All comics by alander

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by alander
1-11-02
Hey kids, I'm Smokey McChokesalot, here to tell you that smoking cigarettes can change your life!
Yeah I know, I'm just reading this letter about how my grandmother just got lung cancer and died. Thanks Smokey! The smell of her always gave me a headache.
Hmmm, I think maybe if I give this kid some free cigarettes, he may get hooked and come back for more!
Man I hated my grandma. I hope she left me money or something that I can sell for money.
Bye kids! Remember to come back for more if you feel the urge!
Okay Smokey! Thanks for these cool sticks of gum, they don't taste very good though..

 

by alander
1-14-02
Day 1
Hi I'm Tristan and my nipples are pierced, thus giving me permanent erect nipples and penis.
Oh my god, but I have a permanently erect penis on top of my head!
Day 2
Lets get married you sexy penis headed bunny.
OK! But only if you help me stretch my asshole as far as it will go, with pliers.
Day 3
Woah man I'm tripping out. Lets fuck big guy.
Why doesn't God love me?

 

by alander
1-14-02
Stop, or my mom will shoot!
Huh? I'm just a rural urban country folk with a hankerin for swing dancin.
Oh ok I must have had the wrong guy... wanna fuck?
Well... I haven't in a few years, but I'll give it a shot.
You cheating son of a bitch. I knew you'd give in to the first 9 eyed monster who came your way, I can't believe this. I want a divorce. I WANT A DIVORCE!
Listen here bitch, you tricked me. Now you die. Method of execution you ask? You guessed it folks. Frank Stallone.

 

by alander
1-14-02
Look down there at your feet. There's something shiny.
No you pig fucker. You just want me to do that so you can sting me in my little heiny.
Damnit, foiled again!
Yeah, you can't stick me in my heiny I'm not like that. But I'll suck your stinger until it falls off.
No, I need a taste of your heiny.
Ok fine just do it. OW! Oh that's not so bad.

 

by alander
1-18-02
Hello, I'm an African American in need of work.
Well you came to the right place. We need to fill our minority quota. Can you play basketball for us professionally?
No, I don't play baskeball. You think I'm some kind of Michael Jordan just because I'm black.
Hey, don't jump the gun Ghandi! We can use you in other places. Can you sell drugs for us on the street?
God damnit I'm sick of all these stereotypes. Bling Bling Mothafucka!
Oh I know, you can rap for us on a major record label!

 

by alander
1-28-02
I am the great demon. I have taken over the life force of your mortal friend named Jolig.
God damnit Jolig stop screwing around. I knew if I got you stoned you would get all gay again.
Aww comon... I'm not really acting gay, am I Tristan?
Well, the 3 times you've sucked on my penis tonight kind of gave it away.
Ok, I guess I'll just drink beer then.
Sigh... Doesn't he realize that everything he eats or drinks makes him gay?

 

by alander
1-28-02
My name is E.T. Please touch my glowing finger.
It's not going to work this time Jolig. I know you put glow in the dark peanut butter on your penis. And take off that silly costume!
Aww, comon mom. Don't embarass me in front of my friends!
Taking your mom out to parties to touch your penis in front of your friends to make you look cool is sooooo 1980's. Get a life fatty.
My name is E.T. Please touch my glowing finger.
Sigh...

 

by alander
4-10-02
I'm the all knowing fire. Play with me, and spread my glory.
SQWAAAAAAAAK!
I'm the all knowing fire. Play with me, and spread my glory.
Ahhh! Get away from me I'll melt!
I'm the all knowing fire. Play with me, and spread my glory.
Look what you did you little jerk.

 

by alander
4-10-02
God Jolig and Billiamson are fat. I wish they were here right now so I could tell them how fat they are.
Hey it's me Billiamson. How are you my good friend Tristan?
Dave, you and Jolig got fucking fat. I just wanted to punch you in the stomach and watch it jiggle for hours, if that's ok with you.
I'm sorry I'm so fat. I wish I could stop eating but I just can't. It's those damned Jews. They just keep feeding me pop tarts.
Later On..
Jolig. I'm tired of everyone calling us fat.
It's because we are fat you fat idiot. Don't talk to me while I'm eating pop tarts.

