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Robert Scratchit - Legendary pornographer, our diminutive hero, patron saint of the downtrodden and sex-starved.
Alice Tovores - Scratchit's long-suffering secretary.
Sven Svensson - Scratchit's gofer, and Alice's coworker.
Tim Jefferson - Alice's love interest, and a fan of Scratchit's work.
Mandy Dale - One of Scratchit's star actresses.
Darren Steam - Scratchit's right-hand man, his equal in porn legend. His specialty is bukkake.
Neil Jerkit - Neil is a reluctant partner of Jerkit, Spankit and Spurt, a local law firm.
Ellen Buck - Another actress.
Bruce Buck aka BuckBunny - Ellen's furry brother.
Richard Maus aka Dickmouse - Bruce's friend since childhood, also a furry.