All comics by MonsE

 

A day of by MonsE 10-02-02
Hey MonsE, you are never going to release NS are you? Are you? Becuase, ummm, there really is no NS is there? Is there? Sigh. No Redford, we are going to release. And we do exist.	Whatever, I don't believe you. I will only believe you if you give me NS right now. You know I can't be tricked that way right?	Damnit. I'll be back! Jeebus that was close. He almost figured out my dark, dark sekrat...

 

Yes, the secret is out, you gloom jackasses by MonsE 10-02-02
Mr. MonsE, we need to talk. There's been some complaints lately. What sort of complaints?	People have been complaining that your mod is a perfect and totally identical copy of the ultra-popular game Gloom, from some time in the late nineties. Preposterous. Never even heard of it. I shall bid good day to you, Sir!	Effing n00b. He didn't even notice I was wearing my Gloom Breeder mask!

 

Fam and his issues by MonsE 10-02-02
Fam... WTF? I'm very busy with all my sigs, the NS manual, play testing, forum posting, and whatnot.	So you're dressed as diaper-wearing dog and dancing on a ball... why? It's symbolic of my balancing act.	Limey muh's... Shake yo boooty... shake yo booooooootay!

 

It could happen, you know... by MonsE 10-02-02
You hear about MonsE? (sip) No, what? (sip)	(sip) Some n00b sent him his five millionth 'When will NS be out' email. Apparently, MonsE tracked the guy down and beat him to death with his own mousepad.	Yeah, I can see that. (sip)

 

Coil unwinds by MonsE 10-02-02
Coil checks his inbox For the love of God! ANOTHER DAMNED EMAIL THANKING THE NS TEAM!?	I'm going to say this just once. Enough with the thank you emails - they know already! L1ght3n upz0r, c0il, j000 n4zi!	Ah. I feel so much better. WTF!? M3h spl33n!!!!!!

 

Fam and his issues 2 by MonsE 10-02-02
Fam sits quietly at afternoon tea... I... Am... Death. You will give me NS or face my wrath. Where'd you git that gitup, matey? Oy! Cor Strooth!	This is your final warning, Fam. Relinquish NS to me or perish a thousand horrible deaths... Crikey guv'nor! Who's playing a merry prank on me, eh? Fancy a shag, lovey?	Always the hard way with these limeys...

 

Coil unwinds 2 by MonsE 10-03-02
Bzzzzzz. Coil! j00 must make NS go f4ster d00d!!! Bzzzz Sigh. Someone left the screendoor to IRC open again...	Bzzzzzz. Coil! Hurry! M4ke NS cum r1ght n0w!!! Eatit, I'm a playtester. I can't help you. Now please go away before I have to get all Bruce Banner on you.	Whut??? Why can't you make it.......... AIIIEEEEE!!! M3h ant3nna3!!!! I really need to thank grandma for that bug zapper she got me for Christmas...

 

Joev takes up the calling of NS and Linus Thorvald by MonsE 10-03-02
So anyways, Joev, we'd really like you to be our Linux admin. It'd be an honor, Lord MonsE.	Sweet. Well, I'm off to do some PR. Good luck. You can count on me, m'lord! Oy'll be right here, with me copy of RedPhat Luynux.	Damn, he took forever to leave. Now I can finally change into my proper linux-admin outfit. Hmm... grep pico bash blahblahblah.

 

The Veterans Program and You (or, why do I bother?) by MonsE 8-07-03
NS Testing is t3h l0s3 I am going to demonstrate what it's like to deal with the 'veterans' program. You paying attention? Here we go...	Ow Ow	Ow This concludes my demonstration. Kids, don't try this at home.

 

Fun damnit, FUN! by MonsE 8-07-03
Subjective Little Goblins NS 2.0 SUCKS! IT IS NO LONGER FUN!!! YOU ARE A BAD PERSON MONSE!!!! WHERE'S THE FUN? THE FUUUUNNNNNNNN!!! Gosh guys, don't you think you might give it more than a couple of hours of playti---	NOOOOO!!! I HAVE PLAYED NS FOR ALMOST A WHOLE WEEK! THAT IS PLENTY! YOU NUBS AND YOUR 'WORKING ON THINGS FOR MONTHS ON END'. RUBBISH! I CAN DETECT ALL NON-FUN CODE IN SECONDS!!! You seem kinda angry about not having fun. Don't you think you might enjoy yourself more if---	I'M OFF TO KICK WALT DISNEY'S FROZEN HEAD AROUND THE SOCCER FIELD AT MY JUNIOR HIGH FOR NOT MAKING PETER PAN MORE FUN!!!!!! Ever wonder if it might be you that--- nevermind.

 

You have a future at CNN, talking head crapbrains by MonsE 8-07-03
More 'expert' opinions Bugs? Exploits? Balance issues? How can this be? I must inform the world!	What were you thinking Flayra?! This game is utterly flawed. How could this have happened. Did you not test at all??? Hmmm... I can't be mean to this kid, even though he obviously has no clue about how to program, or even operate his own computer properly, and is probably 13. I better take the moral high road...	Well???? STFU YOU MIDGET-BRAINED DONKEY MOLESTER!!! Oops... that slipped.

