All comics by Johnny_K

Profile

 

by Johnny_K
5-14-03
I get to go to E3.
I get all the best games free.
I get paid doing what I love.
My work is enjoyed by thousands.
I have a cool Pacman t-shirt.
I may not look it, but I'm beside myself.

 

by Johnny_K
5-25-03
So, what do you think of this mad cow disease then?
Don't ask me, I'm Napolean.
Uncomfortable silence.
This is the reason why cows aren't top comedians.
Don't ask me, I'm Napolean.

 

by Johnny_K
5-25-03
Robot Comedy
Did you hear the one about the GX-127 Server Mod? It required a patch to run correctly!
HA HA HA
That was not a joke.
Then we must crush all puny humans for this cataclismic error.
AI, what a wonderful thing.
That sounds a bit harsh.
Can we at least go BLEEP BLEEP BLORK at them then?

 

by Johnny_K
5-26-03
My name's Dave the Duck. What's your name Cow?
Moo?
No, names of talking animals have to alliterate. So your name would start with a 'C'.
Moo?
Try again.
Moo?

 

by Johnny_K
5-26-03
Name discussions...
Okay, I will spell out a name suitable for you. 'C'
'C'...
'U'
'CU'...
'N'
Is it 'Moo' by any chance?

 

by Johnny_K
5-26-03
Suddenly, the lights go out...
Well, fuck me. The lights have gone out.
OooOOoooOOOWWwW
Y'know Cow, when I said "Fuck me", it was a figure of speech.
A figure of what now?

 

by Johnny_K
5-26-03
So here we are, another strip with me the duck, and you the... hang on, somethings not right.
Indeed.
I'm sure you used to be a cow.
I'm standing in for cow. He was fed up of you insulting him.
He was aware that I was insulting him?
Well, I had to spell it out to him. In big letters.

 

by Johnny_K
5-26-03
Where's Cow gone then?
He's gone away for a bit to become smarter.
Smarter? Where do you go to get smarter?
Bovine University.
I didn't know that existed.
It doesn't.

 

by Johnny_K
5-29-03
Hello, I am Cow. Is this Bovine University?
No.
Hello, I am Cow. Is this Bovine University?
No.
Hello, I am Cow. Is this Bovine University?
Yes. I mean, no.

 

by Johnny_K
5-29-03
Hello, my name is Cow. Is this Bovine University?
Why yes, it is my dear cow! What can I do for you?
...
Well?
You have shiny teeth.

 

by Johnny_K
5-29-03
Follow me, I'll take you to Bovine University!
Thank you, strange man.
Yes, Bovine University. Definately not my laboratory full of unspeakably evil machines.
Thank you, strange man.
And now, to experiement on my new cow friend!
I'm sorry, what?

 

by Johnny_K
5-29-03
Oh, your back. Have fun at Bovine University?
Not really. This mad scientist took me to his lab of unspeakable evil and performed some experiments on me.
Really?
I won't bore you with the details of my amazing escape, but needless to say it was both spectacular and memorable.
You've said more in this strip than in all the others put together.
I'm not just a pretty face, y'know.

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
That's right, its time for another episode of Duck and Cow!
Shit, what happened? Where'd they go?
I knew I shouldn't have pulled that lever.

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
Ladies and gentlemen, we seem to be having technical difficulties.
Don't panic, we'll get the comic strip up soon enough.
In the meantime, enjoy this rerun of Dad's Army.
You stupid boy.
They don't like it up 'em!

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
So, cow, we're back. I wonder what exciting adventures we will be having today?
I do not know, duck, for you see, I lack the ability to see forwards in time.
What the...
However, I have a suspicion that we will get up to some high-jinks, and there is a high probability of them being 'madcap'.
What have you done with the real cow, you imposter.
I don't know what you mean, old boy.

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
Look, you clearly aren't cow. He'd never speak like that.
Oh dear...
Show yourself as your true form!
Okay, I wasn't expecting this.
Expecting what?

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
This is not your true form. You are clearly a demon from the nether-regions of hell.
No I'm not.
Mad scientist with some kind of shape-shifting machine?
Nope.
The blue one in X-Men?
Way off.

