All comics by Kaine

 

by Kaine
11-15-01
Ugh! I hate men! They never want to commit! That's it! I'm thru with them!
Are you sure you're through with them? Your only other choice is to be a lesbian and pose for penthouse, you know.
Hey babe...I'll move in with you...
Umm..ok! Woot!
Damn! I was hoping she'd go with the lesbian thing...

 

by Kaine
11-15-01
One day at work...
Psst! Tell them to to route all the network bandwith to EP!
Huh?!?
Tell them that they would be better utilized if they moved to the closet!
Hey, yeah! Maybe I can get control of the website too!
Later that day...
Our conquest of the planet earth has begun, master!
Exxxxxceeeelleenntt!

 

by Kaine
11-15-01
Plan A: Establish the bottom line.
Sorry I'm late...I just realized something horrible! I only make $25,000 a year.
Umm....
So, how about that dinner date?
Err....
Plan B: Go with her wildest fantasy.
Hey! Just kidding! I actually own AOL!
Woot! Marry me!

 

by Kaine
11-16-01
Hey bro, what's up?
Well, I just bought a new car! It's fast, looks great, and gets kickass gas mileage!
Be right back!
?!?!?
There! I just bought General Motors! Let's go pick out my car now.
*sigh*

 

by Kaine
11-16-01
One day at work, Lenka hears a voice...
Lenka, I have a mission for you.
Yes, God?
I want you to spread the joy of sandwiches far and wide.
umm, ok! I'll go get my map of Canada!
MUHAHAHAHA! TOO easy!

 

by Kaine
11-16-01
After hearing of Atlantic's dropping both Tori Amos and Poe, our brave hero rushes off to save the day!
AOL! I challenge you to a duel to avenge the loss of my beloveds Tori and Poe!
Hey! Sure, man! Let me get my lawyer!
!?!?!?
Ruh Roh!
Now, let me pull the files...Tori, was it?

 

by Kaine
11-22-01
Have no fear! Pee Pee's here!
I will destroy you, Pee Pee!
I'm going to melt you and shape you into a dogtoy!
NOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Oh Fiiiiddoooo!!!!
Darn it! Dog saliva!

 

by Kaine
11-22-01
Stand back, Villian! I'm going to blast you into outer space!
Ruh roh!
Tell the Venusians I said hello, Villian
No! I just wanted to know if you wanted to switch long distance carriers!
Oops! So you're not Herman the evil plastic soldier man?
OWWW! That hurt!

 

by Kaine
11-22-01
Aha! I've caught you now, Evil Man!
No, wait! I'm just a singer in a pop boy band!
Then...you're NOT an evil villian?
No, I just make little girls scream with glee with my perfect teeth and fake charm!
Even better! Evil can wait! I've caught the REAL enemy!
Mommy!!

 

by Kaine
12-21-01
One fine day on a busy street...
I want more food! Must get food!!!
That's the lug nut freakazoid! I've got to get away from him quickly!
Hey babe! Got any food kicking around? I'm hungry! Hook me up!
Get away from me you freakazoid! Can't you see I just got my nails done?!?!?
I'm not moving until you feed me!
Good! Pay no attention to the sound of that Mack truck getting closer, then. Byeeee!

 

by Kaine
12-21-01
Are you ready for the school play?
School play? There's a school play today?
Yes! You have the lead role!
Yikes! I guess I better look at that script!
????
Of course, this DOES cut into my time with Jean Pierre....

 

by Kaine
1-04-02
Ok, IT! I want a status report! We can't have you guys lounging around doing nothing, can we?
Ok. Jack. Here we go again. We've rerouted the I.P. configuration to represent a more precise structural layer. At the same time, we were able to convert your file system to NTFS for security.
No! Wait! You're going too fast! I don't understand! Stop! Aaarrrgghh!!!
At the same time, we increased the packet size on the network to allow more bandwidth. We also cleared those viruses out of your "porn of the day" email.
You'll pay for this, IT! You'll.........

 

by Kaine
1-04-02
Hi Carol. We're here for the production meeting.
Oh! No thanks! We already have coffee.
No. We're here to deliver our report.
What? Are we low on coffee??
Noo....don't you want to know what we've been up to?
Does it involve getting doughnuts? You can never have enough doughnuts you know.

 

by Kaine
1-04-02
And for this year's Employee of the Year, I'd like to give a special welcome to Willy. Come on up here, Willy!
Gee, thanks Jack! I'm really proud to be up here!
Yes, yes. We know. Now, here's what I want you to say.
Huh?!?
Go ahead...read it.
And this year's award goes to the janitorial service for their hard work during those part time hours. We also appreciate the fact that they haven't stolen anymore laptops.

 

by Kaine
1-04-02
This year's Employee of the Year is a special one, as this person has been like an extension of my own body in many areas.
Jeff, c'mon up here!
Psst! I'm not ready yet! I'm still administering your new policy to IT. By the way, that's thrust, thrust, squirm thrust, right?
Yes, and if you hurry, I'll throw in another $500,000 for E.P. equipment.
Woot! No time to stop for the vasalene, boys! I'm off to the IT room!

 

by Kaine
1-08-02
Mom, I'm going out on a date with Chris.
Have I met this "Chris"?
Ummm...no.
Ok, then. I need his full name, address, phone number, date of birth, last three jobs, references, blood type, former dates names and phone numbers, his career plans, what he had for breakfast, and..
Umm...actually, I think I'll just stay home and help you clean.
Oh! Good! I'll get the cleaning supplies! Wake me up when you've finished the top floor of the house.

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