All comics by Neo11

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by Neo11
5-05-08
I have to finish ALL of this work by tomorrow? HOLY SH*T!!!
Now Frank, do we really need to bring our Lord into this?
Oh, well sorry, I mean this is still BULLSH*T!!!
Is that some sort of an insult?
Oh, sorry too, maybe it's just. . . I don't know BACON SH*T then!!!
Shut up man-I bet you didn't think I'd hear that huh?

 

by Neo11
5-06-08
You up for a few beers tonight Carl?
No way Frank. Remember last time we did that: You got really drunk, punched me in the face, then you flirted with my wife all night!!
Oh yeah, I've, uh, been meaning to ask you something ever since then....
It better be "can you forgive me?"
Um, are you two still together after that night? because I think she really liked me
You are an ass Frank

 

by Neo11
5-06-08
Just wondering, what's your favorite kind of music?
Beatles. . . . . meatloaf
Ah, so you enjoy the old stuff
No, I mean that there are beatles in that meatloaf that was brought in for our party!!!
Don't worry, I'll throw it out. . . . . . . . . . after Carl takes a piece, he he
Ooh, is that meatloaf?

 

by Neo11
5-07-08
You like that prank I pulled on everyone today by hiding their pens?
Ah, that was you? haha good one
Oh yeah, what was it?
Actually, I played a prank on everyone too but nobody seemed to notice
I urinated in the pot of coffe before anyone showed up. haha classic

 

by Neo11
5-09-08
Jerry receives a new e-mail:
'Make a wish and the RabbitMan will grant it for you.' Haha, OK, I'll play along with this
RabbitMan, kill my new neighbor with an ax right now!!
Minutes Later
That was a sick wish Jerry, but ...it's....it's done with. . . . .
Haha good one....wait, this uh, this....this is a joke right?

 

by Neo11
5-12-08
Geez, where are my glasses? I bet that idiot Bull hid them again!!
So I'm an idiot huh? Well, I didn't hide your glasses but I will put my foot up your ass for what you said
10 Seconds Later
Oh no, you pissed off Bull AGAIN?
What gave it away?

 

by Neo11
5-12-08
Do you drive a blue Ford truck?
Yeah
Did you drive over my tail this morning and then drive away laughing?
Uh, if that was you then yeah. Why?
APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW, that hurt SO bad!

 

by Neo11
5-20-08
Hey Carl, can I borrow a dollar to buy some M&M's?
Why? So you can throw them at me one by one all day like last time? I wouldn't count on it
So. . . . .is that a yes, no, or what?

 

by Neo11
5-21-08
Hey buddy, where's your boss's office? I want to apply here
And what makes you think I'll tell you that? You are a wild animal pal!!
I'll give you this delicious banana
Oooh Oooh Oooh! Me likey banana! Second door on the left!

 

by Neo11
5-21-08
So boss, why again are we on this guy's farm instead of at the office?
Oh, it's just nice to get away from that dump every now and then
Where are Farmer Tim and all of his animals even at?
Oh, there probably around here somewhere
Meanwhile, at the Office:
Tim, this was a great idea to sidetrack everyone so we could sneak in here and have a party!!!
Indeed, but doon't tell anyone it was I who p-puked in ta m-microwave. . . and Jerry's desk

 

by Neo11
5-28-08
It's a me, Mario. Have you seen King Boo around here? I'm supposed to kill him today
No, but don't you worry cause if I do I'll be sure and let you know!!!
What a nut-job
Don't even think about telling him!! You didn't see ANYTHING here! GOT THAT?!

 

by Neo11
8-05-08
I gotta say, $4 for a gallon of gas is just ridiculous
I'll give you some gas that I have for just two bucks if you'd like
Wow, thanks man, I'll take that deal! When can I have it?
Right now
Oh my god Frank, did you just fart?!!
You owe me two bucks

 

by Neo11
8-06-08
Sometimes I feel like my life is all a waste and I am a failure going knowhere. What do you think?
You have much to offer many and the best days are yet to come.
Wow Frank, I think you may be right, thanks. But what makes you say that?
Sorry, what was that? I was reading a fortune cookie I ate at lunch.

