All comics by Sith_Lord

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by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
Excuse me citizen, do you know what happened here tonight?
Can't say! Might just be some kids playing jokes again!
This case is very confusing. There is no evidence leading to suspicion.
Maybe the guy wasn't murdered! Maybe he choked on his cherry!
Possibilities! Possibilities! This may be the most confusing case ever!
Lets see we have "murder" painted in blood, blood stains on the ground, one dead person! We can be sure that there is a lunatic running around dressed in a Halloween oufit.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
What would you want most if you were stranded on an island?
Do I have to be stranded on the island?
That is the point of the question.
There are many things that I would want.
Just answer the question? What would you want most if you were stranded on an island?
My teddy bear and my blanket! What? For those dark nights when I feel lonely and scared!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
Luke! Join me and together we will rule the world like father and son.
I'm not so sure about this father. Is it safe?
There will be a couple of bumps and bruises now and then but with our combined powers, no one can stop us!
What about the Space Reservation Police? I hear they can kick some serious butt.
You've pushed me to the limit son! Now I must destroy you.
CUT!CUT!CUT! Aren't we supposed to have props and stuff? And wheres the deep voice Vader? Why are we shooting this with a toy camera?

 

by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
Todays top story is the trial of Michael Jackson.
Yeah Dave I can't believe that guy was found not guilty! All we can say is start locking your doors parents!
Todays most frequently asked question is have we located Osama Ben Laddan's hideout yet?
The answer to that is, No! We have no idea where his position is!
Todays most mob causing topic is the 2005 election!
Yes mobs are forming everywhere, as a matter of fact I see one outside of the studio now!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
Ok I'm going to jump out of this plane! If anything happens, tell my girlfriend I like her cooking!
Wouldn't it be in your best interest to wear a parachute?
We are 5000 feet in the air! I'm a superhero! I can fly!
If you die I'll make sure they put "Stupid Enough To Jump Out Of A Plane Without A Parachute" on your gravestone!
Important Stuff To Remember While Skydiving:Where a Parachute, Don't think Your Some Superhero, Never Tell Somebody To Tell Your Girlfriend you like her cooking!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
You've got us entangled in alien combat! What did you say that made them so mad?
I calmly told them that humans are more civilized than aliens.
How did they react to this comment?
They asked if monkeys were more civilized than humans and aliens put together.
What was your remark back to them?
I said we've gotta be the best **** civilized people ever!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
Seems your judgement has failed again loyal companion!
You can't expect a monkey to know not to insult an alien!
Its common knowledge on the human planet Earth.
I didn't think that rule applied here considering we are not on Earth and I am not a human.
The rule applies everywhere and to everyone.
I'm not a "one," I am a "thing."

 

by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
You let aliens blow up Earth? Why?
They offered me a monkey chick! I immediately cared less about anything else accept for the monkey chick!
Didn't you try to reconsider destroying the Earth?
Yes but they offered me a lifetime supply of banans. Knowing me I love bananas.
Did they offer you anything else my loyal companion?
I believe they offered me another monkey chick if I let them destroy Earth!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-20-05
The world will be ruled by aliens and do not have your monkey friend try to reconsider and negoitiate.
Can I try to reconsider and negoitiate?
Well I did say that your monkey friend couldn't? I never mentioned you? You can try but the world will be ruled by aliens sooner or later!
The world is not going to be ruled by aliens! I can end this madness before people start getting abducted!
Don't push the limit here bub, I gave you the chance to negoitiate but you decided to turn down the offer!
This is pointless! Can't aliens and humans live peacefully without knocking on each others doors?

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
Have you common sense? It is common knowledge not to take off your helmet in space!
Common knowledge for humans or common knowledge for monkeys?
All living things need to breathe! All living things will die without air!
Those guys over there aren't wearing helmets! It doesn't look like there dying!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
That painting over there is called Mona Lisa! It is highly treasured throughout the country so be careful!
Am I aloud to touch it?
Are you kidding this thing is highly censored! One touch will set off alarms like crazy!
How can I be careful if I can't touch it?
Whats that one over there?
Oh thats our security guard Stew.
Is he delicate? Is he censored? Does he set off alarms like crazy?

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
I can feel your pain!
Your feeling crippled, lonely and bummed out because you don't have a girlfriend?
I know how it feels to be short.
You always feel like smushing something until you realize you can't due to your height.
I know how it feels to be pregnant.
???

