All comics by balls

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by balls
4-10-10
could you point me toward Rudyard Kipling
back wall
KIPLING YOU FUCK

 

by balls
4-10-10
you're the asian tornado. that's your new name
the asian tornado
SPIN BITCH!!!

 

by balls
4-10-10
i come to suck your bloo-ood
and get a re-fill on my ice-ed tea

 

by balls
4-10-10
hi, is your mother home
dude, i did the bloody arm gag and you didn't even flinch
if i had a dollar for every bloody arm i've seen. your block alone
so you wanna buy a vacuum?

 

by balls
4-10-10
i did this
yeah i know
i totally did this
yeah i know
BURN BABY BURN

 

by balls
4-10-10
if i clean this place top to bottom all the stuff i clean on top will run down to the bottom making cleaning the bottom a nightmare
but if i clean bottom to top, i'll have to keep REcleaning the bottom as stuff from the top runs down
i think i'll just rape that guy in the stall
HEY!

 

by balls
4-10-10
you and me are gonna be superheroes. but not the ordinary kind of run of the mill superheroes, the kind that really open up and share with each other
the kind that emphasize words with gentle toucheries. the kind that delight in each other's day. and who knows maybe if one day one thing leads to another...
we can buttfuck

 

by balls
4-10-10
ten paces, turn and fire
8,9,10...
!BAM!
!BAM!
you shot that negress!
hey, you picked Africa

 

by balls
4-10-10
what the hell is this?? it's Christmas and you buy me a sexy nurse outfit?
i was kind of hoping you'd suck my cock while wearing it
we're not even dating
this is kind of my way of asking
I'M YOUR SISTER!
shh, save it for your knees

 

by balls
4-10-10
anytime that hippy talks, he wipes you half out of existence, Martin
i wish those assholes would hurry and pick me the fuck up
you see! you see that!
for about 10 seconds, you were just balls and claws

 

by balls
4-10-10
this just in -- donkey mowed down in horrible highway accident
sorry we must have the wrong footage there
DIE NEWS DONKEY

 

by balls
4-17-10
i see it too. it's beautiful. a perfect butterfly has landed on your penis
your enormous, blood engorged, penis.
single?

 

by balls
4-17-10
every time i see a coconut i just want to punch you in the BAGINA
but there's coconuts all over this island
so there is!
WARK

 

by balls
4-17-10
ohs no, my bird
ohs no, my house
ohs no, my limbses

 

by balls
4-17-10
every time i come to this haunted house i never see anything scary
i feel like i'm always real close to it and all i have to do is turn around at the right time to catch it, but i always miss it
you too, Pete?
me too

 

by balls
4-17-10
ROBERT POLLARD
stop screaming that
HE'S AN ENGLISH TEACHER FROM OHIO
i don't care
HE'S IN LIKE A HUNDRED BANDS
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PUNCHED IN THE ALIEN BAGINA??

 

CENSORED
by balls, 4-24-10

 

by balls
4-24-10
every time i walk down these streets stabbing people i think about how i grew up on these streets
as i toddler i crawled down these streets
stabbing people

 

by balls
4-24-10
i have made you a gel to simulate skin. from there - hair and eyes, my sweet!
oh how our courtship would have been easier had you not died!
sex would have suffered though
yes

 

by balls
4-24-10
clench your buttcheeks real hard and see if you can make your eyes water
no
GODDAMMIT CLENCH YOUR BUTTCHEEKS REAL HARD AND SEE IF YOU CAN MAKE YOUR EYES WATER
no
then i'm afraid you're the first student since that retarded kid who carries around a briefcase to fail my home ec class, Pamela

 

by balls
4-24-10
quick! thrust open my box with your big red-headed axe!
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
seriously, though. i'm late for 1st period
HAHAHAHA

 

by balls
4-24-10
i can't believe she died
i can't believe you didn't bring a present!
you don't bring a present to a funeral
you can bet i'm going to leave a big steaming present on your grave
poo

 

by balls
4-24-10
let me in bitch! you can't dress that sexy and not put out at the end of the date!
LET ME IN! DADDY'S GETTING WHAT DADDY NEEDS, YOU SEXY MOTHERFUCKER YOU!

 

by balls
4-24-10
so then i say, "Elma, you ain't one of them shape shifting robot assassins, is you??"
she say, "no, who, me? no, heavens, no. goodness me, goodness no." but then she morphs into this robot, spits oil on my nuts and stomps away. damnednest thing, eh, Jean?
Jean?

