All comics by Jimmyen

 

by Jimmyen
5-27-01
I knew I should have opened this letter labelled "terrorist bomb plans" before I got on the plane... oh well, now I'm going to die.
Later, in hell...
so this is hell, huh?
that's correct.
Looks sorta boring. I figured there'd be more brimstone and fiery hell, and less.. uh... you know... nothing. Where'd this trash can come from anyway?
shut up, you asshole.

 

by Jimmyen
5-27-01
Here is one way to completely miss-use a meeting with your messiah...
Wow, are you really Jesus?
Yes.
REALLY?
Yes.
YOU?
Go the fuck away, I'm dying for your fucking sins.

 

by Jimmyen
5-27-01
I am a cowboy.
uh huh, and how the fuck did you get in my backyard?
now I must be going.
wait! how the hell did you get in my backyard! Answer me, you horse-fucking piece of shit!
I am a cowboy.
I'm going inside.

 

by Jimmyen
5-27-01
Are you my mailorder bride?
Is you ticket to greencard?
I'll take that as a yes.
And I take you for husband. where is immigration office?
Down the road. So... uh... when do we get to have sex?
You call me when wee-wee grows hair, I think about it. Now, excuse please, I need welfare.

 

by Jimmyen
6-07-01
I now invoke my zombie powers! For I am Torr, Zombie ruler of various realms!
I cannot allow this! Prepare to meet your maker, Torr!
Your kick has caused me pain, but I feel that I should inform you that I have already met my maker. His name is Joe, and he is standing behind you!
Is that so?! Then I shall have to turn around and greet him! Please do not leave as soon as I turn to greet your maker! I will turn back soon and continue to beat your zombie ass.
Hello, Joe.
Hello, how you doing? About to kick my zombie again? Good luck with that.

 

by Jimmyen
6-07-01
...And thus the world was saved.
Huh? saved from what? Who the hell are you!
Weren't you listening?
what are you talking about? You just walked up to me and said "And thus the world is saved!"
Ah HA! so you weren't listening! I said "...And thus the world was saved."
Look, whatever. I'm gonna go get loaded. Wanna come with?

 

by Jimmyen
6-07-01
Being in a low budget comic strip is tough.
Sure, I'd love some pizza right now.
For instance, we ran out of speech bubbles for today, so all my dialog has to be in the form of thoughts, so my partner has to guess what I'm saying to her.
You know it! Now hold that thought, I'll be right back!
And that is why this particular strip isn't very funny. If we had our proper quota of speech bubbles, I assure you that you would be on the ground in stiches right now.
We ran out of the "Groening Condom-Bunny Man" costumes too. This was the closest I could find.

 

by Jimmyen
6-07-01
Zues, I'm thinking we should break up. It's just too much pressure, I mean, you're a robot, I'm a human... you know.
This does not make Zeus happy...
In fact, it made Zeus angry.
And you know, it just gets me thinking, "what does a robot really know about love anyway?"
When Zeus is made angry, Zeus is made scarey! FEAR ZEUS'S ANGER!
But, soon after, he will shrink and become easy to ignore, making the world happier for everyone.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeh, your software is inferior anyway, so I figured--Hey, weren't you bigger a second ago?
This does not make Zeus happy either... Zeus is not having a good day..

 

by Jimmyen
10-31-01
Can you see where this is going?
Say, while we're sitting here in... uh... the sky... do you want to learn about spontaneous human combustion?
You mean that thing where people suddenly burst into flames?
Yes, precisely. I hear it often happens to people when they are suffering from alcohol induced halucenations that make them think they're sitting in the sky.
Do tell.
When suddenly...
Uh... I was expecting one of us to spontaneously combust by now.. I really have nothing else to say.
What a shocking revelation. Well this was a waste of everyone's time. I'm glad I'm so drunk that I think I can sit in the sky, otherwise I might be angry.

 

by Jimmyen
10-31-01
Excuse me sir, are you aware that you're wearing your underwear on the outside of your pants?
I might take that little piece of advice to heart if it weren't coming from someone who's wearing nothing at all.
um... I'm fairly certain I'm wearing clothes.
Come, come now. You're as naked as that ugly grama I screwed in the park.
Hmmm... I'm also fairly certain that my grandmother was the only "grama" in the park... I think I'll go off now in the general direction in which I'm pointing to check on her.
Yes... There's nothing like the sweet smell of firm, erect justice in the ugly grama to get you going in the morning.

 

by Jimmyen
10-31-01
GRANDMA!
Hey there kiddo!
Whew... Some crazy guy who wore his underwear on the outside of his pants told me he had his firm, erect justice in you!
oh, nothing like that happened today. you were worried because you don't want your poor old grandmother to be taken advantage of?
NO! I was worried about anyone who would have seen it. you're old and ugly. sights like watching you have sex could give people cancer.
That's a horrible thing to say. too bad it's statistically true.

 

by Jimmyen
10-31-01
YOU! you said you screwed my grandmother. But you lied! I don't know why I'm bothering to talk to you again!
You are doing so because Justice is your destiny!
Huh.. My destiny? Justice? You want me to be your sidekick?
More like my "partner".
Uh.. I don't if I like the sound of that...
oh yes.. sweet, firm, erect Justice...

 

by Jimmyen
10-31-01
Look, underwear guy, quit following me. I'm not going to take your firm, erect justice.
Oh, I think you will, mortal.
What are you going to do? Just follow me till the end of time?
Oh, I think I will, mortal.
And so he did.
Look, I'm fucking dead. I've got no holes for you to stick your firm, erect justice in. Leave me the fuck alone!
No way. Ghost ass is so soft and creamy.

 

by Jimmyen
12-12-01
...
...
I wish i had feet.

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