 

by Neo11
8-07-08
Do you think I'll ever find the right woman for me?
Uh. . .no
Well what kind of answer is that?
An honest one

 

by Neo11
8-11-08
Hey Bull, why did the chicken cross the road?
So he didn't have to hear the end of your stupid joke
You know the traditional reply is, "I don't know, why?!"
Later that day. . .
Ok, so why did the chicken cross the road?
O my god, PLEASE shut up!!! I'm so sick of those jokes!!!

 

by Neo11
4-07-09
So, why again did you want a job here so bad?
Well, I have this disorder-if I'm not working, all I do is eat nonstop
Ok well, come back tomorrow and I'll let you know what we decided
The Next Day
You thought I was joking, didn't you?

 

by Neo11
4-07-09
Ok kids, Tom the bum here is going to tell you why you don't want to end up on the street like him
What's a normal day like for you on the street Tom?
I get drunk every day and have sex with kinky hookers
WOW, that sounds awesome!
Yeah it does! I wanna be just like Tom someday!

 

by Neo11
4-08-09
Playing Guitar Hero is so much fun! Oh man, somebody is at the door
Son, you're gonna have to come down to the station with me please
But I didn't do anything wrong officer
Technically no, but I heard you play guitar to the song "Fuck the Police" and that really hurt my feelings

 

Seconds after their plane crashed over the ocean
If you could be stranded with ANYONE on an island, who would it be?
This really isn't the best time for that Bill
by Neo11, 4-08-09

 

So, what can I help you with today?
Do you really have to ask?
by Neo11, 4-09-09

 

by Neo11
4-13-09
Wow, how does Tiger Woods do it?
I don't know, but I'm gonna go with doggy style
I'm talking about golf Jeff

 

by Neo11
4-14-09
You're telling me you have sex with other men for money? You're a filthy prostitute!
Hey, at least I have a job!
That hurts Jane

 

by Neo11
4-14-09
Honey, what makes you actually want to stay with me?
Cause deep down I know I still love you more than anything-why, what were you thinking?
I thought you'd say the Big Screen TV, but your answer is much better

 

You cheated on me?! Well, I should just rip out your heart and stomp on it!!!
I'd like to see that
by Neo11, 3-01-10

 

by Neo11
3-01-10
Hey babe, wanna go back to my place and play with a naughty nurse?
Sounds like a good idea to me
Later, at her place
So are you ready?
YES, YES, let's do this!
Ok, bend over and we'll get started

 

by Neo11
3-03-10
So, how do you make a living out here on the streets?
I sell drugs to men with small penises to make them feel better
Wow, you can just tell by looking at different men?
Yup-and from the looks of it, you could use a LOT of these drugs!
I think we are through here

 

by Neo11
3-09-10
So what was it you wanted to tell me before we have sex?
I have crabs

 

Could I get a Super Bacon Burger to go?
Not on my watch asshole
by Neo11, 3-09-10

 

by Neo11
4-11-10
Hi, I'm Phil, and I believe you are the blind date my friend wants me to meet
Hey, wait-where are you going?!
So much for your blind date idea-she left without even saying a word to me!!
What are you talking about Phil? I never said she was blind-she's deaf

 

by Neo11
4-12-10
Have you met Tony? He's nice but he's also a disgusting chicken fucker
That's really mean-why would you ever say such a terrible thing about a friend?
Hi there, I'm Tony
Oh, WOW-get away from me you sick chicken fucker!

 

by Neo11
4-13-10
Hey honey, what's up?
Oh, I've just been thinking...
Penny for your thoughts?
Bill, with your non-income, your broke ass should be asking people's thoughts for free

 

by Neo11
4-15-10
So like I said, I'm from northern Alaska where it's really cold all the time
In fact, when people tell me to 'go to hell' I say gladly just to warm up
So, is this thing on or what?

