All comics by TimmyThePervert

Profile

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
hey there beautiful, mind if i hit on you?
nah, go ahead.
cool.
so, will you go out with me?
no.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
at a restaurant
good evening sir. are you ready to order? our special tonight is steak served with mashed potatoes, and today's soup is beef and vegetable.
excuse me miss, i'm ready to order.
yes sir!

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
hey man, i'm scouting out a guy who can work long hours a day providing feedback on my swimsuit models' outfits. don't worry, you'll get paid gratituously.
dude, you've gotta be kidding me! pinch me, i must be dreaming!
wait...wait...no...forget i said that.
PINCH ME!
get away from me!

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
during the swimsuit model march
so, who do you like best so far?
hmmm...
hard to say for sure. better run them by me a few more times.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
at home, in the shared apartment
oh yes! FUCK! OH YEAH, BABY!
I BET YOU GIVE GREAT HEAD, DON'T YOU YOU LITTLE WHORE?! SHIT! YES! I WANT YOUR HOT, TIGHT LITTLE CUNT! I WANNA FUCK YOU AND MAKE YOU SCREAM! OH SHIT YES BABY!
dude, just what the fuck are you wanking to so loudly in here?
family photo album.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
at home, in the shared apartment
oh yes! FUCK! OH YEAH, BABY!
I BET YOU GIVE GREAT HEAD, DON'T YOU YOU LITTLE WHORE?! SHIT! YES! I WANT YOUR HOT, TIGHT LITTLE CUNT! I WANNA FUCK YOU AND MAKE YOU SCREAM! OH SHIT YES BABY!
dude, just what the fuck are you wanking to so loudly in here?
family photo album.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
i read somewhere today that the average male thinks about sex 300 times a day.
makes sense, i'm an above-average kind of guy.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
why are you still going out with timmy?
look, he may be shallow, ugly, with a horrible personality and bad body odor. not to mention he's a huge womanizer and a total jerk. but behind all that-
on second thought, i'm going to break up with him after all.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
hey sexy baby, you're invited to a party in my pants, and SOMEBODY just spilled the kool-aid.
what the fuck is wrong with you?

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
here you go, sis. i brought back that family photo album you let me borrow.
oh, thanks.
...why are there semen stains on all the pictures of me?
hey, most of those are from dad, not me.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-21-05
so, are you ready for another day on the job?
i'm ALWAYS ready.
excellent. just what i wanted to hear. as of today, i'm promoting you to our PLUS-SIZE models!

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-22-05
*SLAM!*
dude, what the hell is wrong with you?
MY ENTIRE WORLD IS CRUMBLING AROUND MY EARS, that's what! my sweet job of looking at babes all day is in jeopardy! now i have to look at FAT PEOPLE, due to a lame ass promotion!
it's obvious what your problem is, and the solution is even more obvious. you've gotta get a DEmotion.
a DEmotion? how do you propose i do that?
you're fired. and might i add that i always figured you had better taste than groping a bunch of obese people. guess i was wrong about you.
JESUS CHRIST.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-22-05
timmy! timmy!
what? what is it, sis?
great news! i'm getting MARRIED!
WHOA! HOLD ON! how can you make such a huge decision for us like that?! i still need to sort out my feelings! this is going way too fast!

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-23-05
dude, why are you so mad about your sister getting married? she's your fucking sister, man. you'd have to be some kind of sick fuck to lust after your sister as much as you do!
hey man, it's like my uncle always said: "everything is secondary to matters of the heart."
yep, my uncle is one smart man. i could sure use his advice right now.
so talk to him! do you know when he's getting out of prison for seducing that 7 year old?
2024.

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-28-05
on the wedding day...
i can't believe you finally tied the knot, sis. so where are you two lovebirds going to honeymoon at?
the canary islands! we've already got our bags all packed, see? isn't this exciting? this is gonna be great!
hmmmmm.....
you know, maybe you packed too much stuff. i don't think the three of us are going to fit in that car.
YOU'RE NOT COMING!

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-30-05
we're gonna have to call off the mario party tournament man, i'm meeting my online girlfriend tonight.
oh, okay. i'll keep the gamecube warmed up for you. we can play when you get back.
you might wanna hook up the third controller, i've got a feeling it's gonna be a THREE PLAYER GAME if you know what i mean.
why did you say that with lust in your voice?

 

by TimmyThePervert
1-30-05
so, you're cynthia.
yup.
oh my god.
you said you had dark hair.

 

by TimmyThePervert
2-05-05
you know what you need, man? a new job.
can't man. there's no good job opportunities for guys who never finished high school. if i hadn't failed that final essay, things would be different...
*flashback*
timmy, are you aware that the word "sex" appears in your essay 433 times?
well, i DID write my essay on sexually transmitted disease, after all. the word "sex" is to be expected in an essay on that.
this is history class. your topic was the korean war.
really?

 

by TimmyThePervert
2-05-05
*SLAM!*
dude, you fucking idiot! you moron!
hey, don't go trying to shove the blame of this on me as though it was my fault!
it IS your fault, you sick fuck! we'll probably never get invited to one of the johnson's parties ever again!
i don't see what the problem is. i was GREAT at the pictionary match!
you always drew pictures of the party's hostess masturbating. always. even when it wasn't your turn.
SHE HAD A NICE FIGURE! WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IN MY POSITION?!

