All comics by Zimri

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Did you ever stop to think of why we were given the body parts we were?
What do you mean?
For example: We were born with a tail to ward off flies.
I'd just as soon have no tail and no flies, though.
Must you ruin all of my dreams?
If I didn't, who would?

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
I wonder if he really appreciates me, if he knows I'm only trying to impress him...
So, um...is that a sweater or the color of your fur?
You'd think "sweater", wouldn't you?
Score!
Is that all he has to contribute?

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
There's nothing like good old fashioned desert: blue sky, white sand...
It's pretty hot under that blue sky, you know.
The whistling wind of the day, the howl of the noble coyote at night...
The sandstorms and weekly coyote attacks.
...the interesting conversation.
Hey, excuse ME for being a realist.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Do you ever think that you're only microscopic cog in a giant plan manipulated by some shadowy, offices-under-the-Pentagon organization?
Uhhh...not really, no.
...bear two to home base, bear two to home base: the dinosaur knows something...
What was that?
Oh, nothing important.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
::Sigh:: I have a problem.
What's wrong?
There's no way to express myself artistically in this fetid, scorched desert.
Hmm...
Oh, wonderful.
You could scratch in the sand with a stick. Or you could do a "rock painting" on the sand, by placing rocks in a way corresponding to a picture.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
...is Billy Corgan on TV tonight?
I've been giving some thought to your problem.
Oh?
Sure. You could write some lame comic strip with unrealistic characters and semi-funny dialogs.
What kind of loser would read that?
You have a point

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Do you ever just stop and think about all the horrible injustice in the world?
Well...
...if I did, I'd get deprssed and have to mock someone nearby to help my self-esteem.
And we don't want that, do we?
Certainly not. Heh heh...

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Hey, how about we do this friendship excercise I read in Parade magazine?
Ugh....all right
Question the First: What are some fo your friend's hobbies?
Erm...wearing a hat?
...you don't know, do you? Are you heartless? Do you ever even LISTEN to me?
So how DOES that hat stay on? Velcro?

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Is it wrong of me to worship Satan?
Well, I'm not religously affliated, but I do give blood to the desert god to survive.
Does the desert god help you?
Sure he does
Son of a...
Well have you noticed that I'm not extinct?

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
So then I said, "Not with my friend BEAR at my side..."
Wow, he is TOO clingy.
Of course, when I mentioned you, they backed off...
I wonder if his pea-sized dinosaur brain can even FATHOM how much I loathe him and actively plan his downfall...
So do you want some lemonade?
Oh, please.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
I'm defintely feeling a tropic vibe here...
I agree.
...are you as bored as I am?
Yes!
Let's go home and pelt coyotes with rocks.
I thought you'd never ask.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
I think you'd have to agree that, on a whole, dinosaurs are generally better than bears.
I disagree, sir.
How do you even have GROUNDS to disagree? My species once ruled the Earth, roamed the great plans in vast heards...
Oh yeah? I don't see dinosaurs mauling any little blonde girls in fairy tales!
If you like that kind of thing...
Ooo, but I do!

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
I don't appreciate that insult. I fill your life with joy and ask for so little in return.
I'm not convinced.
Let me put it this way: I'm more than equipped to crush you into oblivian.
Erp!
That's better!
Now that you mention it, did you ever think of getting a scarf to go with your hat?

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
He made a fool out of me!
Imagine it, EVOLUTION'S chosen champion being mocked by evolution's chosen loser!
I wonder if he knows that he said that out loud...
I must get revenge...

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Will Smith has a bad voice even for a rapper...
I was thinking.
Oh?
Since you're a dinosaur, therefore extinct, replaced by mammals, isn't your wearing a "hat", a human mammalian garment, a badge of your overall failure as an animal?
Wha...ahhh...AAARRGGHH!
Revenge: complete.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
This is your author speaking...
Don't you find it at least mildly disturbing that the generic comic template features two Asian girls?
I personally don't...I actually find it quite stimulating,
Uh, in an artistic-writer kind of way...whew

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
I wrote a song.
Uh-oh...
Want me to read it to you?
Ahem, uh, sure!
"A pirate's life is the life for me, I am the the scourge of the Spanish seas..."
KILL ME DESERT GOD!