 

by Neo11
4-20-10
I wish I could show you my face so you can see how horny I am
I wish I could show you me so you could see just how hot I am

 

by Neo11
4-21-10
I am so disgusted with this place having Free Burrito Day all the time! The after effect is horrible!
After effect? What are you talking about?
Obviously, you are yet you have a look at the toilets

 

by Neo11
4-28-10
I'm so happy right now-I was worried at first but my test results came back today and were fantastic!
That's great son-what was the test for? Math? Science?
Gonorrhea

 

by Neo11
4-28-10
Before we call it a night, I would really like it if you came to my house and took a look at my huge cock
O my god no! I should have known you were just another pervert
Later on, back home
You should have said ROOSTER dumbass

 

by Neo11
5-11-10
Today's special is a chocolate donut-would you like one?
No thanks-I'm on a very strict diet lately
Probably should have started a little sooner, don't ya think?

 

by Neo11
5-24-10
OK contestants, in our final event for the $100,000, we will see who can withstand the heat in a 250 degree sauna the longest
Oh yeah, that money is mine!
This is gonna be so easy-you guys are going down!
SON OF A BITCH!

 

by Neo11
10-27-10
For our Halloween concert, expect many fans of smashing pumpkins
AAAHHHH!!!
The band Smashing Pumpkins, that is
Oh, thank goodness, they just meant the band
Ironically though, many of their fans do love to literally smash pumpkins before and after their shows
AAAHHHH!!!

 

by Neo11
11-01-10
Condom Man? What are you doing here?
I noticed you were about to have sex, and wanted to make sure you and your girl had a condom for safety
Um...but couldn't you see? that girl I'm with isn't real-she's rubber
Oh.......
Well this is really awkward

 

A new study shows that smoking can cause heart disease, lung cancer, and in some cases, extinction of animal species
Yeah, ok, cause I'm sure THAT'S gonna happen to me
by Neo11, 11-02-10

 

by Neo11
11-03-10
OK Joey, your turn for Show and Tell
I'm ready Mrs. Gordon
Oh my! Joey, what on earth are you doing?!
What? I just wanted to SHOW the girls what I have down my pants, and then TELL them what I like to do with it in my free time

 

by Neo11
11-04-10
Looking back on it, this didn't have to happen
But you know I take the game very seriously, AND YOU KNEW I already had Park Place
So you should have believed me when I said I would kill you if you bought Boardwalk

 

by Neo11
11-07-10
Mr. DareDevil, please tell us about your next big motorcycle jump
Well, every day my wife eats tons of fast food, cakes, donuts, cookies, you name it
I don't understand-what does your wife's bad diet have to do with your jump?
Oh, I didn't mention? My next attempted bike jump will be over my wife's fat ass

 

by Neo11
11-08-10
Hi, a friend of mine said you know a girl who could give me a job
Sure man, what kind of job you looking to land from her?
Well, I was hoping for something in real estate
Oh, you mean you are actually unemployed and looking for a real job?
Yeah, why? What's the problem?
Well, my girl gives men different types of jobs, and if you are unemployed you definitely can't afford these kind if you get what I'm saying

 

by Neo11
11-09-10
Me and my husband had sex last night-as usual, Christmas came WAY too early
Wait, Christmas coming early means sex with your husband to you?
What? No, no-Christmas is the nickname I gave to my husband's penis

 

by Neo11
11-15-10
Hey baby, I've got a nice head for you to come wrap those sweet lips around, if ya know what I mean
Oh my god, you are a sick perv like the rest of em!
What? You don't smoke?

 

by Neo11
11-16-10
Once upon a time in the forest
There was a happy little rabbit
haha, this is kind of fun
His name was Bugs Bunny
I'M GONNA KILL THAT LITTLE BASTARD!

 

by Neo11
11-17-10
Cmon....I didn't mean it....won't happen again....let me out
No
I can explain, honest
OK, explain yourself
Like I told you, I was just-
I swear, if you say 'i was just clowning around' one more time, I am going to smack you

 

by Neo11
2-01-11
Well hello there! Welcome to Neo11's 50th Comic Celebration!
Unfortunately for you, there is no joke within this comic
It just pissed him off that after all this time he could never think of a good use for me in a comic so here I am for no reason at all!

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