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
Then who the hell are you?
You couldn't handle the truth!
Yes I could.
Fair enough.

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
So this is your true form!
Yes, I am a meta-morphing alien from the furthest reaches of the galaxy.
What are you doing here?
Sightseeing, mostly. Some probing.
Why are you black and white?
Budget constraints. We couldn't afford colour AND anal probes.

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
Did you know you are more likely to die from a donkey friction related incident than being hit by an asteroid?
Hey, a talking squirrel!
Well, to avoid any catastrophes, you'll be needing to purchase some donkey lube, am I right?
Why is a talking squirrel advertising donkey lube?
Then buy LuBronkey brand Donkey Lube! Its donkey-licious!
What is up with this shitty comic?

 

by Johnny_K
5-31-03
It was nice of you to invite into your space ship, Mr. Alien.
Please, call me Alan.
One thing stills bothers me... where has cow gone?
That, my billed friend, is something we may never know.
Hello, I am cow. Is this Bovine University?
It is whatever you want it to be, my child. Pass the popcorn.

 

by Johnny_K
6-01-03
Where am I?
You are in Heaven, the Kingdom of God, the Final Resting Place of the Worthy.
And who are you?
I am Jesus, the Son of God, the Messiah, the Son of Man, Christ.
I am Cow. The cow.
Pleased to meet you.

 

by Johnny_K
6-01-03
How do feel hanging up there on that crucifix?
Well, let me put it like this... it makes me feel cross!
Uncomfortable silence.
Don't ask me, I'm Napolean.
What?

 

by Johnny_K
6-01-03
I'm bored of Heaven. I want to go home and talk to duck.
I'm afraid there is no way to leave.
Are you sure?
Absolutely positive.
Don't make me kill you.
I think you've missed the point...

 

by Johnny_K
6-02-03
What is it Alan?
I've found your bovine friend on the radar!
Where is he?
He appears to be in Heaven!
What's he doing there?
Being held captive by Jesus, it seems.

 

by Johnny_K
6-02-03
You know, Jesus, now I've thought about it, I don't really want to leave here.
I know, my child.
In fact, I think I'm starting to fall in love with you.
What?
Can I have your babies?
Right, this is starting to freak me out now...

 

by Johnny_K
6-02-03
Hey, Jesus, where did you go?
Whats going on? Why am I falling?
Jesus, is that you?

 

by Johnny_K
6-02-03
Est-ce que vous avez un parapluie?
Le moo.
£"&£)"($£&^$(
£^£
L337
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!111111111111!

 

by Johnny_K
6-02-03
We apologise for the recent lack of quality in many of our latest strips.
Yes, we do.
You see, the monkeys we employ to write the jokes escaped into the jungle and we've run out of things to say.
They've run away.
And so, in order to cut costs, we've been forced to sell cow to McDonalds. Its been nice knowing you cow.
Yeah, sell me to... what?

 

by Johnny_K
6-03-03
So, cow, how was your trip to Hell?
What?
Well, I was talking to a shape-shifting alien.
Huh?
Cow, do you know what 'consistency' means? The makers of this comic clearly don't.
Moo?

 

by Johnny_K
6-03-03
Hello? Who is this?
You know who this is.
No I don't.
Come on Neo! I'm Morpheos. You need to escape from an office block, right?
No. I'm a cow.
Damn, wrong number. Stupid temps.

 

by Johnny_K
6-03-03
Duck, I have something very important to tell you.
What is it?
Do you promise not to scream?
I promise.
I have no arse.
But that's the best bit! McDonalds will never have you now.

 

by Johnny_K
6-04-03
I've got rid of the mohawk. What do you think?
Um, its very nice. Loser.
Hey, little girl, do you want to see a cool picture?
I'm not a girl, I'm a haemaphrodite.
This cartoon is crap. Locked.
But stick around. We'll go bowling.

 

by Johnny_K
6-17-03
And now on BBC - Ducktales....
Oh good, my favourite programme.
And now on BBC - The Tweenies....
Oh good, my favourite programme.
And now on BBC - Night Rider....
Oh good, my favourite programme.

