All comics by akirajim

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by akirajim
8-14-02
come on jew gimme ur shield lol j/k
I AM NOT A DAMN JEW
lol ur friend said u where
lol
i was baptized not worshipping hittler he fucking lies

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
man breasts glistening
barbarians fighting mad
put on a shirt fag

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
u didn't hit me
yes i did
if he didn't hit you how u die?
then how d u die
no cause one hit u kill me dumb fuck
i didnt use a potion dumb fuck

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
I'm the ubermensch, so I'll kill you and your invalid sister.
What is an ubermensch?
Ubermensch is silly.
Jesus loves you.
Okay.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
Gully Foyle is me name. Vorga, I kill you filthy. I rot you.
Holy Darwin! Your arrival of the fittest is most scientific. Have a wife. And a hideous facial tattoo.
Give us the highly dangerous explosive the Nomad was carrying, Foyle.
What? RAAAAAR, help me kill Vorga.
I'm a noble savage! Here, people of earth- have these highly dangerous explosives. Stop letting the competent people of the world run things.
You suck.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
I want a new wife.
I know, how about you hold an audition for a fake movie. All aspiring actresses want to marry a dull, aging director they just met.
Hi.
OH MY GOD YOU'RE HOT. Will you go out with me?
Sure!
I hope you like violent bondage sex!

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
The clouds part above southern California.
Julie Chen, I am the emissary of GOD.
I come with a message. From GOD. Let the Big Brother houseguests go!
Tell God that if he keeps this shit up we'll start killing them. And we won't stop until God shuts his fat trap, either.
But Yahweh does not relent so easily!
Listen up, houseguests- for your next challenge you'll be experimenting with asphyxiation.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
Want to make some movies?
Sounds cool.
Okay, then. Take off your pants.
I'm not falling for that one again. Let's just watch tv.
Looks like the tv's messed up. You'd best take off your pants now. Before we get too bored.
Dammit.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
That Mary Magdalene chick is hot. I'd sure like to slip her my man sausage.
But my damn dad wants me to die for these losers. What a dick.
God said you can get down now, Jesus.
Okay.
Dammit, that little chick was the devil. I'd sure like to slip her my man sausage.
I get a second chance at dying. I'm so happy.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
What's wrong Gabe?
Oh, Clango... I- I don't think I know how to love.
I'll teach you.
Damn Troma!
Gabe, meet Little Clango.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
We are Russian lesbian teenage popstars!
Look at my luscious nipples, wet with rain.
fark you! hahahahahaah kill kittens hahahahah domo-kun hahahaha
arr youl website ale berong to us
this is disgusting pedophilia. if your sexual organs are inflamed with passion by their supple young bodies you are a disgusting pedophile and a crime against god.
hello i am drew curtis. let me buy your hot hot hot teenage lesbian popstars and make you drew curtis' teenage lesbian popstars brought to you by drew curtis.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
You say I can get an SoJ by joining your clan but first I have to tell you my "ranking"? How do I find that out?
Oh, it's easy. Just type in /dnd *name *password to see your ranking. Then tell me.
It just says do not disturb mode engaged.... So, uhm, do I still get the SoJ?
realm down
Next time, n00b. Next time.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
DON'T LET MOM KNOW I GAVE YOU THE SYPHILIS
Okay.
But you know I'll still brag to her about banging my sister right?
WHO COULD BLAME YOU?
Goddamn society.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
back again?
stalking.
you won't be here long?
how can you tell?
i think the question mark implied i was asking a question, not making a statement.
youre all the same you damn grammar nazis. you and my fucking second grade teacher.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
Are you Tyler Durden?
Am I Tyler Durden? Is anyone? Is Tyler Durden a man or is he a shared ancestral memory inherent in every man, woman, and child?
Do you even have a search warrant?
Are you Mark-Paul Gosselaar?
Please don't tell anyone I live in an alley.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
potted that time
i hit the zon dumb fuck
and gave u full health?
yes
nerc i am getting tired of you
then do something about it

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
What did you get for lunch Drew?
boobies walken wheaten
Why do all the Downers have to sit with us?
Because this is the retard table.
So why are you here, Goss?
Because I aspire to smoke your pole, sexy.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
Goss, you're smart right?
Why would you think that?
Well, you haven't failed a class yet and by modern definition that makes you a fucking genius.
Oh. I thought you had discovered the book of nihilistic German philosophy I wrote.
What? Can you do my homework for me?
God is dead.

 

by akirajim
8-14-02
You missed me, fucker.

 

by akirajim
8-15-02
Animal porn...
...tentacle hentai...
...and robot masturbation. The little things that make life worthwhile.