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
As you can see its Christmas again in the Tomsley Residence...
Santa Begins to Move closer to the Tomsley's house when Grandma Tomsley scurries downstairs to make cookies..
Those cookies aren't going to cook themselves! Grandma Tomsley to the kitchen!(wobboling)
Ho!Ho!Ho! Did I hear cookies?
Grandma Tomsley hears a HoHoHo....
Yes sonny! Would you like to be a tastetester?
I'll do more than taste test Miss, allow me to escort you to the kitchen.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
You know what makes me more happier than cookies......old ladies who make them.
Here sonny you can lick the spoon.
Miss I've been meaning to tell you something.....
??
Thse cookies are good.
Thank you dear! Its my own recipe made from scratch.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
Beginning to wonder where Grandma is....
Santa is downstairs in the kitchen hitting on your wife.
Damn that old fool! Always thinking he can hit on women! Time for Grandpa to save Christmas!
Downstairs in the kitchen......
No body flirts with my wife! Certainly your not eating my cookies! You've messed with the wrong old guy!
Shes your wife? I thought she was the personal maid.
Gramps pulls out a shotgun, shoots Santa......
Why did you hurt that nice young man? He was just admiring my cookies.
He was not admiring your cookies! He was eating them and he was flirting with you!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
Hi I'm Lenny. Can I hit on you?
Do you have experience?
If you call kissing my mother experience than, yes!
hmmm....
Well can I?
Only if your not one of those guys trying to get a girlfriend.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
I can't seem to remember where I left those chickens?
Perhaps they went to the market.
Maybe they went to the coop.
Maybe we put them on sale for twenty nine cents.
That chicken was good.
And it only costs me a quarter and four cents.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-21-05
Father Bob! There's this girl that I like. She doesn't like me. How do I get her to like me?
How does she react to you?
She shoves me and says I'm five cents short of a twenty.
Not rich enough for her maybe.
??
Shes trying to tell you to wear some clothes.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-22-05
Honey, wheres my bacon?
Its coming along with all the other pork products you asked for.
Not you, the pig. Wheres my bacon?
Hold on sir. Its coming.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-22-05
Whos that hunk of meat over there?
A newbie. Just arrived from Hatfeild Farms.
She must burst alot of milk.
Yeah.
Yummy.
So your the newbie from Hatfield Farms.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-23-05
Whats 1 +1?
2
Good. Whats 2+2?
2
We need to work a little on the math. Whats 9 *8?
7 +2

 

by Sith_Lord
6-23-05
Theres been a major crisis at the office. I'm leaving.
Thats what you said yesterday and every other day since you got that job.
I can't control what goes on over there.
Just be back before dinner.
He leaves the house after he lied to his wife...
I got the money.
I got my name down for a room upstairs.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-23-05
Freeze.
NO! The worlds being repopulated by evil kangaroos.
Hands Up.
Wait! The worlds being repopulated by evil kangaroos wielding machine guns.
I'm just robbing you of your money.
Fine. The worlds being repopulated by evil kangaroos wielding machine guns attempting to rob people of their money.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-24-05
It you where to all of a sudden come to life again, what would you do?
hmmm....first I'd buy some clothes, then I would find a girl, flirt with her, hit on her, and ask her to take me to her house.
Thats pretty rad, but I would go to an 80's store and party like it was 1985 again.
That's rad.
Your wishes will be granted, live again and party like it was 1985 again.
Yay!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-24-05
Where are we and where did the human civilization go to?
I may be wrong but I think we are the human civilization.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-24-05
Gimme your clothes before I get angry.
Why do you want my clothes?
To humans civilized, why do you think. I'm naked!
Can't your parents give you money to buy clothes?
OK!OK! Ummm.... thats 20 bucks if you don't mind! OK you mind!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-25-05
1985 wasn't this dull.
Wheres the babes to entertain us?
Most importantly, wheres the bathroom? I'm having major intestinel pains.
Just go over there. No one's here except for us two.
Thats the problem. There is no girls to flirt with.
I thought you had to go to the bathroom.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-25-05
I'm afraid I'm going to have to kick you and take your shotgun unless you peacefully hand it over to me now.
Do you have a permit?
Thats really not relevent here. Just give me the shotgun.
This was a gift to me.
You agitate me.
Why don't you just go home and play with your video games. I have hunting to do.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-25-05
So first you steal my son's clothes and now you interrogate me. Who the hell are you and what do you want?
I'm from the future. My mission is to terminate anyone who agitates me.
I hate sci fi nerds. Always thinking the unusual. You guys have futuristic minds.
??
Go away before I kick you below.
Seems I have been threatened by another arrogant mom.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-26-05
At last! We meet again!
Do I know you?
You can say that. Anyway, I'm here to terminate.
Terminate what?
You!(Pulls out shotgun) Die not important person.
Whoa thats pretty hot! Where'd ya get it?

 

by Sith_Lord
6-26-05
At last! After months of hard work I have finally tracked you down!
Hello! Have you come to admire my work?
Thy bidding is to terminate you.
My bidding is to make sure you die!!!!
Gunshots are no match for my unbelieveable powers!
oh...@#%$!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-27-05
I hope your ready to die!
This time you will not kill me! I will kill you!
I have told you, it is impossible to kill me!
GO! GO! Evil kangaroos!
(rapid shooting)
(rapid shooting)