 

Coil Returns with a vengeance by MonsE 8-07-03
Professionals Heya Coil, how goes the forum moderation? Swell Nem, things are pretty quiet.	Ahh cool, well I'm off to chat politely with other forumgoers. Toodles	Please... no more, Coil... SHUT YOUR CAEKHOLE MAGGOT. NEM'S GONE AND THAT MEANS THE BEATINGS ARE BACK, CANDY ASS FORUM-LAWYERING PUNK BITCH!!!

 

I'm not done with this topic by a long goddamn shot either by MonsE 8-07-03
Hiya Kids, I'm the curse of the NS Team. A few years ago, Flayra accidently insulted an old gypsy hag by saying her gold tooth looked tarnished, and she cursed the entire team for ever more.	What, you don't believe me? Allow me to demonstrate	Dude. Is this the 'Veteran' tryouts? Yeah dude. I am so gonna teach these dev's how NS should *REALLY* be.

 

A typical game on SunnyD by MonsE 8-07-03
Well, we're out of RP's, the infantry portal is wasted, and all we have is 8 pistol rounds to share. What should we do?	...	Um, not have MonsE command anymore? Yo Bob - there's only one left. Back up that Onos!

 

A Public Service Announcement by MonsE 8-07-03
Hiya NS Fans! My name is Buttsy McCoughalot. I'm here to tell you about the dangers of that insidious killer, NS addiction! Did you know that NS accounts for 25,000 unique player ID's every day? That's 25,000 people glued to their computers, unable to do anything but play NS.	We at the Phillip Morris corporation believe that such behavior is dangerous to a young child's mind. So parents - please - talk to your kids about the dangers of NS.	Or give them an "alternate outlet" to their obsessions! Wink wink! Tell 'em, Triceropal! *Cough Cough* --- Just say 'No' to pugs!

 

Making free games for people kicks ass! by MonsE 8-08-03
MonsE's Inbox Hey d00d I need help with this crappy goddamn mod! IT FUCKING SUCKS AND I CAN TELL YOU WHY WITH ALL MY EXPERIENCE! Uhhh.. ok. What seems to be the problem	You need to get rid of redemption, onos, devour, webs, bilebombs, cloaking, blinks, fades, xenocide, rp's, maps that are hard, stomp, spores, and acid rockets. THEY ARE ALL CHEAP WHORESZOR!!! ...	Also, I don't want to have to get weapons from a commander. I should be able to use a buy menu. And we should have ski-masks. And flashbangs. Go punch your idiot parents in the face for buying you a computer.

 

Making free games for people kicks ass 2! by MonsE 8-09-03
Hey kids that do this - you are an idiot. Yes you, snapperhead. You're stuck! A bug in NS!	I wonder what I should do. Send a polite email? Post in the tech forums with complete information? Try to perform basic troubleshooting and issue duplication steps? I can't make up my mind. I'll just do what everyone else does...	OMG DIS IS DA BUGGIEST SHIT EVAR YOU GUYS CANT PROGRAM FOR CRAP AND THIS MOD TOTALLY SUCKS CS IS NOT THIS BAD WHY DO YOU HAVE BUGS I FUCKING HAET U ALL THIS IS THE WORST GAME EVAR DAAIIIIIIIIII!!! Maybe I could trick someone into saying they were Flayra and doing this mod while I go off and become a monk?

 

Throw away your computer, you are no where near qualified by MonsE 8-10-03
The NS Tech Support Forums How do getter better framerates? Does NS run on CS Retail? How do I reset my gamma? How do I browse for servers? Must stay calm...	Deep breaths. Can't freak out on this guy. Deeeppp breeaaathhsss.... RAAAAWWWRR	Heeellooo? I've been waiting for help here for almost 2 minutes! I need advice! HERE'S SOME ADVICE: LEARN TO USE THE GODDAMN SEARCH BUTTON. OR MAYBE JUST LOOK IN THE PINNED TOPICS! AND HERE'S A TIP - YOUR PC WILL RUN A LOT MORE SMOOTHLY WHEN YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!!!!

 

Natural Famlection - Part 1 - The Origin of Specious by MonsE 8-10-03
Hippies? Chuck 'em. I can't believe you advocate spanking children, MonsE! I advocate discipline. Spanking is harmless and it works, Fam.	Well I was never spanked, and look how I turned out?	You're right, I change my position. I now advocate beating children with tire irons.

 

Natural Famlection - Part 2 - The Origin of Specious by MonsE 8-10-03
Another banner day for Fam Terribly sorry I'm late Gren, the bus ran me over and I -- OY! NEVERMIND THE EXCUSES FAM, WHERE'S MY LAUNDRY, LASS?	Well, I was trying to explai --- LISTEN UP SONNY JIM, IF MY LAUNDRY'S NOT IN MY PAWS BEFORE SUNDOWN, SOMEONE'S GETTING A 'BRITISH BUGGERING'.	Err, what makes it a 'British' buggering? YOU HAVE TO WEAR A TIE THE WHOLE TIME!

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