All comics by Testostrogen

 

by Testostrogen
5-15-12
I find that the more I try not to be depressed, the more depressed I become.
It's a vicious cycle, experienced by most, I imagine.
When I weigh my options, it just seems like depression is the easiest option.
Such is the nature of the beast that is life.
I also find that my erectile dysfunction medication is shoddy at best.
You're on your own there, buddy.

 

by Testostrogen
5-15-12
You know, they always say, "Nothing ventured; nothing gained."
What if you're hoping to gain a sense of not having ventured?
You know I hate when you play Devil's Advocate.
"Nothing ventured; nothing gained" is also a sentence fragment.

 

by Testostrogen
5-15-12
Regardless of who wins the upcoming election, I doubt much of anything will change in the long run.
Republicans and Democrats are essentially the same people.
Crime will still run rampant throughout the nation and poverty will remain a stagnant issue.
The hot-button topics like abortion, gay marriage and the death penalty will not be resolved any more than they have been.
That's why I'm writing in Ron Paul again.
I'm going with Obama, because he and I are pretty much the same color.

 

by Testostrogen
5-15-12
I think our boss is sleeping with the secretary.
How can you tell?
She's not being a raging bitch to him.
Perhaps she's just having a good week. Even secretaries have rare moments of optimism.
Well, yeah, but she's also blowing him about three feet behind you right now.
It's times like this I wish we had bigger panels.

 

by Testostrogen
5-15-12
I think I might be addicted to pot.
But don't studies show that it's not habit-forming?
Seriously, though; do you have any?
I was just about to ask you the same thing.

 

by Testostrogen
5-15-12
A lot of movie previews say, "If you only see one movie this year, see this one."
Who sees only one movie per year?
Well, not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to see movies all the time.
I suppose we should be thankful for having enough money to see multiple movies.
I was talking about blind people.
Hey, they still could've gotten the same experience out of The Blair Witch Project.

 

by Testostrogen
5-16-12
Sometimes I wonder why I can't seem to meet the right person.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I don't think you're getting it. I don't want to date a fish.
Well, eventually you're going to run out of people.

 

by Testostrogen
5-16-12
I'm a big fan of consistency. I like to keep things streamlined.
Is that why you're always the first one to say something when we have a conversation?
It's not my fault you always decide to stand over there.
I also like consistency, jerkface.

 

by Testostrogen
5-16-12
Behind this door is a world that is only limited by your imagination.
What do you mean?
I mean that once you go through this door, there are no boundaries on what you can accomplish.
That sounds pretty tempting.
I'm just kidding. It actually leads to my basement, which is where I keep all of my torture devices.
Ooh, you almost got me to go in there that time.

 

Why is it that most comics have three panels?
Because anything less wouldn't allow for the proper amount of time needed to set up a decent punchline.
by Testostrogen, 5-16-12

 

by Testostrogen
5-16-12
It's interesting that people with different religious and political beliefs choose to fight over them instead of trying to be educated on them.
I agree. It's not as if one side ever concedes and says, "You know what? You're right."
It's just meaningless and without merit.
No one will ever accomplish anything as long as it continues.
Anyway, I'm sorry; I just had to get that off my chest. Now, what were we talking about before that?
You were saying that Val Kilmer made a decent Batman, and I was telling you that you're insane.

 

by Testostrogen
5-16-12
I've been thinking about death lately.
Where do you think people go when they die?
Well, I think if they live a decent life, they ascend to some sort of heavenly, spiritual place.
I suppose that's possible.
And if they're bad people, they're taken to a dark, burning wasteland filled with other sinners.
So...they go to a Hot Topic in Montana?

 

by Testostrogen
5-16-12
One time I went to a restaurant and the server was so bad that I had to ask for a manager.
People do that all the time.
Yeah, but this guy was really, really bad.
What did he do that was so horrible?
He killed my date with a steak knife and then started shooting up the table with a handgun.
Apparently you've never been to Waffle House.

 

by Testostrogen
5-17-12
Love is a mighty temptress.
Agreed.
Love will make even the brightest individuals do the most unsensible things.
No doubt.
Love once made Abraham Lincoln take a bullet to the brain.
I'll see your Abraham Lincoln and raise you a Bruno Mars.

 

by Testostrogen
5-17-12
I'd really like to have children one day.
How will you know when you're ready?
I think it's one of those sixth senses everyone's always talking about. When you know, you know.
That's really profound.
But in case that doesn't work, you can always kidnap one and keep him for the weekend to feel things out.
I don't know, man. It sounds like you're ready now.

 

by Testostrogen
5-17-12
Sometimes I wonder if I'm living up to my full potential.
That seems like a very empty way to live.
What do you mean?
I mean that spending your days focused on what could have been as opposed to actuality seems like wasted time.
So you're saying I should just assume I'm living up to my full potential?
Heck no. If you were doing that, you'd be surrounded by supermodels.

 

by Testostrogen
5-17-12
I don't understand the need to curse expanding to mainstream media.
It's the same thing that happened when advertisers realized that sex sells. Swearing has become the norm in our society at this point. It's part of the progession of time.
I really thought you were going to just crudely dismiss my opinion.
Why the fuck would I want to do that?

 

by Testostrogen
5-17-12
I forgot that last weekend was Mother's Day.
Me too.
I'm making it up to my mom by getting her an extra-large bouquet and some chocolates.
That sounds like a good idea. I might have to try that myself.
Well, I'm sure your mom will enjoy flowers and chocolate, too.
I was talking about getting them for your mom.

 

by Testostrogen
5-17-12
How did we get here?
That's a big question. I think it started with the Big Bang, and thenyou had the single-celled organisms and fish and dinosaurs, and so on...
And eventually, those things continued to evolve until we were born.
No, I meant "here" as in this road. I have no idea how we got here.
Oh. Sometimes I drink a handle of vodka before I pick you up for work in the morning.

 

by Testostrogen
5-18-12
I have a song stuck in my head.
I hate when that happens.
I mean, it could be a lot worse.
How?
Well, instead of a song, it could be a section of metal piping.
You win this round.

 

by Testostrogen
5-19-12
There's a new youth subculture that's rapidly becoming the norm during the transition to adulthood.
In other words, kids who think it's important to be cool are growing up to find that it's not important at all.
Frankly, it extends beyond that. Not only are modern adolescents learning that there are no implications in being "cool"; they've also found an imperative alternative to it.
In other words, as an adult, it's possible that it's more important to be uncool than it is to be cool.
And when these subcultures meet in the wake of an explosion of vanity and greed, it's entirely possible that both sides could very well burst into a fury of chaos, causing a horrible backlash.
In other words, Nickelback sucks.

 

by Testostrogen
5-19-12
I believe that locally-owned businesses are an under-aprreciated force.
Salt of the earth, that's for sure.
And it's really nice to show support for the common man to struggles each day against the oppressive force of the conglomerate world.
I am in complete agreement.
Want to come with me to the farmer's market to pick up lunch?
You go ahead. As long as I'm in here, I'm gonna go potty.

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