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| Joy, the newspaper... Fighting in the middle east continues, nobody still knows whether or not Osama's alive, Ashcroft debates nude statues, bla bla bla bla bla..... | |
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| In local news, the debate of using a public funds for skating parks or public pools is over after three months of voting after someone turned out to vote, also taxes now at 86 percent... | |
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| Sports... Tyson uses George Foreman grill to grill George Foreman, heterosexual male joins singles figure skating team, NFL player found guilty of not committing any crimes... | |
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| Forecast predicts non-acidic rain tomorrow, Miss Manners advises not going to funerals nude, and a crossword puzzle that only Kenny Kaufman could have inspired... | |
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| My horoscope says to beware of sudden world endings, Garfield does something to piss off John, still nobody offering a classified job for a "full-time professional slacker"... | |
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| Hmm.... in section 335-ZZ, somebody kidnapped every Canadian. | |
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