All comics by TeeCee

 

by TeeCee
12-14-05
Drak & Bat are on the hunt again...
What's on the menu tonight, Drak?
Creamy skinned young virgins as usual
Do I get a taste this time?
No, you will only scare them off
How about if I pretend to be a coat hanger?
Numbskull!

 

by TeeCee
12-15-05
Dice doesn't like the look in Slice's eye...
Wot you doin', Slice?
I'm about to maximise the potential of my finely honed Solingen steel cranial separator.
You wot?
I said I'm going to calibrate my master-crafted double-headed digit de-jointer.
As long as you're not goin' to hurt anyone, then.
There's no sport in killing dumb animals!

 

by TeeCee
12-15-05
Slice is on the warpath...
I'm looking for the dog who killed my chicken!
Can't help you, dude. Mine's fresh from Chic-O-Lick.
I'm looking for the dog who killed my chicken!
Don't look at me, my man. I just chill with the chicks. You dig what I'm sayin', Stumpy?
Are you the dog who killed my chicken?
Hopefully that would be 'dog' in the metaphorical sense...?

 

by TeeCee
12-15-05
Drak's on a power kick...
Bat, I want you to spread the word that I, Lord Drak, am poised for the decimation of these futile creatures called the human race!
!
Are you listening, Bat? I am going to convert all these pathetic warm-blooded creatures into a super race of Undead!
?
What?.....
I was just wondering what you're going to do for food after that...?

 

by TeeCee
12-15-05
Dice is having a crisis of conscience...
Don't you ever feel that what we're doing is morally wrong and that we should be striving to make the world a happier, more peaceful place.
?
Seriously, Slice, just think how things could be if we took the time to smell the roses and rid ourselves of all the ugliness in the world.
Maybe he's got something...
But...then...wouldn't we be doing ourselves out of a job...?
Dipstick!

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
The Empty Suit is telling Gwen about his 2006 Business Plan...
It would appear that I am the bottleneck in the work around here.
?
So I've decided to hire another Analyst to make sure the work gets done.
...but isn't the reason the work never gets done is because you are the laziest bastard in the company and you're actually at home while other people are working...?
Like I said, I'll be hiring another Analyst...
Wow! You talk so much shit your lips are brown!

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
Today the Empty Suit is talking so much shit that Jimmy has had to wear a space suit so he's not overcome by the fumes...
I've installed a new website so that in future we can attract people of a higher calibre in order to achieve our business goals.
...but haven't they always left shortly after joining?
That's because they weren't of the right calibre.
...but wasn't it you that hired them?
Haven't you got any work to do...?
I may not be able to smell the bullshit, but I swear I can almost see it!

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
The Empty Suit is his usual well-organised self...
Gwen, I need you to create a fifty-page presentation for my meeting in ten minutes.
Maybe I could if I knew what you wanted in the fucking presentation!
...and I'll also need ten printed copies of it.
Couldn't you have told me this yesterday?
?
The question too fucking hard for you was it?

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
The Empty Suit has been instructed to 'terminate' one of his salesmen...
It's over, Dan. Your sales are down and we're going to have to part company.
But I did everything you told me...
I know, and it's getting very embarrassing.
So, how long have I got?
Don't these assholes understand the meaning of 'terminate'?

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
The Empty Suit is still trying to impress Gwen with his Business Plan for 2006...
After we have hired all these high calibre people, we will have to train them.
?
We will need to formulate a huge Training Manual to show the importance we place upon it.
If these people are going to be of such a high calibre, why will we need to train them?
Surely you mean why will YOU need to train them...
Fuck it, I'm going to the beach!

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
The Empty Suit has had a tip-off about a potential hire...
So, they tell me you're of a very high calibre.
High cali...wot?
What experience do you have that would be useful to us?
Twenty years of rape and pillage.
You know, I think we may have an opening for you as an Internal Auditor...
This fucker's first on my list!

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
The Empty Suit tries to engage Tim, from R&D, in cricket talk...
Hey,...er...Tim, isn't it? Good shit that England won the Hashes...
That's 'ashes' Mr. Suit.
Fantastic when the Australian Silly Mid On got hit in the goolies!
'Silly Mid Off' by a 'googly' Mr. Suit.
You really should shave that beard off, Tim. You would look so much spongier!
I'll get me coat!