 

by alander
4-11-02
Hey there big boy... you looking for a good time?
No, my name is Justin and I do not find heterosexual intercourse to be pleasureable. But I must keep up my facade of being straight, so here's $20, lets do this.
Jeeze is this guy for real?
I want you to take this shampoo bottle and stick it up my ass.
Oh god, gross. It's in...
No! Ow! That's my urethra!

 

by alander
4-11-02
I'm Ryan Bubb, well known rapist and newly found facial hair advocate. I see that you are 12. Would you be so kind as to come back to my place with me?
Sure! Do you have any candy?
That's right, slip off your panties. Woah, what's that!?
I have a surprise for you sweetie!
Oh god no, not in the face!
That's right. I'm really a robot with a bionic penis. Here comes the airplane! Neeeeeeer.

 

by alander
4-13-02
Jolig and Bubb have a lot running through their minds.
Drugs... Drugs... Drugs... Drugs... Drugs... Drugs...
Beer... Beer... Beer... Sex... Beer... Beer...
Drugs... Drugs... Drugs... Gay Sex... Drugs... Drugs...
Beer... Beer... Beer... Anal Sex... Beer... Beer...
Drugs... Drugs... Drugs... Food... Drugs... Drugs...
Beer... Beer... Beer... Sex with Children... Beer... Beer...

 

by alander
4-15-02
Somewhere in Bumsville, Idaho...
Oh god... Someone threw me in the trash. I don't know who it was, or why, but here I am in the trash. Oh me oh my, what's a poor stick man to do!?
Hey look who's talking you self absorbed prick! Someone captured my life essence, and transferred it into this giant talking paper clip! How do you think I feel?
Meanwhile... in McDoogletown, Missouri...
Bubble bubble toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
It's a good thing we threw that stick man into the garbage can. Oh and when we switched the president's and a paper clip's life forces! Haha!
In the meantime... in Madagascar, Mississippi...
Mr. President... I'm here to help you. You're co-workers tell me you haven't been feeling like yourself lately?
Why isn't this stack of paper clipping beneath me, as it usually does, and should?

 

by alander
4-18-02
happy X-MAS for Tristan!
Hi there young lad, what do you want for Christmas?
A vibrating inflatable woman with lifelike orifaces and anotomically correct breasts that shoot milk.
Oh, dear.
Hand it over, fat man. Or else I'll kick your fucking ass back to China where you belong!
Yeah, you better run. Oh God I have to piss. I shouldn't have eaten that yellow snow!

 

by alander
4-18-02
Bubers First Time With A Hooker
Hey sucka, what can I get you?
The youngest one you got. Get them before the hair does, that's what my daddy always taught me.
Bling Bling! Comin' right up, chump!
Alright, I can't wait. I've prematurely ejaculated 7 times already just thinking about it.
Dada?
Want some candy? Come with me...

 

by alander
4-19-02
Pete, I've come to warn you. Your day of reckoning has come. If you don't stop fucking the vaccum cleaner, you WILL not pass go, or collect $200. You will go straight to Hell.
But I'm a large fan of anime. Doesn't that count for something?
Cartoons? Why would that save you from eternal damnation?
Not fucking cartoons! Anime is not a cartoon, cartoons have no decent plot, and shitty artwork! You'll pay for your transgressions!
Ahhhhhhh! Save me Buddah!
Bwuahaha! Now where's that shop vac...

 

by alander
4-19-02
Welcome to the dominatrix penguin convention.
Kneel before me!
No! You bow to my sexual prowess!
Shocking Revelation
Ok ok. But make it gentle, Pete.
Wait a minute... How did you know I was really Pete in a penguin costume?
Because it's really me, your sister, Kate. Now on with the show you vacuum fucking penguin!
Hooray! Sex with a woman instead of an inanimate object! Even though it's my sister, I'll just put the penguin costume back on later and pretend I'm someone else. Lols. Now sux0r my cockz0rs.

 

by alander
4-22-02
Hey guys, let's set this little asian girl on fire. We can blame it on Pete.
Ching yang pow zung? (This seems like a nice boy.)
Yeeeehaw! Needs more gas! We can really get this fire going, and then we can take her body out to the shooting range!
Zang chi van hong. (Ow... He has set me aflame.)
Wtf? U sux0r Joe. You set her on fire before we could have sex with her.
Well why don't you and I just have sex?