 

by balls
4-24-10
check out the ass on that chick!
yes, that's quite an ass. all... assy... and good. i could really get into that thing there
oh right. forgot you were gay
what?? i'm not gay
dude, you're gayer than Kiper for Clausen
mock draft cock draft holiday inn

 

by balls
5-08-10
i don't know why you brought me here
i brought you here to partake
partake?
in the festival
festival?
of my raping you

 

by balls
5-08-10
jesus jones! you's a GREAT big gray fellow!
and i'm a tiny old colored man
but we's both holding our handses to our earses and got that in common so we's okay
yes, Jesus. i'll cockpunch him

 

by balls
5-08-10
i know that pumpkin's around here somewhere
it's just a matter of finding him
i hope he's not pigfucking my wife again
you're the best thing i've ever found inside me

 

by balls
5-08-10
what are you doing, Raj?
i'm giving up Pete. you should eat me and save yourself
i'm not gonna eat you, Raj. first of all, it just started snowing. second of all this is central park and we're like 20 yards from the car
i took the liberty of slathering my body in mesquite bbq sauce before we left
ooo gimme!

 

by balls
5-08-10
so you're just throwing our relationship away?
you think this doesn't hurt me? you think this isn't tearing me up ins
who the hell are you? what happened to carol?
what do you care? you were breaking up with her anyway
dude, i was just faking up with her to get anal

 

by balls
5-08-10
so then i'm stabbing him and i'm stabbing him and i'm raping him and i'm raping him and i'm raping him
i'm sorry, i forgot the question
i asked what more could you possibly do to me
right, so i'm gonna need a hose and a key if you have a locking gas cap

 

by balls
5-08-10
the british are coming the british are coming THE BRITISH ARE FUCKING COMING
no it's just me
talking christmas tree! get the british!

 

by balls
5-08-10
ow i've been shot in the head! luckily i'm right in front of a hospital
that was lucky
the hospital part.

 

by balls
5-15-10
well that's something you don't see everyday
cactus growing sideways
damndest thing

 

by balls
5-15-10
come back to bed, lover
no more rough stuff
okay
hey you promised!
TAKE IT EARHOLE

 

by balls
5-15-10
down with abortion!
no, i'm pro-abortion
down with big government then!
no, i'm pro-big government
down with this fucking hippy!

 

by balls
5-15-10
holy fuck!
christ on crackers!
i mean have they even scanned this book?? it reads like Hostel
shhh

 

by balls
5-15-10
i'd like to steal that bug's eyes and use them as ornaments
unfortunately, my kryptonite is 50 lb cockroaches

 

by balls
5-15-10
so ten paces, turn and attack
yup
i feel a little bad about this, you only having that broom
beats that commemorative bird clock
right now it's showing cuckoold thirty
i told you he was just giving me a ride home

 

by balls
5-15-10
do you know how fast you were going?
DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING
i asked you first
I ASKED YOU SECOND
...like 50?
i'm gonna need to see some papers

 

by balls
5-15-10
so apparently these aliens put us in this monkey cage to keep us in some kind of zoo
yeah
i think they want us to mate
i think you want us to mate
i think the aliens and i want us to mate
i think i'd rather mate with the aliens

 

by balls
5-15-10
oh, it's you
oh, it's me
i... i...
i... i... i... me a river motherfucker
i never thought i'd have to face you
only half of me, you piss poor aiming nut titty-fucker

 

by balls
5-15-10
when beam outs go wrong, we end up in this phreaky half dimension
only half dimension because the other half doubles as Phil Collins digestive tract
sauerkraut Tuesdays

 

by balls
5-15-10
cats and bats
cats and rats
cats and... uh...
domino, fats. (i'm going to rape you)

 

by balls
5-15-10
...so i developed the Socratic method to stimulate questions from students, thus proving i'd truly stimulated them to think for themselves!
doesn't much work on goats though

 

by balls
5-15-10
...9...10! ready or not here i come!
are you behind a tree?
damn you're good!

 

by balls
5-15-10
they want me to collate but never sent me any papers
and i'll suck a rabbi's tit before i turn around

 

by balls
5-15-10
my RC sharkman doesn't work. no matter what buttons i push all he does is rape me
maybe i should just put the controller down
i'm still gonna rape you

 

by balls
5-15-10
so this is what the inside of joy behar's vagina looks like
yeah
there aren't this many mothballs in the whole world
this is where they all went

 

by balls
5-15-10
when the bird dies, we'll know the end is here
yes, finally! after all my waiting... shit, false alarm
it was just standing too close to that joy behar's vagina comic

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