All comics by Mr._Tasty

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by Mr._Tasty
10-15-01
I was the lead squirrel in Snow White.
I said I wasn't going to talk to you.
Why is it so hard to believe a squirrel is talking to you....I could be the voice of God.
You're not God. You're not even a candidate for Godhood.
Jerry on the other hand...
When I rule the world, I shall have thousands of two-eared bunnies to choose from. Thousands!

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
So are you going to talk to me now, or what?
You still haven't given me a good reason to.
How 'bout if I help you out. I could ask all the cute girls what they think of the guy in the pac man shirt. Chicks are very open in front of wildlife.
I'm listening...

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
The guy in the pac man shirt? No. Not really my type.
He's using you to ask me? If he were man enough he'd do it himself.
A date? Tonight? Well, it's kind of sudden but...oh, what the heck.

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
So...Gabe....about this chick I got you a date with...
Yeah, What about her? You said she was pretty cute.
Well, you see, that's the thing. I still have problems telling members of your race apart. Sort of like when we first met and you thought I was a female squirrel.
Yeah. I remember...
Chip. What are you saying?
Hmm. A little young, but kids grow up fast these days.

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
You set me up on a date with a guy, Chip. A guy!
Come on Gabe. It was an honest mistake.
The dude wanted to take me out to dinner and then go back to his place with him.
Yeah...How'd that go by the way?
Oh, the steak was pretty good and he was nice and all, but when he said I had to pick up the check, I ended it right there.
Well, remember. Technically you were the one asking him out. It's only customary.

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
Hey, Gabe. You seen Jerry recently?
Nope. Ever since he said he was leaving town to become an actor, I haven't heard a word from him.
Yeah...what was that about anyway?
Who knows. With Jerry it could be anything.
So your an actor, huh? What kind? Impressionist? Drama?
Actually, I'm just one of those generic, starving, slightly psychotic types you hear so much about.

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
You'll like life as an actor, Jerry.
I hope so. This is my first shot at the big time.
Yeah...that reminds me...you might want these.
What do I need a hammer and a nail for?
Your act, silly. How do you think we entertain people around here?

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
Uh...Sticks. There's something I need to tell you about my act tonight.
Don't worry, Jerry. After you get a couple of nails in they're going to love you out there. It's worked for me everytime.
That's the thing. I'm kind of uncomfortable about using other people's material.
Well, what do you plan on doing then?
Oh, I don't know. I could vomit on command. That might get a few laughs.
Hmm. Say that's good. Maybe I should try that.

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
All right. For your next act tonight, I'm proud to introduce...Jerry! The vomiting, one-eared rabbit.
That's my cue.
Well...it's uh...nice to see you all tonight. I'd like to start things off with a bang, so...here I go.
You vomited ON the audience?
Actually, I just sort of stood there for a few seconds, waiting for some inspiration. The vomiting was quite by accident.

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
So acting didn't turn out so hot for you. Don't worry about it. It's not the end of the world.
Yeah. I guess so.
Hey, sticks. I've got something for you. The Boss said tonight's show didn't go over so well and...well, you can read the rest.
Sticks! What are you doing here? What happened?
They canned me. After thirty-two years of pounding nails into my head for the laughter of others, they just went and canned me.

 

by Mr._Tasty
10-28-01
Well, I'm back guys. The world of theatre wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
It's good to have you home, Jerry. Things have been pretty dead around here without you.
Yeah, whatever. I'm just happy to be back.
...What's that thing behind you?
All right, Jerry. I've got a whole new act. Tell me what you think of this one.
Oh...yeah. He sort of followed me home.

 

by Mr._Tasty
11-11-01
So, Chip. Tell me more about yourself. What do you do besides act and harvest nuts?
Oh, sometimes I volunteer at the local children's hospital.
Really? How does that work out for you, being a squirrel and all?
Oh, it's great. The kids love me. The staff is very sweet. I juggle acorns for the cancer kids. It's all very inspiring.
Wow. Is there anything else I should know about your multi-faceted life?
I've been known to be a pathological liar.

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