UniversalHeretic  

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Jesus, is that you?
Drats, I've been spotted!
I thought you ascended bodily into heaven to sit at your father's right hand.
No No. I'm still here on Earth. Things are a bit chaotic in heaven, so I'm laying low for awhile. I've joined a fringe group of my followers
You mean you ...
Yeah, I've joined the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.
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