 

by akirajim
8-15-02
As we do not live in a multitude of realities, there is but one truth. Everything that doesn't conform to this truth is falsehood.
Shut the fuck up, you insidious philosophaster.
Thus the common platitude of "there are no wrong answers" is American drivel. The trouble is in finding the right ones.
Eat my ass, you sialoquent pudendagra.
Godammit, I can't win!
Haha, fuck you.

 

by akirajim
8-15-02
dicks
yes

 

by akirajim
8-15-02
I SEE YOU LOOKING, YOU KNOW.
DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T WANT IT.
I'm gay.
No one talks to my sister like that!
LOLOLOL IM A PRIEST AND I MOLEST LITTLE BOYZ LOLOLOL

 

by akirajim
8-15-02
Why do you play the radio loudly when you're fucking a five year old? So you can't hear when her hips break!
I wish I could have such sexual pleasure... but I castrated myself in the name of science long ago. Now my sex life is limited to fisting your dog when you're at work.
u noob. ur comics arent that great.
hahahahahahah kaufman u r so funney!!! rotflmao lololol
So, do you now expect me to think?
Why no, kaufman, I expect you to draw!

 

by akirajim
8-15-02
Kids, this is Jesus Christ. He DIED for YOUR sins! If you center your life around this skinny dead guy you will live on even after your own death in a magical paradise in the clouds.
I'd hit it.
Am I right?

 

by akirajim
8-15-02
Can I help you, little girl?
Mr. Dog on a Ball, what is a clitoris?
Ah, I see. You're trying to shock me. But I don't shock so easily. Put your hand down your pants, little girl. Now move your hand around until you feel very, very good.
K.
Now that doesn't even make sense.
That is your clitoris.
My asshole?

 

by akirajim
8-15-02
Would you like a free gift?
Just fill out these here forms...
...and here's your free gift. It's a coupon. Redeem it at my house for permission to give me a blow job.

 

by akirajim
8-16-02
Who the hell are you?
ARE YOU THE DIRECTOR SIR?
Yes.
I AM A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE GAY RIGHTS COMMISSION OF AMERICA. I AM HERE TO MAKE SURE YOUR FINE MOVIE CONTAINS ENOUGH PENISES AND MAN ON MAN ALL ANAL ACTION TO PROPERLY REPRESENT THE GAY COMMUNITY.
Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. G. I. JOE!
But we're making Beethoven IV.
GAY RIGHTS ARE NO LAUGHING MATTER YOU HOMOPHOBE.

 

by akirajim
8-16-02
Very thanks my anonymous friend!
I WAS about to kill myself, but you have made my life worth living with this gracious hand job. Thank you, stranger.
I don't even have a penis, you freak.
Nice try but you're not fooling me, little missy.

 

by akirajim
8-16-02
You goodman boy!
You cockknocker!
Wow. You've changed, dad.
You unwarranted cunt!

 

by akirajim
9-12-02
What's wrong, Beetle?
I got the clap from a toothless French whore, Sarge.
Break out the wooden boards time! YAHOOOOO!
Sadly, this strip is still funnier than anything by the forumusers.
YES.

 

by akirajim
9-12-02
When I think too hard I feel blue...
But I just pick myself back up by boning Tatu.
You do?
It's true!
Yahoo!
Jew.

 

by akirajim
9-12-02
Ten dollar, me love you long time.
It's been done.
What do you mean?
Slurred sexual propostions from Vietnamese hookers delivered by prepubescent girlchildren just don't pack the comic punch they used to.
Awkward phrasing there.

 

by akirajim
9-12-02
bored with life
why live? all life is but a headlong spiral towards death
That isn't funny! Unlike my many hilarious strips!
You tell that bitch, Drexle! You are so cool and funny and smart that I'm overcome with the urge to polish your knob!
Wait a minute... None of you fuckers are funny, either!

 

by akirajim
9-12-02
FUCK YOU AMERICA, YOUR TOWERS AND YOUR PENTAGON MEAN NOTHING TO US AAAARGGHHH!!!
Now, now uh let us, let us pray for the victims of this horrible tragedy and, and with the HEAVENLY LORD GOD and his son on our side we, we'll, ah, defeat the evil menace of Saddam Hussein.
What? Saddam Hussein?
Ah, shut up you, ah, Mooslim.
Now ah dun' know the diff'rence 'tween Iraq and Eeh-ran, but ah do no the Love of the HEAVENLY LORD is the answer.
Amen to that, my nonthreatening redneck friend!

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
It's that time again.
Time to visit the back alley proctologist!
Hehehehehhehehehheheh MMMMMMMM Heeheheheheh
I've never met such an unprofessional proctologist!
YOU'VE BEEN X'ED!