 

by TimmyThePervert
2-05-05
so, are you still a virgin?
sadly, yes. what about you?
yeah, i am. how about oral? have you gotten oral yet?
OH yeah! i've had oral thousands of times!
putting your penis into your sister's open mouth while she sleeps doesn't count.
fuck.

 

by TimmyThePervert
2-14-05
but yeah, that history teacher you had really hated you.
not as much as my spanish teacher. remember her?
*everything in quotes is translated from spanish*
okay class, read along with me from your textbooks. "I HATE TIMMY."
"I HATE TIMMY."
"TIMMY IS UGLY AND STUPID."
HEY! THE BOOK SAYS "JOSH", NOT "TIMMY"!

 

by TimmyThePervert
2-20-05
so, how'd your date with that blind girl go?
bad. i mean sure, she may be blind, but she has EXCELLENT hearing.
i'm kind of suprised she heard me wanking in the seat next to her in the theater, i was hardly making any noise at all.
i think you need help.
now that i think about it, her sense of TASTE was inhuman too! i mean, YOU never seem to notice when people ejaculate into your lemonade, do you?

 

by TimmyThePervert
2-20-05
so, how's your relationship with that girl you met a while back going?
meh, it's practically over. she's clingy, overbearing, and stupid. fortunately i think i can squeeze some hot sex out of her before i end it though.
hot sex eh? heh heh heh... you sly bastard.
count me in.

 

by TimmyThePervert
2-22-05
*click* dude, bring 100 bucks down to the police station and bail me out!
bail you out? jesus timmy, what the fuck did you do now?
well, i was hanging out at the mall and i saw this really cute girl at the bookstore reading a magazine. i started contemplating ways to get her attention.
uh huh.
so i said to myself: "hey, as long as i've got this rifle with with me, why not fire a few shots into the air and see if i can impress her? what could possibly happen?"
i'm not wasting 100 bucks on you.

 

by TimmyThePervert
3-03-05
so, got any plans for tonight?
hell yes i do! great party. there's gonna be beer, drugs, uninhibited sex...you name it.
another family reunion so soon?
you'd better believe it.

 

by TimmyThePervert
3-04-05
hello?
*sniffle* timmy, is that really you? it's me!
huh? sis? what's the matter, you sound awful!
it's my new husband...he's been abusing me! *sob* it's awful, when i don't put out for him he takes it by force! i-i've got bruises and cigarrette burns all over my body from-
can you talk a little slower and enunciate a little more? i really doubt my tape recorder is getting all this.
i don't like you.

 

by TimmyThePervert
3-07-05
hey man, guess what? i just got lucky with the girl of my dreams.
really? how'd you manage that?
i dunno, are people still calling 'em roofies?

 

by TimmyThePervert
3-19-05
what kind of lame party are we hosting here? where's all the dames?
dames?
you know, dames. chicks. foxes. babes. girls.
oh, okay. i see.
preteens.
you can stop now.

 

by TimmyThePervert
3-27-05
i just picked up a lot of hot dickgirl pics, you want copies?
.... no, no, that's.. quite alright.
are you sure? i've got one of two cheerleaders jacking each other off.
okay, that's... no.
c'mon, they've gotta be at least 7 inches each!
GAH!

 

by TimmyThePervert
4-29-05
OH yes! oh, oh my god! fuck yes! shit!
OH mufugger oh my holy god! fuck yes, ah! shit! ah! AAAAAAH!
hey, quit watching me jack off! you kids are taking a test!
what kind of substitute teacher ARE you?!

 

by TimmyThePervert
5-14-05
look, i get the feeling we got off to a bad start.
can't argue with that.
so, let's try a new pickup line this time.
hey sexy, wanna have your box stuffed with packing material?

 

by TimmyThePervert
6-05-05
i'm meeting with my girlfriend tonight! you know, tonight might be the night we finally go ANAL!
hah, that's great.
can you give me a ride?
sure.
you're SURE she was buried somewhere around here?
positive. now go away and pick me up around sunrise.

 

by TimmyThePervert
7-05-05
so, how'd your date with timmy the pervert go last night?
it went alright. it ended up in the bedroom, naturally.
oh, how was that?
it was pretty interesting...until his roommate walked in on us.
what? why'd he do that?
he heard timmy moaning his name and came in to see what he wanted.

 

by TimmyThePervert
9-24-05
well, this is certainly romantic!
oh, definitely!
way better than that stupid 'restaurant' or whatever the hell you dragged me to! now THIS is INTERESTING!
*sigh*

 

by TimmyThePervert
10-16-05
today i read that people are capable of achieving orgasm from birth.
dude, do you honestly believe that?
idiot, don't you think age 3 is a little too young to be faking it?

 

by TimmyThePervert
10-19-05
huh? hey sis, what's up?
timmy, i took a pregnancy test the other day. it came back...positive.
oh my god! but sis, why are you telling ME this?
i think you know, timmy...
wow, how many times is he going to fall for that?

 

by TimmyThePervert
10-19-05
DUDE! YOU ARE SO NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS!
you're going to be a FATHER!
that's half of it...

 

by TimmyThePervert
12-19-06
okay, i've got it. take off your clothes and kneel down, and i'll take a shit in your mouth.
okay!
*BRAAP PLARRFF BLOOSH GRUSHS BURHS SJFAH PORSHEL FOOOISSJE GRUBSH*
mmmm, keep going...
and yeah, that's basically how it went down.
who are you?

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