All comics by Whimsical_Phil

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by Whimsical_Phil
11-18-02
Why must I be dead?
You are dead because I willed it.
Are you God?
Perhaps? Who can say what God is?
Amazing. I stand in the presence of God.
Nah! I'm not God, you bonehead. I'm just a squirrel who murdered you before killing myself.

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-18-02
Excuse me, Mr. Dinosaur?
What is it, lady?
Are you hoping to create a forest fire?
Of course not! I'm hoping to create an old lady fire.
Well! I never!
Yeah, them old gals flare right up.

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-18-02
Hey! Aren't you that terrorist guy that everybody hates? Hakuna bin Tata, or whatever?
Um...maybe.
Dude, you totally are. What are you gonna do now? Blow up the White House?
Yes. I mean, no. I mean, what's it to ya?
Lucky for America, I always carry a couple spare Molotov Cocktails to chuck in terrorists' faces.
Curses! Foiled again!

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-18-02
Aaarrrr! Ye know what, Mr. Pimp? You and I, we got somethin' in common.
C'mon! What could a pimp and a pirate have in common?
Aaarrrr! We both enjoy booty! Haaarrrr-haarrr-haarrr!
You're a dead man, Long John.
Aaarrrr! Fittin' me with a pair of cement shoes and sending me to Davy Jones' Locker seems more Mafia than pimp, but who am I to judge?
I'm down here for making a "ho" joke.

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-19-02
So, Satan...I called you up here because I heard that you and your boys are talkin' smack about me down in Hell.
C'mon, Jesus, you know that I'd never do anything like that.
Like I'm really gonna believe you, Mr. Prince of Lies. PERISH IN FLAME!!!!!
NOOOOOO!!!!!!
Meanwhile, in Hell...
Hey, have you seen Satan around? That cake he was baking for Jesus is almost done.
Hmm...maybe he's out picking up that balloon bouquet for good ol' J.C.

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-19-02
Boy, I've been torturing the damned all day. Time to relax with an online PC game.
*BLAM!* You've been fragged by cHr15t.
Blast! That guy beats me no matter what I do!
*BLAM!* You just fragged s4t4n
Ha-HA! Maybe we should stop calling you Old Scratch and begin calling you n00b Scratch! FACE!

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-19-02
Oh, boy! A blind date. How exciting. I hope she's a looker.
Sakes alive, woman! What are you? Some kind of a crack whore?
Why yes. Yes, I am.
Well, it's like I always say: If life gives you crack whores, make crack babies!
Good lord! *choke!*

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-20-02
Hi, there! Who wants to see me do an impression?
I warn you, though, it's pretty tasteless. You might not want to see it.
I'm just warning you...if you don't want to see this, you should probably skip over this strip.
Still here? OK, consider yourself warned. Here comes my tasteless impression: A baby born on prom night.
Oh, that was so mean. I am a terrible person. Death will be the only release from my shame.

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-21-02
Excuse me, do you have any nuts that I could put in my mouth?
I trust that you are referring to the edible nuts and not my testicles, right? That gag's been used about a million times already.
...
Dude, you totally spoiled joke. This was supposed to end with me biting you in the crotch.
Tell that to the four dozen squirrel carcasses that I have stapled to my bedroom wall.

 

by Whimsical_Phil
11-22-02
Four dozen squirr...good God, man! And wait a secondÑnow that I think about it, human testicles ARE edible. I'm gonna get revenge for those squirrels that you killed. Time to eat some nuts!
Relax, pal. Here, I've got something that you can eatÑa Zippo.
SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
...
Human: 49; squirrels: 3.

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