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
hello this is drew curtis drew curtis here
HELLO? HELLO THIS IS WIL WHEATON.
wheaton
MY DOG BUCKY IS MISSING. DO YOU HAVE BUCKY?
[video] Wil Wheaton's dog gets whacked with a golf club while our fearless leader kills kittens.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW YOU SILLY GOOSE?

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
Tatu, you rock out. But how do you rock so hard while still being positive role models for young lesbian HOTTIES around the globe?
Well, Goss, did you know that my young groupmate's vaginal fluid is incredibly rich in nutrients that allow me to stay up late and ROCK ALL NIGHT LONG?
It's true! I was raised by wolves or something and they taught me all about the magical Venus powers of my own sexuality.
You certainly are amazing, Tatu.
Thanks, Goss!
BUT WE STILL REFUSE TO RIDE YOUR BALONEY PONY.

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
Whoa, I don't get this Beavis and Butthead comic book at all. What is sex, mommy?
Uh, a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina. Your dad could probably explain it better.
Whoa, I don't know who the hell you are!
RAAARRH, I am the ghost of Friedich Nietschze. Jim, you are the Ubermensch! It is your destiny to destroy the world and remake it in our image!
Whoa, your exposed crotch area causes me great sexual arousal!
Quit talking to porno magazines, dipshit.

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
I have observed these pathetic children. I would blame their parents, not them, for their moronitude, if I myself had not risen above the ignorance of mine own parents.
Hahaha, no poon for you, faggo.
Now that I have graduated with honors, I will seize a large army of tanks. It will henceforth be known as my Big Tank Army. I will use it to conquer Seattle and Seattle will henceforth be known as...
...EVIL SEATTLE, BASE OF OPERATIONS OF THE NEW THOUGHT!
Jim, you're a genius! And the Ubermensch! Heil Jim!
Yay for me! Now ride my baloney pony, prepubescent Asian girl, I'm hungry for pedophiliac love!

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
Don't worry dcomposed, I don't like you!

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
Now that I'm done having sex with small children, I'll call a meeting of my loyal subjects! Drew Curtis, my simpering minion- bring the others!
k
It is time for us to launch a full scale invasion of the forty-eight states we have yet to conquer.
Yes! All will fall before the Ubermensch!
This job's a success!
Now that I have conquered the world, I will change the history books and reshape human thought! Then shoot myself in the head and die nobly! Fin.

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
Giovanni, what are you doing on this strange train, and why are your clothes all wet? Did you fall in the river or something?
...
And why are we going through the galaxy, stopping at various afterlifes, including a rendition of the Christian heaven from a Japanese perspective?
...
And why are...
I'm dead, dipshit!

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
I meant "Abridged: A Night on the Galactic Railroad." Because of this shameful mistake, I feel I must provide you with what the title of the last strip promised. So here it is!
Mom! Count Mecha killed you! I'll kill him! But I'm hot for this woman who looks exactly like you, mom! I'm a sexually confused midget! I hate robots!

 

by akirajim
9-13-02
You know, I'm a little disappointed nothing happened on the one year anniversary of September 11th.
I mean, the media practically promised me that shit would go down! They put us on High Alert!
And all that happened was some foreigner parked a van with a bomb in it outside some building in Ohio.
I mean, the bomb didn't even go off!

 

by akirajim
9-16-02
Welcome to (www.sub-m7.official.ws) Austria, all my fine friends! I do not know half of you half as well as I would like, nor do I know half of you half as well as you deserve...
It is my eleventy-first birthday. Today I am eleventy-one! Now time for the circle jerk!
But, sub_m7- I'm the only one who came!
Sob... Thank you, vicious_sauce_girlie. You always were my only true friend.
And I'm not even real!

 

by akirajim
9-18-02
Uh oh, sub, it's the cops! I'll distract them while you flush our crackpipes down the john.
Okay.
Out of the way.
Go fuck pigs, pigfucker!
Wait! What are you doing with that billy club, officer?!
I supposed I shouldn't be jerking off while a cop violates my pal's ass. But it just feels so right!

 

by akirajim
9-18-02
If you want to keep doing that you're going to need to pay me five dollars.
ZING!

 

by akirajim
9-20-02
Suck my cock behind this rock, lady!
Okay.
Oh why oh why didn't I wait until I was married to that hooker?! Even though I wore a "rubber", I got an STD and died!
Oops, sorry! Because you didn't heed the warnings of a bunch of total fucking ignorant morons, you're going to Hell!
It's not cool to have sex before marriage! Don't believe the media's lies- if you put your penis in someone who isn't your legally recognized female partner...
...you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life. Which isn't going to be very long anyway, because you're going to get an STD and die painfully.

 

by akirajim
9-23-02
I like your jeans. Wanna fuck?
Nice try.
But I don't have any legs.

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