All comics by banzai

 

Self Talk by banzai 1-27-03
Self Talk Self, why do you keep driving that nail into your head? Who are you to pass judgement on me? You're sitting in a damn trash can.	I'll tell you who I am to pass judgement. Yeah! Oh, self, do please expound.	Well,as you know, self, I feel everything you do and vice versa and, frankly, that nail is hurting! Did the thought ever cross your mind that maybe I'd stop the nailing if you'd stop fisting us in trash cans?!?

 

Fair-weather friends by banzai 1-27-03
Ramzi and Jean-Michel meet for their daily Ameri-flogging... Zis war is immoral and eet violates human dee-gneety. I'd like to burn their McWorld down. Yes, Jean-Michel, the sons of pigs and apes will soon see the error of their ways!	....the next day..... If only those stupid Americans would learn that eet is a big world and they are a very small part of it. Yes, it would do them well to learn some of the Koran's lessons; their days are numbered says my mullah.	....after the War.... Banishing us to moon, why did they do eet? We were the best friends they could have had. Yes, Jean-Michel, the sons of pigs and apes are indeed fair-weather friends. Ughhh.

 

Human shields by banzai 1-27-03
Inside the Iraqi nuclear lab, disguised on the outside as Al-Khala Mosque Ya know, I'm starting to wonder about us being human shields. I'm starting to think that we might have made a mistake coming here. I know. You did see what I saw in the other room didn't you?	Yeah....ummmm....those were people at one time, huh? Those things they had behind that glass wall. I think so.I mean, at one time they were. What do you suppose they did to those....um..people?	Who knows....probably a CIA experiment from the Eighties I wonder what their names were...

 

An encounter in Paris by banzai 1-29-03
Walking down a street in Paris... That looks like an American walking towards me. I think I'll throw a condescending sneer at the simpleton	...approaching each other... Here's my best sneer-o, you muscular clod You got that right! This dogshit all over the street is enough to make anyone grimace	...and passing Ha haa... I wonder if that guy realized he had the crap all over his little earth shoes

 

Raelian Shmaelian by banzai 1-29-03
Th-the spaceship	forgot us	a-a-again......??

 

The Hood, Part 1 by banzai 1-29-03
Sup ya ho. I'm tryin to git wit dat. Turn aroun an reckunize, ya hurd me Ugh, why do all the thug creeps always bother me?	Bitch..you just afraid my johnson'd be ruinin you fo yo man... an you rite, ya hurd me Just ignore the fool and he'll go away	C'mon lemme stuff yo biskit wit some soul,hep a brutha out, ya skank-ass ho That's it you little thug-turd, I see that you have your IQ advertised on your shirt, but please just take your ten word vocabulary somewhere else and then go slap your parents for making you!!!

 

The Hood, Part 2 by banzai 1-29-03
If you ain givin it up, maybe I jus be takin dat shit, what you think about dat, bitch? I think that that is your perogative, but I might warn you that my left hand is patting my gun and I'd love nothing more than to remove your sorry ass from Planet Earth!!	dis bitch crazy	Head on ya dyke-ass bitch, you ain got da guts That won't be necessary. Here come's my husband's squad car. Guess he got my beep. Don't forget to bring your panties to prison,precious!!!

 

Self Talk Amongst Stick-People, Part 2 by banzai 1-29-03
OK, ok, self....it's a deal...I just wanted a little attention, ya know Well...you should know that there's better ways to get attention than that	Forgive me? I guess so	Can I still hang bowling balls from my nut piercing? I think that a decapitation is in order.

 

Ramzi's rude awakening by banzai 2-01-03
Once I put on my suicide pack, it's all over for those dirty Jews. They'll be splattered everywhere along with my glorious bodybomb. Allah will bestow upon me the highest honor. I await my 72 virgins	Oh, look!! An entire kindegarten on field trip. I am so lucky, Allah! Steady hand. Make sure you kill them all...	WELCOME TO HELL, FUCKFACE. WE'RE GOING TO START WITH YOU DROPPING YOUR PANTS FOR A MAGGOT ENEMA. WE START EASY ON YOU. WELCOME TO YOUR ETERNITY! HAAAAAAAAA!! But? Where are the virgins and the fields of melon?

 

Awards by banzai 2-01-03
thank you, Girls Club of Toledo, this award is really, really neat	i'd like to thank my parents for being so nice and my friends Katie and Becky for being my best friends...	...and my pimp Otis, cuz he nevah slap a ho less she axed fo it

 

Dumber than a duck by banzai 2-03-03
An evening in France Look--I'd rather not become pate. Do you think that we could just live and let live? I mean, I see that knife you hid behind your back. How would you like it if I made pate out of YOU? MMmmm...he's going to make great food. Look at how white his eyewhites are..very healthy...his beak can be a bookend for Laurent's birthday present	The tension builds I can see his maniacal eyes even behind his sunglasses... *shudder*..WAIT!!! I know how to get rid of him I'll make a boullabaise out of his feet and some earthworms and some moss	Outwitted by a duck You're going to waste your time on me while the Americans are busy invading Provence? Haven't you seen TV in the last hour? Runnnnnnn for Germany

 

Dictionary Time by banzai 2-03-03
Do you think that you could spell bouillabaisse correctly next time, especially if you're going to title your comic, "Dumber than a duck?"	Hmmmmmmm?	Hmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmm? Next time check the damn dictionary! Ugh

 

Toxic France by banzai 2-05-03
de Villepin addresses the UN, Give the inspections more time. Your irrefutable proof needs to be examined for an indeterminate time into the future	making his case for more of the same, There has been no fully operational nuclear weapon with a "Made in Iraq" stamp yet found. All that needs to happen is for the inspection regime to made yet stronger	but who's buying Aaaaaannnnd.... France will be giving the use of our Mirage planes to further the inspection process that has been so successful to date Mirage....hmm..aptly named..something that appears to exist, but doesn't really... kinda like continued French relevance

 

See ya! by banzai 2-05-03
de Villepin address the UN, My panties sure are tight This evidence ees further proof that we are on the path of most peace. Why drop bombs? We haven't been nuked or anything	but what is he really Do I even believe this? Think of the Iraqi children...think of the possibility of peace, there ees still a chance	thinking Did I just see Colin Powell move his fingers across his neck like a knife. Look at that smirk. Oh, no... Through the unity of the UN and enhanced inspection proce ..............

 

Moving through the night by banzai 2-05-03

 

Can I get a what-what? by banzai 2-06-03
Ya know... all the dance classes in the world won't make you Travolta	You're just jealous, watching me get my groove on, wishing you could shake it like me *shake* *shake*	You're right... will you show me how to do the moonwalk?

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