All comics by cf

 

It's For Your Own Good #9 by cf 1-18-16
Pick a number from 1 to 10.	Got it? Don't tell me what it is. Ever.	You need to learn to keep a secret.

 

It's For Your Own Good #2 by cf 1-18-16
I'm not listening to you	I'm still not listening to you	Wow, I'm good at this!

 

It's For Your Own Good #4 by cf 1-19-16
Since you left, I've been drinking every day	I don't cook, I don't clean the house. The kids haven't been to school in weeks. They spend their days at Target, stealing food and asking strangers for money	Thanks for the memories

 

It's For Your Own Good #5 by cf 1-19-16
Fly me to the moon...	...and let me play among the stars.	I mean it. Just get me the heck out of here.

 

It's For Your Own Good #3 by cf 1-19-16
There is no Santa Claus	There is no God	On the positive side, that means there are two good job openings. Do you know Excel?

 

It's For Your Own Good #6 by cf 1-19-16
I held out as long as I could, but I finally decided it was time to make a deal with the Devil	It was 30% off. Plus free 2-day shipping!	I love Amazon

 

It's For Your Own Good #7 by cf 1-19-16
What was the first thing Harry Belafonte said when he became a Buddhist?	Namas Day-o	Come on, you know that's funny

 

It's For Your Own Good #8 by cf 1-19-16
I showed that bully who was boss. I let him beat me up	I figured it might help his self-esteem. And if he felt better about himself, he might not have to go around beating people up. But he came after me again	So I showed him who was boss

 

It's For Your Own Good #1 by cf 1-20-16
Love means never having to say you're sorry	But there will be a lot of sulking, and contrition, and begging and pleading for forgiveness	And a lawyer. You might want to get the name of a good lawyer, just in case

 

It's For Your Own Good #10 by cf 1-20-16
Opinions incite debate.	Facts invite interpretation	But stepping in a puddle on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night is something we can all agree on

 

It's For Your Own Good #11 by cf 1-20-16
Hey, friendly dog owner who let their poodle run free in the park this morning and steal my sandwich out of my hand and then pee about three inches from my shoe...	There are leash laws, you know	And believe me, I'd give anything to see you on one

 

It's For Your Own Good #12 by cf 1-20-16
I signed up for online dating, and wrote such a great personal profile...	...that I fell in love with myself	At least I know that the sex will be good

 

It's For Your Own Good #13 by cf 1-21-16
My doctor says I need to get more exercise. Eat healthier. Stop smoking. Cut down on my drinking. And to see a psychiatrist about the voices in my head	But those voices keep telling I'm fine just the way I am, and that I shouldn't change a thing	Does that count as a second opinion?

 

It's For Your Own Good #14 by cf 1-21-16
A rabbi, an electrician, and Spiderman walk into a bar		That's all I've got so far

 

It's For Your Own Good #15 by cf 1-24-16
College was great. I didn't care much for my teachers, though. Or any of my classes. Or the dorms. Or my roommates. Or being able to smoke dope all the time, and have sex whenever I wanted	College was great. But I hated the crowded parties, and the stupid frat boys, and the boring sorrority girls, and staying up all night eating pizza and watching Sponge Bob marathons	College was great. It taught me that when I have kids, I'm sending them to a school where they can learn to cut hair, or be a plumber or a chef, so they can do something useful with their lives

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