All comics by Whitesox

 

by Whitesox
6-17-06
Yo, dawg. I need some help.
I know that's right, but what do you need?
My computer. I need to gets on da net to check out dis fly ass rapper.
So just connect to the internet, Wiggs.
I can't. I only gots dat Windows '95.
Does that even have Minesweeper?

 

by Whitesox
6-17-06
Sup, playa? Ya heard that new Tupac joint?
Hasn't he been dead for ten years now?
He ain't dead dawg. Quit playin'. I seen him last week on Yo MTV Raps!
They don't even make that show anymore.
You're trying to tell me Tupac dead? Luckily, we still got Biggie.
He's...oh nevermind.

 

by Whitesox
6-17-06
Yo, yo, yo, you's gots any paper for my toilet?
What the hell are you doing here?
A nigga's gotta shit too, dog.
Wiggs, you're white. I gotta go; get the hell outta here!
That's cool. Let's see what happens the next time you need to borrow something from me.
The next time I need to borrow a Vanilla Ice tape I'll be sure not to ask you.

 

by Whitesox
6-17-06
Yo, G. You heard of this new drink they got out? You mix Red Bull and Vodka. I just heard about it yesterday.
Wow, that's really groundbreaking.
Yeah, it's pretty dope. You learn something new like everday. May I, kick a little something for the G's.
Easy Snoop Wigga Wiggs. You should try this drink they made called Rum and Coke.
Word?
There's also this invention called the wheel. Have you heard of fire?

 

by Whitesox
6-17-06
Wiggs, you got a condom I can have? I'm trying to entertain this lady friend of mine and I'm all out.
No playa. I ain't got shit for you dog. I'm 'bout to use one myself though.
If it's about that toilet paper incident I'll go get you a whole roll right now. You don't even have a girl over here and I have one at my place as we speak.
You shoulda come prepared homes. I'm over that paper shit anyways. I took care of my biznass.
Whatever Wiggs. Thanks for cock blocking me once again. Out of curiosity, what did you use to wipe.
I used my magic sock, dog. Why do you think I needs dat condom?

 

by Whitesox
6-22-06
Go G-Money. You get dat shit worked out wit yo woman the other night?
That's really none of your business, Wiggs, and she's not my woman.
Awe chill dawg. I wuz gonna tell ya what I do when I run out of condoms.
And what is that?
Man, a sandwich bag and a rubber band works everytime, Nigga.
How many kids do you have again?

 

by Whitesox
6-22-06
If you were Jewish and you're baking a German Chocolate cake, would you leave it in the oven a little bit longer than normal?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
What are you doing here Wiggs?
I heard you was performing tonight so I came down to see yo act. I gots ta leave though, they don't like my kind round here.
Dude, you're white.
Nah dawg, my step-dad's half-brother is black.

 

by Whitesox
6-26-06
What are you doing here Wiggs?
Yo dawg, I need a place to crash tonight. Mah baby's momma is pissed. Care if I stay at yo crib?
Yeah, I do.
Word?
Why don't you just go apologize to her?
Nah, dawg, it ain't like dat. She's pissed I didn't pay her for last night and I be po'.

 

by Whitesox
6-26-06
Yo , G!
Wiggs, what the hell are you doing in that bush?
Shit, that woman got her pimp after me fo not payin her ass.
You need help!
Damn straight, i'm gonna go call up da gang now.
I don't think Spanky and Buckwheat are going to be much help.

 

by Whitesox
6-26-06
Dear Hippie, if you hugged a tree in the woods, would anyone give a shit?
Dude, if I hugged a tree in the woods, that would like mean I am outside. And like, if I am outside that means that . . .um . . . I would like have to use leaves for toilet paper if I took a shit.
And like leaves come from trees man, so I would be wiping my ass with a tree . . . Wow man, like wow.

 

by Whitesox
6-29-06
Wiggs is in jail . . . reason unknown.
I have no idea why I came down here to help you.
Aww dawg, yous mah Nigga. Knew I could count on you.
I am not your, "Nigga". I don't even like you.
Damn G, I thought we was tight like that yo.
We're about as tight as your white ass will be when you get out of here. See you later Wiggs.
White ass?

