All comics by Ralph_Clark

 

Pop Culture by Ralph_Clark 7-18-01
Timmy got angry at his mother for making him talk a walk outside, but maybe a chance meeting with a talking animal would brighten his day... Hey there little squirrel! Hello!	However, Timmy didn't exactly realize what he had found... So... I guess I'll go... gotta catch TRL... ....???	But, I suppose talking animals are in no way as interesting as Carson Daly... bum bum... I'm survivor, I'm not going to give up...

 

The Life of Dr. Jones by Ralph_Clark 7-18-01
Mr. Brown takes an evening off from his lovely wife... So... do we have a deal? Sure. But it will cost you...	How much exactly? hmmm....	Whatever it is, I don't care lets just get to the action, baby! Ok, ok... I want like 4 completely new outfits, and a new purse. But we better hurry and do this before mom gets home...

 

James Fredrickson by Ralph_Clark 7-18-01
Dude, check her out. Whoa, she is hot.	So, you are a squirrel, right? Yep.	Man, she was fly. Yeah... but I prefer the ones with the big booties.

 

Sticky Situations by Ralph_Clark 7-18-01
"Dear Son, I am writing to inform you that your father has decided to leave you out of his will, whereas you will recieve nothing upon his imminent passing. -Love your Mother" WHOA! Dude that's harsh. You don't think it has anything to do with that last time you saw him do you?	6 Months earlier... WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU DAD!? QUIT HIDING IN THE TRASH CAN AND COME GET SOME YOU STUPID BASTARD! I AM GOING TO GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! AND THEN I AM GOING TO EAT YOUR INTESTINES! Please, son... I am sorry, you have the change in my dish if you want, but please, please don't hurt me...	Do you think that would bother him that much? Dude, I know I wouldn't care, but you got to remember that some people are weird like that.

 

Planet of the Apes. by Ralph_Clark 7-19-01
So... do you think the Planet of the Apes movie will be good? No. It will most likely suck.	Why do you say that? I dunno just a guess, I suppose.	Meanwhile at the "Planet of the Apes" recording... COME ON NOW, GIVE ME MORE FEELING! I NEED MORE FEELING IN THIS SHOT! WE MUST CONVEY THE MESSAGE DIRECTLY TO THE AUDIENCE! Ok I gotcha. How about this: "Why can't you understand what I am saying? I love you, but you are a monkey and I am a human. Our sex life would be weird. But I am willing to see beyond your fur..."

 

The Inferno by Ralph_Clark 7-19-01
The REAL struggle of Hell. What are you looking at? Do you want something? ....	.... Your soul...	I'm Satan, you can't take my soul. And you can't become the ruler of the underworld. It just doesn't work like that. You have to be born into it. You're not getting a raise either. ERRRR... If I don't get more money, I'm walking. I heard that Hussein is hiring. Just watch your back you cheap bastard.

 

The Inferno by Ralph_Clark 7-19-01
A day around The Inferno... Did you do what I asked? Of course. Do you think that I would betray your request?	.... ....	Yes. .... I hate you Satan.

 

The Inferno: Part 3 by Ralph_Clark 7-19-01
A lovely day around The Inferno... If you want to keep your job, you will go take care of business. Fine, fine, I am on my way...	A lovely day around the Earth... DIE DEATH DIE! NOBODY CAN DEFEAT ME! MY CAREER MAKES ME INVINCIBLE! Look Ms. Spears, you are coming with me, whether you like it or not. But I honestly have no idea what Satan wants with you.	A lovely day around The Inferno... Thanks for taking care of that Spears girl for me. Bring her up to my room when she wakes up, ok? I am really getting tired of that Monroe girl. You got it Luci. You the boss. Oh, and I hope you don't mind but that whole "virgin" thing of hers was a big fib. I mean, to be truthful I found out she's been around the block about 15-16 times...

 

BET by Ralph_Clark 7-20-01
Dude, do you know what really get's on my nerves? What?	Comedians on BET. WHAT!? How could you say that? THEY ARE HILARIOUS!	Meanwhile on BET... Why can't black folk get no respect? Huh? I mean, DAMN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

The Inferno: Part 4 by Ralph_Clark 7-22-01
Hehehe... What in the name of your home are you laughing at Satan?	I read in People Magazine that men that carry long, sharp sticks all over are insecure about their "endowment"... hehehe... ...Ummm you have a huge stick too, you moron.	.... And you had better DAMN well remember it! Don't make me "stick" you motherfucker. LOL! I KILL myself! HAHAHA! Man, I am like the pun king!

 

The Inferno: Part 5 by Ralph_Clark 7-23-01
Who are you? Where's Death? I AM HERE TO VANQUISH YOU SATAN! STAND IN AWE OF MY SUPER POWERS!	.... Surrender now or prepare to face eternal conquenses.	Funny. HAHAHA! O MY LUCIFER! HAHAHA! You are soooo gullible.... I really should be in charge down here.

 

The Inferno: Part 6 by Ralph_Clark 7-24-01
Hey Satan! Hey Death! Who do you think people fear more, out of the two of you? Most DEFINITLY me. No question about it. WHATEVER! They so fear me more.

 

The Inferno: Part 7 by Ralph_Clark 8-28-01
I have to tell you something personal. Promise you won't tell anyone. Go ahead! You can trust me.	I had your mother.	Sucky.

 

Classified Ads by Ralph_Clark 8-28-01
Hello sir, what is the purpose of your visit? buzzzzzz...	I gotta stop sending in those personal ads... zzzzzz...	SLAM! lightyear to the rescue...

 

Life's Lessons by Ralph_Clark 8-28-01
Hey Louis! Why don't you come with me and grab a cold brewski down at Dane's Bar? Uh... thanks, but no thanks. I don't drink actually. I am morally opposed to it.	What's the matter are you a wussy, or something? Well, I want you and your alcoholic friends to like me, so sure why not. I'm right behind you.	Remember this kids: Always agree to do stupid things right away. Because if you don't, people that you will forget in 5 years might make fun of you.

 

Funny? by Ralph_Clark 9-07-01
Hey Sara! I am glad you came. Can you hold on one second while I go finish getting cleaned up? Hey baby! Yeah, that is no problem at all. Go right ahead.	Bum...bum...bum...	Alright, I'm done. Ready to go? Yep! Let's get going baby.

 

Typical, American Spring Break by Ralph_Clark 3-13-03
SPRING BREAK 2003 IN CANCUN, MEXICO. Hola, coma ta yamas amigros? Do you speaka a Englesh? Hola, señor. Espero que su permanezca en Cancun ha sido agradable.	Man, you are one stupid Mexican. Don't speak English, huh? Well... how about this...? YO HABLE ENGLESH, YOU ES MUCHO ESTARBDO! Quizás usted no se da cuenta cuán mal esa cerveza marcará el estómago.	WAHOOOO.... SPRING BREAK 2003! ¡Goce a las prostitutas... ellos todo se infecta con enfermedades de matanza de pene!

 

Maverick Loves Ralph, A lot. by Ralph_Clark 4-22-05
Maverick loves Ralph Hey, Ralph, you're a nerd. Hey, look at me, faggot. Look at me! Check out my six-pack, faggot. Check it out! Your chest is smaller than mine.	Hey, what are you doing? Are you masturbating to hentai, faggot? Are you? Huh, do you like hentai, hentai-boy, faggot?	Hey, faggot, you are a gay faggot. Do you like American Eagle? Do you like me? Does anyone like me? KAMEHAMEHA!!!

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