All comics by Man_Eater

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by Man_Eater
6-08-02
Dude! Jesus, am I glad I found you!!
What news do you bring, my child?
Earth's in chaos man!! People are blowing each other up, killing each other. Animals are disappearing, and the o-zone layer is shredded!!
Your kidding?!
And so earth was once again at peace
So, what are you going to do Jesus?
Well, I'm going to start with kicking Jerry Fallwell's ass...

 

by Man_Eater
6-08-02
...Meanwhile in hell...
...the farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell, high hoe the dar...
You got a letter sir..
What does it say?
It says.... "Dear Satan, We screwed up. It turns out organized religion actually CAUSES eternal suffering. Who would have thought?...
I KNEW IT!!
"... because of this fact, I'm writing to inform you that I have sent Marilyn Manson to deprogram the youth and destroy the old. Thank you for your co-operation, Peace Out, God.."

 

by Man_Eater
6-08-02
Ladies please! I'll be right back, just oil up while I put on the thong..
I hate to interrupt again sir, but you just a shipment of new souls.
who did we get?
well, lets see, Jerry fallwell, Billy Graham, and in a tradgic turn of events it appears Monica Lewinsky drown in her bathtub yesterday
EWW!!
I knew this cigar would come in handy!

 

by Man_Eater
6-09-02
Satan and Jesus at their weekly poker game...
OHH YEAH?!... Well, I created the aids virus, intruduced country music, AND started World War 2!!.. Beat that!!
Well, I started a singing group with the 5 most obnoxious boys in the world!! I taught them who to drive 13 year old girls crazy...
.... they can't sing, can't dance, Yet I put their faces on EVERYTHING manmade... and I mass marketed them to every country on earth!!!
DAMN!! Your good!!
You aint got shit on me satan!

 

by Man_Eater
6-09-02
Wow... this really sucks... it says here that people hate Man_Eater because her cartoons always feature Satan... they want something bright and happy...
...well the costumers always right...
... And so, the wish was granted... Are you scared yet? Cause I am..
Mr. Clown, I love u!!
I love you too sparky!! Now lets sing the happy song!!
..... much better!!
... and so I says... 'chinese take out?, I thought we were going to make out' ...Haha..
Reaper, you kill me!!

 

by Man_Eater
6-09-02
Sir, you can't walk around city streets with a weapon that's illegal.
But I'm the Grim Reaper, it's my job
It's your job to talk back to the police? that's it son, I'm taking you downtown!!
But, I'm the Grim Reaper, you can't arrest the Grim Reaper!! Thats it, now I'm pissed!!
Pig

 

by Man_Eater
6-09-02
Back when Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark, this is how we used to get the party started..
Dude Eminem is so degrading towards women and gay people.... he's an evil man...
...we used to mix it with Bicardi dark and when it kicks in you can hardly talk..
and once again Rap wins by the power of annoyance...
...and by the sixth gin you gonna probably barf either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall...
Fuck

 

by Man_Eater
6-10-02
Ohh Jesus, thats it, almost there.... come on.... a little more.... ohh Jesus!! JESUS!!!
come on.... almost done... just a little longer... ohh Jesus...
What the fuck are you doing?
dude, can you help me get this cap off my beer??
I hate my life

 

by Man_Eater
6-10-02
Jonathan Davis has thrown a huge CD release party, and he invited all his friends...
Hello lovly, I'm Fred Durst. Since I'm such a mega star... how about giving me some head?
yeah right, DORK!!
Hey sexy, I'm Fred Durst, but you bet you knew that already. You probably have wet dreams about me at night. So, how about you give me some head sugar?
get bent, Moron!!
Damn it!! I need to get head somehow!!

 

by Man_Eater
6-10-02
Meanwhile, Jonathan is having better luck
OHH MY GOD!! IT'S JONATHAN DAVIS!! YOUR SO HOT!!! WILL YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME?
umm... okay..
20 minutes later....
JONATHAN!!! I love you soo much!! You're my God, please let me give you a blow job!! PLEASE!!
Cool... let's go...
another 20 minutes later...
Jonathan, can I please hold you. Please??
I don't swing that way dude... sorry...

 

by Man_Eater
6-10-02
Fred is still looking for some head, and is jealous that Jon is scoring with all the hunnies.
Damn that Jonathan Davis, who does he think he is!! Scoring with all the ladies that should be mine..
... who cares if he's one of the godfather's of nu metal and I'm a talentless hack. those ladies were mine.
Why does everyone like Jon so much? why is he so special? Well.. . Now that I look at him, he is kinda good looking... with his black hair and peircings...
... and on Mtv he had his shirt off... with a nice hairy chest... I like hairy chests... damn is it hot in here?
OH GOD!! JONATHAN!! I WANT YOU SO BAD..
umm.... no...

 

by Man_Eater
6-10-02
Jonathan, will you have anal sex with me, so some of your greatness will rub off on me...
Fred, don't be nasty!!
Korn....powers.....activate...
Loser!

 

by Man_Eater
6-10-02
Tommy Lee has just joined the party..
Hey Jon, did I miss anything cool?
Tommy, hey, Well, I used my Korn Powers to blast Fred Durst.
Cool, What do you want to do now that the parties winding down?
Well, I don't do speed anymore, and I stopped drinking. so, let's do what all guys do....
.. find a bunch of chicks and fuck their brains out..
I heard that...

 

by Man_Eater
6-21-02
I can't believe we're going to see KoRn!! You must be so excited to see them!! Considering you love Jonathan Davis!!
Hell yeah!! Jonathan Davis has the hottest Ass!!
you would pinch his ass if you got the chance to wouldn't you?
Are you kidding... if I got anywhere near Jonathan Davis' ass I would cut off a chunk and stick it in a mason jar.....
...then... late at night I would put on bagpipe music, a kilt and a headress and worship his ass...
Your crazy..... Tommy Lee is hotter...