 

by alander
4-22-02
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.
Krenshaw! Da Porn KIIIIINGGG!!!! Can you get me the original version of Lesbian Fuck Part 6.456 version 4.0 Gold Edition?
Of course, they don't call me Porn King for nothin. It'll cost ya a smooth nickle. And you have to let me install Linux on all of your computers. And you have to let me have sex with your penguin.
Deal.
Sir, are you having sex with that penguin?
No, of course not! I would never do a thing like that. It's merely allowing me to scratch an itch it had in it's anal cavity... with my penis.

 

by alander
4-24-02
Hullo there Yringa! Chris Ringa! Yringinator! Yringa with cheese!
Hi goo boy... goobiegoo. Goo boy goo boy gooz0rzasaurus.
No, I will not tickle your nipples you sadomasachistic bastard. You really do take after your name don't you... YRINGA.
Hey, those little boys wanted it! They were acting of their own free will.
Hey Chris Ringa! It's me Mr. Mouse! Ringa Yringanator! Chris Ringa with cheese!
Mouse, Robertouse! Bobertouserouse! Robobertasaurus!

 

by alander
4-26-02
Hey, Haase, I got next at pool!
Shut the fuck up Justin.
Haase, you know that really is overkill. It's overkill. Overkill, Haase, ya get me?
Shut the fuck up Justin.
Sean, what's with all the overkill? These guys are just full of overkill.
You know what, you're goddamn right about that. That's one thing you and me always stuck together on. Oh, and another thing... shut the fuck up Justin.

 

by alander
4-30-02
Hey sugar, you ever been done in the rear?
Well yeah, tons of times. Have you?
Well... quite frankly, no.
Ok, allow my friend here to show you.
Ahhhh!!!!!!
Don't worry, it's just me Justin. I'll be gentle.

 

by alander
4-30-02
Hey Bubb, what's wrong?
Man my rear sure hurts. Now I know what it's like when I do that to girls.
Yeah, so you aren't going to do that anymore, huh?
What? Of course I am. Girls want it in the rear. And I'm just the guy to give it to 'em.
I got next on Bubb's rear!
Oh god, Justin's coming! Hide me!

 

by alander
1-06-03
'types' Dear Penpal, Joy! I just took my 5th crap of the day!
Penpal: That's good. But do you wanna fuck or what, you are paying $3 a minute for this cyber service.
Pete, what are you doing? You just took a shit on your computer!
Oh.. Hi Crazy Chicken. No I didn't, that was uh.. you.
'types' Don't listen to him baby, he's the one who took a shit on you.
Penpal: That's it, this cyber sex session is over. You will not be refunded. And may God have mercy on your soul.

 

by alander
1-06-03
goo gets knocked out of competition
Oh! I'm sooo awesome and full of myself! I'm gonna WIN the Super Smash Tourney!
No way gooz0r. I just got a star and knocked you out. Bring on Yringa!
showdown between the two giants
Ringa, you are a dead man.
NOooooooooo. Here, take this, ass sniffer!
I kicked his ass goo boy! Who's the king now beeotch!
That's okay. I'll just take out my aggression on Pete.

 

by alander
1-06-03
Billay!
Hey guys.
Hey porn king, you can't use your computer
Why not?
There's about 5 people watching porn from it right now! Hahaz0rz. How's that strike you, PORN KING!?
I can kill you with my mind.

 

by alander
1-06-03
Hey Monkey!
I'm not fucking Monkey. I'm a Crazy Chicken god damnit!
Yringa you fucking asshole. I'm Monkey. And you're dead.
AAahhhhh! Wait, I think I heard a barking spider over there!
Where!? WHERE!? It smells like egg salad.
Haha, sucker!

 

by alander
1-08-03
I, Joay, wish for you, Bobbay, to record me and Kristi gettin it on. Rawhide!
Okay! But can me and Monkey join in?
Well, Kristi, what do you think?
No. And I don't want you going to that IPX thing ever again.
Mouse, you can't join, and I'm not allowed to talk to you any more. Bye.
You broke my heart!

 

by alander
1-08-03
Hi Robert Da Bruce. We have to cleanse the city of whores and sadists.
Okay! If I do this will you help me out of the ditch!?
GET YOUR GUN AND DESTROY ALL SINNERS.
Here I go!
Kate Todd. It's time for you to DIE WHORE!
Huh? Wanna squeeze my tits? AAHHHH!

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