andydougan  
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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan, film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe, actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards, BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush, President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater, certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar, fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.

Films!

by andydougan
1-29-07
Hello, can I speak to Mr Dougan, please?
Spunkin'. Lol.
Right. I'm calling from HarperCollins about your recent job interview. The long and short of it is, you ****ed it up. We'd rather employ Derry Irvine's receded scrotum. And then lick the scrotum.
Wow! That's the best feedback I've ever had from a job application. I used to think you Murdoch guys were kind of Nazis, but I had you all wrong!
Based on your performance, our most fervent hope is that you and all those dear to you will have nails hammered into your soft palate until you die.
Will you marry me?

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