 

by Man_Eater
6-26-02
Tough times in Tinsel Town...
Spare change for a poor out of work actor?.... c'mon, all I want is a lousy hamburger!.... 'cuse me, sir do you have any spare change?
Sure kid, but why are you so down?
Poor Roger....
Ever since Man_Eater cast me as Fred Durst in the "Jonathan's party" series, my girlfriend left me, my cat died, my car blew up...
Wow... that's funny... cause ever since Man_Eater cast me as Jonathan Davis, the chicks have been all over me like flies on shit... I'm loving this!!
Fuck you all!!!
What an asshole!! I hate that guy!!
It's okay kid, Man_Eater forced me to sing Eminem.... what a bitch!

 

by Man_Eater
6-26-02
Hey baby, how about givin a good lookin out of work actor some company?
No way Fred, I wouldn't be caught dead near you!
DAMN IT!!! I'M NOT FRED!!! MY NAME IS ROGER!!! I JUST PLAYED FRED DURST!!! I'M AN ACTOR!!! AN ACTOR!!
Well... You do look like him... you have to admitt!!
Damn You, Man_Eater!! YOU CRUSTED OVER CUM BUBBLE FROM A LESBIAN FINGER FUCK!!!

 

by Man_Eater
6-26-02
Hey Roger, I heard you were talking shit about me.
Damn straight!! You ruined my life!! My Girlfriend left me, my cat died, my car blew up. No chicks will talk to me, and I have no money!!...
.... and it's all because you cast me as Fred Durst in that stupid comic!!! I fucking hate you!!! Whore!!
Well... I'm willing to work on this relationship... what are your demands?
The begining of the End...
For Starters, I want a public announcement made that I am NOT FRED DURST!! and in the next strip I want a sex slave!! and I want to get all the chicks from now on!!
Fuck!

 

by Man_Eater
6-26-02
Attention Readers! As promised in the case Roger VS. Man_Eater, I need to call to your attention that Roger is NOT FRED DURST!! He's just an incrediable simulation! An Actor! Repeat ROGER! NOT FRED!!
See? What did I tell you? My name is Roger, not Fred.
So your really not Fred? You were acting? God do you suck donkey balls!!
Boy, do I wish!!
I hate my life!!!

 

by Man_Eater
6-26-02
ohh boy, OHH BOY!! This is the Comic where I get a sex slave!! Finally, my own Sex slave!!! YES!!!
That must be her!! Finally, Man_Eater did something cool!! I can't wait!!
*KNOCK* *KNOCK*
MOM!! WTF!!
Hey Honey!! Did someone order a sex slave?

 

by Man_Eater
6-26-02
Well... the sex slave didn't work out.. but at least I know where mom goes at night. Man_Eater did promise I could mack it with some chicks... so let's see...
Hey Roger.
Diablo, what are you doing here?
Man_Eater sent me over so you could mack it with me.
Fucking BITCH!!

 

by Man_Eater
6-26-02
Listen BITCH, you fucked with our deal, I wanted an announcement, a sex slave, and to mack it with chicks!!
My announcement backfired! My sex slave was my mom!! and You made me mack it with an actual chick!! I wanted a lady!!
Listen Roger, You asked for an annoucement and one was made. You wanted a Sex Slave, and I gave you one, You wanted to mack it with chicks, and you did! You signed a contract, now stop bitching!!
But it's not what I wanted!!
Next time read the fine print.... now like I said... STOP YOUR FUCKING BITCHIN...go back to your park bench and read the new script.... We're taping on Tuesday....
DAMN IT!! DAMN IT!! MUTHAFUCKA!!

 

by Man_Eater
6-26-02
Here I sit... In the park... next to a squirrel that smells like cat vomit.... man this sucks...
It could be worse.... you know...
How?
You could be that guy...
FUCK U ALL!!

 

by Man_Eater
7-01-02
Jesus, isn't the principals of Christianity kinda stupid?
Whatever do you mean?
Well, Christianity is based on a book. It's followers read and reread the book until it's memorized. Then they base they're thoughts, feelings and ideals, on the characters actions and sayings.....
... So when you think about it that way.... how are christians any different from those people who watch Starwars a million times and then go around spouting "Luke, I am your father"?
Well, It's different because......see the point is......ohhh.... just go away!!!

 

by Man_Eater
7-01-02
Help me get this thing out of my head...
What happened?
Dummmers are so testy.... you mention that the last time you saw their band in concert, they were out with a sprained wrist and they flip out and drive a nail in your head!!!
I know what you mean....
SPUNKY!!! NOO!!!
It's like, you tell your twin brother that you had sex with his cat after a night drinking.....and he flipps out....

 

by Man_Eater
7-01-02
Jesus, I have another question...
not you again
God got all pissed because people were worshipping the Golden Calf and your not supposed to worship symbols, right? Then why do we worship the cross? Isn't that a symbol?
and in the bible you said "Take this bread for it is my body and drink this wine for it is my blood". Well, those are symbols too. Why is that?
please, just leave me alone!!!

 

by Man_Eater
7-01-02
One more quick question...
I don't fucking know!! I don't know why symbols are forbidden yet worshipped, and I don't know what makes Christians different from Starwars fans!!!!...
... The bible isn't fool proof!! I didn't even write the thing!! It was written by people!! Ignorant, Close minded, gullable people!! Now please!! PLEASE!! Just leave me alone!!!
I just wanted to know where the bathroom was...
I could have had hot sex everynight, smoked hashed, and won the lottery, but no. I choose to spend eternity like this...... I hate my life....

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