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
"...give me a cutlass and my mate a tankard, all the enemy's a bloody wanke--"
You seem to have some unnatural fixation on killing and pirates and the like.
Oh really? 'Cause the song is about you.
Is it....
I don't even WANT to know HOW it's about me

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Me and My Brother...
I find that when I write comics or any piece in general, the music I'm listening to influences the writing a lot.
Is that so?
For example: the speed-metal of Metallica makes me write faster, while the soft, meanginful "Cortes the Killer" by Neil Young makes me want to sacrafice curly-haired babies to the Aztec rain god.
What the....
The curly hair represents ripples in water, you see.
Uh, ah! Yes, that's so logical when you think about it...

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
...I like "The View". I think several annoying women yammering idiotically back and forth is a good concept for a show...
Hey, wait a minute!
Yes?
I just realized: How did a BEAR and a DINOSAUR end up in the desert?
Seeing as how dinosarurs existed all over the world, I belong here. Bears are only native to North American forrets, Europe, Asia, etc...
I always KNEW I was better than this place.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
So you think you're better than this place?
"Think"? I said, "Always knew".
Oh yeah? Then why are you wearing a sweater in the middle of the desert you're so better than? It'd seem to me that if you were better than this place, you'd have more intelligence than that.
Uhhh...THEN WHY ARE YOU WEARING A HAT?
It keeps the sun out of my eyes.
Damn you and your "logic"!

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Whoa is the plight of the Mayan people!
How do you figure?
Our civilization was destroyed by some unknown force, and then European disease eradicated nine out of ten of us!
Well, look at the bright side: for a destroyed, diseased people, we're suprisingly well dressed.
Hey...I DO like the color of these buttons!
Quite fetching.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
I don't think that Hitler nessecarily wanted to destroy the Catholic Church.
Wuhvah...the evidence is there if you know where to look.
"Wuhvah"? What does that mean?
Er...it's 18th century English, meaning roughly "Whatever".
Did you just MAKE up a word and then defend it, despite it being obvious nonsense?
...no.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Let me ask you a question: Since you CAN, did you ever actually crush someone? Another animal or otherwise?
Well...yes. It's a dinosaur-eat-dinosaur world. Why do you ask?
It's been ages since I've mauled someone...I need my violence fix
Ugh...I feel so dirty now.
Hanging with me, I'd think you'd be use to that by now.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Ugh! What to say?!
So, um, did you know that this hat signifies my gang colors?
Gang of what, extinct dinosaurs?
...NO.
Haha, admit it you loser.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Seriously, though, this hat means something.
Does it mean that you have bad taste?
Actually, it's mean to symbolize the duality of man: his warring feelings of love and hate.
Techically, shouldn't the hat be black and white instead of red and black?
...damn you and your logic.
My, how the tables have turned,

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
Overall, life is very good.
I don't concur. There's nothing in this desert but featureless rocks.
Hmm...I see your point. What can we do to liven it up?
You could let me paint tribal designs on your body.
The last time we did that you put Satanic symbols all over me!
Heh heh...yeah.

 

by Zimri
8-28-02
...
...
...
...
Do you feel any LESS bored?
NO

 

by Zimri
8-29-02
Did you know that animals live purely on instinct?
They do....?
...of course!
Hmmm....
Have you become so corrupt, greedy and human-like that your animal instinct has deserted you?
Now that you mention it, dinosaur skin would be worth a lot of money in the Asian flesh markets...

 

by Zimri
8-29-02
...so, "God Jr", huh?
That's what they call me.
I don't see why you're so powerful.
I rose from the dead!
So did Buffy the Vampire Slayer...and I think she's worshipped more.
....he's right!

 

by Zimri
8-29-02
Say, did you know that if you live an average of 75 years and sleep 8 hours a night, you've slept TWENTY-FIVE years?
So you're only really alive for 50 years...
...sort of messed with your mind, doesn't it?
::Twitch::
Heh heh heh

 

by Zimri
8-29-02
So...have you judged anyone lately?
So, have you been HATED by everyone in the world lately?
::Sniffle::
::Cries::
Hey! Where you going! I was just kidding....

 

by Zimri
8-29-02
I have abandoned my songwriting to listen to more serious music and recuperate my creative energies.
What more serious music?
Rage Against the Machine.
Ah, yes, Rage Against the Machine...a band that is filled with loathing and fear the corporation-driven West and yet doesn't mind cashing their paychecks.
...I hate you.