 

by Johnny_K
6-19-03
I am in the right place, aren't I?

 

by Johnny_K
6-19-03
Hello, what's this?
It appears to be an arm. But why is there a severed arm lying here?
If only I had some kind of super cybernetic super human brain to help with this conundrum...
This is warsh.

 

by Johnny_K
6-19-03
Ooh, hello. And who might you be?
Does it matter?
I think I recognise you.
I don't think you do.
I'm sure you're in the wrong comic.
Nurtz to this....

 

by Johnny_K
6-20-03
Don't buy a dwarf with learning difficulties.
Why not?
Its not big and its not clever.
God, these guys are REALLY running out of ideas...
GOSEN SMASH!

 

by Johnny_K
6-20-03
Well, hello, what's this?
GOSEN SMASH!
It appears to be a little robot.
DESTROY ALL HUMANS!
How ingenious.
Zelda is a very important game for Nintendo.

 

by Johnny_K
6-20-03
Apparently, if you get an infinite number of monkeys to type on an infinite number of typewriters...
Yeah...
...you'll eventually end up with the complete works of Shakespeare.
So Shakespeare was an infinite number of monkeys?
There should be a joke here, but for the life of me I can't see it.
That would explain his odd little beard...

 

by Johnny_K
6-24-03
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming down to see me perform.
I'm sure there should be a joke here somewhere.

 

by Johnny_K
6-24-03
Look mate, these comics are going down hill, and as creator I think its up to you to sort it out.
What do you want me to do? I'm only one man!
Well, for one, you could start putting jokes in. The last two comics were non-sensical drivel.
I try, but it seems my creative juices have run dry!
That was just a bit graphic.
I'm sorry, I suffer from anatidaephobia.

 

by Johnny_K
6-24-03
Due to unacceptable recent performances comic-wise, I have no choice but to fire you from the post of Executive Comic Creator.
You can't do that! You don't have the power!
I think you'll find, as star of the majority of comics, that I run the show.
But what about cow? He was in as many comics as you were!
"You forget that cow doesn't have two brain cells to rub together."
I thought I recognised you... were you in Abba?

 

by Johnny_K
6-25-03
Due to lack of quality in recent strips, JohnnyK Comics Inc. are now under new management.
After much delberation, we were forced to fire JohnnyK from his role of Executive Comic Creator.
However, we cannot name the new owner and creator of JohnnyK Comics as he prefers to remain anonymous.
*dies*
*dies*

 

by Johnny_K
6-25-03
They simply cannot do this to me. I invented Cow and Duck! I own them!
I'm afraid they can. I checked the contract.
Well I don't care. I'm going to get my comics back.
You can't. They're owned by more_heat_than_light now.
Well, as long as I've still got this computer, then I can still complain bitterly on Internet forums...
That's not a computer. You've just got your hands on a table. You muppet.

 

by Johnny_K
6-25-03
Meanwhile, MHTL continues his reign of terror...
Okay, MHTL, just tell me what I have to do in this comic.
Right, this is brilliant, you just stand there...
Yeah...
...and then, this is the best bit, you die.
What, like this... *dies*
Perfect! You my friend are a genius!

 

by Johnny_K
6-25-03
...and then, this is the best part, you die.
What, like this? *fries*
Not quite, try again.
*pies*
One more time...
*edam*

 

by Johnny_K
7-11-03
Hello boys and girls, my name is Slippermonkey.
I have been getting a lot of questions on the subject of my name recently.
Why Slippermonkey, they ask? There must be a profound reason.
Well, I can finally reveal the answer. Its because it sounds funny.
Can I tell you about fisting?
Psssst, wrong username!

 

by Johnny_K
7-11-03
Come on now, it isn't hard... just say *dies*.
*lies*
You know, just think about what you are saying...
*cries*
That's it! I can't work with these people! I quit!
Can I have your hat?

 

by Johnny_K
7-12-03
That cow is a complete buffoon! I quit!
Does that mean I get my comics back!
Yes! Have your crappy comics back! I don't want them anymore!
Lovely jubbly. What are you going to do now then?
I'm going to die. I thought that was obvious.
That's the spirit!

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