andydougan  
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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.

Films!

by andydougan
3-31-03
Hello! You're through to the Samaritans. How can I help?
Hi. I'm fifty years old and still live with my mum. Also I'm fat and stupid and no one likes me. I think I'm going to kill myself.
Ha ha! Fifty and you still live with your mum? What a loser! Next!
Hello. My fifty-year-old son refuses to leave home. I'm tired of looking at his ugly face. It's driving me to suicide.
I think I might just have solved your problem.
Hey, was that a gunshot?

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