 

by Whitesox
7-05-06
Dear Hippie, why do you like the band Phish so much?
Phish is a band, right, and they play this music, man. It makes your buzz take over your whole body. And when your buzz takes over your body, you feel like a rabbit that just found a carrot garden.
Man I love rabbits. This one time I like did acid and like skipped down a sidewalk made of skittles with a rabbit and that guy from the lucky charms box, dude, wow.

 

by Whitesox
7-06-06
Hey Wiggs, I see you got out of jail.
Yo dawg. I been out fo 'bout a minute now. Why's you not help me out yo?
I had to be at . . . um . . . my Grandma's funeral.
Aww money, I understand.
So you just got out?
Nah G, I told you I've been out fo' a minute.

 

by Whitesox
7-06-06
I know he means awhile by "a minute." I'll just ignore that he used that slang
Why's this white boy keep starren at a Nigga like that? Cracka better not be front'en.
Why did you get locked up anyways?
Forgot to return a movie to Blockbuster, they called the five O on a mah ass.
You just wanted to keep Malibu's Most Wanted for your own collection.
Ain't like that Dawg. I rented Gang's of New York and Master P and Tu Pac wasn't in it at all. Only has some painter guy, Leonardo somethin'. So I just trashed it.

 

by Whitesox
7-07-06
Yo dawg, welcome to Burger Joint, what'ch you need?
Hey Wiggs, I didn't know you worked here.
I just be workin' here till mah rappin' career takes off, ya hear!
Yeah, I hear. Good luck with that. I'll take a number 2 with a coke.
Yo dawg let me drop da rap on ya. "Yo I wake in da morning, dawg I step outside, bitch I take a deep breath, I gets real high, and I rap at the top of my lungs, what's goin' on Money?"
That's 4 Non Blonds, Wiggs. Just get me my number 2 so I can get out of here.

 

by Whitesox
7-08-06
Dear Hippie, at the current rate of inflation, how much do you think the cost of natural energy will increase over the course of the next few decades?
Man, we, like, need energy and stuff. Okay? And energy is all around us. Energy is in that tree over there. Energy is, like, in this flower and stuff. I love flowers, man. Flowers are pretty.
I like green flowers mostly. Ha ha. Like, yeah. Green, man. What was the question again?

 

by Whitesox
7-08-06
I once dated a girl with multiple personalities; she was fat so you know they were all great.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Wiggs, will you please stop coming here? It's bad enough I have to see you everytime I walk out my apartment.
I'm just trying to support my brother from another mutha, playa. It's all about racial harmony, dawg. Homey, I gots a question for ya.
Wiggs, I still can't believe you haven't noticed yet, but we're from the same race. And didn't "homey" stop being said in 1994? Anyways, what's your question?
That one bit you said about that fat bitch; do you still got her number, dawg?

 

by Whitesox
7-08-06
This is what would happen if Hippie ever met Wiggs.
Like, who are you, man?
Sup, dawg? Peeps be calling me, Wiggs.
Like, wow, man. Your name is Wiggs? That's, like, wow.
What da fuck is wrong with you, homey? This nigga right here be trippin' and shit. There ain't no future in your frontin'.
I like you, man. You're funny. Hey, man, are you cool? Do you want to smoke some shit with me and stuff?
Oh snap, dawg, I ain't never had no hippie shit before. Let's do this muthafucka. Roll that shit up.

 

by Whitesox
7-10-06
... I think the Rednecks are starting to feel like black people when us whites started saying, "In the Heezy."
Hahahaha! Word, I feel that way about you crackers.
Wiggs, why did you somewhat heckle me?
What you talking 'bout cracker.
Only we can call each other cracker. You can call us cracka...
Birniglia, please.

 

by Whitesox
7-11-06
Yah dawg, nice set da other night. Yous mah cracka.
No i'm not, and stop coming down to the club when I perform. Why are you here? Get out of my house.
Aww G, I just came over to ax you a question.
"Ax" your question, then go home.
Whys you keep tellin' a Nigga that i's be white, yo?
I didn't tell any Black people that you were white. They can see that themselves.