 

by Sith_Lord
6-27-05
We have a major problem sir.
We demand a say in this meeting!
What seems to be the problem non dead citizens?
You didn't exactly send us back to 1985. We are angry.
What time and place was this again?
1985, back on the dancefloor.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-27-05
Welcome to McSpeedy's Fast Food, what can I get you?
I'll have the usual, Apple Pie with a ceaser salad please.
Thats $6.50. Your meal will be here in about 2 minutes.
Good I hate long waits.
20 Minutes Later...
Whats taking so long?
We can't find the toy that comes with your meal.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-27-05
Welcome to McSpeedys Fast Food, what can I get you?
Get me a Root Beer please! Ice please! Straw too, please! One of those umbrella things too, please...
Sir, this is a fast food restraunt. Thats $1.00! I'll be right back with your drink.
OK
Half an Hour Later...
Sorry about the long wait, we ran out of ice and one of our workers locked himself in the freezer.
You guys really have to get on top of things!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-27-05
Welcome to Mcspeedys Fast Food, what will it be today?
Give me the largest meal you have!
The Super Size Meal it is.
Hurry up with it too.....I'm deflating by the second.
15 Minutes Later....
Sorry about the long wait! Our cooks went out back for a smoke and forgot to come in. Therefore burning your food.
Bummer!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-28-05
Welcome to McSpeedys Fast Food, what will it be today?
I just want one of those Pre Made Burgers.
That will be $3.50. I'll be back in a flash with your burger.
I have a watch. I'll be counting.
25 Minutes Later...
Sorry about the long wait, my manager said we do not sell pre made burgers. So we went to cook one and our chef burnt his hand.
This place is clumsy, inconsideret, and does not sell Pre Made Burgers! I'm leaving! I will not return either.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-28-05
Thats a nice touch. Where did you find those guys?
This will short circuit your circuits!
Pick me! I'm addictive!
Hey you look addictive!
(Rapid Malfunctioning)
Now for my last touch, I arranged a meeting with.....A MAD SCIENTIST!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-28-05
I think I know how to handle this one, let me just get my tweasers and begin.
I'll be over there staring into empty space.
There we go! Now I have to locate the deactivation button.
Where would that be?
Where do most people seem to have heart failures?

 

by Sith_Lord
6-28-05
ITS DEAD! ITS DEAD!
Are you sure it won't spring back up and stalk me?
Without the 75 Watt microchip it cannot live. Without life there is no springing up.
So its gone, are you sure?
Of course! I am right 100% of the time.
Thats why I called Sciencebusters.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-29-05
Now this is more like it. Hot babes all around.
I see one thats really hot,literally, but not a babe.
You guys know the rules, when your dead your dead.
We can explain sir, the reaper gave us permission to come back to 1985.
Back in the Underworld...
Your fired!
Rats! Do one thing to benefit humanity and the boss gets steamed up again.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-29-05
Well this isn't exactly 1985 but we can still party like it was 1985.
You know the rules! No partying!
Rats! Say one happy thing and the boss gets steamed up.
Thats just how it works down here. Either you follow the rules or you don't.
Whats the worst that could happen if we don't follow the rules. We are already dead.
Theres a possibility that he could cancel our steam bath.

 

by Sith_Lord
6-29-05
Because you shot Santa, you've given up all of the little childrens hopes. You should be ashamed of your self.
Whats the penalty for shooting Santa?
Usually we send you to jail but since your old then....
You'll let me go.
The Punishment Begins...
That sure is alot of food sir. Would you like a toy with that?
This is for the donut boys. Just throw in toys with that please!

 

by Sith_Lord
6-30-05
Its not my fault theres a hole in the raft.
Well you were the one with the toothpick.
Look our main priority is finding food, setting up shelter and getting water.
Just how do you expect to do all of that?
Gimme your clothes!
Don't do this now man, not here! Why coiuldn't I be here with a chick? Err....

 

by Sith_Lord
7-01-05
Are you Mrs. Waddles?
Maybe.
We have a very important proposition to talk about! Mam! The world is about to be hit by a meteor in about 4.5 seconds.
Does it look like I care?
Me and you are the only people that will survive. After that we will marry each other and repopulate this world!
I'd rather marry this cheeseburger.

 

by Sith_Lord
7-01-05
Your move!
Prepare for your Knight to fall under the power of my bishop!
I stratigized in my head earlier, I did that on purpose, your bishop has now fallen under the power of my mighty PAWN!!!
Strategizer eh? Well your going to fall under the powert of me! I will beat you!
After the Chess Game...
Whats this, CHECKMATE!
Lets play again! This time! No bathroom breaks!

 

by Sith_Lord
7-03-05
.........
...........
Mom, what is it? Its so big and shiny.

 

by Sith_Lord
7-03-05
Halloween is so dull. Look at this lame pumpkin!
He'd probably be thinking of a hundred cursewords if he were alive.
***, ****, ****, *****
This is so boring, I don't know anybody would stare at a pumpkin all day! Pumpkins are worthless!
What was that *****?

 

by Sith_Lord
7-03-05
Were you rejected by another girl again?
I already got over that.
Did you forget to feed your dog again?
Well...yes! Thats not the situation this time though.
AH...HA! You got laid off again by your boss!
Some guy called me stick man! I did get laid off though.

 

by Sith_Lord
7-03-05
What are you doing?
Observing. Don't worry I'm taking notes accuratly.
I usually don't let people observe freely. Wheres my 50 bucks?

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