, I was in Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video you know?
Really, what was he like? I hear he's a real perfectionist.
Oh, yeah, he had to have everything perfect. I spent 8 hours in makeup and he said I still didn't look like a corpse, so he had me killed, just for the realism.
Wow, you must be really angry!
Yeah, fancy upsetting the make-up lady like that, she tried her best!

 

by Hughes.
3-04-01
Look, I have to get out of Interzone, I'm sick of having kinky sex with insects.
Do I have B.O or something?
No, it's just disgusting. look at you, you've got too many legs and you like to eat excrement!
Who doesn't like eating excrement?
Well, when I thought it was chocolate mousse it seemed okay, but the novelty wears off.
Go on, give us a snog!

 

by Hughes.
3-05-01
As Bill decides whether to leave Interzone, a sinister figure approaches.
So Mr. Lee, I hear your planning on leaving Interzone?
Well, I've been considering it.
Oh come on, don't you want to suck on my jismic teats one more time? You can stroke my mandibles too!
It's tempting, but I've ingested so many fluids from nauseating protrusions, I'm starting to empathise with Monica Lewinsky.
Well how about we go and dance on some shit with my mate Doug the bug! That's always good for a laugh!
That's it, I'm definitely leaving, but I'm coming back.... with a can of "RAID"

 

by Hughes.
3-05-01
What you been doin' today?
Dancing in shit. How about you?
I've been dancing in shit. You know what I love about being a bug?
No.
No, nor do I, wanna go dance in some shit?
Hell yeah!

 

by Hughes.
3-06-01
Doug begins to wonder what life is all about.
You know when you get those days when you just don't want to dance in shit?
Eh?
You know, when you just don't want to, when you'd rather do anything but the dancing in shit?
WTF are you talking about man? Have you gone nuts?
Aah bollocks to it, let's go dance in some shit.
Yay!

 

by Hughes.
3-06-01
Back in pre-history.
HUNGRY!
HUNGRY!
FOOD!
Why did Randy go running past me like that?

 

by Hughes.
3-06-01
The fleet has been orbiting planet Spradgemank for days and the crewmen are bored.
I bet you can't hit, Star Commander Vatvoord's ass from this distance!
Oh yeah! Watch me!
One zap later.
He looks a little upset.
He has a sense of humour, right?
Doesn't look like it.
Aaaarghh!

 

by Hughes.
3-06-01
After 3 hours of silent sulking...
I really hate him.
Listen, I realise I've been pretty unpleasant to you lately, I should explain myself.
He's going to apologise! I feel so guilty for hating him now!
It's because you really get on my tits, you aggravating little bastard.
GAHH!

 

by Hughes.
3-08-01
Randy can't get enough of the past.
Hey, why did Clango go running by like that?
Aaaaarghh!
DIE!
moh!
Planet Earth is OURS!

 

by Hughes.
3-17-01
Hello, it's me again, Connie, which, as you have probably already guessed, is short for "Condescending"
You must be Sherlock Holmes, yes, really her.
I want you to join AOL because regular work in adverts is hard to come by for a hideous crone like me, and the more succesful this ad campaign is, the more work I get.
Maybe she'll even be able to afford a decent haircut!
Fishboy = exception to the rule
You wil also get the added benefit of the mere glimpse of "@aol.com" in your e-mail address marking you out as a pariah of the Internet.
At last, truth in advertising

 

by Hughes.
3-17-01
Back in pre-history.
Hungry!
A COMIC THAT ENDS IN THE MIDDLE! Smart work!
Food!
Die!
Ahead in the future.
Must destroy everything!

 

by Hughes.
3-20-01
Doug's friends have grown tired of listening to his doubts about the meaning of life. He goes to the only person left who will listen.
I mean, is that all is there is to life? Dancing in shit? Surely there's more?
Hmm.
I just can't see what my purpose in life is. All I do is try not to get eaten, find shit, dance in it and then go to bed and do it all again the next day.
Mm-hmm.
Should I be searching for more? Should I try to rise above basic genetic programming and try to find something worthwhile to do with my time? I feel so lost.
Look, I've listened to your crap like you asked, now do you have a can opener or not?

 

by Hughes.
3-20-01
Can-Man comforts Doug.
As far as I can see you've got it pretty easy. Look at me, I've got bills to pay, taxes to pay, a car to run, and I have to work a crummy job that I hate.
What else?
Well, if I come home after stepping in dog shit, my wife goes "GOD! Get out of the house! Don't you ever look where you're walking you idiot?"
So?
If you step in dog shit, all friends go "Wow, that is so cool! Where did you find it? You're great man!" You're an instant hero! If only my life was as simple.
I guess I really am better off than you. Now I know why you've taken to living in trash can.

 

by Hughes.
6-11-01
Buttered parsnips valiantly battled teflon coathanger insurgents.
Buttered parsnips valiantly battled teflon coathanger insurgents.
Buttered parsnips valiantly battled teflon coathanger insurgents.
Buttered parsnips valiantly battled teflon coathanger insurgents.
Buttered parsnips valiantly battled teflon coathanger insurgents.
The hours just fly by.

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