 

by Zimri
8-29-02
My suspiscions were confirmed: you have lost your animal instinct.
It's not like I was using it--
SILENCE! I am disgusted with you.
...I wonder what Trent Reznor and Maynard Jame Keenan's band is going to sound like...
WERE YOU JUST THINKING OF SOMETHING TRENDY?!
Of course not!

 

by Zimri
8-29-02
Ugh...your look is so dull and NOT hip: scales.
I had a good look once. I used to be in a popular funk-rock band called "Grand Master Flash & Furious Five."
Really?
Yes....I have a bunch of trendy tattoos and piercing under my hat.
...

 

by Zimri
9-01-02
Me and My Brother
Did you like my last two comics?
No...they were obvious errors.
What do you mean?
No backgrounds, quarter-finished comics...
Uhhh....that was a deep message about the emptiness of...society.
...

 

by Zimri
9-01-02
Let me ask you something.
A little familiar, but I'll allow it.
Should I be involved with a girl who I have no future with, who broke my heart once before, but now wants a freaky sex-only relationship wherein she caters to my every perversity?
My God, there's another dinosaur hereabouts?
That's not the issue! Pay attention to my question!
Wow, another dinosaur...

 

by Zimri
9-01-02
Maxis and Zimri...
How's your new job?
Fairly good...I'm bagging groceries. I need a friend to talk to, though....would you like a job there, as well?
'Fraid not. I might end up owning the place. Plus, I was barred from all supermarkets by the government.
Ha! Why don't you just try to OWN the government so they don't order you around?
Hmmm...yes, that'd hit the spot right about now.
I was kidding!

 

by Zimri
9-01-02
Come on, I need some real help with my "wimmins" problem.
All right...here's what to do:
Take her out for a bit, buy her an Aristotle of the finest ping-pod tiddly in the entire nuclear sub, then back to your place for a bit of rogering.
Jeez...you make a date sound so dirty...and British.
That's my talent.

 

by Zimri
9-01-02
I had a dream I was shaking hands with President Harry Truman. What a great man.
I had a dream that I lined up every single person who had ever offended me and shot them all, execution style.
That's disgusting!
No, "disgusting" would be telling you what I did to the bodies afterwards.
Erp!

 

by Zimri
9-02-02
Ah, Labor Day. Summer is at an end...
Say you so?
What are you thinking?
Just that EVERY human in the country today will be eating corn on the cobb and NOT on the look out for a rampaging dinosaur and a cruel, sadistic bear!
Not again...
Come! WE WILL RULE THE WORLD LIKE PIRATE KINGS!

 

by Zimri
9-02-02
Let us go forth and claim an empire forged from fire and blood!
Nah.
Aww, come on.
Meh.
You're no fun!

 

by Zimri
10-09-03
When did Sugar Ray stop being GOOD and become rap?
Sugar Ray was...good?
But Mark McGrath...
...is actually ugly, contrary to popular belief
This has been enlightening.
Always happy to set you straight

 

by Zimri
10-09-03
You look more bright-eyed than usual.
Tell me, what happened? Did you have an epiphany? Sing a song, dance a dance?
Oh...you're stoned, aren't you?
Oh man, that cloud is shaped like a huge penguin with a chainsaw...

 

by Zimri
10-09-03
Why is the movement to free Charles Manson so large among the music world?
Not this again....
I mean, the man is a convicted sicko and murderer
...i'd free him just to kill you...
What was that?
I said, "I like Spree and so do you!"

 

by Zimri
10-09-03
So bored...nothing is new...
MY GOD! I WAS TRYING TO PICKPOCKET A 1920s CIGARETTE MODEL AND NOW SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!
AGAIN!?!
KILL KILL KILL KILL KILLKILLKILL!

 

by Zimri
10-10-03
So anyway, the girl told me she was 14....
::GASP::
...not like that stopped me though!
Hm, yes, keep going, Mr. Pervert Bear, sounds interesting.
...eep.

 

by Zimri
10-10-03
There's plenty of reasons I'm better than you.
Explain.
That suit is SO two seasons ago, for one.
Your loincloth's worse, Your Jesusness.
...damnit.

 

by Zimri
10-10-03
Billy the Bobby...
At long last, the online child pornography ring has been traced to THIS home's computer!
::KNOCK KNOCK::
Errr, hello officer!
....SANTA!?!?

 

by Zimri
10-16-03
Billy the Bobby...
I hope you like your new life in here, freak!
All I did was download a few pictures...
Yes, and you'll be punished for it here!
You like boys too!?

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