 

by Whitesox
7-13-06
So you were telling me about this wigger neighbor you have.
Oh, Wiggs. He's alright; just a little out of touch with the times.
How do you mean?
Shh! Here he comes right now.
Yo, wuddup bitch. Yo, you think they will let all ya'll bitches vote soon?
I'm gonna rip this cracka's nuts off.

 

by Whitesox
7-13-06
I can't believe that Wiggs was such a sexist to me.
I told you that he is behind on the times. Afterall, he does still wear FUBU.
At least he doesn't still wear Cross Colours.
Well, I did see him wearing some Bibs the other day.
With only one strap up?
Now you're catching on.

 

by Whitesox
7-13-06
Why's you lookin' at a Nigga like dat?
I don't even know you, go away.
Yous gonna know me soon. I'm gonna be rich, biatch. I'm heading too da bus station right now to go to a audition. Toos bad I gotta sit in da back of the bus, Damn Crackers!
Oh yeah what audition you going to?
I thoughts I'd go down to wheres they tape da Jefferson's and shows em whata true Black actta can do.
Oh yeah, I was gonna go down to the taping of Step by Step and then stop by Santa Claus' house. I heard Elvis is playing at the Jazz House tonight too.

 

by Whitesox
7-14-06
What's up dawg?
Do I know you?
Nah brotha, but we's cool. Ya nah, we's both black.
What?
Ahh nigga, stop frontin'. You wanna go grab some forties?
Give me your money and your sneakers and I'll let you live.

 

by Whitesox
7-14-06
Sup, pimp?
Wiggs, what happened to your shoes?
Sum clown came up jockin' my sneaks and tooked dem right off mah feet. Nigga had a gat and everythang. I was just wantin' to see if a brotha wanted a forty an' shit.
Wiggs, he didn't happen to be black did he?
Happen to be black? What kind of racist shit is that, G? My people been takin' too much of dat shit from you "Whites" for too long.
Us "Whites?" Wiggs, I'll be back in a minute; I need to go grab my mirror and show you something.

 

by Whitesox
7-14-06
What's up fool?
What's up player?
I just gots dat season 3 of the Fresh Prince of Belair on da DVD. You wanna go watch it, dawg?
Hells yeah. You's mah Nigga.

 

by Whitesox
8-29-06
What up G? Hows you feelin' today?
I'm not here to chit chat, Wiggs.
Ahh dawg what's wrong?
You took my car emblem off my car and I want it back.
Shit playa, i gots no clue what yous talkin' 'bout.
Shut up and give it back. I saw you wearing the KIA emblem around your neck yesterday. Now fork it over!

 

by Whitesox
8-29-06
G money. Sorry fo taking yo hood ornament. I wus just tryin' to fit in with de other Niggas on da block.
Wiggs, Black people don't even wear that stuff around their necks anymore.
Yeah Dawg, but i's going old school. You nah, back to's da day of Funky Flex and Grandy ole' Flash.
It was Funk Master Flex and, ahh forget it. Why are you trying to act like them anyways?
G, you best not be messin' with my game!
Don't worry Wiggs, I wouldn't mess with your Candyland or your Shoots and Ladders.

 

by Whitesox
9-05-06
Hey Wiggs. I wanted to ask you what all that noise was about the other night at your house.
Oh shit dawg, Mah girl was bein' ah hoe. So i's kicked that bitch out.
Oh no shit. How was she being a "hoe"?
Man, she wuz always callin' me, white bread. A Nigga can only put up wit dat shit fo so long. Ya nah.
Well Wiggs, you are white. But she shouldn't have been calling you that. It is kinda racist.
Yeah G Money, those Cracka' bitches always be disrespectin' me. But they ain't gonna keep a brotha down.

 

by Whitesox
12-28-06
What's up whitey? How you feelin' on this non-cracker ho-li-day.
Damn Wiggs, you sure are messed up. And what are you talking about anyways?
You white peoples all the same. All you care 'bout is your own ho-li-days! You discust me.
Wow, I don't even know where to go with this except I think you are talking about the AFRICAN AMERICAN holiday of Kwanzaa.
Dats right boy. But enough of this chity chat chat. I needs to get back to mah crib and light mah 4 Kwanzaa candle.
Yeah, you do that Wiggs. I just remembered I need to get home and light my menorah and then pray to Mecca at 3:00.

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