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
The Empty Suit pep-talks his one remaining salesman who hasn't been 'terminated'...
My 2006 Business plan says we need more referral business and less cold-calling.
?
Because cold-calling is expensive and requires salesmen.
!
And worst of all... requires more of my time...
I know when I'm not wanted.

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
The Empty Suit is called in to see The Boss of bosses...
I hear rumblings, E.S....my contacts on the outside tell me that morale is the lowest it's ever been.
I dunno, Boss.. my morale's OK...
Not YOUR morale, dipstick, the morale of the troops.
But we don't have any troops, Boss, we're a company...
You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you, E.S.?
Er..No, Boss...er...was that the answer you wanted...?

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
Deep in the Boss's dungeon lair on a nearby tax haven island...
Listen, E.S., I don't like these damned...these damned...whatever they're called...
Employees, Boss?
That's right. I don't like them any more than you do, but we have to keep them reasonably sweet, otherwise we'll be doing the blasted work ourselves, old man.
Should we pay them their quarterly bonus, then, Boss?
Are you insane? I said sweet, not financially independent. Put those in that chest over there - I have dungeon upkeep costs to pay!
Don't worry, Boss, they'll need a magnifying glass to find their bonus by the time I've finished with it!

 

by TeeCee
12-17-05
Back at the company, the troops are revolting. Alan is subtly negotiating with The Empty Suit...
Where the fuck is our quarterly bonus? Shithead! Don't give me that 'I don't know what you're talking about shit'... shithead!
I don't know what...
I said not to say that! Asshole. Where is it?
Can I interest you in a Xmas card?
That's it! I'm gonna kick your balls so hard you'll be able to wear them as earrings...shithead!
Got to go, it's my son's birthday!

 

by TeeCee
12-18-05
Tim is wondering about his Xmas bonus at the Annual Company Meeting...
Excuse me Mr. Suit, sir...
Wha..oh it's you..er...Tim, right?
Yes, sir. Please sir, I was wondering about the Xmas bonus...Isn't it supposed to paid AT Xmas?
How long have you been with the company, Tim?
About 156 years, Sir.
So, you may not have had a Xmas card, yet...

 

by TeeCee
12-18-05
Gwen is getting a pep talk at the Annual Company Meeting...
Next year, Gwen, we expect you to move up a gear and step up a level.
?
We want you to get your ducks in a row and take the bull by the horns.
?
We'd like you to maximise your operational potential by channeling your innate aggression into a more positive dimension.
This is like being trapped in a space suit with a fart...

 

by TeeCee
12-18-05
Jimmy still can't bring himself to take off his space suit...
Jimmy, we do feel that you could really have performed better this year and we're quite disappointed in you.
The air is so much fresher in here.
You continue to do exactly as you're told, and the client's started to notice your errors.
Oh shit, what's that...?
In future, interpret your assignments in a way which will at least give you a 50% chance of success!
Damn!... I've farted...now what do I do?

 

by TeeCee
12-18-05
Alan appears somewhat upset! And not very positive to boot! How very unlike him!
I'm gonna kick your ass to a fuckin' pulp, Suit Boy!
The Empty Suit decides that discretion is the better part of valour. Mainly because he has no valour to speak of.
Erm... I think 've left the gas on...

 

by TeeCee
1-03-06
Something is troubling Tim...
Excuse me, Mr. Suit, Sir.
?
Everybody's asking why I appear so short in this cartoon strip...
I thought it was quite obvious that it has nothing to do with your physical characteristics, but rather represents a metaphor for my condescension towards you!
Wow, Mr Suit! Have you been reading a dictionary..?

 

by TeeCee
1-03-06
Gwen sticks the knife in...
You know the guy whose wife you groped at the Xmas party is pretty pissed off with you!
I don't know what you're talking about!
You know! The one who came looking for you with a twelve bore, who said if you ever touched his wife again, he'd use your scrote for a change purse!
He must have confused me with someone else!
You know! The guy who said he was looking for the hot air balloon who talks shit!
You can't fool all of the people all of the time...

 

by TeeCee
1-10-06
The Empty Suit starts an analysis in a new company...
Morning, Mr. Client, we're here to analyse your company!
Analyse how?
We're going to see just how productive your workers are.
Which workers would those be?
Why, all those people in that big darkened room sitting around doing nothing!
You mean the ones watching the film...?

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